surf123 Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 So I broke up with my ex a month ago. We dated for 3 years and while I was at work today she calls me saying that she misses me. I was kinda taken off guard as she was the dumper and me the dumpee. I don't know how to take this. I do still care about her but I'm pretty confused about how she contacted me. The conversation was very short. She was like I'm so sorry for calling you at work after she said she missed me and just got off the phone. Breadcrumbs??? Thanks for any info Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 (edited) It was just a breadcrumb. Next time try to ignore, only respond when she says something like " I made a mistake and i want you back " Edited April 6, 2014 by David87 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 So I broke up with my ex a month ago. We dated for 3 years and while I was at work today she calls me saying that she misses me. I was kinda taken off guard as she was the dumper and me the dumpee. I don't know how to take this. I do still care about her but I'm pretty confused about how she contacted me. The conversation was very short. She was like I'm so sorry for calling you at work after she said she missed me and just got off the phone. Breadcrumbs??? Thanks for any info She's fishing. I take it you've probably not called or gotten in contact with her so she's wondering what you're doing, probably more important if you're with someone else. Ignore it, be careful of being sucked back in or reading too much into stuff. She broke up with you for a reason, even in the short term you might think things will work out, they'll probably wont in the long term. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 She probably panicked and got emotional. Don't read into it unless she sats she wants you back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surf123 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Share Posted April 6, 2014 I've not contacted her but once through text message with no response the first week we broke up and that has been it. The break up could not have came at a better time ,however cause I have family working in my home town for the next month and a half which has helped keep my mind off of things. We both had a trip to Yosemite planned during the end of this month and I think that may be on her mind so this may be the reason for the contact being made. In any event I wont be responding to her unless I do here that she made a mistake and would like to give me another chance. I really appreciate all the advice on the matter from all of those who have chimed in on this post. It has been both good days and ****ty ones since the break up but this site has helped me cope with whatever goes down on the post break up side. Link to post Share on other sites
maturityassets Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Yeah NC really messes with the dumper. An ex of mine kept complaining to her mom and kept texting me ever few weeks confused as to how I could just stop talking to her. They do miss the dumpee but not in the way that they want to be with them, just they feel alone since they aren't in relationship. Avoid contact,it only gets worse if you don't Link to post Share on other sites
Author surf123 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 So my ex text me tonight saying hi and that she would please like to talk to me. I haven't talked to her an a month and a half. She also sent me an email saying she is willing to take the day off from work tomorrow to come and talk to me. She also said she has had some time to think about things. Don't know what that quit means but any advice or input on the matter would help me out. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I think its important for you to figure out what you want. Visit each idea for yourself #1 I made a mistake I want you back......how would you like that to go.... Apology, space, time, willing to work, revisit the issues leading to the split. If you want her back or perhaps not. #2 just breadcrumbs, relieving guilt, sorry for this and that....how would you like that to go...don't want to rehash the past, accept apology, stay strong or breakdown...#3 I've met a new guy...how would you take that, how would you like to react, why you'd say.... I've read your other posts and I don't know what happened and why she dumped you. I don't know how the break up went, events after the breakup... Your thoughts, your healing Etc and of course your thoughts right now. Do you want her back? What does she need to do to prove to you (if she wants you back) that she is committed to making things work. I also don't know if you've replied or not... Either way these are things, thoughts you should make a list of in preparation if you do decide to meet her. If you're super anxious and don't know how its going to go...ask her why she wants to see you. Don't give the control to her...keep it all for yourself....remember how you felt, what you went through, what you want and what changes you want. This is about YOU Damn I'm good!!! :-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surf123 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 To be quit honest and its just my gut, but I think she broke up with me because of wanting to have sex or be with someone else. No facts behind that statement but I just sense that's what went down. After the break up I never said anything but one text to her and that was all. I'll probably ask her what she wants tomorrow cause I haven't responded to her yet. My feeling is she hooked up with who ever was flirting or talking to her or whatever and that didn't work out so now she wants a rebound possibly. I really don't know though but I just have a strong feeling that went down. When I go with my gut usually I'm spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 She just wants to know that she can yank your chain, and have your 'friendship' because it will make her feel so much better about her own behaviour. Do not respond, do not agree, do not meet. Go - and stay - No Contact. Read the Guide in my signature. Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 So my ex text me tonight saying hi and that she would please like to talk to me. I haven't talked to her an a month and a half. She also sent me an email saying she is willing to take the day off from work tomorrow to come and talk to me. She also said she has had some time to think about things. Don't know what that quit means but any advice or input on the matter would help me out. Thanks! do you still love her? I dont know your background story but if you still love her and if I were you I would follow my heart and meet her. she is taking a day off from work to come and talk to you - this means she is making an effort. maybe she wants to go back to you? you will never know if you wont meet her. unless you dont want to go back with her. keep us posted 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somegoodman Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 To be quit honest and its just my gut, but I think she broke up with me because of wanting to have sex or be with someone else. No facts behind that statement but I just sense that's what went down. After the break up I never said anything but one text to her and that was all. I'll probably ask her what she wants tomorrow cause I haven't responded to her yet. My feeling is she hooked up with who ever was flirting or talking to her or whatever and that didn't work out so now she wants a rebound possibly. I really don't know though but I just have a strong feeling that went down. When I go with my gut usually I'm spot on. Trust your gut. The only correct course of action is to never talk to her again. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 do you still love her? I dont know your background story but if you still love her and if I were you I would follow my heart and meet her. she is taking a day off from work to come and talk to you - this means she is making an effort. maybe she wants to go back to you? you will never know if you wont meet her. unless you dont want to go back with her. keep us posted Sorry @ martaldn but this is a really, REALLY bad idea. Nothing good will come of it. She doesn't want to come back; or else she would be giving a far stronger indication. Bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Sorry @ martaldn but this is a really, REALLY bad idea. Nothing good will come of it. She doesn't want to come back; or else she would be giving a far stronger indication. Bad idea. maybe its a bad idea but maybe not.. who knows? how do we know she doesn't want to come back together if he doesnt give her the benefit of the doubt? she is taking a day off to come and talk to him..maybe she wants to meet him face to face and tell him what he feels. or maybe no. I dont know. I have express my opinion because he asked for advice and I have been honest because this is what I would do if I was him. . Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Meet her if you must but do not expect anything to change. She might just want closure for herself? do you still love her? I dont know your background story but if you still love her and if I were you I would follow my heart and meet her. she is taking a day off from work to come and talk to you - this means she is making an effort. maybe she wants to go back to you? you will never know if you wont meet her. unless you dont want to go back with her. keep us posted 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surf123 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 I'm so torn on what to do. Yes I still love her but I've been through enough heart ache and don't wanna get hurt again if this is just some bs. I don't know, just don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Yes, you do know: HEART: I still love her but I've been through enough heart ache .... HEAD: ....and don't wanna get hurt again if this is just some bs You know precisely what it is you SHOULD do - but your heart is trying to convince you otherwise. The correct thing would be to deny, ignore, not respond and stay No Contact. But part of you - the plaintive, heart-broken part - wants the comfort of the possible glimmer of reconciliation. How realistic do you honestly believe that possibility to be? Honestly? Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 I'm so torn on what to do. Yes I still love her but I've been through enough heart ache and don't wanna get hurt again if this is just some bs. I don't know, just don't know. if you are so scared and concerned about that so dont do it... If you change mind and you decide to go and meet her you need to be ready for everything she could be saying to you. the better and the worse. Link to post Share on other sites
somegoodman Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 it's not a good idea to meet her when you're still emotional. blow her off Link to post Share on other sites
Author surf123 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Agreed prob not to good of a time to meet her. Might just ask her want she wants to talk about via text or email though. Link to post Share on other sites
samg313 Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 You said you broke up with her and then said she broke up with you, a little confused over that. This is a new break up though, so of course your heart is trying to over power your brain. remain calm and if she wants to contact you after things clear up in your mind and heart then think about it. I have been in a similar situations before and it never ended well for me Link to post Share on other sites
Author surf123 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 She broke up with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Pine Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 The answer is simple. No need to second or third or fourth guess anything. Just ask her why she wants to talk. Personally, I agree with everyone else when they say go NC and stay NC, but you obviously won't listen since you are debating every shred of advice being given to you. Text her this: "Why do you want to meet, exactly?" That's it; that's all. If she says "to talk", counter with this: "About what, exactly?" She says: "Stuff." You respond: "Not interested. Gotta go. Peace." Unless you get a valid reason for wanting to talk, don't bother. Her telling you that she is taking the day off is simply another manipulative maneuver. She figures since she is opting to stave off a paid day's work, it MUST be important. Ha. Hardly. Waste of time. NC is the best answer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 She broke up with me. let us know how it goes... i mean if you decide to meet her or not 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nimbus4dt Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 If you love her then why don't you see her, just listen, say little, see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
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