Is our relationship normal?? Is this the end??

[Lost2206]

I'd really like some advice on this one coz I'm lost and don't know what to do...it's a really long story, so bear with me pls!

 

I met a guy 2 yrs ago. He was so attentive, more than anyone I've ever met. We feel in love very quickly, our relationship moved quicker than I had anticipated. He had this "cool" aura about him...he seemed like a very popular guy, has been to all the hot spots in our city, had a past that was more daring than anything I've ever experienced. The closer we became the worse he began to treat me. We would argue, he would storm off and call to apologize later. I was in tears more than I was happy. He was what people would consider a street kid or a little rough on the edges. Our relationship very quickly became verbally abusive. He out me down, spat on me, swore at me and said anything and everything he could to make me feel less than worth it. The sad thing is, it worked. It got to the point where his insults no longer hurt because I was used to it...he was someone I wanted to "fix" because I knew he had deeper issues. I know, I'm crazy!!! I stuck around, I was in love with him.

 

One night, after having too many to drink at the pub, a jealous rage turned violent. Long story short, he was charged, I took him to court, endured some injuries and extensive damage to my vehicle which he also damaged. 4mths down the track, I decided to get my own place. We were still in contact, despite the AVO in place. He seemed like a changed man, he was so remorseful. He moved in with me. Everything was great. He hasn't laid a hand on me since. That was a year ago. However, emotionally, being with him has been a roller coaster.

 

Since living with me, we have been happy. However, I don't feel we are on the same page emotionally. He has bad anxiety issues and we have arguments about him not wanting to be involved with my family, who after everything don't particularly like him. He has a potty mouth when his mad. He doesn't emotionally fulfil my needs. It's so hard to explain.

 

I fell pregnant and became very emotionally unstable. Crying one minute, happy the next. I was stressed because it would mean I would be out of work once baby comes etc. He did everything for me...everything. He was perfect, almost too perfect. In a crazy way, he would get mad if I had to stay up an do ironing or something he hasn't done. So I felt a lot if pressure to do nothing and "just chill" as he would call it. I felt pressure to be happy because he had done so much. Anyhow, fast forward, he left. He packed his things and left...I was 2 mths pregnant. I have failed to mention, I have two kids already, not his tho (I married I very young and we divorced when the kids were very little). So, I have already been burnt with the "single mum" struggle. I aborted our baby, it killed me to make that decision but I couldn't do it again, especially with a man I know who walked while I was carrying.

 

He called me a month after he walked. We have been on & off for the last 4 months and it's been hell for me. I would start NC but break it when he emails me. He doesn't have a job, no source of income except benefits, an ipad to email me and the home phone at his mums has restricted calls to mobiles. He only contact me via email. To go from living together to emails is hard. He used to spend weekends here but left saying that he feels useless here with us because he can't contribute (he isn't working an doesn't have a driver's license). So he went back to his mum's place.

 

I just started a week break from uni for and an extra week break from work. He knows this and said he will come spend the long Easter break with us. Today is Friday. I started break on Monday. He has nothing to do at his Mum's yet he doesn't make an effort to come see me. He lives 20min from me. He will wait for the long weekend to start to come hang around. Coming out just to surprise me for a couple of hours during the working week is too much to ask from him but I can't help but wonder if this guy really loves me.

 

He has promised change, has started going to church etc but when his mad, I still see the old him.

 

Please tell me what you think and how I should proceed. We last contacted each other on Wednesday night when I attacked hun (via email of course) for not coming out or making time to see me. He'll only be available when he knows I'm available. I asked him, why should I spend my holiday and the little break time I get with someone who won't make time for me??? Am I being unreasonable??? He keeps saying I can find someone else but as soon as that person get to know the real me, they'll run a mile I want to be happy. I'm sitting here confused and hurt that I've become that girl. The girl who values a man's negative opinion, always seeking love & attention. What am I doing wrong???

 

Your opinions would be much appreciated!!!

[TaraMaiden]

You've summed it up in your last sentence.

You have very little self-worth, no self-esteem and you're clingy, needy, settling and doing yourself no service or favours.

 

You need therapy/counselling.

 

Kick him out; That's it.

no ifs buts whys wherefores excuses....

 

Close this off go No Contact (see the Guide in my signature) and get yourself some help.

You desperately need it, because you're too weak to do it alone.

[TaraMaiden]

And no -it is far from normal. It's dysfunctional and destructive.

[Lost2206]

Thank you...I will do everything I can to end this. I do need help. I have moments of strength but most are of weakness.

Thank you for your honesty.

[TaraMaiden]

I feel like you need a good shake, but I sincerely say that with love.

 

I suggest also, you read your own post, as if 'Lost2206' was a complete stranger to you.

 

What would YOU tell her to do?