Ex Second Chance

[DeltaB]

Hi Everyone,

 

Early this year my ex and I broke up after 5 years together. Things were great for the first 3.5 years and not so for the last 1.5 years. During this time my ex began hanging around a new group of friends who were not a great influence and also started dabbling in drugs, his behaviour became extremely difficult and he started acting as though he did not care about me or anything else.

 

I spent over a year trying to get him to open up to me and discuss his issues and why he was acting the way he was but was always shut down and told that it was nothing and I was the issue etc. I knew I was dealing with someone who was very angry but i couldnt do anything to help even though i tried. Long story short we decided to mutually break up as I couldnt deal with the pain anymore and he wouldnt accept he had an issue. As we owned a home together i decided to move out until we made arrangements to sell the property. Within weeks of moving out my ex had a complete meltdown and realised he had made a huge mistake. I told him i needed time to sort out my thoughts and spent months living on my own deciding what i wanted.

 

Basically now its been over 6 months and I have spent this time working on myself and what i want but could not decided whether to go back or not. My ex has gone over and above in changing his life and cutting out all the behaviour listed above. He is communicating with me and told me the reasons for his behaviour and expresses that it was the biggest mistake of his life. He is open to therapy and anything else I require - basically has said that he will do whatever it takes.

 

I therefore have decided to return home (because i couldnt make a decision either way and felt it was the only way to find out) but at moments have extreme pangs of anxiety. I am not sure i am doing the right thing and at times questions whether i am in love with him or just love him as a person. I am not sure if this is because i haven been very hurt and hold resentment that he ruined our life together OR maybe I have lost some feelings. Would appreciate some advice and feedback from you all.

[PersonaPersona]

Hey there, DeltaB.

 

First off, you need to take time to really think about what you want. Because the only person who can tell you what is best for you in this very moment is you. You need to be very weary and cautious of someone who claimed they'll do anything to get you back. Words are great, but actions are even better. Words and actions must meet each other halfway so that something can be considered here. One thing you must not do is jump back into the relationship so quickly. Try being friends first, then dating, and if he can redeem himself through actions, then you can make your decision. Just remember to take it slow, and don't do anything you might regret later on.

 

Cheers

[me85]

Thanks for the read.

 

Look, you seem to be a mature, level headed individual who has a clear understanding of the way you feel without anyone having to give you any kind of advice.

 

I mean, I'd say you already know what to do.

 

6 months is hardly enough time to fix what was broken between the two of you. Plus he has a drug problem. The change needed there doesn't happen overnight or even in six months. That could be a life long battle for him. And for you too if you stay with him. If he would've been already going to counseling for himself all this time then I would feel differently about your situation. You need to be away from him longer. Move back out.

 

He needs to work on himself on his own. You should explain that you can't help him, he has to help himself. Tell him you are confused about how you feel.

 

Just be honest with him and most importantly, be honest with yourself.

Edited September 2, 2014 by me85