Ex came back

[rec88]

Hey all!

 

It's been a while since I've been around. Thought I'd pop back in and share what I've been up to.

 

Quick recap: two years ago, my then three year girlfriend up and left to go across the country for an internship. It was supposed to be short term, and then it got longer, and then she told me she wasn't coming back. It was classic gigs. Slowly withdrew, big lifestyle changes, told me very little about her life. This dragged on for a while because she was afraid to end the relationship. When she could literally no longer avoid it (I flew out to see her) she hit me with, "I don't love you anymore." I cried in front of her for a bit and tried to reason with her, all for nothing. She had absolutely, 100% made up her mind. This is what she wanted out of life and she'd never been more sure of anything. I left her with two questions. Are you sure? Yes. Do you understand that you risk losing me forever? Yes... That was all I needed to hear. No more questions, just NC.

 

I'm sparing the gory details, but she kept me dangling for months. I supported her emotionally and financially. Any time I needed her for support, she wasn't there. I was a wreck, not to mention stuck 800 miles away for three more days in a place I hated simply by its association with her.

 

It took me about a year to feel like myself again. Two years later, I'm firing on all cylinders. A job which I enjoy, new hobbies that I love, and great company any day of the week.

 

...And then she came back. I was visiting some mutual friends of ours and found out about 10 minutes before I get there that the ex is back. I was nervous, but I felt in control of the situation. She was more timid than I was, so I just cut the awkwardness and walked up to her and asked how she's doing. Had a pretty friendly conversation for a while which I decided to end to join the party.

 

I saw her one more time in a month, just as brief, but we were drunk and ended up kissing. Probably shouldn't have, but whatever. A few days after that, I get a phone call. She wants to talk. You see where this is going. She spilled her guts to me. She's really been struggling, she's wanted to call so many times but I'd asked her not to, she misses me. We had a very long conversation about what happened. She said, and I quote, "I'll do whatever I have to to earn your trust back." If she had said that a year earlier, I would have seriously considered it. But now, I just don't see it.

 

My rose colored glasses are off and I see that she is very far from the girl I used to know. We have grown in very different directions, and while I spent a long time learning to live with the pain and growing from the experience, she spent that time hiding from her own issues. Now she's in more turmoil than when she left. Most of all, I've had so much time and space to disengage from the emotional investment. I know what I want, and I know she's not it.

 

The conversation where I told her all of this was a difficult one. Without telling her all the nitty gritty details of what I didn't like about her, I summed it up with, "I'm not willing to put myself back in that position." Which is what everything boils down to. That's all she needs to know. She told me that she'd do anything. I said "I don't doubt your sincerity, but I don't believe you can follow through on that promise and there is nothing you can do right now to convince me." That was as direct as I could have possibly been. I know where she's at and how she feels because I was there two years ago. I know how much it hurts, but it's the best thing I can do to get her on the path that I've already walked. I then requested no contact again. This time, it's for her. I have come through the other side a stronger person, and I can look back on the struggle I've been through fondly as it's shaped who I am today. While it breaks my heart to see her like that, I know she too will make it through.

 

I wrote this up on a whim, so let me know if you'd like to hear more. I know it's not exactly a reconciliation story, but I think of it as a success

[BulgarianBoy]

Man this story is great, and it literary made my day. Thank you so much for sharing. I was dumped several months ago and I am just beginnignto better myself and finally enjoy my life without my ex-girlfriend. I love stories like yours as they show me that life keeps going and no matter what you do end up happy again one day. Thanks for sharing and I am glad everything worked out so good in your situation!!!

[dumbass2]

That is awesome for you!!! Thanks posting it.

[rec88]

It gets so much better! There's honestly no trace of the pain that I once carried. Now instead of looking back on the past in sadness, I'm looking forward to every day. I'm in a place where I'm happy to be with myself. I was able to pursue my interests and find my passions. As I slowly got more involved with these things, I thought about her less and less until one day I saw something that reminded me of our relationship, and my reaction surprised me. I smiled. That's when I knew I'd made it.

[Purepony]

Probably the best thread I'd read on here in some time.

[No Limit]

I don't mean to offend your decision, and by all means don't want to tell you to get back with her and help her as in let her use you once more, but NC doesn't help everyone; it does demand strength. There are people who will just sink deeper and deeper because they fail to see the forest behind the trees. Doesn't matter anyhow; you're not her father.

[Standard-Fare]

Everything's great about this story except the fact that you kissed her. That was a huge mistake and it must have been misleading for her. How did you fall into that trap? Are you sure it wasn't motivated by some lingering feelings you might have for her?

[martaldn]

Thanks for sharing, it's a very true inspiration for lots of us!

I wish u all the best

[rec88]

We fell into that trap because we're physically attracted to each other, share a very long history, and we were drinking. I've made worse decisions, but you're absolutely right that it shouldn't have happened.

 

I'm not saying I have no feelings for the girl. I am saying that I'm not still hurt by what happened in the past.

[No Limit]

Luckily kisses can't impregnate people. THAT would have been a big mistake, but a kiss?

Kind of amusing to think that it's now the dumper being mislead and hoping.

[leoc1973]

Yes, probably one of the best stories I have read on here in forever. And as far as the kiss.. don't regret that! That was the best part! She got to actually feel how good it was. She probably got butterflies and that is what made her really want you back. When you threw all your dignity to the wind and went out there to beg her I bet she never in a million years thought she was going to feel that way. Justice has been served! Awesome! just awesome!!

 

I wish I could have a story like this but I probably would be right back in the trap if I kissed my ex.

[Standard-Fare]

Yes, probably one of the best stories I have read on here in forever. And as far as the kiss.. don't regret that! That was the best part! She got to actually feel how good it was. She probably got butterflies and that is what made her really want you back. When you threw all your dignity to the wind and went out there to beg her I bet she never in a million years thought she was going to feel that way. Justice has been served! Awesome! just awesome!!

 

I wish I could have a story like this but I probably would be right back in the trap if I kissed my ex.

 

Honestly, I find the viewpoint above pretty callous. Hurting and/or confusing someone is never something to feel victorious about. (And OP, not saying you deliberately or cruelly caused her any harm... )

[leoc1973]

Honestly, I find the viewpoint above pretty callous. Hurting and/or confusing someone is never something to feel victorious about. (And OP, not saying you deliberately or cruelly caused her any harm... )

 

i'm sorry you feel that way Standard-fare but I disagree. Yes maybe I was a little too happy about it. However, when my ex dumped me we got together for dinner a while later just to "catch up" and she actually told me right to my face that she knows I love her so much that she could have me back at any time no matter who I was with. She said it jokingly but she was dead serious.

 

I think women these days are very smart and share too much information with one another. I think most women know that they can dump a guy and totally crush him to go date another guy or to get him off his a$$ or whatever they are trying to accomplish and then come back a while later. Do you know how devastating it is to be a man that is completely in love and get crushed like that? We can't go cry it out with our friends and family like a woman can. It's totally emasculating and most of us suffer alone. I know I am making it sound over dramatic but as for me I was completely destroyed. Look at all the men on here that are crushed and have no one to talk to.

 

OK I was a little callous but do you have no idea how much he needed this. It probably made him feel like a stud and maybe a little whole again.

 

Think of it as a teachable moment. Next time this girl is in love but having a few little issues with her next boyfriend maybe she will think twice about dumping him.

[No Limit]

Honestly, I find the viewpoint above pretty callous. Hurting and/or confusing someone is never something to feel victorious about. (And OP, not saying you deliberately or cruelly caused her any harm... )

 

Personally, I think that really depends on the other person. When someone cheats on you and then continously strings you along (or worse - brags and parades her new guy/his new girl past you whenever she or he can) I don't see the harm in feeding them some of their own medicine (it's naive to think that they've learned their lesson just because they were dumped by their 'new love'). I also don't think there's much pleasure to take when they do fall on their noses, it's more like schadenfreude.

 

 

They made you feel like crap because it was funny or even necessary due to their ego. You make them feel like crap because you don't want to put up with them anymore. Their problem.