Second chance?

[monsoon281]

Earlier this year my gf dumped me out of the blue and left me in a mall parking lot. We had been dating for two years and had been talking about marriage. Her reasoning for separating at the time was that she was "confused and wanted to be single" no further explanation.

 

After two months of no-contact we started talking again a few weeks ago. She told me she missed me / loved me etc and that she wanted to get back together. After talking for a couple weeks I went to see her and stayed with her for a week.

 

During that time we decided to start dating again and patch things up. We even started talking about getting a place together again. While using her computer to look for places I could see all her old emails... turns out she left me to pursue her dance team partner. She lied before as to why she left me and is still trying to hide it. She was dating the guy before we broke up then dumped me to pursue him. That fling only lasted a couple weeks with her frienzoning him and starting to ok-cupid away.

 

While talking with her I have hinted multiple times since I have uncovered what happened that I don't believe shes telling me the whole story to try to get the truth out of her. She will not come clean on her own though after much prodding which really bothers me.

 

I am at a loss of what to do here since I really like this girl.. but how am I supposed to ever trust her again? Should I confront her and tell her I know?

[picnicinthepark]

There is a trust issue here. You need to talk to her and put everything out on the table. Your relationship will not survive without trust and honesty.

 

We want to see the best in those we love, no matter how they treat us. For me personally, I would run away from this. You don't want someone who leaves when things get rough to seek validation for their actions, only to find that the grass wasn't as green as they had hoped it would be.

 

You deserve the best. Don't settle for less.

[somegoodman]

This is always what happens. Guys, whenever a woman breaks up with you it is because she is interested in another guy. No exceptions. They never leave without having a branch to swing on to.

 

OP, what you should do is disappear without warning, without explanation. Ignore her for the rest of her life. It's what she deserves. You have to be ruthless with her, she is damaged goods now and she didn't care about you when she dropped your ass to pursue her own self-interest. You can't reward these people.

[zyketti]

This is always what happens. Guys, whenever a woman breaks up with you it is because she is interested in another guy. No exceptions. They never leave without having a branch to swing on to.

 

OP, what you should do is disappear without warning, without explanation. Ignore her for the rest of her life. It's what she deserves. You have to be ruthless with her, she is damaged goods now and she didn't care about you when she dropped your ass to pursue her own self-interest. You can't reward these people.

 

Man…..

 

That's a rough point to hold by. Not all girls leave their boyfriends because they're interested in another guy. Not all girls are evil like that. In the same token, there are also ton of guys who breakup with their gfs to expand their horizons. But again, not all guys are evil like that.

[lovelogic]

I agree. Not all girls do that, but more often than not they won't leave a relationship unless there is someone else waiting for them.

 

Put everything on the table and talk this through. If she doesn't come clean, walk away like nothing happened.

[pickflicker]

This is always what happens. Guys, whenever a woman breaks up with you it is because she is interested in another guy. No exceptions. They never leave without having a branch to swing on to.

 

OP, what you should do is disappear without warning, without explanation. Ignore her for the rest of her life. It's what she deserves. You have to be ruthless with her, she is damaged goods now and she didn't care about you when she dropped your ass to pursue her own self-interest. You can't reward these people.

 

Oh, but men don't?

 

I've dumped guys because they were arseholes, and there hasn't been another man on the horizon. I instead chose to be single, rather than with a douchebag.

[lil hoodlum]

Don't really have an anwer, just a comment.

 

It's funny how often when you hear the comment of a dumper being "confused", there is usually someone else.

 

Sadly, I have learned this the hard way and have seen this same thing play out soooooooooo many times on this forum.

 

 

 

I think it is time to quite playing games with your girl and have a very frank and honest conversation with her about why she broke things off the first time. I feel though if she can't be open and honest with you about this, then the prognosis for your relationship doesn't sound very good.

 

Good luck!

[Darren Steez]

As the poster above said, why exactly are you confused?

 

She dumped you so she could go and bang another guy, when that didn't work out she rang you and you ran back to her like a little puppy.

 

Even though you now know what you know, you still haven't confronted her and you're still "confused"

 

What's to stop her from doing this to you again? She's still lying to you now dude!

 

Just man up and ask her about the guy..then dump her, you're sloppy seconds dude. Sorry

[Lifegoezon]

Oh, but men don't?

 

I've dumped guys because they were arseholes, and there hasn't been another man on the horizon. I instead chose to be single, rather than with a douchebag.

 

Ditto. Branch swinging is a strategy some people use - men and women.

 

OP you need to get the truth from her but that may not restore your trust. You also need to think about how you feel knowing this truth anyway. Can you live with maybe being the fall back guy?