Am I thinking too much into this?

[katiemiller]

My ex broke up with me about 3.5 months ago out of the blue, because he no longer wanted to be in a relationship. While he was in a fraternity and has a lot of friends, he is one who really loves his alone time and I was taking up too much of that during our almost year long relationship. I was absolutely devastated when we broke up and went a little of the deep-end for a week (calling him all the time, etc.) and then went cold turkey NC. I have been doing a lot better, going out on dates and finally getting to a point where I am okay being single.

 

We share a lot of the same friends; his best friend is even trying to date me now, but we didn't run into each other until about 2 weeks ago because he is such a homebody. I saw him at a pregame but we completely ignored each other, although I did catch him staring at me a few times. Then last week I saw him at a tailgate and one of our mutual friends said he "wanted to say hi but was scared I'd rip his face off". We ended up having a friendly chat and then I said we should grab lunch or dinner at some point to catch up and he said we should do something the upcoming week (last week). I didn't want him to think I was being needy, so I told him to tell me when he was free. He also told me that he still follows me on Instagram and has been keeping up with everything.

 

Unfortunately he never reached out to me, but we live in the same neighborhood so now every time he drives by me walking my dog, he honks the horn to get my attention and waves.

 

I am trying to think of it as no big deal, but every time I see him, my heart sinks. Am I thinking too far into this or is this a sign he wants to try again?

[leoc1973]

OK first of all if you ever want to try with him again then do not date his friend. In my circle of friends we always had "those girls" that seemed to go between a few of us. No one ever seemed to take them seriously because once you date that second friend then you are know as the group(well I won't say that word) not trying to be harsh just honest.

 

But on the other hand you are now single and can do whatever you want with whomever you want. Which is kinda nice and freeing.

 

You did and are playing your hand perfectly tho. Other than the first week freak out(which is always to be expected) you are leaving him alone and gave him a very unneedy invitation to get together. Keep dating other guys and enjoy your freedom. Nothing will bring a guy back faster than another guy. If he has interest in you still then it goes up exponentially with jealousy. I was dating a girl one time that I had very little interest in and I was in no hurry to see her but when I found out she went on other dated I went nuts trying to win her. Crazy huh? But we ended up together for years and I was very in love till she broke it off so don't let anyone tell you not to play games or use jealousy because all's really fair in love and war.

 

Do you think he has heard that you are dating other guys yet?

[katiemiller]

Thanks leoc1973.

 

His friend has always liked me since college, but I have let him know that we are just friends and that we will not date due to the fact that I used to date my ex.

 

My ex hasn't out right asked about other guys, but if he is checking my Instagram, he would see that I have pictures (not slutty/flirty ones to make him jealous) with other guys that are outside of our mutual group of friends. And his friends know who I have been going out with. He was never really one to get jealous though, so I don't know if it makes a difference.

 

However, he was the one who asked if we could do something the following week after I saw him at the tailgate, even though I left it open ended. So why didn't he follow up? I deleted his number from everywhere, so it's not like I have been begging him to hang out.

[chados]

if he broke up with you then its his job to get you back and not the other way around. not only can it come across as not only do you want him but you need him to be happy, but it can also make you loose all selfrespect if he would break up with you again. let him work for you.

 

dating his friend can be really bad for their friendship and also for your friendship. but it does make it better since he broke up with you then if you would. basically its his loss and you have the right to do whatever you want. i can see how he could be mad at this guy if that would happen. but i wouldnt think it would be okey to be mad at someone he left.

[katiemiller]

Don't worry, I am definitely NOT going to date his friend. I am not interested.

 

I'm just annoyed that I was doing so well and now my ex has popped back up. I am not getting my hopes up because I really thinks he just wants to be civil. Which I don't think I want. Unless we're going to get back together, I'd rather just go back to ignoring each other.

 

Does that make me crazy and bitter? Or is it a good sign that's he's reaching out with me making the 1st effort?

[chados]

Don't worry, I am definitely NOT going to date his friend. I am not interested.

 

I'm just annoyed that I was doing so well and now my ex has popped back up. I am not getting my hopes up because I really thinks he just wants to be civil. Which I don't think I want. Unless we're going to get back together, I'd rather just go back to ignoring each other.

 

Does that make me crazy and bitter? Or is it a good sign that's he's reaching out with me making the 1st effort?

 

 

impossible to tell. and no i think you should let him reach out and make it clear before moving further

[hockeydan]

I don't think that makes you crazy or bitter. Where I am at mentally and emotionally, I do not want to see, hear about or speak to my ex at all. I want absolutely nothing to do with her unless she wants to talk about reconciliation. I will be civil with her if I am put in a position where I see her or have to speak to her, but I will not be going out of my way to speak with her or be her friend, she ended any friendship the day she ended the relationship.

[leoc1973]

I know it's the rule to wait for the dumper to make the move but I really have a problem with the whole both sides being stubborn and 2 people who really want to be together and no one ever just comes out and says it.

 

My ex dumped me and I was completely crushed. To me she was the one that got away. A year later she asked me to meet for coffee and dressed really pretty and brought up the past and cried ect. But she just wouldn't come out and say it. I was playing by the rules and refused to tell her I wanted her back(which I would have given anything to have her at the time) So a year or so after that we saw each other and both were with new people and she asked me why I didn't get back with her. I told her it was because she wouldn't come out and say it and she just thought I didn't want her. I think now we are both with people who are great but it's just not the same. To this day I still get sick to my stomach a little that I was just too stubborn to ask.

 

But on the flip side of that you never want to be strung along so tipping your hand can be dangerous too. I think for a relationship to work you both want to be able to tell each other you miss the other person and it not scare them away.

 

But overall you do seem like a very strong woman and able and willing to delete him forever if you have to. Which is very rare because most of us are messy puddles of people who will jump when our exes say jump. If I were you and had that kind of willpower I would say send him a message and ask him when he wants to get together. Say it very matter of fact and see what happens. Is he maybe afraid of rejection?

 

If he is playing the field while he thinks he can have you back when he wants then screw him tho.

 

Oh one other thing.. I confided in my sister in law and told her that I was playing the no contact hard to get game and she betrayed me and told my ex everything. So be careful who you tell that you miss him.

[caplion]

It sounds to me like he might be a little shy and possibly embarrassed. Make the first move - you invite him out for a coffee - keep it casual. After going out for the casual "date" tell him DIRECTLY you had a nice time and if he'd like to see you again he needs to call you... then smile and walk away. If he doesn't call you after that he's either not into you or he's too lame of a person for anyone to really want to be with anyway .

 

On that note guys can be pretty lame and not really know what to do - I know because I am one. Maybe he's in his head thinking "I said I'd call her but maybe she was just being polite..." From what you describe it seems like he still likes you. Best wishes.

[stillafool]

I think if he were interested in starting back up with you he would have called to make plans during that week. The fact that he drives by you and honks hello sounds like he is just happy to be speaking as friends again. I also think the fact that his best friend is now trying to date you is not a good sign. His friend would not try to date you unless he got confirmation from his boy that it was okay and he's over you. You were the one who brought up getting together to grab lunch or dinner, not him. He also didn't push for it. I think you would be smart to keep dating other men at this point because he sounds like he's over it.