Cloud12 Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 (edited) My girlfriend of 1 year and a few months dumped me because she couldn't handle the stress I was putting her through because my insecurities. My insecurities were causes by girls from my past, and I basically pushed them on my ex who just dumped me. Now this girl loved me very much and I loved her too. She put up with my bs since day 1 for a year and then finally decided she had enough. She would go out of her way to show how much she loved and appreciated me, she always told me where she was going what she was doing, always reassuring me she would never hurt me like the girls in my past, always willing to show me her phone if I so wanted and everything. This girl was amazing to me it was just I couldn't stomach my insecurities. She ended it with me 16 days ago and I took it upon myself to get help because I am literally mentally screwed in the head and have issues that need sorting out. I started seeing a therapist right after we broke up and I'm currently trying to work on myself to fix many problems. I texted my ex the other day after 10 days of no contact and she was clear that she has given our relationship everything she had and is done with me, even though I know that I know she cares for me still and loves me very much. She even texted my sister the day after we broke up that she really loves me but just can't handle the stress of being with me anymore, she told my sister to take care of me and she still wants to see my sister. This girl had a very close relationship with my family. I guess my question is, is all hope lost? is there still a chance to get her back? I'm not expecting to get her back right away, I need to work out my own issues before I could be with anyone first. I screwed myself up by ruining no contact and getting rejected even though Im glad she did because nothing would of change as of now if were to get back together. I need to make some improvements before even considering a shot with her again, is it possible for me to get her back? Edited August 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merge threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary Oak Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 If she loves you, and you get help. I mean lots of therapy. Like a year or more. Then I would say maybe. If that is the real reason she broke up with you. From this forum I have started to realize that the reason people give are not necessarily the real reasons. Just get help for you. And see where life leads you. If it is back to her, then good. If not, it wasn't meant to be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
54JA Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I am so sorry you are going through this. I am glad that you are seeing a therapist. What does your therapist say about your desire to get back with her? I hate to tell you this, but I think the best thing for you to do now is to face your pain head on, with the help of your current support system you got. It might seem like holding on to the hope of getting back together may alleviate your pain, but at best, it would only provide you with a temporary relief, followed by a much more prolonged version of the pain you are feeling now. 16 days isn't long enough for anyone to overcome their insecurity issues. Contacting her after mere 2 1/2 weeks can suggest that you are underestimating the time and effort it takes to solve the problems with your insecurity and can backfire. I know right now, the time seems like it's moving a lot slower, and 16 days may feel like forever. I know that feeling. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloud12 Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 If she loves you, and you get help. I mean lots of therapy. Like a year or more. Then I would say maybe. If that is the real reason she broke up with you. From this forum I have started to realize that the reason people give are not necessarily the real reasons. Just get help for you. And see where life leads you. If it is back to her, then good. If not, it wasn't meant to be. I started going to therapy ever since the break up, and been reading self help books and how to get over my issues. I feel the relationship is 100% done, but I keep holding onto hope for some reason Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloud12 Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 I'm also pretty sure that is the reason why she broke up with me. She couldn't handle the stress anymore and was unhappy. I was stalking her fb profile for a while and she was posting sad relationship stuff. So I know she still loves me. But then maybe again maybe she got over me in 2 weeks you never know. I do know she loved me like crazy in this relationship, only reason why she put up with all the bs I put her through for a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloud12 Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 I am so sorry you are going through this. I am glad that you are seeing a therapist. What does your therapist say about your desire to get back with her? I hate to tell you this, but I think the best thing for you to do now is to face your pain head on, with the help of your current support system you got. It might seem like holding on to the hope of getting back together may alleviate your pain, but at best, it would only provide you with a temporary relief, followed by a much more prolonged version of the pain you are feeling now. 16 days isn't long enough for anyone to overcome their insecurity issues. Contacting her after mere 2 1/2 weeks can suggest that you are underestimating the time and effort it takes to solve the problems with your insecurity and can backfire. I know right now, the time seems like it's moving a lot slower, and 16 days may feel like forever. I know that feeling. Hang in there. she says only time will tell, and yeah Im trying so hard to get rid of this hope to get her back because I know it will only crush me in the end when it fails. I honestly think its 100% done. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary Oak Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 If you are in love with someone, you don't get over them in two weeks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 (edited) I'm also pretty sure that is the reason why she broke up with me. She couldn't handle the stress anymore and was unhappy. I was stalking her fb profile for a while and she was posting sad relationship stuff. So I know she still loves me. But then maybe again maybe she got over me in 2 weeks you never know. I do know she loved me like crazy in this relationship, only reason why she put up with all the bs I put her through for a year. so you did a fair amount of damage to the relationship until she could not take it anymore, it is going to take her a while to see that you have worked on the issues....anything is possible about getting her back .....but.... i don't feel you should work on your issues with that being the express reason to change your ways, you should do it because you know it makes it impossible for you to have any type of worthwhile loving relationship with anyone...... i do believe once you end it with someone the majority of the time it is best you don't go back.....it becomes push pull and easy to fall into..breaking up becomes a common thing....an on off relationship ensues........the break up wasn't a sudden thing on her behalf she probably thought about it long and hard......she may not change her mind at all even if you do change...some relationships are better left to end and not be revisited..... so get your therapy work on you, but don't do it only to get her back ...do it because you need to do it....to be happy with anyone in the future.....deb Edited August 22, 2014 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cloud12 Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 so you did a fair amount of damage to the relationship until she could not take it anymore, it is going to take her a while to see that you have worked on the issues....anything is possible about getting her back .....but.... i don't feel you should work on your issues with that being the express reason to change your ways, you should do it because you know it makes it impossible for you to have any type of worthwhile loving relationship with anyone...... i do believe once you end it with someone the majority of the time it is best you don't go back.....it becomes push pull and easy to fall into..breaking up becomes a common thing....an on off relationship ensues........the break up wasn't a sudden thing on her behalf she probably thought about it long and hard......she may not change her mind at all even if you do change...some relationships are better left to end and not be revisited..... so get your therapy work on you, but don't do it only to get her back ...do it because you need to do it....to be happy with anyone in the future.....deb It scares me that I know in my heart there is a very good chance she isn't coming back. I'm going to miss her dearly, she was the first girl that I dates that I considered my best friend. She also taught me a lot, taught me that there are genuine people out there and not all women are the same. Link to post Share on other sites
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