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Giving him a second chance but still feel anxious


ash-maree

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Hey, a little while back my boyfriend and I had a really rough patch. We had both moved away from our home town for university and were both struggling with a lot of our own issues. I in particular was incredibly emotional and irrational for many reasons, one of which was a girl he was friends with liked him but I had be okay with it because she was my boyfriend's cousin's best friend, so she was at most friend gatherings.

 

My anxiety pushed him away and he asked for a break, which I could understand but it worried me because I knew his friend that liked him had been getting closer to him during my boyfriend and I's fighting and because she was the "happy, fun to be with friend" I felt that he was starting to develop feelings for her because he didn't like being around me because of my emotional outbursts and he is the sort of person that craves intimacy. After about 2 or 3 weeks of being on a break he asked to see me and to be together again. I knew she had been talking to him during that time and I found out that he and her were getting quite close and he had told her that he wants to be with her and she told him she loved him and that she's been waiting for him (he didn't say it back fortunately)

 

Previous to our fighting he had told me that he wanted to marry me and be with me for the rest of our lives but I feel as though he sort of abandoned me during the rough times and fled to the arms of someone that wasn't causing trouble for him. He told me he was in a bad place and that he loves me and what happened with her meant nothing and he's over it but I still have trouble trusting that he is 100% committed to me and will stick with me through thick and thin because god knows I would for him. I know he wouldn't go for this girl normally, she admitted her love to him several months back and he told her that he's sorry but he loves his girlfriend. I know she just took advantage of the fact he was emotionally vulnerable at the time but I'm still very anxious.

 

I'm just scared that another 6 months or 1 year down the track when things get hard he will try and find happiness elsewhere again. What makes it worse it that he and I still have to see that girl because she is still his cousin's bestfriend, he hangs out with his cousin a lot less now though because he knows I am uncomfortable with him seeing the girl, and the girl you can pretty much guarantee will be there if he wanted to hangout with his cousin. I've talked to his cousin and she told me that the girl has said she's moved on but I don't believe that she can say she's been in love with him for all this time then get over it just like that. I also know she said to my boyfriend "the time isn't right for us" when he was about to get back with me, so that makes me think she's waiting around for her next chance. I

 

don't know how I can move on 100%, I want to, I love him so much and I believe that he loves me but I told him when we first got together that my greatest fear in a relationship was abandonment for another girl because that's what happened with my last boyfriend and it crippled my self esteem and self worth. After learning all that happened I still agreed to get back together with him because I do love him and I know it was partially my fault for pushing him away but I don't know how to move on.

 

I know I'm being a bit melodramatic because he didn't sleep with her or anything but he had feelings for her and that hurts me a lot. Thank you for any advise. :)

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HeartbrokenNewbie

No he does not have to see that girl at all. If he loves you he will cut all communication & possibility of seeing her out. Hes screwed up & it's up to him to gain your trust back x

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How do you know they didn't sleep together? Because he didn't tell you?

 

Doesn't matter though, 'cause if he is capable of falling in love with others while he's with you, you're just someone to fill the void until another one arrives.

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HeartbrokenNewbie
How do you know they didn't sleep together? Because he didn't tell you?

 

Doesn't matter though, 'cause if he is capable of falling in love with others while he's with you, you're just someone to fill the void until another one arrives.

 

That was a little harsh people do make mistakes but he does need to prove this is what he wants and he has to do that by cutting her out x

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I know for sure he didn't sleep with her or have any sort of contact like that with her. And he never loved her, she told him she loved him.

 

Thanks heartbrokennewbie :) he has cut her out pretty much and ignored her attempts to communicate, the last time he saw her was at his cousins birthday party which was inevitable and i wasn't going to make him miss it. I was there as well though so it was okay.

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I know for sure he didn't sleep with her or have any sort of contact like that with her. And he never loved her

How can you possibly know any of this for sure?

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Because a) he told me and I trust that he wouldn't lie about that.

b) his cousin told me and I trust her.

c) I live with him and am friends with his friends so I knew where he was at all times.

d) he went on a trip back to his home town (which I know is true because we caught the same flight, because we were both going back to see our families) so he was in our home town for most of the period that he was talking to her.

And he didn't love her because if he did why would he have come back to me after 3 weeks? He told me that it was just stupid feelings that occurred because we were fighting and on the verge of ending it for good. He was only talking to her for a short period of time. She told him she loved him, I think he would have stayed with her if he had loved her.

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