I got fat, he lost interest

[NotYourBabyAnymore]

My bf had been acting very distant, no longer speaking about our future, no longer interested in sex. I did 2 months NC and at the end we got back together. I had a list of things I wanted changed and things I would not tolerate etc etc and he seemed receptive.

I had basically made this all about him and things he needed to do to make me happy.

 

He was still very closed off and distant and eventually, exasperated I asked him outright if he was in love with me.

 

My heart was absolutely crushed to pieces when he admitted he isn't.

 

The weird thing is he seemed very sad about it though, he told me he wanted to be, and still wanted to be together.

 

I don't know why I agreed to try and make this work, I grew very bitter and resentful and insecure. I would read posts here, and elsewhere and cry, not understanding how he could say he loves me but not be IN love with me..Isn't that usually something you say to someone youre breaking up with?

and yet he did not want to break up.

He was willing to settle for a relationship in which he is not IN love.

I am not.

 

 

I did some soul searching, and took a really hard look at myself and realized since the start of our relationship around the time I went on birth control I gained a huge amount of weight and had many episodes of being a complete psycho B****. Went through depressions where my house would be messy. I read many many articles of women on the same birth control as me who had similar problems, and my heart just sank.

 

It wasn't easy to realize/take responsibility but I realize I caused this. Of course he doesn't feel IN LOVE with me who would??

 

We had a long discussion in which I took responsibility for these things, and apologised, and made definitive plans to rectify these issues.

 

I made sure my house was tidy whenever he came over (every day regardless but especially if he was over)

 

I started working out again, and eating healthy (Have lost 20 pounds but need to lose more - it was bad, like I got FAT)

 

I had the IUD removed from my body and have felt CONSIDERABLY less emotional/angry.

 

Started meditating.

 

When I am upset, I do not make it his problem.

 

Still, there was no intimacy between us even months later and I was becoming increasingly lonely, and anxious.

 

I ended things last night officially.

Feeling incredibly sad.

 

He wants us to "work on ourselves and see what happens" He still has hope he will feel in love with me again when I have lost all the weight I have gained, and he has had more time to forgive the arguments.

he also wants to sort out some things in his life to do with work, and also lose weight.

 

 

I don't really have hope of this tbh, I think some things can not be unseen or undone.

 

There is nothing so lonely as being in a relationship with someone you know is not in love with you.

I was so insecure and depressed about this for months on end.

 

I feel a lot of guilt too, that I let myself go, and destroyed what we had with a rude attitude and emotional drama.

 

I am also resentful that he is shallow, he is not fit himself at all, That is part of why I started to gain weight, eating the way he does, constantly buying candy and pop because he loves it etc.

 

when I would start to get ready for a jog, he would say "no stay with me" and guilt trip me not to go, and I made the stupid decisions to put him before my health and this is the consequence.

 

Now I feel ugly, and unhealthy

he stopped wanting to touch me which made me feel horrible.

I don't really blame him but it makes you feel SO BAD and so lonely.

and I never stopped wanting to touch him, even though he is not attractive(on paper) or fit, he was attractive to me, because I love him.

I guess physical looks are much more important to men, who are visual creatures.

 

 

He is my best friend, we have a really good laugh together, and similar life goals. We enjoy the same things.

I was single for a very long time before I met this man, it was not easy at all to walk away and I am not the type to jump to a next man easily.

 

I want to be happy, I want a romance with lots and lots of amazing sex and intimacy, not sure this can ever be us again.

 

In your opinion can a man ever get over these things, and be in love with someone he has fallen out of love with or should I just stay away indefinitely for my own integrity/peace of mind?

Edited September 23, 2014 by NotYourBabyAnymore
More informative title

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

It is not about being fat... You have experienced many troubling episodes in your relationship. Being a psycho is one of them.

 

From a man's point of view, when loving you so deeply. He feels lost, and ends up disconnecting from being hurt, just like any woman.

 

He has built up a lot of pain from the experience of seeing you go to hell... Not by getting fat, but by everything that had been going on.

 

Until he gets help, and things work out, he will always be detached no matter how thin you make yourself.

 

I have no answer to fix this, but I hope you both are able to find professional help to assist the both of you in working together.

 

What needs to be addressed is his feelings of being hurt and helpless, and your depression and emotional episodes.

[NotYourBabyAnymore]

It is not about being fat... You have experienced many troubling episodes in your relationship. Being a psycho is one of them.

 

From a man's point of view, when loving you so deeply. He feels lost, and ends up disconnecting from being hurt, just like any woman.

 

He has built up a lot of pain from the experience of seeing you go to hell... Not by getting fat, but by everything that had been going on.

 

Until he gets help, and things work out, he will always be detached no matter how thin you make yourself.

 

I have no answer to fix this, but I hope you both are able to find professional help to assist the both of you in working together.

 

What needs to be addressed is his feelings of being hurt and helpless, and your depression and emotional episodes.

 

This is my belief too, and I told him this. that i dont think my weight loss is going to bring back the trust that was lost when I acted horribly childish and emotional multiple times, trying to deal with the hormonal changes in my body,

plus I forgot to mention I quit smoking weed cold turkey, I had been smoking every single day for years and he kept snubbing his nose at it so I just quit, and I didnt deal with it very well,

 

plus having a relationship for the first time in 7 years,

 

and I also lost my job as a nanny, and missed the girls I worked with for a long time, because I moved to be closer to him, and then got evicted from my new place pretty soon afterwards (my elderly landlords needed a live in nurse to help care for the wife with dementia that suddenly got worse) all combined I didn't handle so many life changes at once very well.

 

I accept responsibility for that, but it's too late to take back now

Edited September 23, 2014 by NotYourBabyAnymore

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Well it looks like you need to look at getting yourself back first.

 

It is good that you are working on trimming up, as it will make you feel better about yourself. As you probably have deep feelings of who you were before you added the pounds.

 

If your relationship is not to down hill, you can manage on other things while still being with him.

 

One is temper and negativity, and if you feel depression kicking at your butt, to find something to keep it away. Tempers are easily turned away if you are able to walk away and go somewhere to vent alone. Negativity is mostly by keeping so much built inside, that no matter what good comes around, you just feel so negative. To stop it, you can say what you feel more often so the negative feelings are not in a ball waiting to roll over who ever is in the way. You will have to tell him, that you are making an effort to take back yourself because you love him, and what he hears from you (as you are not holding back), will be because you love and care for him.

 

You just have to trust being open and allow him to trust you. It is ok to voice your opinion as long as you are not in anger. This way it will allow him to talk and feel comfortable. As time goes he will feel more inclined to be able to talk and feel less distant and even have some connection return.

 

I think you will have to put as much energy and work in, as you did when brought things down with you. It will be a battle, but once he sees you are taking control, he will put more effort in helping you. You just have to sit down and tell him, even if you cry and tell him how much he means to you. From then on you can push him away and make him feel like a rug so to speak.

 

I know you are not all to blame, but until he gets some confidence in about your change, the both of you can work together on his issues as well.

 

Unfortunately you will have to start doing the work first, and hope things level off enough for him to join in.

 

The only bad side of it, is if you should end up splitting. Everything else if being done will bring a better you and outlook in your life.

Edited September 23, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA

[NotYourBabyAnymore]

Well it looks like you need to look at getting yourself back first.

 

It is good that you are working on trimming up, as it will make you feel better about yourself. As you probably have deep feelings of who you were before you added the pounds.

 

If your relationship is not to down hill, you can manage on other things while still being with him.

 

One is temper and negativity, and if you feel depression kicking at your butt, to find something to keep it away. Tempers are easily turned away if you are able to walk away and go somewhere to vent alone. Negativity is mostly by keeping so much built inside, that no matter what good comes around, you just feel so negative. To stop it, you can say what you feel more often so the negative feelings are not in a ball waiting to roll over who ever is in the way. You will have to tell him, that you are making an effort to take back yourself because you love him, and what he hears from you (as you are not holding back), will be because you love and care for him.

 

You just have to trust being open and allow him to trust you. It is ok to voice your opinion as long as you are not in anger. This way it will allow him to talk and feel comfortable. As time goes he will feel more inclined to be able to talk and feel less distant and even have some connection return.

 

I think you will have to put as much energy and work in, as you did when brought things down with you. It will be a battle, but once he sees you are taking control, he will put more effort in helping you. You just have to sit down and tell him, even if you cry and tell him how much he means to you. From then on you can push him away and make him feel like a rug so to speak.

 

I know you are not all to blame, but until he gets some confidence in about your change, the both of you can work together on his issues as well.

 

Unfortunately you will have to start doing the work first, and hope things level off enough for him to join in.

 

The only bad side of it, is if you should end up splitting. Everything else if being done will bring a better you and outlook in your life.

 

I already split with him last night.

 

I spent 3 months doing all of the above, losing weight, keeping my house tidy, not causing angry drama, yes I still brought up things but not in a angry way and I didn't harp on them, in essence the same girl he fell in love with 2 years ago.

 

I got the birth control that was causing all the hormonal changes out of my body and i no longer feel angry or irritated like I did with it in...it is a common side efefct..Im not saying im not responsible for my actions but if you only understood how REAL and intense the RAGE is that comes with these awful drugs. I felt helpless to control how ANGRY I would become over nothing.

 

I know 3 months is not a very long time, but it was 3 months of HELL for me, because they were spent being in love with someone I knew damn well did not feel the same way.

and likely never will.

and it has felt this way a lot longer than 3 months.

 

Its not his fault, i don't blame him I know ***I*** did this.

But its done.

I had to end it, because otherwise I am just punishing myself out of guilt.

 

No one deserves to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love them, it is EXTREMELY painful and destroying my self esteem

 

I started just randomly bursting into tears through the day, whenever someone on fb mentioned love, or I saw a couple on the street, or read about love in a book, I would break down.

 

He still thinks there is a posibility he will be able to fall in love with me again..

I dont think so. I pushed too hard I really screwed up

Edited September 23, 2014 by NotYourBabyAnymore

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

What you need to realize the issues with birth control were not you. So you should not feel so bad, as you have the good person that you are back.

 

I assume he still will be in contact.

 

As for loosing, I am still wrapping my finger to the 3 months.

 

If the issues were for only for 3 months, I assume he did not love you as much as you loved him. Like he is using it as an excuse.

 

He only knows what is going on as for issues that may have never been addressed. Though he did not like your marijuana use... could be a number of things that you were not compatible with. He may have just liked you for your body at first, and felt later on things would click.

 

I am saying this because all you are doing is beating the hell out of yourself. For something you had no control over. Instead of letting yourself accept the end of your relationship, you are damaging who you are. You are a good person, just your relationship was not as strong and a bit lob sided. So if anything you were cheated. He should have stood up in the 3 months said something about how your meds affected you. Instead he just allowed what ever to just run its coarse. Maybe he is a weak man, who knows.

 

Just stop feeling sorry for yourself. Look at who you are, as at one time you accepted yourself. No reason not to because of a man you once trusted now is gone. Believe it or not, there is a great deal more love and trust in you. You just need to be strong.

 

Be strong and cry it all out while letting it go... Just let it all out and be as empty as you can. Once you do that, you will rebuild, so you can enjoy and accept yourself.

 

I never seen one woman loose so much of themselves and not recover. It just takes a leap of faith to allow it to happen.

Edited September 23, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA

[NotYourBabyAnymore]

uhm no three months of me being normal, not three months of bad times., there was probably about 9 months of things being on and off poorly. Every time he would come visit we would have at least one major fight that I caused.

 

Everyone has control over how they act, and I did not utilize mine, I was so full of rage due to the hormones I just let it all out, and damaged our relationship with insults and bickering and nagging.

 

We were best friends and never had any fights for over a year before i went on birth control and then everything went downhill, and now it has been 3 months since I apologised to him and started acting differently, and 2 months since I had the birth control taken out, and I can FEEL the major difference.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

Well, I did say he may still be in contact... being best friends, it is hard to do NC.

 

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, as it will allow him to settle things in his mind, and while being away from you, allow him to see the change of you getting back to your good ol self.

 

Get over your self pitty and move on from the bad part, and grab on to the good. Believe me there is lots, just allow it to come.

 

So he moved out... does not mean he fell off the face of he earth. Nor should you. Take a break and relax, who knows within a months time things may be easier to talk through and get back what you feel is lost.

[NotYourBabyAnymore]

Well, I did say he may still be in contact... being best friends, it is hard to do NC.

 

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, as it will allow him to settle things in his mind, and while being away from you, allow him to see the change of you getting back to your good ol self.

 

Get over your self pitty and move on from the bad part, and grab on to the good. Believe me there is lots, just allow it to come.

 

So he moved out... does not mean he fell off the face of he earth. Nor should you. Take a break and relax, who knows within a months time things may be easier to talk through and get back what you feel is lost.

 

look youre pretty offensive and you have poor reading comprehension,

what self pity? I'm being real here.

and I never said he ever lived with me.

among numerous other way out there assumptions and mistakes you have made in these replies, it's starting to annoy me now.

 

I don't think responding to these posts is your forte in life

[Dontfindme]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this.

It takes some time to get a handle on things right after a breakup.

 

From the sounds of it, your gut feelings have already given you the answer.

You should continue with all of the changes that you've made in the last 3 months with him: working out, meditating, etc. Those are positive changes for YOU. And right now, you need to look out for yourself.

 

I think you should go NC. Having him around (in any form) will only delay the healing process.

 

It'll take some time, but it'll get better. Those FB posts will bug you now, but they won't forever.

[frigginlost]

look youre pretty offensive and you have poor reading comprehension,

what self pity? I'm being real here.

and I never said he ever lived with me.

among numerous other way out there assumptions and mistakes you have made in these replies, it's starting to annoy me now.

 

I don't think responding to these posts is your forte in life

 

Just. Wow.

 

It would appear that you really need to get your emotions in check. You are going through a terrible time (we all have been through it) but lashing out helps nothing.

 

Continue to work on yourself. If your ex truly loved you, he will go nowhere no matter if you ended or not. He will only move the direction you push him...

[jay1983]

I understand nobody is perfect and I believe you're on the right track to improving yourself. Don't skip your jog or do anything other than what you think you need to be doing. Sometimes what seems selfish is actually the right thing to do.

[leoc1973]

Hey there. Listen, I don't care what he told you. I went through the same thing with my ex. I was still IN LOVE with her but told her the same thing about loving her but not being in love.

 

The truth no matter what he tells you is that he is still in love with you but he is not attracted to you right now. Physically and emotionally. My ex went from being 105 lbs to 170 lbs and she was only 5 ft tall. She turned into the evil bitch from hell. I literally got to the point where I couldn't open my mouth without her snapping. I asked her if she wanted her feet or back rubbed and she would say something like, "If I want my F'ing back rubbed I will tell you I want my F'ing back rubbed"

 

When I broke up with her she asked me if I still loved her or if it was because she "put a few lbs. on" or "because sometimes i'm cranky" I told her she was still beautiful but I somehow fell out of love with her but still loved her. So yes in that example that was something I was saying while I was breaking up with her.

 

She was my best friend and I loved her so much and that is why I put up with her attitude and her letting herself go. I am willing to bet that your guy still loves you very much. I mean why else would he put up with what he put up with. I would never in a million years have told my ex that I lost attraction to her and she was demanding a reason why I wanted to break up.

 

I am confused a little bit why you ended it? Is the only reason because you don't want to be with someone who isn't in love with you?

 

He's probably still shell shocked from your bitchy times and is afraid to tell you about gaining weight. You do seem to be pretty insightful tho. Like knowing that men are visual creatures and women are more emotional. It's really not our fault that we are shallow. We are wired that way. It would be like trying to tell you to date a man and try to develop feelings for a man who had no job and lived with his parents and had no personality but was attractive. You could never get all gushy and lovey with a guy like that. Maybe for a night but that's it.

 

I know I am rambling a little and I don't want you to scold me like you did to the other guy but my point is you guys should be together. He loves you and you both seem very mature and took responsibility for your wrongdoings. Get back in shape and take him running with you because whether you are being shallow or not being out of shape is bad for his heart.

[Phoe]

look youre pretty offensive and you have poor reading comprehension,

what self pity? I'm being real here.

and I never said he ever lived with me.

among numerous other way out there assumptions and mistakes you have made in these replies, it's starting to annoy me now.

 

I don't think responding to these posts is your forte in life

 

Wow. Look at watch you just wrote.

 

Did anything good come from that? Of course not.

 

The poster you told off actually had some pretty good advice and wasn't being offensive in the slightest.

 

Try to look back on why it is that you feel the need to lash out at a poster who's trying to help. That's a good way to ensure that nobody tries to offer anymore advice to you.

 

Relax. Breathe. Theres nothing to be mad at in this thread

[NotYourBabyAnymore]

Just. Wow.

 

It would appear that you really need to get your emotions in check. You are going through a terrible time (we all have been through it) but lashing out helps nothing.

 

Continue to work on yourself. If your ex truly loved you, he will go nowhere no matter if you ended or not. He will only move the direction you push him...

 

Did you even read the multiple assumptions and rude things he kept typing to me?

No you just jump on me and act like I am in the wrong for expressing annoyance, that he is replying over and over and insulting me.

 

Yes it is insulting to be told to stop pitying myself when I am doing nothing of the sort.

I am on a huge self improvement kick fixing my life and going through an awful break up on top of it, so no I dont need comments like that they're not helpful, they are hurtful and they are RUDE.

 

He kept assuming all sorts of things in his replies and it is exasperating having to clarify over and over only for him still not to have any idea what I have said, or what's going on.

 

You know what that shows? indifference to what I have to say, which is rude.

 

Fair enough if he doesn't care what I have to say, it's not like he knows me from Adam he does not owe me his attention, but then why bother replying? It's very rude.

I came here for support not to be judged and assessed by him based on barely skimming what I have said, or by you not approving of me standing up against his rudeness.

[NotYourBabyAnymore]

Wow. Look at watch you just wrote.

 

Did anything good come from that? Of course not.

 

The poster you told off actually had some pretty good advice and wasn't being offensive in the slightest.

 

Try to look back on why it is that you feel the need to lash out at a poster who's trying to help. That's a good way to ensure that nobody tries to offer anymore advice to you.

 

Relax. Breathe. Theres nothing to be mad at in this thread

 

Yah ive already been told off by someone so I really don;t need you doing it too

People come to these boards heart broken, and an emotional wreck, and then you jump and attack them?

 

the guy replied to me multiple times without having read or comprehended anything I was saying I find that very rude like he is saying what I am typing is not worth the time to read and comprehend. Then he tells me I need to get over myself and stop the self pity? woaahhh.

I'm not in the wrong for being offended by that!

that's a pretty crappy thing to tell someone who has just expressed that they are focused on losing weight, meditating, getting control of their lives etc.

I don't have self pity and I don't appreciate being insulted like I am pathetic and full of self pity, because I came here for advise on my bf.

 

You are not even giving me advice, you are attacking me for some perceived ill doing in my comment thread.

 

What are you getting out of that?

[NotYourBabyAnymore]

Hey there. Listen, I don't care what he told you. I went through the same thing with my ex. I was still IN LOVE with her but told her the same thing about loving her but not being in love.

 

The truth no matter what he tells you is that he is still in love with you but he is not attracted to you right now. Physically and emotionally. My ex went from being 105 lbs to 170 lbs and she was only 5 ft tall. She turned into the evil bitch from hell. I literally got to the point where I couldn't open my mouth without her snapping. I asked her if she wanted her feet or back rubbed and she would say something like, "If I want my F'ing back rubbed I will tell you I want my F'ing back rubbed"

 

When I broke up with her she asked me if I still loved her or if it was because she "put a few lbs. on" or "because sometimes i'm cranky" I told her she was still beautiful but I somehow fell out of love with her but still loved her. So yes in that example that was something I was saying while I was breaking up with her.

 

She was my best friend and I loved her so much and that is why I put up with her attitude and her letting herself go. I am willing to bet that your guy still loves you very much. I mean why else would he put up with what he put up with. I would never in a million years have told my ex that I lost attraction to her and she was demanding a reason why I wanted to break up.

 

I am confused a little bit why you ended it? Is the only reason because you don't want to be with someone who isn't in love with you?

 

He's probably still shell shocked from your bitchy times and is afraid to tell you about gaining weight. You do seem to be pretty insightful tho. Like knowing that men are visual creatures and women are more emotional. It's really not our fault that we are shallow. We are wired that way. It would be like trying to tell you to date a man and try to develop feelings for a man who had no job and lived with his parents and had no personality but was attractive. You could never get all gushy and lovey with a guy like that. Maybe for a night but that's it.

 

I know I am rambling a little and I don't want you to scold me like you did to the other guy but my point is you guys should be together. He loves you and you both seem very mature and took responsibility for your wrongdoings. Get back in shape and take him running with you because whether you are being shallow or not being out of shape is bad for his heart.

 

 

First off thank you so much for actually READING what I said. Your reply shows that you are here to give real advise based on what I said and not just hear yourself talk (or I guess see yourself type ) or attack me for what I said to that guy (sorry but yeah Im offended when someone doesnt even read what I say, and then accuses me of self pity)

 

Anyway, yes I broke up with him because he says he is not in love with me and it feels awful. I kept comparing myself to his ex, in my head and feeling inferior and unloveable, it was doing a number on my self esteem.

 

I absolutely agree that he is shell shocked, I do not doubt for a moment that is what he is going through. As soon as I realized that is what happened I felt horrible and changed my behaviour immediately, and let him know I was wrong!

However; It's too late, the damage is done. How can he ever see me the same way, knowing I could be so mean for so many months?

 

I can lose weight, and have better control over my emotions and temper, but there will ALWAYS be the memory of those 9 months.

 

Anyway he did not come right out and tell me because he is not a jerk I had to pry but eventually he did admit my weight had made him not attracted to me (I don't blame him, I do look awful compared to when we first met)

 

here's the thing, you say well, what if he had no job and lived in his families basement, HE HAS NO JOB AND LIVES IN HIS GRANDMAS BASEMENT he is also FAT so yah sorry but I am kind of mad he is being shallow! He is incredibly intelligent, and very funny I adore him but he is no super model or rich guy.

 

I guess the main difference here is I knew these things about him when we got together this isn't something that changed so I knew what I was getting into My weight, and did change a lot, so I understand where he is coming from.

 

he says he is going to get a job and lose weight, so Good for him I hope he is happier, but I still cannot help but feel like it is impossible to regain his trust back now. I am afraid I am going to waste what is left of my youth (I don't have much left to be honest with you) trying to gain back his trust when maybe it is IMPOSSIBLE.

 

I just don't know.

 

You are right though he absolutely would not have put up with what he did put up with if he didn't love me. He loves me very much he said so every day, when I broke up, he said he wants to be in my life, to still help me out and be my friend etc. he has called me every day since and still calls me sweetie pie (I am going to ask him to stop that )

 

We are not enemies, and I still have feelings for him but I can't be with someone who doesn't have sex with me, and who says he is not in love with me.

I won't punish myself like that.

[NotYourBabyAnymore]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this.

It takes some time to get a handle on things right after a breakup.

 

From the sounds of it, your gut feelings have already given you the answer.

You should continue with all of the changes that you've made in the last 3 months with him: working out, meditating, etc. Those are positive changes for YOU. And right now, you need to look out for yourself.

 

I think you should go NC. Having him around (in any form) will only delay the healing process.

 

It'll take some time, but it'll get better. Those FB posts will bug you now, but they won't forever.

 

Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to read what I have said and respond .

 

I have not gone NC with him and tbh with you I feel fine with it that way. we talk still, we are friends but there is no romance (there hasn't been for so long now anyway) It's like the friendship is staying without the heartache and pressure of the romantic parts not being what I want them to be.

 

If I feel like my progress is being delayed I will go NC but it seems like a a very drastic move, when we have been each others best friend for several years now.

neither of us want to lose that.

[frigginlost]

Did you even read the multiple assumptions and rude things he kept typing to me?

No you just jump on me and act like I am in the wrong for expressing annoyance, that he is replying over and over and insulting me.

 

Yes it is insulting to be told to stop pitying myself when I am doing nothing of the sort.

I am on a huge self improvement kick fixing my life and going through an awful break up on top of it, so no I dont need comments like that they're not helpful, they are hurtful and they are RUDE.

 

He kept assuming all sorts of things in his replies and it is exasperating having to clarify over and over only for him still not to have any idea what I have said, or what's going on.

 

You know what that shows? indifference to what I have to say, which is rude.

 

Fair enough if he doesn't care what I have to say, it's not like he knows me from Adam he does not owe me his attention, but then why bother replying? It's very rude.

I came here for support not to be judged and assessed by him based on barely skimming what I have said, or by you not approving of me standing up against his rudeness.

 

 

Keep working on yourself. Start with getting your emotions in check.

 

Best of luck to you.

Edited September 25, 2014 by frigginlost

[Phoe]

You are not even giving me advice, you are attacking me for some perceived ill doing in my comment thread.

 

Not attacking you. Nobody here is. But I did give you advice. It does not bother me if you choose not to take it, but I think it would be good for you to at least consider it.

 

My advice to you, quite simply, was to relax, breathe, and try to look back inside yourself and figure out why you feel like lashing out. Doing so will not only help you to get more advice here, but it will likely help you with your ex-bf situation. Introspection is always a good thing.