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Will I likely hear from her?


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This girl and I have known each other over a year. She texted me within days of me giving her my business card. There was immediate attraction.

 

But there was always an on-again-off-again boyfriend in the background. We've been out a few times since we met, and a month ago we had sex and she spent the night, then took me out for breakfast and walked around the city for a while. She sort of got a little distant after that, so I asked her to call me about three weeks ago and she did within a couple of hours and I basically said to her,

 

"Look, I have a great time when I'm with you and we really connect. I'd like to date you and explore this with you, but I'm getting the sense that this isn't the right time. I'm putting the ball in your court. Get in touch with me when you're single and available and if I'm still single, we can pick this up again."

 

She told me she really likes me and she'd totally date me, and she was trying to get out of a bad situation with this ex, but doesn't feel free to date right now. So we said our goodbyes after that, but we're still connected on LinkedIn, so she'll be reminded of me from time to time.

 

It's been three weeks, and haven't heard anything. Obviously, I haven't said anything at all. No texts, no calls, no LinkedIn or anything else. Thoughts?

 

I'll add that she has gotten distant before. The first time was when we first started hanging out. She asked me to call her and I did, and she told me it wasn't the right time. I said good luck, ball's in your court. She got in touch six days later on a Saturday night, but I was out of town. Then she got unresponsive over last summer while I was working out of town for a few weeks, but she had Read Receipts on her texts. I sent one after ten days of silence just to say hello, she read it, and ignored it, so I said the same thing, good luck, wish you the best. Went silent for three weeks, then she reached out, which led to a date when I got back into town and some serious making out.

 

Things got in the way between about October and February, but there's been pretty regular contact since February, and then we saw each other a couple times in May before she started going quiet again and I told her to get in touch when she's actually single and ready to date me.

 

Finally, she knew why I wanted to talk to her on the phone before she called me, I had told her via text. She called me right when she said she would, which I doubt she would have done had she not wanted to hear it. Also, she thanked me for being vulnerable and telling her what I wanted.

Edited by JimmyB26
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PhillyConnection23

Every relationship is different because every person is unique.

 

My recommendation would be to move on and be thankful this happened before you were emotionally invested in the other person. If things change and she reaches out to you, by all means go for it.

 

Timing is a significant factor in any relationship. When people that say "if they really wanted to be with you, they would", I see that as an excuse and ignores just how varied the human mind is. People over think everything (hell, that is the only reason this forum exists) and maybe she is just really waiting until the right time to be the person she wants to be.

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I know, that "they would be with you if they wanted to" is kind of silly.

 

The fact is, I know this guy is on the way out. I'm not in any rush timewise; in fact, I think it's much more important to be clear in your intent and love someone in a way where they feel free to make their own choices, rather than manipulate or cajole or pursue.

 

Isn't it more attractive when a man has the stones to express that he wants to a woman with a take it or leave it attitude and says "get in touch when you're single"?

 

Furthermore, she didn't try to friendzone me as a way to keep me around, because we both know that's inauthentic. The relationship dynamic has changed and the latent attraction has been expressed. She couldn't just hang out with me now because if she's see-sawing between me and the ex, I represent too much of a risk of succumbing to temptation once again.

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PhillyConnection23

I'm not sure what I would find more attractive.

 

On one hand I see your reasoning but the other I also see "this guy may be moving a little fast for me right now."

 

But if you lay out your intentions and then back off, I think it is a strategy that most people would appreciate.

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Right, well it's not only about the possibility of moving a little fast. That may be the way it's received in the moment, but women's feelings change by the minute. It's setting a boundary.

 

It's more about being fair to me and protecting myself. I'm a catch, I don't want to waste my time, so if there's someone else in the picture, I'm not going to be, and it's up to her to change that.

 

Not many guys would stand up for themselves and walk away, which will make the difference.

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