Plab Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 (edited) Hi all, need your comments here. My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me a month ago. He broke me up because I always pissed off at him on lots of little things recently. Also, he though I am giving enough. he said he didn't have the capacity to deal with any dramas anymore. The night that we broke up, I didn't say anything and just left. I thought I would be ok with it and maybe we are just not meant to be. But, for the past few weeks I kept thinking about what he said. Half year before I met my boyfriend, I went through a nasty broke up with my fiancée. For the 4 years of that relationship, that jerk be little me, cheated on me and criticized me in any way.After all the messes, we broke up and I have been hiding myself from anyone for 4 months - didn't go out with my friends, just lay in bed and cry. Right before 2 months I met with my man, I decided I need to get on my feet and get back my life. I became active again and then I met my current boyfriend. My boyfriend and I develop steadily. During for first half, I still needed to have certain contact with my ex as we needed to sell the joint apartment. I didn't hide this with my boyfriend but for sure he didn't know the full details about the nasty history. I wanted to have a fresh start with my boyfriend and to leave the past in the past. this year, I had some major change in my life and the pressure stress me out again. Without the proper sleep, my mood swing became very serious. I was going to tell my boyfriend about this... But I didn't have a chance. I used to be a very giving girlfriend. That nasty relationship changed me. I was being protective in the current relationship. For a lot of times, I was planning to do something to show my affection but I just gave up because I didn't want to scare him away and get hurt. My boyfriend is a nice, mature guy. He always nice to me and never threw a temper to me. After a few weeks of consideration, I decided to tell him all the truth. It is silly to push away a good person like him. We met last week and I told him everything. He said he didnt want to do the on and off again relationship as he tried once with other girl and it ended badly. And, I must get back together by myself. So he suggested i take the time alone to get back myself and find the way to deal with my hurting & pressure. When I find back my peace of mind after, we can talk and let's see. if I need any help or need someone to talk to, he said I can find him. I am doing the soul searching now and hope can get back myself ASAP. Did he really mean it when he said we will see after I work on myself or he just politely to turn down the reconciliation? Should I maintain some sort of contact or just give him space? Edited July 22, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 I found the No Contact Guide yesterday. I think it was in someone's signature line. You need to read it. According to the guide, you don't initiate contact or start the 'can we get back together' talk. The one who breaks up, has to do that. Coming from you, it's needy, clingy desperate and unwanted. And he is keeping you at arm's length. At a safe distance. So he suggested i take the time alone to get back myself and find the way to deal with my hurting past & pressure. How long is this going to take? 3 days? A week? A month? A year? 10 years? See? Nice and vague. No time limit. He has no intention of reconciling with you, because a recovery from a broken state has no time factor. You desperately need to find that guide and read it. No good will come of continued to-ing and fro-ing. You need to consider this over, luvie, and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 I found the No Contact Guide yesterday. I think it was in someone's signature line. ...... You desperately need to find that guide and read it. I found it, it's here. I would also add it to my signature line, but there's no link facility when I go to try to add it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Plab Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 I have to heal for myself anyway. Otherwise there is the same result for my future relationship. I don't know how much time I need, but I know I am the the half way. I though this is depended on myself. When I am ready then reach out to him. I though he didn't know what happened and the honest policy was the best to do. So, I just gave up and move on now? I was originally plan to ask him out after a few months for catch up but will not talk about the get back together thing again. He knew everything now and I don't need to mention it again. At that time, if he see the changes and we both feel right, we will get back neutrally. I don't know if this is the right choice to handle this way. Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Did you take the time to heal after you break up of the 4 year relationship/engagement? 6 months seems quick to be getting into a healthy relationship after somethings like that without some healing, introspection, and growth? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Plab Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 6 months to heal.... For the last 2 months I just completely shut the jerk out of my life... So, it seems I messed up this one now. Right guy in a wrong timing. Don't know if I should give up him or still work on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Give up. THings will never be the same again. This will always be on your mind. Why go back to something broken, when the cracks still show? leave it alone, and shut the door on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts