ive ruined multiple second chances. what do i do? :'(

[brianleatherman]

ok, so, here it is, I was seeing this girl for about 10 months, the first 2 months were amazing. After that she got a depo shot and we started having a ton of arguments. I made huge mistakes. After an argument would go on for over a couple of hours I would become very mean calling her every kind of mean hurtful name... After a while as you can imagine she got sick and left. I tried every day to make it right and she gave me second chances... The end result was the same...

 

I told her I changed before but I would always blow up after hours of arguing.... I'm such a fool. After the last time she left she decided we could be friends, that I'm a great person to hang out with but a relationship would never work... She says the love is gone and her heart is hardened to me. We have been separated 22 days, I've taken ample time to reflect, done a ton of research on anger management and even am planning classes...

 

I've been heartbroken before, but this hurts so much worse then that... I'm such a fool and I can't believe how stupid I was... Her mind is made up about me and she says that she could never give me another chance and she doesn't want a relationship with me ever, I've hurt her 2 much... Please tell me what I can do. Please, I'm going crazy over this.

Edited April 19, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TaraMaiden]

You go to anger management classes, and you move on.

 

You haven't been given 'multiple second chances'...You were given a second chance, then a third then a fourth.

Personally, I would have kicked you to the kerb after your first opportunity at rebuilding broken bridges. She was foolish enough to take you back repeatedly.

 

She has now seen sense, and kicked you to the kerb.

 

Man up, live with it, grow up and do something about yourself.

 

But all opportunities with her are now closed off.

 

That's on you.

 

Instead of wallowing and wondering how to get back with her, stand straight, accept it, and work on yourself.

 

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature.

Live by it, take it to heart and be dignified.

It's over.

Time to start afresh.

 

Give her room, space and the freedom to live how she wants, not how you'd prefer her to.

[brianleatherman]

You go to anger management classes, and you move on.

 

You haven't been given 'multiple second chances'...You were given a second chance, then a third then a fourth.

Personally, I would have kicked you to the kerb after your first opportunity at rebuilding broken bridges. She was foolish enough to take you back repeatedly.

 

She has now seen sense, and kicked you to the kerb.

 

Man up, live with it, grow up and do something about yourself.

 

But all opportunities with her are now closed off.

 

That's on you.

 

Instead of wallowing and wondering how to get back with her, stand straight, accept it, and work on yourself.

 

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature.

Live by it, take it to heart and be dignified.

It's over.

Time to start afresh.

 

Give her room, space and the freedom to live how she wants, not how you'd prefer her to.

 

why does she still want to be my friend? How do I cope with what I've done?

[TaraMaiden]

You refuse the friendship.

You cannot, ever, ever be friends with someone whom you are still in love with; can't be done.

You cannot keep seeing her, or engaging with her as a 'friend' while your heart is broken.

do not even think of agreeing to be her 'friend'.

 

You cope with what you've done by acknowledging it, facing it, realising what a bad move it was, vowing to not do it again, and improving yourself.

 

the more you flog yourself with guilt, the more you burden yourself with a mill-stone and prevent your healing.

 

So you screwed up: Join the club with countless others.

It happens.

This forum wouldn't exist without phu*kkups.

And everyone is remorseful - but you have to put it down and move on.

[brianleatherman]

You refuse the friendship.

You cannot, ever, ever be friends with someone whom you are still in love with; can't be done.

You cannot keep seeing her, or engaging with her as a 'friend' while your heart is broken.

do not even think of agreeing to be her 'friend'.

 

You cope with what you've done by acknowledging it, facing it, realising what a bad move it was, vowing to not do it again, and improving yourself.

 

the more you flog yourself with guilt, the more you burden yourself with a mill-stone and prevent your healing.

 

So you screwed up: Join the club with countless others.

It happens.

This forum wouldn't exist without phu*kkups.

And everyone is remorseful - but you have to put it down and move on.

well, I won't lie, that won't be easy at all to do, I always used to think I was a good person... And its pretty obvious that I'm an ******* now... I think your pretty spot on, I just wish I could fix it... She was absolutely everything I ever wanted in a woman.

[No Limit]

I'm afraid this realization has come too late, she's lost to you.

Move on, you have much work to do.

[whatsherface]

I think you need to sort out your own issues first before you even think about entering another relationship. If you can't even handle your own feelings how are you supposed to handle someone else's? Work on yourself first, you'll feel so much happier.

 

You made many mistakes in this relationship, but think of it as a learning experience. If this never happened, you would not have been forced to deal with your anger issues. There are 7 billion people on this earth, you'll definitely find someone else. Just don't make the same mistake twice. Next time you feel like you're going to lose your temper at your gf or someone you care about, just remember this pain.