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I had sex with my EX


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So, me and my EX who I have a child with, the girl I'm in love with.

She's the love of my life, and due to some complications in our relationship, we ended up splitting up, I believe it was for the best, it helped us come closer to each other since then and we have better communication now as well. Well, shes been dating someone else, but the guy was a rebound, she even said he was, but it went too far and she feels stuck and doesn't want to be with the guy. She's only with him because she has no where to live and he can give her a place and help her out, but she wants to be with me, even so I did cut her off due to her commitment with another man. She was hurt, but I did tell her I loved her and things between us wouldn't change even if we couldn't be as close anymore and one day we could pick up where we left off when the time was right and nothing will have changed between us. Well, I can't give her a place because i've been unemployed and have had alot of trouble finding work, and i'm just now getting back on my feet, but I was forced to move back in with my parents. If not for being with this other guy she would be homeless and have nothing, so, I completely understand her situation and hold nothing against her, especially since I can't give her what she needs financially, but I am about to have an amazing paying job that i've been working my ass off to get.

After a month of not having much to do with each other, I went over to see her mainly due to our daughter and she said she wanted to talk about something. She didn't cut to the chase when I was sitting there, So, I asked her what she wanted to talk about. She said she didn't want to say it anymore. and after asking why, she said it wasn't important, and I told her anything she has to say was important. She said she only wanted to tell me how much she missed me and all she wants is it to be us together again. But we both know that can't happen because of our situation with her being homeless, and she hates she has to live with this guy because she wants to be with me and feels stuck.

Well, I laid on the bed, and she came and laid down as well. She started laying on my chest and wrapped her leg around mine, so, I put my hand on her back and kind of rubbed it, and she did this thing she does with her hand when she's turned on, So, we ended up having sex....twice actually. It wasn't just sex though, it was more passionate than just sex, I could tell she had alot of feelings during our intercourse and truly loved me. I thought I wouldn't see sex the same because of her being with another man, but honestly, it didn't bother me at all, all I could experience and think about was this person I'm madly in love with and I could tell she was doing the same.

Does anyone think me having sex with her is the best decision? We obviously both want each other very much, but with her being in a commitment I tried not to disrespect that. So, should we give our hearts what they truly want and continue to be together, even though it would be in secret until I can give her more and we're in the position to be in a relationship, or keep things cut off still?

It's a tough decision when we both want each other so much, but due to certain circumstances, it makes it tough.

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but with her being in a commitment I tried not to disrespect that.

 

:rolleyes: Oh please, no need to lie on the internet.

 

I must admit that I'm slightly suspicious how she suddenly wants you back now that you're about to get an 'amazingly paid job'.

How long have you two been together prior to the breakup, and when did she get pregnant?

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:rolleyes: Oh please, no need to lie on the internet.

 

I must admit that I'm slightly suspicious how she suddenly wants you back now that you're about to get an 'amazingly paid job'.

How long have you two been together prior to the breakup, and when did she get pregnant?

 

Well, I did try to respect it, that's why I cut things off with her, but I had no intentions of that happening when that happened, but it did.

Well, shes wanted to be with me before I had this job lined up, and she doesn't know it's a good paying job, she actually doesn't even know i'm going to have the job. The thing keeping her from being with me is having to live on the street, I've even caught her crying about having to live with this guy and us not being together. She's just really torn about not being able to be with me and her family.

Well, before the break up we were together for 2 years, but another 5 before that as bestfriends. She got pregnant around a year after us being in an official relationship.

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travelbug1996

Dude please don't have sex with her in another man's bed. That's putting yourself in a real dangerous situation. You have to know that wasn't cool.

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hoping2heal
So, me and my EX who I have a child with, the girl I'm in love with.

She's the love of my life, and due to some complications in our relationship, we ended up splitting up, I believe it was for the best, it helped us come closer to each other since then and we have better communication now as well. Well, shes been dating someone else, but the guy was a rebound, she even said he was, but it went too far and she feels stuck and doesn't want to be with the guy. She's only with him because she has no where to live and he can give her a place and help her out, but she wants to be with me, even so I did cut her off due to her commitment with another man. She was hurt, but I did tell her I loved her and things between us wouldn't change even if we couldn't be as close anymore and one day we could pick up where we left off when the time was right and nothing will have changed between us. Well, I can't give her a place because i've been unemployed and have had alot of trouble finding work, and i'm just now getting back on my feet, but I was forced to move back in with my parents. If not for being with this other guy she would be homeless and have nothing, so, I completely understand her situation and hold nothing against her, especially since I can't give her what she needs financially, but I am about to have an amazing paying job that i've been working my ass off to get.

After a month of not having much to do with each other, I went over to see her mainly due to our daughter and she said she wanted to talk about something. She didn't cut to the chase when I was sitting there, So, I asked her what she wanted to talk about. She said she didn't want to say it anymore. and after asking why, she said it wasn't important, and I told her anything she has to say was important. She said she only wanted to tell me how much she missed me and all she wants is it to be us together again. But we both know that can't happen because of our situation with her being homeless, and she hates she has to live with this guy because she wants to be with me and feels stuck.

Well, I laid on the bed, and she came and laid down as well. She started laying on my chest and wrapped her leg around mine, so, I put my hand on her back and kind of rubbed it, and she did this thing she does with her hand when she's turned on, So, we ended up having sex....twice actually. It wasn't just sex though, it was more passionate than just sex, I could tell she had alot of feelings during our intercourse and truly loved me. I thought I wouldn't see sex the same because of her being with another man, but honestly, it didn't bother me at all, all I could experience and think about was this person I'm madly in love with and I could tell she was doing the same.

Does anyone think me having sex with her is the best decision? We obviously both want each other very much, but with her being in a commitment I tried not to disrespect that. So, should we give our hearts what they truly want and continue to be together, even though it would be in secret until I can give her more and we're in the position to be in a relationship, or keep things cut off still?

It's a tough decision when we both want each other so much, but due to certain circumstances, it makes it tough.

 

She sounds like a gem.

 

I don't know what either one of you expect to get doing crap like this. Though, obviously her integrity is non existent and she has no trouble messing with minds to get what she wants. That's going to bite you ass eventually when it's you she turns on.

 

What I basically read is, your girlfriend is an overgrown woman child. She can't be with you in a legitimate way right now because instead of using her time to better herself and her situation such as get an education, learn a trade, or get a job she bones for room and board.

Edited by hoping2heal
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You guys are being really hard on him. He is heartbroken and I am betting that she might have been fooling around with this other guy while she was with the OP. If so he owes the other guy absolutely no respect whatsoever. I actually think the other guy might have had it coming.

 

But if this other guy took a woman and child in after the OP's initial breakup and is paying to support another mans child then I really feel bad for the poor bastard.

 

I feel really sorry for both of these guys and in a way partially for the girl too. I mean if you had a child that was about to be homeless along with you then you have to do what you have to do. Your kid comes first no matter who's feelings get hurt...

 

That all being said. Yes she is a user and I think that both of these guys are totally screwed and are going to get burned.

 

What was your living situation before you broke up? How fast after your breakup did she move in with this guy? Was she seeing him while you were still with her?

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Dude please don't have sex with her in another man's bed. That's putting yourself in a real dangerous situation. You have to know that wasn't cool.

 

She's actually living with a friend right now, and it was actually her bed lol. She's not living with the guy right now, but will be soon. She tells me she doesn't want to live with this guy and feels stuck and lost, and wants us to be together with out family, so, do you think the sex is wrong on both of our parts?

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She sounds like a gem.

 

I don't know what either one of you expect to get doing crap like this. Though, obviously her integrity is non existent and she has no trouble messing with minds to get what she wants. That's going to bite you ass eventually when it's you she turns on.

 

What I basically read is, your girlfriend is an overgrown woman child. She can't be with you in a legitimate way right now because instead of using her time to better herself and her situation such as get an education, learn a trade, or get a job she bones for room and board.

 

I'm not going to lie, she is far from not being a whore. But shes been on her own since she was 13 and had to use other guys from that point on to get by, and she feels like that's what she has to do to get by. I know she feels ashamed for doing it, I know she's miserable being with this guy, but she feels stuck. I just want to take her away from all of that because she deserves so much better. She's currently working, but she has no car and nothing was going right for her, and after some problems in our relationship and we weren't together, she used this guy as a rebound. She said it went too far and now she feels stuck because she has no options. And yes, she did use the guy and still is. She pretty much put a leash around her neck and gave this guy the leash to lead her in her own life because she feels it's too much, so she's using him for the comfort of some stability. She is using her body to get what she wants, she takes no value in herself or body due to past experiences. She's really working hard to get somewhere for our daughter, all she wants is to be a great mother; even though she does want to be with me and have a family, she feels stuck. We both know she can't be with me right now, if she's with me, she'll have no where to live because I can't give her a place and I can't provide for her, but we both want each other so bad and I know its been getting to her. So, was the sex wrong? or should I have kept things cut off? She's 19 as well, and i'm 21.

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You guys are being really hard on him. He is heartbroken and I am betting that she might have been fooling around with this other guy while she was with the OP. If so he owes the other guy absolutely no respect whatsoever. I actually think the other guy might have had it coming.

 

But if this other guy took a woman and child in after the OP's initial breakup and is paying to support another mans child then I really feel bad for the poor bastard.

 

I feel really sorry for both of these guys and in a way partially for the girl too. I mean if you had a child that was about to be homeless along with you then you have to do what you have to do. Your kid comes first no matter who's feelings get hurt...

 

That all being said. Yes she is a user and I think that both of these guys are totally screwed and are going to get burned.

 

What was your living situation before you broke up? How fast after your breakup did she move in with this guy? Was she seeing him while you were still with her?

 

Thank you for understanding, that's exactly it.

But we were not together, Even though she never told me about her being with someone else, which did hurt me when I found out. She was already in a relationship when I started getting really close to her again, and she wanted to be with me, but didn't want to risk losing the opportunity of not living on the street. So, she kept it from me. she literally has only been using this guy so she's able to take care of our daughter. She was this guys first everything, hes had really bad self esteem issues, and he knew of nothing that was going on, I do feel bad for the guy in a sense because she is only using him and manipulating him and I know he will be hurt in the end, but when it comes to being with her i'm honestly only looking out for myself. She also completely keeps this guy hidden from everyone, he's almost non existent in her life, other than maybe seeing each other once a week. She's obviously only giving him just enough to get what she needs.

 

We were living with my parents for a little while, and due to her and my family not getting along, she had to leave. She ended up living with a friend and it got to where I couldn't spend time with her anymore, and I had lost my job some months prior and didn't have success in getting one. So, the hopes of me doing much to give her what she needed was gone. She was on her own and did what she had to do, so, i'm not holding it against her, because I understand.

She hasn't moved in with the guy yet because she's currently living with a friend, but only has a few weeks left to live there and has been trying to avoid having to live with him as long as possible, but she started seeing the guy 3 or more months after the break up. No, she wasn't seeing him before the break up, she was talking to him every so often only because he was friends with her dad. Well, after we weren't together and I wasn't giving her any attention, the only person she had left was her dad, and he ended up moving 7 hours away and she had no one, and she found comfort in him and took to him like a rebound, but shes made it apparent she regrets it because it went too far, farther than what she wanted. She told me she only wanted to feel special again, and he made her feel that way, but now she feels stuck.

 

btw, i've already been burned by all of this. I'm completely over the situation and we're just doing ourselves for now, even though we do long for each other all the time and miss each other alot, but I can't give her much when she has that commitment. That's why i'm wonder if having sex with her was a good option, I know it's making our feelings stronger for each other, but in our current situation I feel like it might make things harder.

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seekingpeaceinlove

Good Gawd there is so much going on here I don't know where to begin..

 

KEY POINT: You two have a child together but you both cannot even support yourselves at this point.

 

You and your ex's main focus right now should be to hustle and make money so that you both can support your daughter. Hustle so that your ex can become independent and not have to use someone for a place to live.

 

Yes, it was 100% wrong to have sex with your ex. Odd that you even had to ask. She's in a relationship regardless of whether her heart is in it or not. Don't make this situation more complicated than it already is and put a pause on the relationship. Channel your energy into becoming financially independent so that you can support a family.

 

If you can't support her and she can't support herself, imagine what would happen if her bf found out about the cheating and refused to let her move in... According to your post, your ex would be homeless.

 

Ethics aside, be smart.

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Good Gawd there is so much going on here I don't know where to begin..

 

KEY POINT: You two have a child together but you both cannot even support yourselves at this point.

 

You and your ex's main focus right now should be to hustle and make money so that you both can support your daughter. Hustle so that your ex can become independent and not have to use someone for a place to live.

 

Yes, it was 100% wrong to have sex with your ex. Odd that you even had to ask. She's in a relationship regardless of whether her heart is in it or not. Don't make this situation more complicated than it already is and put a pause on the relationship. Channel your energy into becoming financially independent so that you can support a family.

 

If you can't support her and she can't support herself, imagine what would happen if her bf found out about the cheating and refused to let her move in... According to your post, your ex would be homeless.

 

Ethics aside, be smart.

 

Awesome reply.

That's what we're currently working towards, is bettering ourselves for our child so we can have that family together again.

Yeah, I already feel terrible that she's in this situation she doesn't want to be in. The guy already treats her like **** pretty much and looks down on her. I just want to take her away from that lifestyle she's living once and for all so she can have the her family that she wants so much.

The relationship has been on pause, and I insisted we can't be as close for the time being, so, I didn't expect the sex to happen, but I can't say I regret it though, but again I will continue to keep things on hold between us until it's right.

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Is she the type to get a job? I guess I mean even if you both had to just take crappy jobs right now to get into your own apartment would she? Its your kid right? So if she had to work you would have no problem watching the child right? I am just curious to see if she is willing to work at all to help herself get out of this situation.

 

i'm not going to judge because its really easy to sit back and say do this do that but I used to be really judgmental till I ran into a rough patch in life. I always had a good paying full time job and its easy to sit back and say to stop being lazy and get a job but its not like you can walk into McDonalds today and instantly make enough money to put first and last month and security deposit down for an apartment.

 

It sounds like you both got stuck in a crap situation. I think the only advice to you would be to go get any work you can. Even if its 2 or 3 part time jobs right now and get an apartment which I know might take a few months but you said she still has some time to live with her friend and then you will see where her head is.

 

If you are willing to do that and she still gives you any kind of excuse at all why the 2 of you can't be together then run as fast as you can from this girl.

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Is she the type to get a job? I guess I mean even if you both had to just take crappy jobs right now to get into your own apartment would she? Its your kid right? So if she had to work you would have no problem watching the child right? I am just curious to see if she is willing to work at all to help herself get out of this situation.

 

i'm not going to judge because its really easy to sit back and say do this do that but I used to be really judgmental till I ran into a rough patch in life. I always had a good paying full time job and its easy to sit back and say to stop being lazy and get a job but its not like you can walk into McDonalds today and instantly make enough money to put first and last month and security deposit down for an apartment.

 

It sounds like you both got stuck in a crap situation. I think the only advice to you would be to go get any work you can. Even if its 2 or 3 part time jobs right now and get an apartment which I know might take a few months but you said she still has some time to live with her friend and then you will see where her head is.

 

If you are willing to do that and she still gives you any kind of excuse at all why the 2 of you can't be together then run as fast as you can from this girl.

 

Yeah, she's been working pretty hard to get ahead, even though she doesn't make ****, she's barely able to save much of anything at the end of the month, and once she moves in with this guy she'll be stuck in her situation due to making the commitment to help pay for the place and she's scared of that because she knows she doesn't want that. Right now, the job agent i'm getting the job through is so busy he never has time to send me the **** I need, so a simple process has taken a month so far to do.

Yeah, I keep completely understand the situation and am not holding anything against her and would be willing to give her a chance at some point again when we're ready, but I will not be second best.

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