Does she still like him? Will she move on? Should I?

[goonies4eva]

I’ll attempt to make a very long story as. short as possible. I meet a girl who is 19 and working at a bar and grill where we play vball. I am ten years older than her... She is smoking hot, but I had just started seeing someone. I make friends with her just in case and end up bringing her out with us one night to a bar where an acquaintance/drinking buddy of mine is working at. He kicks her out for being under age and then ends up hitting on her and they start dating. One month into it she gets pregnant, has a kid etc. She takes some time off school, works full time, takes care of the kid, handles almost all responsibilities etc. She is part of our friends group at this point and her and I remain good friends. I think there was a hidden attraction but nothing either of us would act on. Fast forward a couple of years... we started talking one night about how terrible each of our relationships were. I won’t even get into my reasons because they are irrelevant to the rest of the story. She was a single mom essentially dealing with a jerk dude, who drinks too much, doesn’t take any responsibility, doesn’t communicate etc.... Meanwhile she is stuck doing everything while going to college, working, and taking care of the kid most of the time. Anyhow...we started texting all the time and basically had an emotional relationship. We already knew each other well so our conversation escalated quickly and we really built a connection. We ended up meeting up and fooling around a couple of times. We ultimately got called out by my now ex and **** hit the fan with our sig others and a group of friends to boot..

 

Before that she was ready to leave... she then decided she wanted to try to work things out with baby daddy. I didn’t like it, but I understood it. I wasn’t going to stand in the way if that’s what she really wanted to do so I disappeared from the scene and let those two try to work it out without any interference. A couple of months go by and she decides she really misses me and wants to be with me. We start talking daily and seeing each other once a week..... all under the premise that she is going to leave just as soon as she can. This goes on for a bit and then we go and spend an amazing New Years together in Chicago. We had a blast and it felt like everything was going to work out. Then she got freaked again and cooled off on me and said she wasn’t sure and she wasn’t ready to do this... So it stopped again suddenly and my heart was broken big time.

 

Fast forward three months and I come in with a group of friends to a bar she is bartending at. We’ve had some communication but not much in recent months. We say hi, exchange smiles, and not much more than that. The spark is there between us... But it never has not been. I didn’t think much of it... Then she writes me a big letter saying she made a mistake and she wants me in her life. She said that she was trying to have the prototypical family and doing things to make other people happy but in the long run made no one happy including herself. She wanted to get back together. So we did in some regards, but my guard was up more and I was more demanding with what I wanted. Although she swears they only have a parenting relationship and don’t touch, kiss, etc...they still live in the same house for financial reasons. I told her if it was going to work out she needed to start making fast progress to separating. She needed to get her own car and start looking to move out. She separated finances the second time we started hanging out. We then go on another awesome mini-vacation to Chicago... She cools for a week after. (freaks out again).... But I salvage it and we keep moving forward... She gets her own car and starts looking for places... Right next to mine. Then we go on another mini vacation just two weeks ago to a country concert thing for a day and a half. Amazing time once again... Passionate, fun, etc. I think it got all too real again and she knows its on the verge of being a final decision because she goes radio silent again for a few days after. Then she says she needs a little time to sort out her feelings. I wrote her a letter that was stern, but fair.. Not whiny, not mean, but matter of fact. I asked her what she had been doing the last times we stopped in our tracks? Wasn’t she sorting feelings then? I let her know what she means to me, but also that I deserve more than this and I need this to go one direction or another and that we can’t keep doing this. I told her I’d give her a little time but in the meantime I am going to focus on me. I know she knows that we are perfect together on emotional, intellectual, and physical levels. I think she is too afraid to make the move... And in the back of my mind I can’t help but feel that she probably is still attached to him emotionally in certain ways. He’s the classic jerk that girls tend to chase. She says she’s not and she has more to think about than just herself... so I believe her more than I would a normal girl I’m dating. I haven’t texted her in the past five days and she hasn’t texted me either. She posted something on her facebook wall meant for me about how change is good.. Blah blah blah. She’s done that before but I’m losing faith.

 

I have handled this situation delicately because of how complicated it is (kid involved, friends involved, an ex still in the picture, etc), but I know it’s time for something to happen. Am I right in pushing the issue or should I be more patient? I am mid-30’s now and have been through 3 different 3 plus year relationships and countless others that were 3-6 months. I know what I want and what I’m looking for. She literally has it all. Definitely someone I could marry. Her only knock is how she has flaked during this whole thing. She’s younger and scared though so I have to be somewhat understanding of that right? What should I do next. I know if I just don’t talk to her first she will contact me to talk about everything. I just don’t know if it will be tomorrow or a week or two from now and I am very impatient. I feel like I deserve answers now. Should I get over myself and wait.. Or push the issue and get her to talk to me about what’s going on with her? I know the first option is probably better, but my ego/pride get the best of me sometimes. Females... What can she be sorting out that she hasn’t already sorted out? What does time do to sort things out? My feelings don’t change from one day to the next? I’m confused by all that. I had to do this to vent...and also to see if there are any valuable opinions or things I haven’t thought about yet. Sorry for the length but I needed to give the story some context.