He says he loves, but dumped just four days ago?

[lotus64]

Hi, my boyfriend told me about a month ago that he was having some doubts about us and wasn't sure whether he wanted to do us anymore. Last Wednesday came about and i brought it back up again he said nothing but then proceeded to leave me on Friday. He told me he still loved me and was crazy about me but didn't want a relationship anymore.

 

I had been bracing myself for this since the first conversation one month ago and took it ok though i was obviously heartbroken. the next he text me giving his reasons for breaking up with me again, i told him there was no need as he'd already explained himself but he asked to come round to talk in person. We talked and he explained he didn't understand why he'd left me and couldn't understand his own head all while crying. Later that day he came over to pick up his things (he hadn't packed up any of my stuff as he couldn't bring himself to do it) and told me he wasn't sure he'd made the right decision, he spent an hour sobbing and telling me how much he loves me, how perfect i am for him, how everything is pointless without me.. etc. I told him i wasn't sure i could get back with him again as he'd really hurt me.

 

i didn't see him for two days but he did text and call. Finally three days after breaking up he came round begging for me back again, but i honestly don't know what to do? How do i know he won't have his doubts about me again? really not sure how what i should do here? Any help would be amazing!

Edited April 22, 2014 by lotus64

[Arieswoman]

lotus64,

He's talking rubbish. If he really loved you he wouldn't have broken up with you in the first place.

 

This is my take on the situation and I bet I'm not far wrong.

He met someone else, got involved, got conflicted then finally left you for her. Now it isn't as great as he thought or maybe now she doesn't want him etc etc he comes back to you as a cosy back-up plan.

 

Don't fall for it.

 

If he really and truly wants to be back with you, then make him work for it. Let him romance you, wine & dine you, court you etc. Make him do some of the heavy lifting.

 

Unless he can prove to you that things have changed, then he's still the same guy who broke up with you not that long ago.

 

Good luck.

[lotus64]

thanks for your advice . I don't think its a case of him having someone else as we spent a lot of time together and we're both very open with texts and things. Not that we read each others texts but should his phone or facebook go off he'd ask me if i'm close to his phone to read out the message or whatever. And having spoken to his housemates he hasn't left his room since he broke up with me as he's been so distraught. But yes should i want him back i'll definitely make him work for it.

Edited April 22, 2014 by lotus64

[mangetout]

The way I see it is that he is afraid of being on his own and he basically panicked. Does he really want you back? What are these doubts he had? will they return?

 

 

You need to ask him these questions

[tomyy]

Hi. I just opened up a thread about a similar case (a guy ends it twice and then he regets) here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/473462-she-42-i-m-26-long-distance-ex-involved-how-fix-my-relationship-read

 

I'm the guy in my story so i'll try to give you another perspective. Usually everyone thinks that when someone ends a relationship that person has moved on or have someone else or just doesn't care. Even tough it is often the case, it isn't always. Sometimes people have doubts and take rational and clean decisions to make a improvement in their life, trying to be as nice as possibly minimizing hurting for both sides. I can see your ex cares about you and that he has been in his room, thinking about it (because now he wants to come back).

 

My suggestion is to communicate with him further. Talk about what is his doubts. Why he ended up in first place? What can do both of you to improve it? Is it something you do or it's something you are? Because if it's something you are, you can do nothing to change it. Maybe it's something that has nothing to do with you (stress and another girl included).

 

But not be VERY interested into it at the start. Make him win it, i mean: Let him look for you more. If all from the blue you appear to fix your relationship after he was the one who ended it you will giving him a prize to make you hurt.

[Elle1975]

I am not sure what it is, but I have the feeling he's not telling you everything. Maybe he loves you but doesn't see himself growing old with you. Might be someone else, might be that he wants to experience life on his own. Who knows?

 

I agree though.. if he wants back in, don't make it that easy. Not to preserve your ego (although that too), but because if you take him back too easily, he'll realize that he can walk all over you and get away with it. And then he'll do it again.. and again..