Jump to content

LC might be best for my situation


Recommended Posts

I think if one still has hopes and desires of reconciling with an ex who dumped them then limited contact instead of no contact is the way to go.

 

When I say limited contact I mean in the context of no contact initiated. My ex girlfriend broke up with me 3 years ago and I've been in limited contact with her since then.

 

What this means is that I let her come to me with texts and phone calls. I don't call her. I don't initiate anything. Even when she initiates the contact I don't say things that encourage the contact but I also don't discourage the contact either. I tend to react in a neutral manner towards my ex. This way she doesn't think that I'm still hung up on her.

 

I'm not going to ignore her contact and if I bump into her in public I'll be cordial and say hi and keep moving. I won't make it a point to stop and have small talk nor will I be rude and ignore her either. By doing this I'm treating her no differently than an old friend I remember from high school days.

 

In my situation she was the dumper but not because she fell out of love with me but because of unrequited love on my end and lack of passion. I was the one who was not making an effort to reciprocate. She broke it off because I never really made an effort in the relationship. I never made much of an effort to spend time with her. I never made much of an effort to progress the level of intimacy in our relationship. I didn't even want to have sex with her. So based on the way I acted in that relationship I pretty much acted like I didn't want the relationship.

 

I never talk about the past when she makes contact with me. Sometimes she brings up the past asking me why I don't want a child with her and why I didn't make an effort to spend time with her. She said the thing that hurts her the most was when I told her I don't want to see her more than twice a week. She said I had no passion for her and that even when we went out on dates I pretty much was just going through the motions and I looked like I wasn't there.

 

Usually we read stories about people who get dumped because they are emotionally clingy and the dumper feels smothered in the relationship. Well in my case it is the extreme opposite. I got dumped because I was hardly ever emotionally available for my ex in the first place.

 

I'm not even so sure I want her back but that's beside the point. It's a moot point. The important point is I probably couldn't get her back even if I wanted to. But I'm very careful to let her think that I'm not still hung up on the breakup by the way I interact with her. I remain neutral towards her. If she wants to talk then my door is open but I won't be encouraging nor discouraging of contact.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

I'm struggling to see the positives I'm afraid! If you truly are happy in your situation then good for you. But it sounds to me like you are at her beck and call. What is it achieving?

Link to post
Share on other sites

My idea is you wanna ex back. Other wise you have made it clear that you dont want any more contacts!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix

So you're limited contact has you hung up on a woman who dumped you three years ago and allows her to come and go at her convenience with very little payoff for you. I really don't see the upside in what you are doing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Because of what caused the breakup in the first place I feel like I have to torture myself with LC as a way to atone for not reciprocating her love for 3 years. I mean she was forced to dump me in the end. She even told me she did not want to do this and that it sucks we aren't together because she really liked me and that it was too bad I didn't love her with the same passion.

 

I was the one who was selfish in the relationship anyway so if I'm paying for it in pain now I deserve it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Because of what caused the breakup in the first place I feel like I have to torture myself with LC as a way to atone for not reciprocating her love for 3 years. I mean she was forced to dump me in the end. She even told me she did not want to do this and that it sucks we aren't together because she really liked me and that it was too bad I didn't love her with the same passion.

 

I was the one who was selfish in the relationship anyway so if I'm paying for it in pain now I deserve it.

If you say you deserve it then enjoy it dear! But if I were you I wont keep saying I should deserve it :) Buy the way limited contact even, are you willing to be a temporary bus stand for her to come in then go. you want to know my methods regarding EX. No hai or bye, no chit chat, Even if he try to talk my question is "have we ever met?" I know it sound like rude but I am not ready get my inner peace damage. :) Good luck friend

Edited by Zeurich
missing word
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yeah well that depends on what caused the breakup. You can't paint all exes with a broad brush and assume they must all be treated the same way. Breakups happen for all kinds of reasons and it is not always because of poor treatment between two people.

 

There are breakups that happen on good terms too where both partners treated each other well and are both still in love but their long term goals may have clashed. Maybe one partner has come to the realization that they want kids and the other partner doesn't or one partner wants to get married and the other doesn't or some other incompatible long term goal.

 

In my case my ex and I still have a potential for a good friendship since she wanted more out of the relationship than I was willing to give her.

 

You can't just project your ex relationship experience as something that applies as a general rule for everyone else for how to interact with an ex.

 

I don't ever want to get married so it isn't like I am doing LC with the hopes that she will one day marry me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix
Because of what caused the breakup in the first place I feel like I have to torture myself with LC as a way to atone for not reciprocating her love for 3 years. I mean she was forced to dump me in the end. She even told me she did not want to do this and that it sucks we aren't together because she really liked me and that it was too bad I didn't love her with the same passion.

 

I was the one who was selfish in the relationship anyway so if I'm paying for it in pain now I deserve it.

 

I'm sorry, this seems like self-inflicted torture for no good reason and seems pretty foolish. Because you made some mistakes during the relationship you are going to stay stuck mired in the past forever? I'm sorry, that just doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

the break up wasn't your fault. you are deluding yourself. women don't break up with men they love no matter how bad they are treated. she chose to end it and she did it because she wasn't attracted to you any longer. no doubt there was another guy.

 

stop talking to her. stop feeling guilty. tell her to **** off if it makes you feel better. just stop, you will never get anywhere with her like this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

But even if she was still attracted to me it is a moot point because I'm just going to repeat the same behavior in the relationship as before with not being passionate about her and not wanting to have sex with her. She lost the attraction because of the way I treated her. She got tired of unrequited love. If a woman loves me and I don't reciprocate then at some point she will get fed up and walk out.

 

If I did win her back then that would mean I would be under some obligation to have sex with her once we are together again. The point is that even if I succeeded in getting her back it has its disadvantages.

Edited by Darren2013
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
the break up wasn't your fault. you are deluding yourself. women don't break up with men they love no matter how bad they are treated. she chose to end it and she did it because she wasn't attracted to you any longer. no doubt there was another guy.

 

stop talking to her. stop feeling guilty. tell her to **** off if it makes you feel better. just stop, you will never get anywhere with her like this.

 

Actually there wasn't another guy at the time of the breakup. It wasn't until 2 years later when she found another boyfriend. It's only a 2 minute walk to her house and she hardly ever leaves her house so I would know if there was another guy there with her because I pay attention to the cars parked in her driveway.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
So what the hell is the point of interacting with this woman?

 

 

Why not treat her like an old friend? If I show a neutral tone towards her then she will think I'm over the breakup and see her only as an old classmate. There's no reason I would have to treat my ex any differently than an old classmate I used to go to school with.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix
Why not treat her like an old friend? If I show a neutral tone towards her then she will think I'm over the breakup and see her only as an old classmate. There's no reason I would have to treat my ex any differently than an old classmate I used to go to school with.

 

But you aren't over the breakup.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

It doesn't matter whether I am over it or not. What matters is acting like I am over it. I'm not going to do anything that might give her the satisfaction of knowing that I still carry a torch for her. The only way to do that is to act as normal as possible in conversation and pretend like we never dated. Ignoring the ex might give them the impression that I am still hurting too much to talk to them.

 

If she ever invites me to her wedding I would probably attend just to show that I can be the mature person and not take it personally that we are not together anymore.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix
It doesn't matter whether I am over it or not. What matters is acting like I am over it. I'm not going to do anything that might give her the satisfaction of knowing that I still carry a torch for her. The only way to do that is to act as normal as possible in conversation and pretend like we never dated. Ignoring the ex might give them the impression that I am still hurting too much to talk to them.

 

If she ever invites me to her wedding I would probably attend just to show that I can be the mature person and not take it personally that we are not together anymore.

 

So you're whole purpose in life is putting on a front for this woman? Once again, I'm really just not understanding what you are trying to accomplish with this whole thing. Had you gone No Contact from the jump, you'd probably be fine now and not have to put on any type of front and song and dance. But in trying to project an image to her, you've stayed bogged in the muck. I don't get it, but then again, I really don't understand anything you are trying to accomplish. Best of luck I guess.

Link to post
Share on other sites
So you're whole purpose in life is putting on a front for this woman? Once again, I'm really just not understanding what you are trying to accomplish with this whole thing. Had you gone No Contact from the jump, you'd probably be fine now and not have to put on any type of front and song and dance. But in trying to project an image to her, you've stayed bogged in the muck. I don't get it, but then again, I really don't understand anything you are trying to accomplish. Best of luck I guess.

 

+1

 

I agree. I don't understand the purpose of LC whatsoever. It just keeps you bogged down... there is no point in responding at all if it causes you pain in the long run. Just move on from her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...