Meeting up with ex after 2 months NC - thoughts?

[starsnrockets]

It's been 2 months no contact with the ex boyfriend. We were together for over 3 years. The last time we met up he blamed me and was quite hurt/angry over the break up. I told him nicely to stop contacting me and that I wanted to move on and then cut off all communication. Neither of us have spoken or contacted each other in any way for 2 months. It's been nearly 4 months since the initial break up.

During this time I've been thinking about my part of the break up, realising I stuffed up in the end by starting to talk to other guys when we were 'on break' but still trying to work things out. He found out and things ended. Our issues were that I wanted him to be there for me more and he wanted more space. He really tried to push me away the last few months and when I tried to move on he tried to pull me back and then found out I was talking to other guys. I have thought about my part of the break up and I realised I put a lot of expectations and needs onto him. I had this view that he had to make me happy and projected a lot of my dreams onto him. When really I should be the only one responsible for my happiness. I didnt stand up for what I wanted and lost my independence and took my unhappiness out on him, I wasn't dealing with my problems and expected him to.

 

So I've been wanting to reach out, I called him last night and the call went to voicemail. An hour later I received a text msg that said 'Hey what's up?' and I left it for a while and then I replied with 'can we talk on the phone?' and he replied with 'I'll call you tomorrow. I'm about to go to bed because I have to start early tomorrow.'

I just left it and then today he called me after he finished work. He was quite friendly and enthusiastic asking about how i've been and how my family is. He was asking me what's new and telling me he's been working out etc. I mentioned that I miss him and have been thinking about things and wanted to talk and asked if he would like that. He said he wasn't sure what he wanted but would like to catch up and talk about things. I apologized for talking to other guys when we were still trying to work things out and he tried to cut me off and said that it wasn't the only thing that lead to our relationship ending, and that he was sorry for working heaps and not being there for me. I also apologized for putting my expectations onto him and really I should be the only one responsible for my happiness and dreams not him. He asked to catch up but I told him I was pretty busy this week and he was busy on a few days too so we decided on next tuesday night after work. I told him I had to go and I just said to message me and we'll organise tuesday.

 

I'm not 100% on what I should do now. I don't want to end up being used for him to slowly get over me and I'm not sure what his intentions are. My birthday passed 2 weeks ago and he didnt wish me happy birthday and didn't mention it on our phone convo either. I do still love him and I can imagine myself with a future with him. We had traveled together on long holidays twice, our families had met each other and were friends, he was also someone I could always trust and talk to about anything. But I'm 22 and he's 23 years old and I think we both have a lot of growing left to do and things ended pretty badly.

[Zahara]

I'm not 100% on what I should do now. I don't want to end up being used for him to slowly get over me and I'm not sure what his intentions are. My birthday passed 2 weeks ago and he didnt wish me happy birthday and didn't mention it on our phone convo either. I do still love him and I can imagine myself with a future with him. We had traveled together on long holidays twice, our families had met each other and were friends, he was also someone I could always trust and talk to about anything. But I'm 22 and he's 23 years old and I think we both have a lot of growing left to do and things ended pretty badly.

 

I'm not sure how to respond to your question seeing as how you don't even know what you desire now after you made contact. Seems like you had some idea before you contacted him and maybe now his response has sort of muddled your thoughts.

 

The bolded - Things you should have determined if you could get past before making the call -- along with other issues you had during the relationship that are possibly making you wonder if reaching out was a good idea.

 

The only thing you can do now is just go ahead with your meet and see where things go from there. Be honest to him with your expectations. Most importantly, be honest with yourself in terms of whether you really believe it can work or if you're only doing this because you're reacting on unresolved emotions.

[realfriends]

2 months NC is a little short IMO and probably a lot of other people will say the same thing, especially coming out of a 3 year relationship. Most people would advise a minimum of 6 months.

 

Im 21, and just got out of a 4.5 year relationship. Im nearly 5 months NC and can say I'm in a totally different state then when I was 2 months NC and its for the better.

 

Your emotions still havnt settled and if you guys get back together, you would be trying to pick back up where things started. You need more time to heal.

[Simon Phoenix]

This seems like a disastrous idea.

[starsnrockets]

I wanted to get back together with him but during the 2 months no contact he didn't reach out to me. I wanted to reach out for a while but I waited till my birthday passed because I didn't want his reaction to ruin my birthday. Part of me did expect him to reach out on my birthday but he didnt. Now he's pretty keen on meeting up but he's also saying he's not sure what he wants.

Honestly the first 2 months after the break up were hell for me. I was in so much pain. I've moved past that and I'm in a good place at the moment with my life with or without him. I do want to get back together with him but only if he's willing to put in the effort as well but until then I'm not letting my guard down to get hurt again.

 

Also because things ended because I was talking to other guys during our 'break' and he found out, I don't know if I should be doing no contact or if it's on me to make the first move to mend things? We had other issues too though but that's the straw that broke the camel's back

 

also why do you guys think this is a bad idea?