Not quite sure

[the.scientist]

Hi there.

 

I apologize if this message is too long. But I feel that people need to hear the full story to fully understand the extent of the relationship.

 

I hope someone replies this message because I am in dire need of help and I'm feeling so distraught about this...

 

Short version

 

I was in a beautiful loving long distance relationship with a girl for 3 months after getting to know her for 2 months. It was my most serious relationship and deep relationship ever even though it was an LDR. We genuinely love each other.

 

However, during the third month my depression issues arised again due to my studies (I am in my final semester of my degree). And it got very serious that I had to see a doctor. I genuinely felt that I needed to push the people I care about and deal with it alone, because I didnt want them to see me like this and I didn't want to upset them. So I pushed away even though I still loved her so much.

 

She got really upset and we mutually decided to break up but be still be talking and very affectionate. She wanted to get back together a few times, but I told her I can't for the moment, because of my issues and I was afraid I would hurt her so badly again. I needed to go through my final semester and deal with the problems of my studies to finally graduate and finaaaally be happy.

 

She then decided that she had to break it off with me. She deleted me on all social networking media and blocked me on facebook because she thought I didn't have feelings for her and she thought by erasing me out of her life entirely she could move on.

 

I tried to let her go for the first few days, but it was so hard. I know I loved her so much and for the first time in my life, this is a girl that I genuinely can see myself with her in the future. So I tried fighting back for her.

 

I tried messaging her about how I genuinely feel. and by this time, I managed to get my studies back on track and I can genuinely see myself graduating in a month from now and finally be rid of my depression problems with my degree. I told her about how sorry I am that I let this affect the relationship and I have changed and am willing to change even more to make this work.

 

And she reads the messages but it's been a month since I've tried to fight back for her, but she has not directly replied me. The only ''replies'' I can see is through her status messages, which on the first week said ''I don't know...'' regarding us. A week later it was ''You only know you love her when you let her go..'' and two weeks ago she changed it to, ''in limbo'' meaning she isn't sure if she wants to move on or not..

 

Still no direct reply though.

 

Do you think she's moved on from me? Should I stop messaging her? This feeling of not knowing what she thinks is killing me a live. I told her that, if she really has no feelings for me or if she thinks that this has no future, she could message me so, so that I know what she thinks, or she should even block me on the app so that I know we have no future together, but she hasn't done that, and she still reads my messages. I don't know what to do...

 

Full version

 

Well....you see... Back at the end of last year, I met this really amazing girl. Well I wasn't looking for anything other than friends really. But as we started talking and hanging out more...we really did click. One thing led to another and well...we started flirting with each other. Now the issue is...that she was here on holiday and she works in a neighbouring country. I was not really a strong believer or LDRs. And I realized the flirting was really moving to somewhere serious. So before it got very serious, I had to tell her that I don't really like LDRs. She was a little upset but she was glad I told her early on. And so she left and we remained as friends.

 

Unfortunately...when two people who are really attracted to each other try to be friends, you know its hard...we eventually started flirting again.

 

Now...I was really really into her at this point. But.. There was something about me that I was hiding. Actually I try to hide this thing to most people and only my closest of friends know this about me...

 

For the past two years due to my major, I have been having really bad depression and anxiety issues. And it was really serious that I had to go see a doctor and even extend my semester for a year. I should have graduated by now. Basically I hate what I'm studying but I can't really afford to do another degree so I felt no had no way out.

 

So...before it got really serious... I felt.. I had to tell her about this. And I did. I mean if I can barely ever take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of another girl?

 

To my surprise.... She said she only liked me more now because I opened up to her and she wanted to help me get through this. I was really happy to hear this and we started an LDR early this year.

 

The first 2 months were amazing. We would be talking to each other literally every minute of the day through text or voice message. And when she comes back from work we would Skype for hours. Really it could go up to 6 or 7 hours. It really felt like something very deep for both of us cos we really connected. And we weren't just talking about random mundane things, we literally poured our heart and soul to each other. and we both realized, that what we had was something special And well...we both confessed that we loved each other.

 

The thing is around the start of March, My depression problems arised again. My final year project was going really really bad and I was having really bad anxiety attacks about it. There are points where I could literally feel a rush of pain when i get over anxious and it would make me unable to do anything. And I generally felt in a very depressed mood.

 

I realize when I get depressed, I tend to push away the people I care about the most. I just wanted to be alone... So unfortunately I kind of did push her away as well

 

 

I was generally not happy...and she tried her best to cheer me up. But it didn't really work. One day...I did the most stupid thing ever..

I told her we were moving a little too fast and I took back my words about loving her. I know I didn't really mean it. But, I didn't want her to keep on seeing me this way and I just wanted to be alone. I felt I was being a burden to all the people that cared too much about me, even family. So I just shut myself from everyone.

 

Obviously she got really upset about it.

 

Now her best friend noticed she was really very sad and she asked her what's going on. She told her about me. And she got really angry. She told her to stop contacting me and break it off. but she couldn't bear to do it. So it came to a point where they stopped talking for a week.

 

In the end... We mutually decided to break up. I couldn't bear hurting her like that anymore and she just felt so upset I was upset and what I told her. She told her best friend we weren't talking but we still secretly kept talking. And we were still very affectionate and loving towards each other. It still felt like a relationship

 

Now around this time....she was having trouble with her family. So she got even more upset about things. And the issues with my studies were going from bad yo worse. I genuinely thought I wouldn't graduate.

 

Basically we both needed support but both of us weren't able to give it.

She asked me again to get back together, and I still had strong feelings for her but I was soooo affected by my depression and I couldn't bear to hurt her again... So I told her I can't at the moment.

 

And then she said...she had to break all contact with me to move on then.

She tried to do it. But she couldn't do it. We still talked.

 

The thing is...I was really very upset at this point. My issues with my degree were largely clouding my judgment and whenever we talked, it just wasn't happy anymore. We were always talking about sad things and crying. So I did the second most stupid thing.

 

I told her....I needed some space to deal with my problems and solve them. I told her that we should stop texting each other very regularly but we can still talk to each other on Skype if we reaaaally missed each other.

 

She was upset but begrudgingly agreed. So basically I forced her to try to live without me. This is very important because...

 

Eventually a few weeks down the road...she stopped replying me. She sang a very sad song and... She sent me a very sad goodbye message. She told me she needed to stop contact with me to move on. She blocked me on Facebook and pretty much every messaging app

 

The first few days...I tried to let it go. I told myself it had to focus on studies and get out of my ****ty situation

.

But I realized that, I really do miss her so much and yes it was an LDR. But for the first time in my life I really felt I had such deep strong feelings for a girl.

 

My previous relationships didn't feel anything like this. I really did love her and I genuinely could see a future with her.

 

To make things better, I tried to get my studies on track and eventually things got better. While I won't be acing my stuff...I'd actually be able to graduate this semester and get out of darn degree. I'd be free. I could choose the way I want my life to be. After getting my degree And I could generally feel my depression issues being over.

 

So I tried to fight back for her. I tried sending her messages of how much I do have feelings for her because she thought I didn't. And how sorry I am for hurting her and how much I've changed and am going to change even more.

 

I realized must not let my issues affect the people I care and I told her that. I learnt such a hard but worth lesson.

 

And I noticed she reads the messages I've been sending her. And for the first week her status changed to " I don't know..." Regarding us. Then a week later it became "you only know you love her when you let her go" and then 2 weeks ago it was " in limbo" meaning she isn't sure if she wants to forget me or not.

But..its already been a month since I've tried to fight back for her and send her messages but...no direct reply. I even told her to block me or at least tell me that we have no future together if she believes so so that I can move on. But nothing. The only thing I can see that are her replies to my messages are her statuses..

 

Soo... Do you think she's moved on? Is it really too late? I really have never ever felt like this for a girl before. I know if we can give it a second shot, this time me being a better changed person, it would be a relationship of happiness and bliss

Edited June 7, 2014 by the.scientist

[todreaminblue]

you have a chance if she is single, if she isn't you don't have a chance then.

I have always believed that if people are meant to be together they find a way , or god guides them to a way I am very happy to hear that you are going to have a chance to be free, being stuck in a course you don't like because of finances is a biatch,what i do is let the money go, no amount of money is worth an ounce of emotional pain for anyone.

 

 

I just know next time to make sure 100 per cent that is my direction or my course I wish to take.

 

Sounds like to me that you need to be persistent, but not harassing.

 

 

Persistence to me means periodic contact until they message back otherwise.

Thoughtful messages and positive ones, thoughts for them to consider or about them and their emotional well being, ideas in regards to that emotional well being that actually aren't much to do with you but about building them up again, in that way, you can develop trust, if you look outside yourself and what you need , to do this you must know what they need, and if you do know , push that, no other agenda.

 

 

 

That to me is persistence, thoughts about them, wanting the best for them and their progression towards trusting you ,in saying that, meaning, you are thinking of what they need.

 

 

This takes a fair amount of guts and selflessness, those two traits in a man are hard to not admire and extremely hard not to trust.I suggest this, might be a way fro you, in saying all I have said I think your heart knows what she needs you don't have to go in blind, she poured her heart and soul out to you, you should know what she requires,with me, I go by feelings and my heart, because I am empathic, it is always hit and miss, if she poured her heart out to you that is why she said she felt closer to you it was a bond, now use it, remember what was said between you both, check your heart before you say anything, and good luck.

 

 

I hope everything works out for you.best wishes ..deb

[the.scientist]

Thank you for your reply and after considering and thinking long and hard about what you're saying it does make sense.

 

However I am confused because some would advise to go for no contact with her for while at least for time to heal things?

 

Should I go NC for a month?

[learning_slowly]

you have a chance if she is single, if she isn't you don't have a chance then.

I have always believed that if people are meant to be together they find a way

 

There is no fate. We make choices and there are reactions. No one is meant to be together. Chemistry does influence us, but only so much that we go for a mate that compliments out genes. The rest is down to our choices.

 

If you want a reaction, send her an expensive bunch of flowers, stating "I want you back, please let me know if there's still a chance."

 

You need to do something like that to be dramatic, so that she realises you've changed.

 

If you haven't heard anything after a week, then you know to move on.

 

Good luck, but I think you've lost her already

[the.scientist]

Update.

 

I sent her a message, saying I can't keep assuming that her status messages are about me and I have to respect her silence.

 

Basically it was sort of a good bye message.

 

The following day, she changed her status message to the lyrics of the song, that we said was ''our'' song back when we were together.

 

And I noticed she frequently viewed my profile today (for the first time)

 

But still, no direct reply from her.

 

Do you think she's playing mind games with me?

[the.scientist]

Hi guys! I just want to let you guys know, she has already messaged me!

 

But it was still kind of a vague message. She just told me ''I don't know what to do..'' and that's it :/

 

How should I respond to that? . I really don't want to lose her if I don't respond but at the same time, I don't want to push her away if I say anything :/

[Allosdiver]

If I were you, I'd give her a little nod, a little show of how you've changed.

Don't write an essay on how you improved, but just toss her a quick message like "I wanted to tell you how much I miss you, how big a drive that missing was to improve myself" - I don't know what style she'd like, but the idea is pretty clear.

 

Doing that shows her that choosing for a retry is at the least a good option. from there, don't push her. leave her to the decisionmaking, perhaps every now and then toss her a small message to remind her you still think of her (in case it's taking long). If she wants you back she'll tell you, and you can be pretty sure that trying to force her to choose you is not going to help in any shape form or way.

 

My situation is not much different, although less bad, and I know from my experience that that happiness is all you need to be strong, so I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you can get back what you once had.