EX Contacted Back, Now Stucked in the middle, me!

[Traindreck]

Here is what happened : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/457778-differences-between-dumped-hot-gf-decent-gf#post5494460

 

In short : My first lovely girlfriend dumped me in January after 1 year of great releationship cause she said she needed space and she could not take seriousness of relationships (she did 3 releationship in a row in 3 years) and she was going to be a lawyer after finishing her school so she was depressed.

 

I went NC immidiately cause it looked the best opinion to solve issue.

 

She contacted me back after 2.5 months, in my birthday for first time with a mail. A simple and nice mail. I sent a reply to her "thanks." then no reply at all.

 

After a time later, like 1 month, she contacted me via Facebook like "hello, how are you?" I knew rules of NC but i could not resist ot reply and we started to discuss everything then i met with her.

 

After seeing her for first time, i was not looking good and she was bad either. stressed. Then we started to talk little chat on Facebook time to time.

 

And finally, after a point we started to meet up like lovers again. Two times in week, going to classy places, drinking wine, romantic and sexy talks, sometimes better than ex relationship.

 

But my plan went wront cause i thought we could re-concile again, she said it is impossible and she is not thinking to start a relationship with me again. She said she loves to going out with me, she loves me more than anybody else in her life, she goes out with me instaed of his tight friends caues we get along REALLY good, but whenever i try to open a re-concile think, she is like "look, i really dont want to give hope to you, if you think that or if that thing makes you sad, we can cut off the contact, i can understand"

 

what she puts on the table is : she thinks if we re-concile again, it will be a disaster after a while then we will lose ourselves to forever, i can understnad her. she reduces the bad sides of releationship including jelaousy, anger and other stuffs and we still keep our friendship at the max. level but i want her. i want to touch her, i want to kiss her and this is what makes everything complicated for me.

 

this makes me sad. she is looking very happy with me. really. now i dont want to lose her again cause if i leave her, this time it will be totally over (i guess) on the otherhand, i love to go outside with her but i cannot hold her hands or cannot touch her. i adore her but this thing started to kill me and i dont know to what to do.

 

please help.

 

thanks.

 

t.

Edited July 26, 2014 by Traindreck

[lop98]

The attention you give her is comforting for her, that's why she keeps contacting you, the moment she starts craving it, she knows you're still so easily available and ready to make her feel desired and not entirely alone. There's also the familiarity. She may never want you as an actual boyfriend again but she's willing to give you false hopes because the attention feels good for her ego.

 

I'm sure she's not a bad person, but she's demonstrating that her need for comfort is much more important than hurting you.

 

And no, you don't know the rules of NC, because if you did, she wouldn't even have a way of getting in touch with you whenever she feels like it. Just block and remove this person, at least for a year until your hopes die down and you have the clarity to determine if she's even worth keeping around later in life.

[flight E]

First the reason y people never get there ex's back is simply because you are not over them. U are still emotionally invested. When you are emotionally invested, it's no longer the fun game that seduction should be. If it was, you will never ask her to reconcile. She will be the one to. To get an ex back, especially a girl, you must have a plan.

 

Let me give you a plan you can implement if you have the fortitude to. The next time she calls and you guys plan to go out ask her if you can bring a friend along. Get a pretty friend she does not know. Pay attention to both of them. Listen more when the other girl is talking. After this never bring up reconciliation again remain friendly but unavailable. Mostly be ready to lose her