does jealousy work to get your ex back?

[evade]

off with ex GF for 3 months. 3 years together. I left her. I was treated badly. felt taken advantage of. but the love we had was wonderful. so as the negatives are there, the love is so wonderful and it outweighs a lot. on some days, I can accept anything and others I say im fed up.

 

that sounds ironic and people will comment only based on negative. when your heart loves so deep all the negative matter not. so those who ever loved reply with your heart. anyone looking from an outside perspective will say move on, let go. so please, think with your hearts not logic.

 

she posted 2 pics of her with a new guy on her wall dancing in a club. "feeling amazing" 1 intimate picture and 1 after the fact they were caught and smiling to the camera.

 

I saw it and I crashed hard. she purposely put those pics because she knows I look at her page every few days. also because I love her but its my way of being close to her. she constantly pokes and teases with these kind of acts to make me jealous and to remind me shes there. like an sms once in a while how are you.

 

im having very bad panic attacks, not anxiety which is different. the images keep coming into my mind of him touching her, which connects to my exwife cheating on me. some other guy pleasuring my lady.

 

we had 2 breakups with 3 months apart and she wont let me try to move on. I also cant move on. I think about her all the time. I love her like crazy. more than anyone I know. family friends. all. just the last time was very hard for me and as much as I love her. I walked away and wanted to see her fight for us. to say hey sweetheart, I miss you, lets talk, lets work it out. but it was always me doing it because if she did it, she would give me power and she would feel weak.

 

she has very low self esteem. I always showed her so much love and affection and attention. made her feel good. she has a problem with her appearence and I always tried to make her strong. always positive reinforcements.

 

was in the ER late at night for 6 hours. didnt sleep well in 4 days. maybe a total of 5 hours total. im a wreck so take this into consideration. spoke to a psychiatrist. he explained the relationship has very high and low peaks of up and down in our relationship. fought many times on petty things. we both have bad childhoods. she was abused from father verbally physically and I too as well. were both very sensitive. and if I would raise my voice to express my side, she would break down and feel it was her father doing it. I otoh have issues with integrity and morals and values that seems to manage my thinking. speaking to the psychiatrist he says that people who hurt so badly with breakups and break down/crash are the ones who give unconditional love. true love. and its true I think.

 

bottom line, I spoke to her and got a sense that she has feelings for me. I know her and she did say I dont want to be with you once but I know and she says that all the time because she wants to see me fight for us. I know her. she also said many times that she loves me and I could sense it in her voice. she was responsive.

 

shes very problematic because shes a bit of a psycho and has anger for me from her abusive father. so she has a hard time with men and I have a feeling he will not hold because she creates a lot of drama and he will be fed up. and she will be fed up because she needs a lot of attentions and affection all the time. shes very needy. I always answered her sms in a short time or there would be a bad fight. I accepted it. the psychiatrist said the relationship was a stressful one for you because you were walking on eggshels to please her. I loved making her happy. because im a giver so getting back is important, but to love is who I am and more so. the psychiatrist said the reason I stayed was in all the hard up and downs, she would project all her flaws on me and try to make my confidence and self esteem low so she can feel strong and there were fights and after fighting to make her happy the bond was very strong. almost like makeup sex. but its not about the sex. there were a lot of emotional issues. the down and then the super high that always locked me in and why I would wanted her even though its a toxic love.

 

 

this new guy is 3 weeks into the relationship. they are sleeping together. hes 32 shes 43 im 40. she hates my exGF so I was so pissed off I sent her an image of my and the ex in bed (me topless and her bra panties) selfie. it did affect her. she was upset and she said now im dating 25 (shes 47 and looks amazing) year old girls? the picture is low quality under harsh light from a front facing iphon4 camera so its grainy and low rez. I told her that it was the ex. so ther was quiet for a second. and I said yes the ex wants to get back together. I told if you keep going, I will go with her. she hates my ex. very jealous of her because of how she looks.

 

I think she likes the guy. she said he seems serious and he lives closer to her (im 80 minute drive) and sees her everyday (will this work to my advantage or against? him building a solid relationship faster) she downgraded for sure though. her arms are bigger than his. hes also shortish and she likes dating very tall men. she dates guys of class, who dress well and I see this guy and this is not going to hold IMO. she laughs when I told her she downgraded because its very true. she knows it. guy wears wife beater shirt to a club. there is no competition in LOOKS between us.

I think 4 main reasons she said yes to him was

1-lonely 2-wanted some sex 3-tried to move on from me 4-which im certain for is to also make me jealous.

 

was thinking to send her another picture of me and ex having a good time at a restaurant we went to last night. my ex is also my friend. we dont sleep together and weve been on and off a few times but are always great friends.

 

bottom line

-if youre going to say MOVE ON, please dont. its not rellevant for me. I still know there is a way with her. others may say no, but only I truly know this is certain but its a small percentage. about the 30% area.

-go with the hot ex. were just dating as friends. we kiss and hug. so leave that

 

-what to do to get her away from the new guy. and win her over.

1-not bother her. and let the relationship between them fail or not? I feel he wont hold and only wants sex wiht her because shes older.

2-can I od anything to make her jealous, to not want to be with him, to cater to her heart in deciding to come back

3-should I write to her, should I call her, should I go meet with her and look into her eyes and see if I really lost her?

 

should I stay silent and send her ppoictures of me and the ex being intimate (not sex)? what are my options? walking away is not an issue and so please dont say this.

 

its not because the guy came in the picture I wanted her more. far from it. I always want her. I guess I let to much time go by without making a move.

Edited August 26, 2014 by evade

[ThorntonMelon]

OK. So I'm not allowed to answer with the right answer. This makes answering difficult. But I'll try.

 

You under no circumstances should send any more pictures to her. And you really should block any place you could see her pictures online. It's not helping. And it won't help win her back, either. Your social media is not a factor in your relationship.

 

Second, you need to understand that she's told you she doesn't want to be with you, she wants to be with someone else. She's posting publicly to the world that they're together and happy. You're interpreting that as some sort of sick twisted game to make you fight her back. That is your mind playing tricks on you. In no way is that what she is doing right now.

 

So what should you do to get her back (yes, even though the question is preposterous, I'll play along, i have a soft spot for him)?

 

First of all, definitely nail the hot ex. It will give you more confidence, make you less desperate, and possibly make her jealous.

 

Secondly, don't fight for her at all. She's a disaster area, she will only want you when you don't want her. So go out of your way not to care about her in the least. The less you care, the more she will.

 

If you do those two things, your odds of getting her back are 0.5%

 

If you fight for her, your odds of getting her back are -100000000000000000%.

 

See a therapist and work through your issues with loss. You're ravaged by mental insanity right now, the grief is killing your brain. You're not capable of rational thought. You'd be better off doing the opposite of whatever your brain tells you to do.

 

Anyways, since I'm not allowed to give you the right answer, I'll give you that one. It's probably 50% right, anyways.

[evade]

OK. So I'm not allowed to answer with the right answer. This makes answering difficult. But I'll try.

 

You under no circumstances should send any more pictures to her. And you really should block any place you could see her pictures online. It's not helping. And it won't help win her back, either. Your social media is not a factor in your relationship.

 

Second, you need to understand that she's told you she doesn't want to be with you, she wants to be with someone else. She's posting publicly to the world that they're together and happy. You're interpreting that as some sort of sick twisted game to make you fight her back. That is your mind playing tricks on you. In no way is that what she is doing right now.

 

So what should you do to get her back (yes, even though the question is preposterous, I'll play along, i have a soft spot for him)?

 

First of all, definitely nail the hot ex. It will give you more confidence, make you less desperate, and possibly make her jealous.

 

Secondly, don't fight for her at all. She's a disaster area, she will only want you when you don't want her. So go out of your way not to care about her in the least. The less you care, the more she will.

 

If you do those two things, your odds of getting her back are 0.5%

 

If you fight for her, your odds of getting her back are -100000000000000000%.

 

See a therapist and work through your issues with loss. You're ravaged by mental insanity right now, the grief is killing your brain. You're not capable of rational thought. You'd be better off doing the opposite of whatever your brain tells you to do.

 

Anyways, since I'm not allowed to give you the right answer, I'll give you that one. It's probably 50% right, anyways.

 

 

I need help on how to get her back. not whetehr the relationship is good, whether I should move on, whether is right.

 

you telling a person who wants to climb everest and is determined to not do it.

 

youre telling a person who has only one option to buy a computer spend $300. thats the budget and youre telling him $500 is the minimum. $300 and im not sure if I even have that.

 

youre telling your friend who wants to open a business, dont do it youll fail.

 

there is no other option but I want her. there is no fail. it isnt an option. I dont care to hear what your personal optinion of if I should walk away or not. its just not an option. she said many times she didnt want me. we always got together. now is the one that finally is the real "I dont want you"? look at the evidence. she acknowledged posting facebook to sting me. to contact me sms so that to tease me and because she wants to test me. if you dont want somene you wont contact them

[d0nnivain]

The relationship is bad. The break up is worse: in that you are engaging in behavior that harms you. STOP.

 

Delete her from all social media. Stop looking at her page. Block her phone #. In essence cut yourself off from her completely. It will help diminish your anxiety & keep you out of the emergency room.

 

You guys are not children but your behavior is grossly immature. Get yourself into therapy. Learn why you can't fix her. Learn to heal yourself.

[Always Pondering]

The mentality you have right now is unhealthy and I'd have to agree with d0nnivain. By assuming the relationship is going to fail and sending pictures of you and your ex to her in the belief that jealousy will get her back is well, extremely immature.

 

You're looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear which isn't going to happen. You plan on manipulating her feelings and that never works. You only have one option here and you should know what it is.

 

If you don't care about our personal "opinions on whether or not you should move on", why are you asking for advice on an opinion-focused forum?

[ThorntonMelon]

I need help on how to get her back. not whetehr the relationship is good, whether I should move on, whether is right.

 

I did. I told you what to do. Sleep with ex #2 and ignore ex #1. That's your best bet in this toxic relationship. Your odds improve from -10000000000% to 0.00005% by doing this.

 

you telling a person who wants to climb everest and is determined to not do it.

 

No I'm not. I'm telling a person who wants to climb everest in the middle of the worst storm that the region has ever seen that it would be best he consider the weather forecast before climbing the mountain in a tee shirt and sandals.

 

youre telling a person who has only one option to buy a computer spend $300. thats the budget and youre telling him $500 is the minimum. $300 and im not sure if I even have that.

 

I don't think this is an appropriate analogy. I am telling a person who needs a computer but has no money that they should consider something other than breaking into a store and stealing the computer, because if they get caught they'll go to jail (not a perfect analogy but better than yours).

 

youre telling your friend who wants to open a business, dont do it youll fail.

 

I'm telling a friend who has a wife and 5 kids not to quit his comfortable job in order to start a business selling hot dogs out of a cart.

 

there is no other option but I want her. there is no fail. it isnt an option. I dont care to hear what your personal optinion of if I should walk away or not. its just not an option. she said many times she didnt want me. we always got together. now is the one that finally is the real "I dont want you"? look at the evidence. she acknowledged posting facebook to sting me. to contact me sms so that to tease me and because she wants to test me. if you dont want somene you wont contact them

 

In your eyes there is no other option. That is not how anyone sane would approach it.

 

That being said, the evidence says she is a sick girl who likes messing with you who doesn't want to be with you.

[evade]

so on the contrary to all of your comments. I drove there now. 85minutes drive. was in the parking lot. called many times no answer. wanted he to come down to talk with her. sent message asking for her to answer. nothing. 5 minutes later, she comes out to throw the garbage. I say hi. she says she has a document prohbiting me being close to her house. I highly doubt it but I can be wrong. I didnt get any police calling me nor any papaer work.

 

she satyed she listedned. I saw it. she was still in love with me. still very attracted to me. I saw it crystal clear. she said I dont want to be with you but I saw her. I read her very well. when she doesnt want something, she will lock her lips and look me direct in the eye and say it. she looked down and her lips pouted. and I looked at her and she smiled. I know her so well. she exaggerated and lies a lot. she wants me to suffer and fight hard. she doesnt want to give in so easily. and since im a lover a giver and a fighter, I wont quit. going back tomorrow again.

 

I will do all I can. everything in my power to win her back. she will be mine. there is no other way. there is no plan B of failure. thank you all. I got what I needed. no one could help a man who loves unconditionally. true love.

if you are not for me and what I need, not what you think, you are against me.

 

I am no longer in contact with my "friends" who cannot help me with what I want. thats to have her. I dont care to hear move on, get therapy, shes not for you, its a bad relationbship. if youre stopping me from doing what I feel right, and I fail or succeed, I will see you as my enemy. my only friend who said get your ass on the bike, drive there this second and talk to her. look her in the eyes and see what she says. feel her out. that is a friend.

 

not the ones who I ask, how to get her back, no move on. how to get her back, why, its a bad relationship. how to get her back. leave her there are a lot of other women. how to get her back though. my opinion is to move on. you can say "I personally think shes not for you, but if you want her so badly buddy, maybe talk with her and see what she says"

 

every advice I got here was exactly the opposite of the help I need. it was what you thought is good for me, but not what I know is best for me. so thank you anyway.

 

I will get her back and she will be mine again.

[d0nnivain]

evade

 

Good luck with your plan but it's ill conceived.

 

The 1st thing you better do is confirm that she doesn't have a retraining order. If she does & you go down there again you are going to end up in jail. I agree with you that since you have never been served, she probably doesn't have one but you still need to make sure.

 

Second why the heck would you want to be with a woman who lies to you about having a restraining order? That's just sick on both of your parts.

 

Third, do you realize that even if you are correct that she's doing all of this because she wants you to prove to her that you are willing to fight for her that she's an immature mentally unstable drama queen? Why oh why do you want to pursue a relationship with somebody who could toy with your emotions like that? Project forward. How would she behave if you were to plan a wedding? During / after your 1st marital fight? when you have kids? Kids can't be raised in an unstable environment like her.

[ThorntonMelon]

This has to be a joke - OK, trolling.

 

She has a restraining order against you, you're harassing her to talk to you, and you're going back for more. Your enemies tell you that's not a good idea. Your friends tell you to do it. Wow. Hope he's got bail money.

 

Oh my.

[Simon Phoenix]

Either you are a troll or one of the creepiest people on the planet. Really hope Door No. 1 is the right answer.

[ThorntonMelon]

Actually I've been laughing since that last post. Made my day. I needed a chuckle. Awesome troll.

[flight E]

Simon I don't think he is creepy, just obsessed but in due course reality will set in. Evade go after what you want but know one thing for sure: your get exback module is an affront to female psychology, human psychology, male dignity and will definitely fail.

 

It's failure is as sure as earth has a sun and a moon. If by some stroke of the unbelievable it succeeds, you will be tortured for maybe 3months and dumped again

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon I don't think he is creepy, just obsessed but in due course reality will set in. Evade go after what you want but know one thing for sure: your get exback module is an affront to female psychology, human psychology, male dignity and will definitely fail.

 

It's failure is as sure as earth has a sun and a moon. If by some stroke of the unbelievable it succeeds, you will be tortured for maybe 3months and dumped again

 

Assuming he's on the level (I'm doubting it), him going after what he wants might get him thrown in jail.

[ThorntonMelon]

"friends" who cannot help me with what I want.

if youre stopping me from doing what I feel right,... I will see you as my enemy.

 

my only friend who said get your ass on the bike, drive there this second and talk to her. look her in the eyes and see what she says. feel her out. that is a friend.

 

Awesome. Truly awesome.

[TigerLilly78]

You are almost delusional OP this women wants nothing to do with you yet you stalk her your going to end up in jail for stalking..

[d0nnivain]

The craziest part about all of this is that they are not children. The OP is 40 & his EX is 43.

[ThorntonMelon]

Its trolling. A different post by this Hall Of Fame Poster:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/468786-asking-random-girl-if-i-can-eat-her-pussy

[evade]

evade

 

Good luck with your plan but it's ill conceived.

 

The 1st thing you better do is confirm that she doesn't have a retraining order. If she does & you go down there again you are going to end up in jail. I agree with you that since you have never been served, she probably doesn't have one but you still need to make sure.

I didnt get papers and I didnt get no phone call. not sure there is one. but that wont stop me. she saw me today, spoke to me. never did she feel to call the cops. she will not do. I never raised my hands on her. it was her who hit me. once she punched me in my chest, and the other she raised a clenched fist to my face.

Second why the heck would you want to be with a woman who lies to you about having a restraining order? That's just sick on both of your parts.

when you love unconditionally, everything is peanuts. you all have tons of red flags and tons of loops people have to jump through for you to be with them. it can never be true love. unconditional love is the purest form. I dont have those red flasg I see you all posting all the time. guess why most are single too. the lis for someone to be with all of you is endles. accept all of them as they are. I accept her with her flaws, want to keep loving her, make her happy and work everything out. couple therapy, therapy for me. move to her city by the end of the year. be more patient and less angry. couples go through hell and back sometimes but true love will keep them together through it all.

Third, do you realize that even if you are correct that she's doing all of this because she wants you to prove to her that you are willing to fight for her that she's an immature mentally unstable drama queen? Why oh why do you want to pursue a relationship with somebody who could toy with your emotions like that? Project forward. How would she behave if you were to plan a wedding? During / after your 1st marital fight? when you have kids? Kids can't be raised in an unstable environment like her.

 

I couldnt care. what you said is irrelevant. I take her as she is. flaws and all. I fall in love with her every time I see her. everyday from the beginning. all the time. 3 years and my heart yearns for her the same as when we met. I will have her. look at all of you, putting all these terms and conditions. shes doing this and that and this and that, yet you still want her. yes. all of her as she is, everything. I love her daughters like theyre my children, I love her with my body mind soul.

 

 

Simon I don't think he is creepy, just obsessed but in due course reality will set in. Evade go after what you want but know one thing for sure: your get exback module is an affront to female psychology, human psychology, male dignity and will definitely fail.

 

It's failure is as sure as earth has a sun and a moon. If by some stroke of the unbelievable it succeeds, you will be tortured for maybe 3months and dumped again

 

I was never dumped. not once. I walked away. not her. I saw it today. its on. and I will have her back. creep or not, troll or not. I dont really care. nothing will stop me from getting her. no phone call by any police to my phone and no letter home so ther is no

 

the psychiatrist said, obsessed is usually those who dont really love but are mostly afraid to be alone or were so comfortable with them. if a person would suffer through such ups and downs, take them with their bad flaws, be hurt this hard, its just unconditional real love.

 

if youre not for me, you are my enemy.

[d0nnivain]

Its trolling. A different post by this Hall Of Fame Poster:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/468786-asking-random-girl-if-i-can-eat-her-pussy

 

Awesome sleuthing ThortonMelon. I had no idea this was the same person / troll.

 

I wonder if the woman in Q in this thread is the one he propositioned at the wedding?

[ThorntonMelon]

And another...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/398794-asking-she-not-shave

 

I care to look good for my partner to do things that she finds attractive. If I put in the effort she should also. otherwise, no pussy eating, she wont be satisfied, I will be frustrated and the inevitable relationship failure. like I said, we both will lose, but she undoubtedly will be the big loser here. not me.

Edited August 26, 2014 by ThorntonMelon

[evade]

And another...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/398794-asking-she-not-shave

 

whats the point. had a break. and whats the issue?

[leoc1973]

Thorton you really cracked me up but I have to disagree with you.

 

You said he has 0.05% chance or -10000000% I am going to go completely opposite here.

 

He is clearly bipolar or nuts or what ever mental affliction causes this type of personality. With that said I am going to assume she has to be just as crazy if not crazier for making this relationship work for so long.

 

So, I am going to say that 175.829% that these 2 are going to end up together. There is no way that anyone lets this kind of love get away. Romeo and Juliette? Both crazy! The most famous lovers in history. 100% nuts.

 

OK so Original poster here is what you do. She doesn't want you to fight. She just wants to bone this other guy for a little bit and she will come running back with the same amount of intensity as you are going with right now.

 

Here is what you do.. I will give you 2 options

 

1. Keep stalking her. Get arrested and she will say something like, "OMG what have I done? I have to drop the restraining order and get my pookey bear out of jail"

 

2. Leave her alone for a few days. Probably 4 days maxx. Its almost the first of the month. You guys can both get your prescriptions refilled and live happily ever after. Just remember to take the doctors recommended dosage or you are going to keep running out of meds and this is going to happen at the end of every month.

 

I really mean it tho. I am 95% sure these 2 are made for each other.

 

OH and OP.. Next time you will think twice before you dump someone you love this much and try to cause her pain. Because that was your goal right? To really hurt her dearly so you can grab the power in the relationship.