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Ex is back in touch... Can a beast turn into a prince?


Loveisonlyformovies

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Loveisonlyformovies

Background: I was in a LDR for a year (on and off) with a guy I met online. I thought he was the perfect guy for me, but i never met him. I tried some times but he never tried to meet me.

 

A year ago in january he broke up with me, just to go out dating someone else on valentines two weeks later, a girl he had first seen on new years. I was completely destroyed of course.

 

they got together quite fast, they are very close to each others families (i wasn't even allowed to say hi to them)and he took her abroad after just 3 months (which hurt since he couldn't "afford" to visit me... he knows i'm a virgin and see sex as a big thing and of course he had to tell me he sleeps with her after just a few weeks.. He even convinced me that she was pregnant, afterwards he laughed and said he just wanted to see my reaction, i was really sad.

 

 

They have been together for over a year now. The first 7 months I could barely leave bed or eat and I even dropped out of school. Since the break up he often got back in touch, first checking up on me just to end up telling me more about her and how much better she is and how guys would only want me for sex and how the break up was all my fault etc.

 

In December we had a big fight again and I told him that his girlfriend is really ugly, which i think that she is, after he had told a friend of mine that i'm pathetic and so on... He told me to never talk to him again.

A month later my indian friend, who thought he could help me, wrote to my ex and said i'm hurting myself (which i did) and how much i missed him, he talked to me again and said i should control my friends better and how he had hoped to never hear from me again. I told him that i had never talked to him again if he hadn't written first, then i blocked him. And he responded by blocking me on my other account that i barely use.

 

 

I still haven't unblocked his account and it's been almost two months now. Which is huge for me because i've never been able to stay away from him unless he blocks me. I deleted all my other accounts on facebook just to keep myself from looking at his and his girlfriend's profile. It took me a year to just get to that point.

I'm slowly starting to believe in love again, that maybe there's someone out there who won't make me feel used and hurt me and just play with my head just for the fun of it. That there's actually any guy out there over 20 who's still a virgin and who'd want me for other reason than sex even though I can't believe I'll ever find such person :/ .... That I deserve someone better than my ex. I study again, I'm suffering from depression and panic anxiety but I'm trying to make progress even though it's hard.

 

Yesterday he contacted me on facebook again. Apparently he had another account that I didn't know about so hadn't blocked it. He added me and I was shocked since he had told me to never contact him again so i accepted and we began talking. He first of course.

 

We've talked for two days and of course he tells me how much sex means to him now, how many new activities and sports he tries, which i know is only because of her, and now he even had to mention her name and that he's already planning another christmas with her. But he also tells me he's proud of me, how i should get a boyfriend, especially in his educational field or someone like him, that i'm pretty, and other confusing things just to talk about her later

 

 

He knows I can't be his friend. He knows I'm still in love with him and haven't been able to move on. Yet he tells me such things... I'm not innocent to all argues we have had, but i mostly react due to my depression and my hurt feelings, what he's doing is emotional abuse and he has done it since i got to know him.

 

I want to take him down from his pedestal, i want to tell him how he has hurt me and what monster he really is (he says he just is like that to me) and i know it'd hurt him. But to be honest, I want him back. I love him. I want to be the girl in his life, he treats his girlfriend like a princess and does anything for her, i just want what she has :/.

 

Basically, I still hope that this beast can turn into a prince. I would do anything to get him back. I dont know why he's talking to me after thinking i'm so horrible. He knows we can never be friends. That's why I dont dare to tell him what kind of monster he is. I'm scared it would ruin my non-existent chances. But maybe he just talks to me because he's bored and his girlfriend's busy, it has happened before.. I even think they are spending this night together.

 

Problem: What should I do? should I just keep it casual to find out what he wants? Should I tell him how he has hurt me? should i try to win him back? do i have any chance at all?

 

I'm so confused, I need advice. I'm happy when talking to him, I still like him just as much, but it also gives him the control to break me when it pleases him, even though him mentioning her doesn't hurt as much anymore.

 

Please help :/ this still controls my life.. i love him and want him to e happy, but parts of me want him to feel the pain he has caused me but i dont know how to make it happened. I dont even know if i can ever get or even deserve better than him. I just dont know what to do right now :/

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amaysngrace

He doesn't treat his GF like a princess if he's going behind her back to stalk you, now is he?

 

He is treating her badly too. That's the way he treats his women.

 

Don't take it personally. Just be glad you aren't his GF. Don't envy her. Feel sorry for her. And count your lucky stars that's he's out of your life.

 

And blocking his new FB account is the perfect way for you to tell him to fck off...

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Hey, I've read your story and I am so sorry that this is happening to you.

 

If you want my advice, you need to block his new account. He can't show up in your life to mess things up like this and you shouldn't allow him to. You do deserve better than this; this guy is a major douche.

 

Think about the progress you have made since you blocked this dude and think about how much you could move forward if you just continue to keep him out of your life.

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Loveisonlyformovies

But he really does treat her good though, he even base his entire life around her... And I do wonder if he just read all my posts yesterday when adding me again, since he commented on some things i had posted weeks ago, or if he actually stalks me O.o

 

Even though i did block him and stopped viewing his profile and even deleted all pics i had of him, it was still hard. Everytime someone in school talks about his/her partner/husband/wife or if i see romantic movies or songs, i start to cry. It feels like i still need closure and that blocking isn't enough, that it only let him win by proving he makes me weak and hurt.

 

Saying what i think of him and hurt him, could provide closure but there's also a big chance that i wouldn't be able to forgive myself since i'd definitely never get him back then :/ I've been feeling worthless and disgusting for over a year now and I can't get that feeling off even if other guys say sweet things to me :/

 

He also have pictures and videos of me i'm really ashamed of and regret now. He says he deleted them a year ago, but I fear he might still have them and would use them against me in the future :/

 

What if i block him and never finds something better? I hate that he's happy when he doesn't deserve to be and i fear that karma wont fix it for me..

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amaysngrace

He's not happy if he's still looking you up and wondering how you're doing.

 

And he's not a good BF if he's doing it behind his GFs back. Remember how you felt knowing that he met someone else around Valentines day? Imagine how she will feel if she knew he's still looking at you. He treats you both badly by being disrespectful to both of you.

 

Nope...he's not a prince. And most likely never will be.

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Loveisonlyformovies

maybe he just want to make me suffer even more.. or make sure i get a boyfriend and wont bother him again, i dont know :/

he blames the break up and his behaviour sicne then on me. His girlfriend doesn't classify LDR as real relationships so she doesn't care at all. Besides, she has full access to his accounts and laptop :/

 

 

then what should i do to get these awful feelings away? :/ blocking clearly doesn't help and after over a year, i feel just as bad so time doesn't heal either

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Not blocking him is keeping you from finding someone better. He's draining you emotionally and keeping you from moving on. I'm sorry if this is harsh, but he's still with someone else and a few compliments to keep you confused don't change that. You are getting nothing but emotional pain out of this situation.

 

I know it's really difficult, but you need to focus on the positive things you've accomplished without him. Stop worrying about getting him back and try to cut him out of your life entirely so you can keep moving forward and don't lose the progress you've made.

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amaysngrace

You seriously want him back? You say he may be contacting you to make you suffer...sounds like a real winner...

 

The guy is really really mean to you. Why in earth would you want him in your life? How could you love someone who treats you like crap?

 

Love isn't suppose to make you feel worthless, disrespected and in pain. If those are the things he brings to your life he does not love you.

 

Love is suppose to be a soft landing....not being hit by a baseball bat.

 

He treats you terribly. Why would you want to give your love to someone like that?

 

You don't think you can find someone better? Really? He set the bar very low. It shouldn't be that difficult to find somebody nicer.

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LostConfused123

OMG!!! This is so sad!!

 

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!!

 

Seriously, you didn't just dodge a bullet, you dodged a hand grenade!

This man (I use that term loosely) is absolutely horrible to you.

 

NO CONTACT all the way!!! the first few weeks will be painful, no question but you deserve so much better and you will get over him. Even if it doesn't seem like it. You will!

 

((hugs!!))

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Dont waste another minute of your time on him. The fact he didnt want to meet you should send alarm bells.

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Loveisonlyformovies

it just sort of feel that everything i've done so far has been to better myself in his eyes to somehow regain my dignity or winning him back :/

 

I guess i just still hope he'll change :/ he's not like this to anyone but me so he must really hate me...

 

I really can't find someone better though :/ I've tried

 

I guess I should just tell him to stay out of my life and then block him,but i fear him forgetting about me completely. What if karma doesn't exist? what if he never gets to pay for what he has done to me?

No contact for months has made no effect previously :/

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Why don't you date locally? There is nothing healthy about investing so much emotion into someone you have never met.

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Loveisonlyformovies

I really don't wanna date anyone in this town, or from my country. I don't believe in dating, everyone reminds me of my ex in one way or another and then i just don't find them good enough. Besides, I'm clearly not a girl people wanna date... my ex made that clear but he was telling the truth, people ask me to sleep with them, they dont wanna date me :/

 

LDR can work out for some people, I just wish I could find a good guy so it could work out for me as well :/ at least to start with

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LostConfused123
I really don't wanna date anyone in this town, or from my country. I don't believe in dating, everyone reminds me of my ex in one way or another and then i just don't find them good enough. Besides, I'm clearly not a girl people wanna date... my ex made that clear but he was telling the truth, people ask me to sleep with them, they dont wanna date me :/

 

LDR can work out for some people, I just wish I could find a good guy so it could work out for me as well :/ at least to start with

I don't even know you and I know that is absolutely untrue!!!

 

There are many guys that would love to date you.

I can't believe this douche rocket "made that clear" to you???

 

He's just a big meanie!!!

 

Once you get some self respect and understand your worth, you will find a man that will cherish you and make you cry tears of joy, not pain. by the way, I know after rejection, our self esteem takes a huge blow. Mine did too. I felt worthless for a while. Thank God I'm rediscovering my awesomeness :D You will too. If you let yourself.

((hugs!!))

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This is so similar to what happened to me too. Except he lives not far from my parents. But he disgusts me so much, I want nothing to do with him. It was easy not to contact him at all, after that.

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Besides, I'm clearly not a girl people wanna date... my ex made that clear but he was telling the truth, people ask me to sleep with them, they dont wanna date me :/

 

LDR can work out for some people, I just wish I could find a good guy so it could work out for me as well :/ at least to start with

 

Oh OP, you really got to take this guy off of a pedestal. I know it is hard, but believe it or not it can be a conscious decision you make. One day, things will just be crystal clear to you and you're not going to want to deal or dwell in this feeling anymore and are going to leave this kid in the past.

 

He is NOT the voice of an entire gender. One person's opinion is just that - ONE PERSON'S. Like others have said, there are plenty of guys who would love to date you. You have my personal promise.

 

Don't take what this guy said so seriously. He clearly does not know you. Don't let him be the one who dictates how you feel about yourself. He really is not worth it :sick:

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pickflicker
it just sort of feel that everything i've done so far has been to better myself in his eyes to somehow regain my dignity or winning him back :/

 

I guess i just still hope he'll change :/ he's not like this to anyone but me so he must really hate me...

 

I really can't find someone better though :/ I've tried

 

I guess I should just tell him to stay out of my life and then block him,but i fear him forgetting about me completely. What if karma doesn't exist? what if he never gets to pay for what he has done to me?

No contact for months has made no effect previously :/

 

Have you thought about counselling for your low self esteem?

 

Trust me, being single is better than being with a loser.

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Loveisonlyformovies

Maybe you're all right :/ I just want to turn back time to the time when I was happy with him.

Now he hasn't talked to me since he mentioned his girlfriend's name again :/

 

It hurts even when we don't have any contact. I haven't been able to look myself in the mirror for 7 months because he has made me feel so disgusting. I still skip classes sometimes because i can't make it out of bed because i miss him. I sometimes hurt myself for being so stupid and losing him. NC isn't enough, it still feels like I can't get closure at all :/.

I really cannot believe I'll find someone better for me or anyone at all who'd care for me and not just sex.

 

I've been thinking for a year of sending him an email of how he has hurt me, even though that would include that i still like him, and let him know what monster he has become and telling him to stay out of my life. Partly I fear that he won't care, partly I fear it might make him mad because I can't give up hope of winning him back one day, that he might find me good enough one day. I wanna hurt him but fear it at the same time. But I really need closure somehow and NC doesn't bring that and this is slowly killing me and i don't know what i should do :(

I know i'll regret if i give him up, i already can't forgiving myself for not being enough for him. But I also think i'll regret it if i dont tell him how horrible he is and use his weaknesses against him since i believe i'll never get another opportunity to do so...

 

My friends tell me to just let go. I've tried but it doesn't make me feel better at all, and it's been a year now and i dont want it to take much more of my life :/

 

I really don't know what to do.

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Loveisonlyformovies

So talked to my ex the other night and he said he want to stay around and try to be friends...

 

I've explained earlier what type of guy he is, he still puts me down and blame me for everything, but now I'm completely convinced that I wont find any better, so even though it kills me that he's with he's new girlfriend and tell me all about how happier he is with her, i'm staying around because he's the only one who can make me feel somewhat happy at times, even if just for minutes...

 

So how to deny and hide all hurt feelings and tears so i can be his friend?

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Ummmm......Not advising you to remain friends with this jerkface. All you are doing is clinging to a temporary and fake, happiness. You are hopelessly defeating yourself right now! Submitting to being nothing mere more than a doormat, for an abusive jerk, whom you are no longer with.

 

Do you not have any self-respect? You only see that you are unable to find happiness with another or in yourself. First, you need to find happiness with yourself. When you can be happy with you, and happy alone: Your self - worth will increase to the point that you don't need someone else to make you happy, and survive alone.

 

Depending on someone else to make you happy, is a sure way of losing that happiness.

 

Have you even tried to move on? Look elsewhere? Perhaps deal with whatever issues you may have? Do not cling to this guy, that is a sure fire way to even more unhappiness!

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Loveisonlyformovies

I've never depended on anyone else to be happy. I already know no one else will make me happy.

He's not that much of a jerk if his girlfriend is still happy with him, somehow she got everything i ever wanted and i'm the one still hurting.

 

 

Of course I have tried that, it's been useless for over a year now.. :/ he is the only one who has ever been crazy enough to care for me, i wont exactly find something better than him. he broke me down completely and i've tried every way to build myself up again but still i care for nothing more than the fact he doesn't think i'm good enough :/

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amaysngrace

You need counseling. Please make an appointment.

 

Or if it's legal where you live smoke a lot of pot.

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VeronicaRoss

Please, please, please go to a counselor. Print out your note here and hand it to them.

 

This guy is a major messed up human being. But the biggest problem is your self esteem, depression, self-harm, dropping out of school. Often when people don't have self-esteem they'll find someone that harms them and becomes the instrument of pain they think they deserve. You could and should get rid of this guy, but that won't protect you from your lack of caring enough for yourself to say no to these guys in the first place.

 

You've never met this guy and you've handed your whole life to him. That shouldn't happen at any point, you need to work on your own interests, accomplish goals, make yourself proud of you, see yourself as valuable. Then you will never want to hand yourself over to someone like this. Don't date until you've been working on yourself and the self-hatred, depression and harming has been dealt with. Good luck.

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Loveisonlyformovies
You need counseling. Please make an appointment.

 

Or if it's legal where you live smoke a lot of pot.

 

have had therapy for months and there's nothing they can do on this matter at all^^ they can't exactly help me to revenge on him.

 

and i'm rather dead than ever using any drugs at all, that is to kill the small dignity i still have left

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Loveisonlyformovies
Please, please, please go to a counselor. Print out your note here and hand it to them.

 

This guy is a major messed up human being. But the biggest problem is your self esteem, depression, self-harm, dropping out of school. Often when people don't have self-esteem they'll find someone that harms them and becomes the instrument of pain they think they deserve. You could and should get rid of this guy, but that won't protect you from your lack of caring enough for yourself to say no to these guys in the first place.

 

You've never met this guy and you've handed your whole life to him. That shouldn't happen at any point, you need to work on your own interests, accomplish goals, make yourself proud of you, see yourself as valuable. Then you will never want to hand yourself over to someone like this. Don't date until you've been working on yourself and the self-hatred, depression and harming has been dealt with. Good luck.

 

 

 

those things are only related to him though. I've tried all ways to move on and months of NC with him, but my mind won't get any piece until that bastard knows i'm better than he'll ever deserve because he thinks he's flawless and the perfect boyfriend.

Now he's actually blackmailing me so don't have much choice than just put up with it :/

 

I know what I'm worth, I just don't believe I'll find anyone who can see it though. I know I can be happy alone and that I need to work on myself but i'm scared i'll be alone for more years. i'm enough convinced of it to want to apply to ivf now because i really don't believe i'll find anyone who'll stay by my side.

 

Deleting him out of my life has been no good so far, i really need my closure somehow, i just don't know how to reach it :/

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