I got my closure

[Evans223]

Today, after three weeks I broke NC..

I sent her a message and invited her for a coffee, to which she agreed.

Everything went fine, light, funny small talk. Well, except I had this bad feeling. I knew I can't do this. To end in this so called "limbo". I wasn't that much over her as I initially though. And conversation slipped to our history.

 

We talked about how she doesn't see us together again. And that she began to see someone else. And I told her about a girl which I casually see. I asked her one last time, if there is a way to repair this. And she said that our ways are parted. To which after a while I told her that I respect her decision, that I really won't date someone who does not care about me in this way. I felt calm. We was always sincere with each other. Talking about everything, - before things went to s**t. I saw no point in playing games. We had lengthy talk. Even about Friends with B, which I admit was maybe little desperate. I apologized for a pressure I made on her the day of our B-U. Because I felt its the right thing to do.

 

I think this helped me to move on. That I have done everything in my power. And still not to lost my dignity too much. I got my closure.

 

Big part of me accept this whole situation. It is for the best.

Yet, why cant I stop my tears right now?

 

 

Also we decided that we will remain friends. She was part of my life. I cant erase it. I genuinely want to be friends.

After this I do not want to date her anymore. I seriously can't after all this. I realized she was disconnected from me for a long time. And that she is already moved on.

I somehow don't know what to do now. I have no direction.

I see no point in NC. Because I have no more hope for reconciliation or whatever. I want to maintain friendship. But I guess I will let it flow.. And on her initiative, if she really mean it. I will not pursue it myself.

[EmbeddedCortex]

Well if you think this will help your recovery, more power to you.

 

However, it was too soon to break NC. I would not have done this. Well anyway, go back to NC, move on, heal, better yourself, etc. You should not be friends right now. You're just using that to make yourself feel better, but you will actually make yourself feel worse. Plus, by being friends with her, you are actually helping HER move on and hurting YOU.

 

You can't be friends until you move on. Then after maybe several months, a year, or however long it takes, then you can decide if you want to be friends. She broke your heart man, don't hide it, you probably still love her. You can't be friends with her or talk to her.

[Evans223]

I understand.

It helped me a lot. I have no false hope anymore, I tried to fix it, and I feel somehow good. No setback.

 

I think I am just afraid to let go of past. She was my first love. My first LTR. 2 years

 

There is only one thing that make me quite sad. That she found a new guy one month after our B-U. Its her life long friend.

She said she is not that much attracted to him. Yet she feels good with him and like him.

 

 

Well, I want her to be happy. I want myself to be happy..

Maybe all this friendship is only an illusion to make me happy.. yes

[EmbeddedCortex]

I understand.

It helped me a lot. I have no false hope anymore, I tried to fix it, and I feel somehow good. No setback.

 

I think I am just afraid to let go of past. She was my first love. My first LTR. 2 years

 

There is only one thing that make me quite sad. That she found a new guy one month after our B-U. Its her life long friend.

She said she is not that much attracted to him. Yet she feels good with him and like him.

 

 

Well, I want her to be happy. I want myself to be happy..

Maybe all this friendship is only an illusion to make me happy.. yes

 

Your situation sounds similar to mine. I strongly suggest you read my threads regarding my situation. I also strongly suggest you do not be friends. If....IF you actually want a chance of her missing you and having second thoughts and coming back or whatever you should go no contact and get out of her life.

 

However, most importantly, you should go NC because if you don't you will NEVER heal in this situation honestly. You won't be able to have new relationships because you will be stuck up on your ex.

 

Let's not kid ourselves, you hope she comes back someday. NC is the only thing and the most powerful thing you can do in all cases. Read all the threads on this topic man.

[Evans223]

I read all your threads. It is very informative. It seems like all those situations follow the same pattern. And I am curious about outcome of your last thread.

 

I though she had her chance to miss me over those three weeks. But she didn't, she was already seeing someone else. Right after she told me, she is not ready for RS and wants to be alone for some time. It does not seems like some rebound.

 

She screw with my head, intentionally or not. She told me she loves me but is not in love with me. She says she still loves me, and is hurt that I am hurt / sad that I am sad. Even asked me about the new girl I met and suggested that I should give it a chance, slowly, to get her know. Told me I will always be in her heart, but we can't be partners anymore, she does not feel it this way.

She seems to be way over our past.

 

I cant let her destroy me by those things. That is why I told her I respect it, It was her decision to leave me. I was very calm.

Friendship heh... we was so sincere with each other. That is something I will miss about her. Her views about the world.

 

 

I honestly don't think she will ever come back.

[Polak]

NC is for sure the best way to go about it. Despite the pretty small chance she may come back to you, it is more important at this time that you heal yourself completely (because even though you say you got closure, you're affected by it). Time really is your friend in this scenario. I had a similar incident 2 years ago and the great people of LS helped to steer me in the right direction and I got to learn from my mistakes. Besides breaking NC, I think you did well by staying grounded, because it does absolutely no good to let your emotions take over. Just look ahead now, and take everything as it comes! Make your new life a positive and enhancing experience.

[EmbeddedCortex]

I read all your threads. It is very informative. It seems like all those situations follow the same pattern. And I am curious about outcome of your last thread.

 

I though she had her chance to miss me over those three weeks. But she didn't, she was already seeing someone else. Right after she told me, she is not ready for RS and wants to be alone for some time. It does not seems like some rebound.

 

She screw with my head, intentionally or not. She told me she loves me but is not in love with me. She says she still loves me, and is hurt that I am hurt / sad that I am sad. Even asked me about the new girl I met and suggested that I should give it a chance, slowly, to get her know. Told me I will always be in her heart, but we can't be partners anymore, she does not feel it this way.

She seems to be way over our past.

 

I cant let her destroy me by those things. That is why I told her I respect it, It was her decision to leave me. I was very calm.

Friendship heh... we was so sincere with each other. That is something I will miss about her. Her views about the world.

 

 

I honestly don't think she will ever come back.

 

Going NC is for YOU. It's for YOU to move on. Plus, if you're always around as friends or whatever for your EX you are helping her to move on at your expense. You have to legitimately work on moving on, and not waiting for your ex to return or anything like that.

 

There are plenty of threads on this topic that you can find online. But here's a good website that summarizes everything.

 

Breakup Recovery Guide

[Evans223]

Thanks both of you for information and support!

I am moving on. I will go NC for good this time.

 

Cortex, Thanks! That website is really great!

 

I just wonder, if she will ever miss me.. Not like it is important or life changing anymore.

And we see each others on some occasions thru mutual friends, like once per month...

[Evans223]

Hell this is confusing. I always tried to take things as they were. Almost emotionless..

 

AND, She broke. My. Heart!!

 

And I can't really control myself, my emotions. I am blinded.

Why should I even be friend with someone who did this to me?

I feel like I was just nexted for this other guy. I loved her as much as I could.. and it wasn't good enough for her.

 

I though break up was mutual. But now I see I was forced to do it. She wasn't strong enough, so she forced me to do it.. By her passiveness and lack of affection, and other things. She now looks like the girl I first met. But she was very different at the end of our RS

[EmbeddedCortex]

Hell this is confusing. I always tried to take things as they were. Almost emotionless..

 

AND, She broke. My. Heart!!

 

And I can't really control myself, my emotions. I am blinded.

Why should I even be friend with someone who did this to me?

I feel like I was just nexted for this other guy. I loved her as much as I could.. and it wasn't good enough for her.

 

I though break up was mutual. But now I see I was forced to do it. She wasn't strong enough, so she forced me to do it.. By her passiveness and lack of affection, and other things. She now looks like the girl I first met. But she was very different at the end of our RS

 

The breakup was not mutual. She dumped you. It's ok to be sad, cry, etc. You're human, you can't be emotionless unless you're some sort of psychopath or something else wrong with you! But you can't even try to move on if you keep in contact with her and try to be friends. You really want to stand by and watch as she gets into another relationship with someone else?

 

It's ok to grieve, but you also have to try to move on, else it will destroy you.

 

I know what you're going through friend, as you've seen in my threads. I am still going through it, even though my situation is really really crazy.

 

But the best and simplest piece of advice is to get away from her! Hide anything that reminds you of her! You know, all the basic advice given elsewhere. Do whatever you have to do that will help you move on. However, I would NOT recommend getting into any new relationships until you are healed, which will take months at least.

Edited August 10, 2014 by EmbeddedCortex

[Evans223]

Both of us, even if our situations are different, we will get thru this. That is the thing I am really positive about.

 

True.. she dumped me. I just didn't saw it first time, because she "forced" me to bring the break up ..

 

About that "emotionless" I meant it in a way, like stoicism.

I try to take things the way they are. If I can't change them. I must learn to live by them. But this time, It's really hard.

 

I know what I have to do. I read many topics here, I read that website you posted. Knowledge really is a power. I have to find myself first. I think I am on a right path.

I will not jump to another RS, I do not want to hurt anyone.

I must learn to be happy with myself, and myself alone first.

 

And just to write here about it, makes things easier. It helps me to get everything out. And I keep a journal about this too.

[Lalocket]

your story was similar to mine. what happened in the end?

[mtsuper]

Yeah it was a little too early to break NC man my ex had told me the last time I went to see her that I needed to move on because she was moving on and I held NC for two weeks until she sent a message saying she still cares about me very much to which I held NC And then 4 days after that she sent me all these messages sayingshe misses us and and she loves me and hopes one day we van fall back into place to try it again to which I still held NC and she kept calling to see if I blocked her but the funny thing is she is talking to another guy and it hurts but she still tries to get involved in my life I guess what I'm tryna say is never give up hope because even if they say they want to move on now if u give it time and stay out of their life then maybe they will realize that they need u in their life but these things take time for them to realize just do you and do things you love to do create new memories because 2 years of y'all together doesn't go away that quick so just give it time man