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Reconnecting with a prior relationship?


secondchances

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secondchances

Don't know where to start. I got out of a 4 year relationship a while ago and this lady was the first date I got after the breakup. Simply, she was amazing and I felt much better initial chemistry with her than my ex. If love at first meet exists this was it for me. I was loving every minute of our dates but after a month she told me she wanted to break it off cold turkey stating she felt she was going to be too busy for a relationship soon (She does 80ish hour workweeks during the schoolyear, even right now she probably does around 60) and that it was a mistake to have looked for anyone because it made her feel guilty since I would kinda have to schedule around her's. I pleaded with her a bit to give it more time and that I didn't mind the schedule thing at all but her crying was getting worse (she started off the whole thing in tears) so I just gave her a warm hug and wished her well.

 

 

A few weeks have passed since but I'm still heads over heels for her. I've been on dates with other women since but nothing past date 1, good people but just so lacking compared to her. I won't get specific about it but we share very similar activity groups and I'm almost certain we'll see each other again whether either of us want it or not. I REALLY want us to try again but can't imagine this stuff ends up well. I don't know if I could avoid asking us to get back together if I saw her again. Advice?...Anything?...

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hmm hard to read into this one because she was crying.

 

 

It seems as though there is more going on here then just work. I've worked 80 hour weeks before for long periods of time. I dated during that time and I would MAKE time for people I was interested in. I was so interested in an ex that I went with out sleep to see her.

 

 

Now would all people go that far? No.. But still.. It seems there is something more to this.. What who knows? Maybe she is really career oriented and wants to get that career some place before dating. She might really feel it would not be fair to you.

 

 

The simple truth is the only option you have is to try.. How you go about trying depends on the relationship you had with her. You might call her and see how she is doing.

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pssh.. my ex was crying when he broke up. I haven't heard from him in almost 4 months. That doesn't mean anything.

 

I'd say, if you reach out, don't stop dating other women. Be honest and upfront about it.

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secondchances

Sorry, by 'work' I mean she's a graduate student so a lot of lab time, studying, thesis writing, etc. in addition to her RA duties. She's not quite in a true career yet. We're also both mid 20s.

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secondchances
pssh.. my ex was crying when he broke up. I haven't heard from him in almost 4 months. That doesn't mean anything.

 

I'd say, if you reach out, don't stop dating other women. Be honest and upfront about it.

Yes I'm keep trying, another gal on Sunday but I wouldn't exactly consider it a date. Be honest and upfront with breakup girl though? How exactly would I do that? Tell her "yeah I've dated a few but none of them have been as great as you"?

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I think they are suggesting you just be honest about your feelings with your ex. Not what you have been up too. If she asks you then yeah tell her you've gone on a few dates.

 

 

I really think your only option is to tell her how you truly feel. But be prepared for her to say no.

 

 

She might feel exactly like you do but she feels it's not fair to you. You wont know until you try and talk to her. If she turns it down you need to move on with your life.

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i don't really think anyone is too busy for a relationship. good ones are so hard to find that they aren't thrown away for some reason. there is likely something that put her off from you - perhaps the fact that you are recently out a new relationship and she doesn't want to be a rebound? or maybe she just wasn't feeling it to the degree you were? the crying could just be sadness that she had to tell you bad news and not regret that it was over. i would want to be left alone. if i told a guy i was too busy it would mean i wasn't interested and if he kept pursuing it would be a bother. unless she approaches you i wouldn't go for it again, just keep it friendly if you happen to meet at events and continue trying to find a match. you just got out of a break-up, so why go out with someone again who isn't 100% into you? asking for trouble.

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I have to agree with dorkvader. You have to be honest with her without sounding like you are begging or needy. I guess my question for you is Is her work suffering by trying to fit you in? I flunked out of school because I met "my soulmate" before. She was very overbearing and hard to say no to and it was mostly because I didn't want to say no. By say no I mean spending time with her. Maybe you can tell her you feel a strong connection to her and just wanna date her. No relationship and no pressure. Just someone to hang out with once in a while. You do have to make her believe that you aren't going to take up a huge part of her time.

 

But like dorkvader says, this one is pretty hard to call. Unless she is an emotional wreck all the time. Hey if you want to even try sending her flowers to her lab maybe she will have a girlfriend that sees them and tells her to get off her ass and give you another chance.

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