youngbutoldsoul Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 When I was 17 I had a long distance relationship with a great guy (also my age) who lived 10 hours away. We dated a year and he dumped me due to "feelings fading" and relocation to a new city. We had NC for 3 years until we ended up meeting each other again last summer out of surprise. I transferred to a university just an hour from his new town. We were cordial and remained on sporadic contact mostly of small talk. For the past month, he faced many unfortunate events (including a breakup) and we communicated more as I showed support for him. What happened in the past was a leArning experience for us both and we definitely have put it behind. He invited me out for the weekend with him And his mom and we had a great time together. I spent the night at their place and he grabbed and kissed me for the first time in 4 years. I'm so overwhelmed with emotions now. I feel like old flames are reignited and as we are kissing and acting more like a couple, I just question the future of this because we never discussed the past issues and more importantly, he basnt said anything about our future. What do you guys think I should do? I like him and feel like we are new people now Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Chill out and act natural and see where it leads. Don't kill a good moment by overanalyzing it. Just have fun and see where it goes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 For the past month? Does that mean he faced a breakup in the last month? Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted April 12, 2014 Author Share Posted April 12, 2014 For the past month? Does that mean he faced a breakup in the last month? He broke up with his ex more than a month ago. It involved domestic abuse so in no way does he have any romantic feelings. I don't believe it's a rebound at all if that's your assumption. It very well could be though. It's just, at this point, it's too early to know. He hasn't tried to be physical or sexual or inappropriate. He's very respectful and mild in terms of his romantic behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 After that amount of time, people do change and want different things. Maybe he's come to realise this. If you only want something serious, question him now, otherwise enjoy your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted April 12, 2014 Author Share Posted April 12, 2014 After that amount of time, people do change and want different things. Maybe he's come to realise this. If you only want something serious, question him now, otherwise enjoy your feelings. He hasn't talked about anything serious yet. I want it though clearly. Should I ask and confront him? Or would that be too strong? I mean he was the one who dumped me long ago in the past. Should I just wait it out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted April 12, 2014 Author Share Posted April 12, 2014 I really miss him and wish he would share with me his true intentions soon.... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Honestly, if you are this anxious about everything, you are going to smother any chance you might have with this guy. Take a deep breath and chill out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 I've been seeing him more often, he touches me a lot and likes to kiss me but he will not open up his feelings to him about our past nor our future. I don't know what to do! I would really appreciate some advice on what to do especially since we have a road trip planned together this weekend and I don't know how much longer this borderline-relationship thing we have going on will last Link to post Share on other sites
The dot Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Date and have fun, but don't expect a serious relationship. You're too young for that anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 Date and have fun, but don't expect a serious relationship. You're too young for that anyway. We're not really dating. he hasn't officially asked me out again... I just don't want him to treat me like something unofficial for so long, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
The dot Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 We're not really dating. he hasn't officially asked me out again... I just don't want him to treat me like something unofficial for so long, you know? Well, at your age, that's probably what's going to happen. Now if you and him were 25, I'd give you a different answer. But at this stage, the two of you should be dating casually and also seeing other people on the side. If after doing that the two of you are serious about each other, then go for it. But the whole "on again off again" thing with only ONE person is just a waste of your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 I do value your opinion. I do think age is a factor to consider. I find it kind of beautiful that we met again after almost half a decade. I'm not saying I want to settle with this guy, it would just be nice for me to know his true intentions since he left me in the past and it hurt me a lot. He definitely isn't sexual so I don't think he's looking for a fling. I just don't know if he genuinely enjoys my company or if I'm just a person to "fill in" that gap that his ex left behind, you know? I'm not going to limit myself to JUST this guy, but at least on my end, I would prefer something more ongoing and regular than to allocate my time and resources to so many other people (which I have already done, I have dated plenty already to enjoy my singlehood but Its time i want that special someone and I don't think I should be deprived or discouraged from that simply because of my age). Link to post Share on other sites
The dot Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I do value your opinion. I do think age is a factor to consider. I find it kind of beautiful that we met again after almost half a decade. I'm not saying I want to settle with this guy, it would just be nice for me to know his true intentions since he left me in the past and it hurt me a lot. He definitely isn't sexual so I don't think he's looking for a fling. I just don't know if he genuinely enjoys my company or if I'm just a person to "fill in" that gap that his ex left behind, you know? I'm not going to limit myself to JUST this guy, but at least on my end, I would prefer something more ongoing and regular than to allocate my time and resources to so many other people (which I have already done, I have dated plenty already to enjoy my singlehood but Its time i want that special someone and I don't think I should be deprived or discouraged from that simply because of my age). Have you seen the divorce rates of people who marry at 21? Go and look it up. It's around 80%. There's a reason for that. Studies have shown most people's brains don't fully mature until they're 30, and we're seeing that in this case too. You're going back to ground you've already ploughed rather than looking elsewhere, why? There are 7 billion people in the world after all, and you want to go back with someone who has dumped you once already and apparently doesn't know his intentions this time around. Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted April 22, 2014 Author Share Posted April 22, 2014 What do you guys think? I just got back from a weekend getaway with him, it was very romantic but he still hasn't officially asked me out. So I learned more about his feelings through conversation over dinner. he mentioned he would never go back to his recent ex and said his mentality is "one shot only" (so why so romantic and kiss me so much?). Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 If you are comfortable with it, continue it. If not, don't. And you could always just ask him where he sees this going. I mean, it sounds like you guys are basically dating anyway. Like before, you need to stop overthinking everything. If you have a question, ask it. If you have a concern, voice it. If you aren't comfortable, then discontinue it. If you really like him, then just have fun and tell your brain to stop getting in the way. I mean, not everyone starts a relationship with a formal "Will you go out with me?" type conversation. Sometimes it just happens naturally on its own power. But I really think you are making a mountain out of a molehill right now and the more you overthink and stew, the more likely you are to sabotage yourself (I've done this before). If you are really concerned or curious about something, just ask. Don't let it fester and build like you seem to be doing right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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