Walked away after big argument, regretting it now...

[DK666]

Hi, apologies for the sprawl of text.

 

I broke up with my girlfriend on the 10th July, so 12 days ago at the time of this email. The relationship up till that point had been pretty much perfect, we had only had one small bump and it got sorted within a day or two, we are both 35 years old (she has two children, I have none) and next month was to be our 1 year anniversary, we were planning to go away, and we were talking about the future all the time.

 

My ex came from long term marriage where she was emotionally and physically abused. She said it was at this point that she just learnt to shut down her emotions so she wouldn't have to deal with anything that comes up, she just ignores it and hope it will go away. About 2 months after her marriage breakup, she found herself in a situation where she did something she regretted with her sister's husband, she said it only happened once, but he messaged her a bit about it afterwards. I am the only one she has ever told about it, she has felt deep regret and guilt ever since.

 

Since I found out about that incident, I had expressed discomfort at her spending a lot of time over there with them, especially when they are drinking. She said she understood this and was making efforts not to make me uncomfortable.

 

On the night of our breakup, I had gone round to hers after finding out I had missed out on some work, so I wasn't very happy to start with. We sat down and I told her about it, this is when she turned to me and said she had booked a holiday away with her sister and brother-in-law for a week right around the time we had meant to be going away together. I became very upset but she insisted we could still go away together. I said a few things I regret about trust and being honest and I asked her to cancel it, but she refused. I asked her if she cared more about this holiday than our relationship and she still refused to cancel the holiday.

 

I start gathering my things up and was getting ready to walk out of the door, we got to her doorstep still arguing and she wouldn't compromise at all. I overreacted and threw my keys down on the floor, which really scared her. I have since found out from her best friend that this was the moment she decided it was over.

 

We talked in person for a little while over the next few days where I made all the usual mistakes begging and pleading etc, it looked like she was thinking about it a lot but she kept saying no.

 

The mains things she said to me were:

 

"I don't want to be in a relationship with you, or anyone, i want to make time for my kids in the way that i didn't after my marriage breakup"

 

"I know I overreacted, and I know you deserve a second chance, but I'm not going to give you one"

 

"Yesterday I really wanted to get up and cuddle you, today I don't"

 

"You deserve someone who can treat you better, please move on"

 

and this is the one that got me;

"I know that if we talk we'll end up getting back together"

 

On the third day, she agreed to go on a coffee date with me the following week, but she texted the next day saying that she really didn't want to try again and to please move on.

 

I have spoken to her best friend, and she has since told me that my ex has told her that she doesn't want to try again (this was only yesterday, so 11 days after the breakup). She said that my ex seems to want to not be on her own. I made out that I was fine with it and that I hoped she wouldn't be uncomfortable talking to me at some point in the future, and the friend said that she needed more time, she wasn't ready to talk to me yet.

 

My ex has also started becoming more active on Facebook, saying how she's had such a great weekend and is looking forward to the holidays (she's a preschool teacher, so 6 weeks off over the summer here in the UK). She is also sharing more funny videos etc. She is not usually this active on Facebook.

 

She asked for NC at the start, and besides the few talks immediately after the break, a couple of accidental sightings as we live in the same town, we haven't contacted each other.

 

I am taking time during the NC phase to better myself and keep busy, but of course I'm terrified that I've lost her completely after all this. She has made it seem so final, even though I made the mistake of breaking up and walking away, she refuses to give it another chance. She said she was scared it would happen again, bearing in mind that I have never hit her, never cheated on her, never even really raised my voice to her. I had just had a combo of bad things hit me together in the same day.

 

Is there any hope at all in this situation?