Ex wants to break up with girlfriend to come back to me

[MisUnderstood1]

My ex called me last night. First he wanted to know if I was seeing anyone (I told him “No”). Then he told he wants to get back together. He has another girlfriend now and wants to break up with her to come back to me. I was the one who broke up with him about 10 months ago. He wanted to get back together but back then, I was stubborn and refused. Part of me wanted to and part of me was doubtful. He's a great guy. We mostly had communication problems here and there and sometimes he was too busy to spend time with me. I gave him his space and wasn't clingy or anything. Since being apart from him for months now, I realize how much I'm missed him and how much I love him. Two months after we broke up, he got into a new relationship, but even then he would ask me if I wanted to get back together via phone. When we broke up, we said we would remain friends; talked and texted each other maybe 2-3 times a month in total. The whole time I didn't know he had found someone else, so he never told me. We've actually not seen each other face-to-face since we broke up. I didn't know he had met someone until last month.The funny thing is when we spoke last month, one of the questions he had asked was if I had found anyone (I told him “No” then too), apart from wanting to know about my plans after Uni, and whether I was upset about him telling me he had a new girlfriend. I didn't think much of his questions,just that maybe he was trying to make conversation. I did have a feeling he had found someone else: he started taking long to reply my texts, like he would reply the day; I had also called & texted him on his birthday to wish him a HBD and he replied me the next day, saying he was “occupied”. He had never used that word before, lol. When we were together, he might say he was busy with school work but he always responded to my messages within a few hours and always returned my calls the same day. When we talked last month I asked if he had found someone else (just to confirm my curiosity)and he said yes, that he had spent his birthday with her. Which made me feel bad – because last year he spent it with me.

 

They've been together for about 8 months. He said they had been friends while we were together and he got with her after we broke up. Then he said he wanted to break up with her long ago to come back to me (I figured this was one of the times he told me he wanted to get back together but I was being stubborn and told him I didn't want to). He told me she's really nice person and has been super nice to him. I asked if he loves her and he said he likes her a lot and that he does love her too, but he's not in love with her. He didn't say whether he's in love with me or anything and whether that has anything to do with him wanting to come back to me. I didn't ask, just left the comment at that. He also said there're also cultural differences between them and this's another reason why it won't work with her. He wants to meet me next month so we can "talk" about getting back together. I told him I was hurt that he moved on so quickly after our relationship (we were together for 10 months). His response was, "Did you expect me to mourn for months?". While I was feeling sad and depressed he had moved on and it kinda makes me feel like I didn't mean much to him if he could just move onto someone else so quickly like that and grown to love her so soon too. He said he needed time to breakup with her, that it couldn't happen the next day or anything. He didn't tell me how long it would take. I didn't expect him to break up with her the next day; I didn't even expect him to break up with her at all. It's all his own choosing. I'm just a little worried about how long he'll need to break up with her. I know he obviously loves her, as he has said and being the nice person he is, he's probably worried about her feelings.

 

 

 

I also feel bad that that he's going to be breaking up with her to comeback to me. At the same time, it isn't my fault. I let him go and he's the one who wants to come back. I hope he really will break up with her and won't be seeing the two of us at the same time, but he wasn't the type of guy to do that sort of thing, at least I don't think so at all. We won't see each other until next month. This's when we're meeting to discuss things pertaining to getting back together, the changes we want to make, etc. I'll have questions for him and I'm sure he'll have some for me. I know if we do get back together I wouldn't want us to start being bf/gf immediately we've to work on some things.

 

 

I still love him. I never stopped loving him. In fact, I regretted breaking up with him and missed him like crazy. I cried and pretty much thought my life was going to end. He is a really good guy and was really good to me while we were together. He did things to show me he cared. Drove me 3 hours away on my birthday for sightseeing. I told him I wanted to go the day before and he just said, "ok" and drove me there the next day, bought me a box full of lemon soda two weeks after telling him I like lemon soda,bought me a mouse-pad after noticing I didn't have one, gave me a ride 1-hour to my parents house to move back home at the end of the semester last year. But I also feel like if he really did love me he would've stayed with me to make it work, rather than jumping to another girl's arms. Then again I was the one who broke up with him. I'm just thinking about the “If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it's yours” quote. But since he does want to come back to me, does that indicate that he does love me afterall?I just want to make sure he wants to get back together because he truly loves me too and wants to be with me and not because it didn't work out with the other girl. I don't want to be his backup plan. Based on what I've written, do you think he loves me? I know it might be hard to judge on a write, but I tried to be detailed to give you an idea of what has happened, at least the main things.

 

He's 29, has been married before (got married at 21 and divorced a year later because he didn't love her, according to him) and has been in about 4 relationships in total, counting mine and his current one. I don't hold his previous relationships against him or anything, just that he has been in a lot more than me. He was a complete gentleman when we were together; always held doors for me, very respectful; he was nonjudgemental. I felt free in his company. I'm extremely quiet and shy, irl and he accepted that, although once in a while he says I can be talkative, lol. I could be myself around him and not worry about awkward silences or worry about him thinking I was weird. He also had a quiet, calm personality, so we vibed well in that sense. He's a Pisces, I'm a Cancer. He also never pressured me for sex and said he'll wait for me (till marriage ....we had talked about marriage when we were together). I told him from our first date I didn't believe in pre-marital sex, just so he didn't have to continue seeing me if he couldn't cope with it, but he said it was fine with him. We mostly kissed and cuddled when we spent time together. He's a great kisser. A few times he did say it was difficult for him to be in a relationship with no sex, since his previous relationships included it, but he was still very patient.

 

Should I take him back? Is it a good idea to get back with an ex, especially if they want to leave their current relationship for you?

 

If he does break up with her and comes back to me, should I take that as a sign that we really are meant to be together? That he does love me? Or would it mean that I'm just a backup plan and he's only back with me because it didn't work out with her?

Edited April 19, 2014 by MisUnderstood1

[Mariposa10]

I didn't read the last paragraph because I have a headache and your title says pretty much everything. I know you were the one who broke up with him, but still I would wait... He should be single for a while... And take things really slowly...

 

I don't like when people jump from relationship to relationship... What if he feels confused when he's back together with you?? I don't know I wouldn't risk it. If you two think you two might still have a chance take things really slowly, if it's meant to be it'll happen.

 

By the way, he should break up with his current gf RIGHT NOW. He's obviously not serious about her. That makes him very immature in my opinion.

[contact1]

Agreed with Mari, if he is serious, he should end his current relationship first, take a bit of time to evaluate everything and than see if it truly just wants to be with you. Don't be the girl that is with him, waiting for him to break up with the other girl, but that day never seems to come...

[conf]

You broke up with him and you expecting from him to make all the hard work... For months he keeps telling you that he wants a second chance... The other girl seems to be a rebound. He is not acting like you are the second best. You are acting like he is your second best... If you want to be with him then take action now before it is too late... Tell him that you want him. Tell him that you made a mistake. Tell him what you told to us (That you love him and all this time you were stubborn). Then he must break up with his gf. After breaking up with her you must have a cooling period. He must reflect on both relationships. After the cooling period start hanging out as friends. Start to communicate and working on your problems. After a period of being friends start to proceed in a gf/bf relationship. Last but not least don't forget that you have to make a lot of work. Maybe you are in position that you need to make the most...

[Simon Phoenix]

I wouldn't consider this at all until he breaks up with her. He needs to break up with her first before this even a remote possibility. Until they break up it's just noise.

[No Limit]

"Jumpers" never make good partners because pretty much always they are reacting to their memories of a comfortable relationship - the old one. Not realizing that you can't just press a button and go back right where you left it.

 

It doesn't work this way. And even if he has the guts to break up with her, he's willing to hurt her just like that. A warning red flag in itself.

[MisUnderstood1]

Since we spoke last month, he never called me since. He texted me last night, saying he would be able to see me on May 31st. LOOOOL. I texted him with the reply, "Wooooow, I knew you were not serious. I do not want to see you ANYMORE. Omg". (meaning I do not want to meet him anymore). He replied me asking, "Are you serious that you don't want to see/meet me anymore?" I didn't reply and just went to bed. This morning, as I was going about my day, he texted me again: "You don't care about us getting back together. You're being impatient. I told you I needed time to breakup with my girlfriend. God knows I wanted to get back together. Now I'm not sure I will break up with her. Have a good life. Bye".

 

 

Anyway, I stopped replying him. He did send me another text and I didn't reply. I was doing so well before he contacted me last month that he wanted to get back together. He said he needed time, but I didn't know I would have to wait almost 2 months, my thinking was a week. What does he take me for? I can't believe he thinks I'm impatient when I've been more than patient. I had a feeling he hadn't broken up with her. Idk why he told me he wants to come back to me when he isn't ready to leave her. Do you men need months to break up with someone? He was the one who called me, not the other way around. Yeah, I am done. Gosh, I was doing so well with forgetting about him, now I'm going to be depressed again.

Edited May 7, 2014 by MisUnderstood1

[Mariposa10]

How old is this idiot? I'm sorry but I can't stand people like this!!! So now he doesn't feel like breaking up with her??!!! I remember when my ex told me he was gonna stop seeing the girl he was seeing for me. And I told him to not do it, because I wasn't interested in having a relationship with people who think that way. I don't want favors. Just stop talking to him. Block his number, he's too immature and OBVIOUSLY he doesn't know what he wants. Even if he was to break up with her, HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S GONNA GONNA CHANGE HIS MIND?

 

 

Since we spoke last month, he never called me since. He texted me last night, saying he would be able to see me on May 31st. LOOOOL. I texted him with the reply, "Wooooow, I knew you were not serious. I do not want to see you ANYMORE. Omg". (meaning I do not want to meet him anymore). He replied me asking, "Are you serious that you don't want to see/meet me anymore?" I didn't reply and just went to bed. This morning, as I was going about my day, he texted me again: "You don't care about us getting back together. You're being impatient. I told you I needed time to breakup with my girlfriend. God knows I wanted to get back together. Now I'm not sure I will break up with her. Have a good life. Bye".

 

 

Anyway, I stopped replying him. He did send me another text and I didn't reply. I was doing so well before he contacted me last month that he wanted to get back together. He said he needed time, but I didn't know I would have to wait almost 2 months, my thinking was a week. What does he take me for? I can't believe he thinks I'm impatient when I've been more than patient. I had a feeling he hadn't broken up with her. Idk why he told me he wants to come back to me when he isn't ready to leave her. Do you men need months to break up with someone? He was the one who called me, not the other way around. Yeah, I am done. Gosh, I was doing so well with forgetting about him, now I'm going to be depressed again.

[No Limit]

A friend of mine fell for this and she actually let herself be played like this for 4 months (so your ex was way faster) only to find out that he'd cheated on his GF with her. Took him this cheat to get the pair to finally end it with his current GF and now my friend and her ex are a couple again.

 

Needless to say, the romantic phase is over and it's getting uncomfortable between them once again. It's like watching a house of cards fall apart, really.

[MisUnderstood1]

How old is this idiot? I'm sorry but I can't stand people like this!!! So now he doesn't feel like breaking up with her??!!! I remember when my ex told me he was gonna stop seeing the girl he was seeing for me. And I told him to not do it, because I wasn't interested in having a relationship with people who think that way. I don't want favors. Just stop talking to him. Block his number, he's too immature and OBVIOUSLY he doesn't know what he wants. Even if he was to break up with her, HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S GONNA GONNA CHANGE HIS MIND?

 

He's 29. Part of me feels he said that to make me feel bad, and make me feel as if it's now my fault that he doesn't want to break up with her anymore, as if I did anything wrong. The other part feels like he really doesn't want to let go of her, which is fine. He just shouldn't have told me he would. I was being hopeful that we could get back together. Most of the arguments we've had always ended up with me being blamed somehow. He has a hard time seeing how his actions can hurt me and seeing things from my own perspective; I always end up being the bad guy, sometimes even apologizing when I didn't do anything wrong. I'm deleted all his texts now and returned the last one he sent me. One of the reasons why I even broke up with him was because he never had the time to see me, he kept cancelling and postponing seeing me week after week, saying he was busy. I waited for him each time, week after week, for months, and he still calls me impatient.

Edited May 7, 2014 by MisUnderstood1

[MisUnderstood1]

You guys...

 

He cheated on me... with her. :(

 

He called me about two weeks ago and said he had something important to tell me. We met last night. Turned out he started seeing her (his current gf) in April 2013. About 4 months after he asked me to be his gf. He said he couldn't be in a r/ship without sex so he started searching for someone else. Once he found this person, his plan was to break up with me and continue the r/ship with her (which he did). I was shocked. He said he approached a girl at wal-mart, started seeing her, they kissed the end of the first date and he continued seeing her after that. The whole time he was seeing me, he was seeing her too. I feel like such a fool. I had no idea. I did mention up there that after a while, in our r/ship, I felt we didn't connect emotionally and that something was missing. Well, it was because there was someone else. He was also hesitant to hug me in public and this was one of the reasons why I felt emotionally disconnected from him. We were not hugging enough, not communicating enough. I communicated with him on the things we could do to help us connect emotionally. Sometimes I even thought it was my fault, but it was because deep down he was no longer into me anymore. If he was he wouldn't have gone out to look for someone else. Most of the time when we were seeing each other, I was always the one to reach out to give him a hug. He said it was because he was afraid of her seeing us together. Even when we would be watching a movie at his apartment or out to the movies, I felt something was missing, but I never thought it was because he was seeing someone else. He liked kissing a lot and we mostly did that. He was nice and gentle with me, which is one of the reasons why I am so shocked because he never appeared to be the sort of guy to be unfaithful. He also said I was too quiet for him and he got bored, which's funny because he himself is sorta quiet too. I did try to be open with him, sometimes he would even say I was being talkative, so his excuse that I was too quiet is just lame. I thought we clicked well in terms that we were both quiet. I thought I had found myself a guy I could be myself around, but I was wrong. I thought this guy was a saint but I was being deceived all along. About the sex, I had told him I didn't want pre-marital sex when we started dating and he said he was okay with that. He said he felt guilty about this all along and needed to tell me, ask for my forgiveness. He said he wanted to tell me first and know if I still wanted to get back together with him. He didn't want to break up with her, then tell me and I don't take him back ...and we're all single. I realized how selfish he has been all along and everything has been about him.

 

 

They are still together. The weird thing is he still wanted us to get back together and asked if I was still willing to. If he's so happy with her, why was he still thinking about getting back together with me? He said his father had cheated on his mom, had two kids with another woman, but his mom took him back, so he and I could still work, as people do move past it. I told him I was not interested in getting back together and he said okay.

 

Idk what I did wrong to deserve this. I wish he hadn't told me because now I feel bad. And in a way, him telling me is a relieve for him, while I'm here feeling awful, like I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough (well, I don't know what she looks like), I wasn't extroverted or bubbly enough. She is also younger than me, she's 22 and a different race. I feel like an idiot for thinking I had found myself a great guy (when we were together). Even when we broke up, I thought I had lost a great guy, but it was really all an act. He wasn't the great guy I thought he was because he had been cheating on me all along. I said my goodbye, told him to take care and left.

Edited July 20, 2014 by MisUnderstood1

[2sunny]

It gives you information that helps you now.

 

He is a guy that NEEDS a woman to be with. Needy, desperate men are not ideal candidates for dating. He's very unhealthy.

 

It says more about him than you - so don't take it personally. He lacks character and integrity.

 

 

He's not worth bothering with - he is like a little boy who wants cookies - he's going to have all the varieties offered to him.

 

And no one who REALLY wants to break up waits longer than that day to do it.

 

He's afraid to be alone - and that is another big red flag!

 

Now you can be done with him and find a decent man to consider dating.