on gettin back together with ex gf baby mama

[zone x]

I dont want to bore everyone with a long drawn out story so I'll keep it short as possible.

 

We dated from 04-13 ... we broke up in november '13 because when we were in an arguement i left the house to go cool down (she hit me, threw **** at me and all i kept sayin was calm down... so i left before i did something i'd regret)

 

now we were always happy up until that year... we start having issues that year because she was pregnant and tried to run my life, didn't want me to do anything or go anywhere but home then work.

 

ok, so we break up nov ... she hits me up in dec and we start talkin again, everything is good. i go buy an engagement ring because im ready to take that step, i was always scared to take now that we had a daughter i wanted to set a good example.

 

on new years eve we end up having a great time, i plan on asking her to marry me that night but i got off work late (11) and we had to hurry up and was in a rush to get out to see the ball drop... then when we get home we end up in a little argument (really because we were drunk ) for the first time since the break up. on janurary 2nd she calls me and tells me that's enough she's done.

 

ok, i respect the decision and move out the house and leave her alone for a while. we were still communicating this whole time because we have a daughter. we start talking about getting back together in march but we both work 12 hour shifts, opposite shifts (she's 1st shift, i'm 3rd)

 

ok, we're still talking then she opens up and tells me she kissed some guy... naturally im pretty pissed and tell her we need to work on us and raise our daughter with 2 parents in the same house, none of this split up **** because it will affect our daughter... she says she still has too much anger toward me so we remain split up.

 

we end up in a custody battle because she starts going off on me daily about me not having rights to my daughter, saying im just a baby sitter etc when i basically raised this little girl alone while she worked everyday and passed out soon as she got home. so i get a lawyer...

 

we rarely speak from april until august. we go to mediation on aug 1 and everything is settled now. the whole time we're in mediation she's giving me this goo goo eye bull****, and im sittin there like -_-.

 

i get my co parenting and all the same rights she has.

 

we are walking out of mediation talking and she says she's been thinkin about her decision and she might want to try again for our daughters sake.. im open ears. she tells me she has to talk to her bf first and figure out if she's going to do it but for me to give her time. i say **** that figure it out now. what you need to talk to him for? she says oh well i dont wanna be mean because its my fault i start dating before i was over you.. ok

 

2 days go by, we're talking again and she says she wants to be with me but she's afraid of our relationship failing again so as of right now she wants to stay like we are.. split up, raising our daughter separate.

 

now, i sent her a few texts trying to talk some sense into her but as of now it isnt working, she says if she feels like she isnt scared anymore she will contact me... wtf should i do? should i stay cool with this girl? what should i expect? at this point im on the edge of saying **** it but at the same time i look at my daughter and know the effort would be worth the outcome of her having both of her parents together showing her the right thing to do.... help me out yall.

Edited August 13, 2014 by zone x

[Keenly]

Hear me out here dude.

 

I understand that you have this romanticized fantasy about your daughter being raised in a wonderful household with two parents that are married and love each other and blah blah blah.

 

 

you're trying to play a flush when you were dealt two pair.

 

 

If you get back together with her, you are risking doing all of this over again. On the other side you will have an even worse coparentong relationship. You can take the chance and try, but understand that if / when it fails, you two will have am even worse relationship than you do right now, and you need to really think about how that's going to affect your girl.

 

 

 

This is one gamble that is not worth the potential loss. Find a woman that won't hit you and won't play hot and cold.

[d0nnivain]

Nothing about this relationship is healthy.

 

She physically assaulted you. She drank while she was pregnant.

 

You both need to grow up & learn to be good parents. You have a lot of work to do on yourself for your daughter. Don't think you can drag your EX along for that ride if she doesn't want to grow up.

 

Talk to a lawyer about sole custody for the baby's sake. You being together isn't a viable solution. Whatever you do, don't get married.

[zone x]

Nothing about this relationship is healthy.

 

She physically assaulted you. She drank while she was pregnant.

 

oh no, she had the baby in september bro. i would never allow that to happen. we went out on new years eve while my mom baby sat... sorry for not explaining that.

[zone x]

another thing that sucks, what changed her completely is a medical thing... after she had the baby and kept trippin im like hey.. youre not you anymore.. wtf!?

 

she goes to the doctor and they diagnose her with overactive thyroid..

[d0nnivain]

Well I'm glad she wasn't drinking while pregnant. She still hit you. That alone is a bad environment for a child.

[zone x]

I called her a 3 hour mom and she lost it... i regret saying that but at the time she said some **** too.. but I never hit her.

[d0nnivain]

We dated from 04-13 ... we broke up in november '13 because when we were in an arguement i left the house to go cool down (she hit me, threw **** at me and all i kept sayin was calm down... so i left before i did something i'd regret)

 

She's the violent one with anger management issues. You did the right thing by walking away but that's still no environment to raise a child.

[zone x]

It wouldn't have bothered her so bad if it wasn't true. I told her we should both work thirds so we can have the whole day with her and my daughter could sleep at my moms. With her on first shift 5am until 5pm.. she gets off when the baby is already sleepy. Yes, I lose alot of sleep but I can sacrifice sleep if the reward is seeing my daughter all day everyday. And once school starts I'll get her ready, take her, pick her up.. i think that was the smartest route but she values her sleep more than having time with her baby during the most important years. Ugh. Not to mention her new bf already has 2 kids and is cheating on her with his baby mama and some random bitch in a different area of the factory. I found out through a few people and told her and she laughs and says yeah right.. lol this girl is so lost and I want to save her so my daughter has the right people in her life but you guys are right.. I'm just stuck with wanting the 2 parent thing. I grew up with no father, met him once and I always told myself I'd never let my child grow up with separate parents.

[zone x]

Should I continue to try to get her back and work on our family. ..? I go back and forth on this.

[zone x]

bump! what should i do yall?

[ThorntonMelon]

Why are you bumping? All the advice is the same here.

 

I have to imagine you could ask this question 75 times and the answer would be the same each time. Let her go, focus on being an amazing dad.

[zone x]

That's what I was doing until last week when she told me she wanted to get back together. . It threw me off focus. Then she says she has to talk to her bf first because she doesn't want to be mean to him etc.. then a few days later she said she wanted to keep everything like it is. I do want her back that's why I'm in limbo right now.

[Lovemesomehim]

It's time for you to get focused and stop thinking of having a happy ever after with this girl.

 

It's clear that she has moved on with her life but having you twisted up about her at the same time.

 

Your focus should be on finding a healthy way to co parent with your ex and establishing a foundation for yourself.

[zone x]

I am and we do Co parent ppeacefully. So I took the advice you guys gave me and haven't said **** to her since I posted this thread.

 

Last night, she sends me a pic of a mess our daughter made with a big story and a bunch of lol's.. i didn't respond.

 

Then she texts a hour after that and says hi can I talk to.you about something serious? .. i didn't respond.

 

This morning she texts and asks what's going on? Can you answer me... i dont respond.

 

Then she calls before she picks our daughter up and she's like omg I've been trying to reach you since last night. .. I'm like what do you need? She goes why didn't u answer my calls or respond to my texts? I say.. what do u need?? Long pause... she says I'll be there to pick up our baby in half hour. I say ok.. Another long pause then I'm like ok bye and she says ok cya.

 

Wtf does she want? I don't want to ask her because I feel like it's another trap/mind ****.

[Simon Phoenix]

Just tell her that unless it's something to do with your child, not to talk to you. That's all you should be talking about.

[zone x]

Wouldn't that be detrimental toward my goal of getting her back if I said that? That's basically what I've been doing but if I SAY it won't that hurt what I really want?

[Simon Phoenix]

Wouldn't that be detrimental toward my goal of getting her back if I said that? That's basically what I've been doing but if I SAY it won't that hurt what I really want?

 

No, because what you are doing sucks worse right now. You are basically being her buddy. It might make her take you seriously if you lay down the law like that. Even though after reading your story, I think you are crazy to want her back.

[zone x]

Thanks for the help...

 

We were so tight forever man, friends since 2nd grade, dated 9 years... that's damn near 20 years of history. that's why I still want her back. We make it 9 years and break up after having a kid... I hate that ****. If we weren't compatible we should have broke up years ago. We still have great chemistry when we aren't in some ****. What made us break up is all outside factors from our lives changing so much and us being used to being teenagers with no responsibility to having a kid, bills, jobs etc... Everything with her changed after she got diagnosed with overactive thyroid and we had our daughter. I still feel like potential is there..

 

Even though she hit me that night, I did kind of deserve it for calling her a 3 hour mom. I was being an ******* like I never had been before. I think it just shocked her. And it wasn't like she beat my ass, I'm 6'4 215lbs and she's 5'6 130lbs ... she just pushed me and attempted to punch me and I just looked at her and said "Sit the **** down girl, stop!"... **** was ****ed up but I know at that point we were on our last leg.

 

I'm going to tell her what you said though... it is kind of bugging me that she wants to talk about something "serious" and I don't know what it is.. but I haven't responded to anything she has said the last 4-5 days and its killing her.

 

I'll keep yáll updated. Like right now, as I type this she has texted me 3 times asking whats up, what did our daughter do today etc... all excuses to talk to me. I told her last time she kept texting me to text her bf because she texts me all damn day why the **** wont she text him and leave me alone since that's what she wants?

Edited August 20, 2014 by zone x

[Simon Phoenix]

The fact that you've known her 20 years is more reason not to take her back. You are so afraid to experience the rest of the world you want to go back to something that is toxic and doesn't work. It sounds more like codependency than compatibility.

[zone x]

Update

 

The past few weeks I've been cordial with her and we had some discussion about trying again. She hit me with the "if we want to try again we need to get along. I've been thinking of you" etc line. I told her I didn't want her back I'm done and she said the same thing "if we get along we could hope to try"... ok I ignored it and went on my way. This morning I received a friend request from her... contemplating ignoring it to see if she brings it up and asks why I won't accept. This girl wants me again i can tell and shes single. . I heard thru the grape vine her and her rebound broke up but I didn't ask her so it seems like I'm not interested. Should I accept request? Should I ask what she's thinking? Should I ask how she's feeling about our 2nd chance?

Edited September 3, 2014 by zone x

[Crump's Brother]

Update

 

The past few weeks I've been cordial with her and we had some discussion about trying again. She hit me with the "if we want to try again we need to get along. I've been thinking of you" etc line. I told her I didn't want her back I'm done and she said the same thing "if we get along we could hope to try"... ok I ignored it and went on my way. This morning I received a friend request from her... contemplating ignoring it to see if she brings it up and asks why I won't accept. This girl wants me again i can tell and shes single. . I heard thru the grape vine her and her rebound broke up but I didn't ask her so it seems like I'm not interested. Should I accept request? Should I ask what she's thinking? Should I ask how she's feeling about our 2nd chance?

 

Sorry, but you are both extremely hot and cold.

 

You don't know what you want. Neither does she.

 

I hope for your daughters sake, you two never get back together. And I sincerely hope you guys learn to move forward and co-parent the right way. The older your daughter gets, the more this sort of back and forth with mom and dad will negatively affext her.

 

Good luck to you. I have been through a similar situation and now co-parent with my sons mother without a problem for almost two years now. Its possible for you, too.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sorry, but you are both extremely hot and cold.

 

You don't know what you want. Neither does she.

 

I hope for your daughters sake, you two never get back together. And I sincerely hope you guys learn to move forward and co-parent the right way. The older your daughter gets, the more this sort of back and forth with mom and dad will negatively affext her.

 

Good luck to you. I have been through a similar situation and now co-parent with my sons mother without a problem for almost two years now. Its possible for you, too.

 

By the way, I love your user name. The Stoned Age is one of the more underrated films of the 90s and I actually watched it on youtube yesterday thanks to your username. I also agree with your advice as well.