Themanwithaplan Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Hi, I've only been with one girl that I ever felt I had an un replaceable connection and relationship with. That's why it's hard for me to accept leaving her in my past. I'll try to keep this as short as possible: I met this woman the year I graduated high school, she was already a sophomore at a prestigious university. We met at a party and she ended up getting my number through a friend, called, and asked me out! I was so in to her and she was so in to me. We had an amazing time just hanging out doing nothing and also went out and did cool things all the time. Everything was so effortless and natural. Polar opposites, but shared all the right interests. It was amazing. Fast forward two years: We basically live together at this point, I still have an apartment but I'm at her place 6/7 days a week and sometimes 7/7. Things are as good as ever and I go away with friends to a music festival for the weekend. I ask if she wants to come and she does, but has a final Friday and can't. That little test altered the course of the rest of our lives... I get back to town Monday morning and turn on my phone(no service at the music venue) to a distressed sounding voicemail from her telling me something had happened and asking me to call her immediately. I call her and my worst fear is realized: on her way home from school Friday evening, somebody followed her into the lobby of her apartment building. Without saying anything, he pins her against the wall, and chokes/strangles her until she became unconscious. You can figure the rest out. My life as I know it changed that day. My whole perception of reality shifted. It shattered her and it shattered me. We both ended up wanting to deal with our depression in different ways which drove us apart. We ended it almost a year later. I haven't spoken to her since the day I picked up my stuff from her place. She wanted to stay in contact and made that clear that day, but I was clear in saying I didn't want that and thought it would be better to cut all ties(she had moved on and was with somebody else at that point and I was upset and didn't handle the situation appropriately) I still think about her frequently despite us not speaking since 08 although the wounds have long been healed. I've never had interest in contacting an ex, she's the only exception. Is it fair to HER for me to reach out and just let her know that I don't hate her? That I'll always care about her and have no regrets about the time we shared? Link to post Share on other sites
h20-50 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Hi, I've only been with one girl that I ever felt I had an un replaceable connection and relationship with. That's why it's hard for me to accept leaving her in my past. I'll try to keep this as short as possible: I met this woman the year I graduated high school, she was already a sophomore at a prestigious university. We met at a party and she ended up getting my number through a friend, called, and asked me out! I was so in to her and she was so in to me. We had an amazing time just hanging out doing nothing and also went out and did cool things all the time. Everything was so effortless and natural. Polar opposites, but shared all the right interests. It was amazing. Fast forward two years: We basically live together at this point, I still have an apartment but I'm at her place 6/7 days a week and sometimes 7/7. Things are as good as ever and I go away with friends to a music festival for the weekend. I ask if she wants to come and she does, but has a final Friday and can't. That little test altered the course of the rest of our lives... I get back to town Monday morning and turn on my phone(no service at the music venue) to a distressed sounding voicemail from her telling me something had happened and asking me to call her immediately. I call her and my worst fear is realized: on her way home from school Friday evening, somebody followed her into the lobby of her apartment building. Without saying anything, he pins her against the wall, and chokes/strangles her until she became unconscious. You can figure the rest out. My life as I know it changed that day. My whole perception of reality shifted. It shattered her and it shattered me. We both ended up wanting to deal with our depression in different ways which drove us apart. We ended it almost a year later. I haven't spoken to her since the day I picked up my stuff from her place. She wanted to stay in contact and made that clear that day, but I was clear in saying I didn't want that and thought it would be better to cut all ties(she had moved on and was with somebody else at that point and I was upset and didn't handle the situation appropriately) I still think about her frequently despite us not speaking since 08 although the wounds have long been healed. I've never had interest in contacting an ex, she's the only exception. Is it fair to HER for me to reach out and just let her know that I don't hate her? That I'll always care about her and have no regrets about the time we shared? I would say yes. I had an ex that disappeared off the face of the earth on me, I found out two weeks later that she was dealing with a very close death and wanted to be left alone. Never heard from her again. Fast forward 5 years later and she texted me out of the blue, said she always regretted that decision. I think it's safe after this amount of time. Contact her, I'm sure she would be humbled to know you always thought of her and I'm sure you might be surprised to hear what she has to say as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 No, don't do it. One, she was attacked and it had an encompassing effect on your rel with her to the point a year later, it ended and she was already with someone else. Don't revisit old wounds..deep wounds...she was attacked, I'm not going to say the word, as you didn't, whilst with you...you weren't there, you were a t a festival and also she was with another guy, your old wound...don't do it, trust me, it will only bring you and her pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Themanwithaplan Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 No, don't do it. One, she was attacked and it had an encompassing effect on your rel with her to the point a year later, it ended and she was already with someone else. Don't revisit old wounds..deep wounds...she was attacked, I'm not going to say the word, as you didn't, whilst with you...you weren't there, you were a t a festival and also she was with another guy, your old wound...don't do it, trust me, it will only bring you and her pain. That's my apprehension. I seem to be on a loop where I sporadically desire to contact her and then talk myself out of it for just that. I know that it would probably bother me a little bit, but the thought of being an old man re-thinking my life...and regretting not "following my heart"(letting her know i never wanted to cut her out of my life, i just didnt know how to handle it)is horrifying. I feel I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Mcnulty Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 Only you can decide which is the lesser of the 2 evils. Decide and go with your decision, but remember you will have to deal/live with your actions either way. It's a tough one and I do empathize. Link to post Share on other sites
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