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I think I pushed her away


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I started working at a summer job in May and met this girl. We started talking at work and decided that we should hang out. We hung out once and it turned out she had a boyfriend of 3 years. She would tell me how bad it was blah blah blah, but I told her try to fix it. 3 years is a long time and having just gotten out of a 4 year relationship within the last year, I know what it would feel like for that to be over. Well she ended up breaking up with him and stayed hanging out with me. I played it very carefully to not push it and try not to be the rebound guy. We got really close from May until the 4th of July. The 5th her ex's sister got married and she was in the wedding and "felt obligated" because she had bought the dress and all of that nonsense. Well he pulled some crap to try to get her back and thus we entered the roller coaster that was July through now. She'd go up and down back and forth between me and him. She's told me that she loves me and told me how perfect I am and that she doesn't want to be with him and doesn't expect it to work out, just wants him to realize it's not going to work. She says she feels bad for breaking his heart and cant deal with the thought of him crying over her. Every time she goes back to him I start spewing all this how strongly I feel for her and want to be with her and will fight for her and I think that I may have pushed her away with all of that.

 

It is worth it to note that every time she chooses to go back to him, I go NC and tell her I hope it works out for her and all that, and the longest we usually make it there is like 2 days or so.

 

I cant take this back and forth anymore. She says that once it doesn't work this time we can move forward, but what the hell does that even mean? Why cant she just realize that its over between him and her and move on from there? I've told her if she needs time to get over it, I understand and we can just continue hanging out and not move forward with dating, but during all this roller coaster ride, when we're up, its great. We spend a bunch of time together, we work out together, go to concerts, go to a local ice cream shop that has live music on the weekends and now that classes have started back up do homework and study together. The ups are great, the downs are not so much. Have I pushed her away with all of my "I feel so strongly for you" and "You deserve better than him" blah blah blah. Should I just keep the no contact even after she texts me sometimes in the next few days?

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ThorntonMelon

You're doing nothing wrong, per se. Except you have no respect for yourself or your needs. You are her bitch to do with as she pleases.

 

Shes acting BPD, whether she is, I'd need to know way more.

 

You should stay NC not as a strategy to get her but as a way to get rid of a nasty, toxic woman.

 

Since we all know you're going to continue to try to get her, NC is not going to be that effective. If she's BPD as I suspect, she will lie to you and say anything she has to in order to reclaim your attention.

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You're doing nothing wrong, per se. Except you have no respect for yourself or your needs. You are her bitch to do with as she pleases.

 

Shes acting BPD, whether she is, I'd need to know way more.

 

You should stay NC not as a strategy to get her but as a way to get rid of a nasty, toxic woman.

 

Since we all know you're going to continue to try to get her, NC is not going to be that effective. If she's BPD as I suspect, she will lie to you and say anything she has to in order to reclaim your attention.

 

Lol, I understand about getting rid of a toxic woman, I feel my feelings for her are to the point where I'm still making excuses for her to treat me like ****. Other than that I'm not sure what BPD means, and what would you need to know?

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ThorntonMelon

We've all been there with a woman, brother. My BPD was far worse to me and I made so many excuses, it was truly amazing.

 

BPD= Borderline Personality Disorder. There are a bunch of characteristics she'd need to fit a number of. You should google it.

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We've all been there with a woman, brother. My BPD was far worse to me and I made so many excuses, it was truly amazing.

 

BPD= Borderline Personality Disorder. There are a bunch of characteristics she'd need to fit a number of. You should google it.

 

Googling it now.

 

It really is amazing. Even with my ex (4 years) looking back now I made far too many excuses even through the end of the relationship to the 6 months I tried to get her back. I imagine I'm probably doing the whole excuses thing again, because I know this really isn't fair to me, but, and I imagine this is the excuses for her talking, I understand she's going through a rough time and I'm just trying to be there for her. Within reason of course.

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ThorntonMelon

She's totally jerking you around. Yes it's a hard time, but that's not an excuse to treat people badly. You need to set standards for how you're treated and refuse to deviate from them.

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She's totally jerking you around. Yes it's a hard time, but that's not an excuse to treat people badly. You need to set standards for how you're treated and refuse to deviate from them.

 

And I totally thought I had set those standards, but those appeared to have gone out the window as soon as some new feelings came up. Guess I shouldn't be so stupid... lol

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Don't beat yourself up. Tomorrow is a new day. We've all been there.

 

Unfortunately, you were right when you said I still want her lol. Because in the beginning, and we were "up" on the roller coaster ride it was great.

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