LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Second Chances

Still In Love...cant Move On>>>but She Has..please Help!


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

Old 19th August 2004, 1:24 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5
Still In Love...cant Move On>>>but She Has..please Help!

Hello everyone, thanks for reading my post and listening to my problems. Its good to know that theres ppl i can talk to that know how im feeling! Well im sure this has been talked about b4 many of times but heres my story. Hope someone can help!


It all started in high school, She was the first girl i dated for over a month, my first love, the first girl to make love to. my high school sweet heart. Never thought i would fall in love w/ her, but i did! We dated for 2 years and spent every moment together.

We had our fights and our break ups that lasted a day. We both were very immature and i had no idea what love was and what it was like to be w/ someone else. I loved to party and be w/ my friends. She didnt like to party that much and didnt like my friends. so i would go out w/ out her and she didnt like that. well one night i did something w/ a girl..we didnt have sex but i still cheated. I was affarid to tell her so i didnt, and when she found out i lied about it.

well i knew it wasnt right, but i had been having the feeling of wanting to see what it was like to be w/ someone else. b/c our relationship was getting serious and at my age that scared me. so i broke up w/ her and told her i needed time.

So i went out and partied w/ all my friends, and had a few one night stands. It was great for about 2 weeks, when i realized that i missed her. So i decided to get her back, it was hard but i did, and i told her everything , exactly what happend when i cheated on her, and that i had sex w/ other girls during our break up...I said im telling u this b/c i want to be w/ u and to be honest about everything from here on out.

So I was, didnt lie or cheat again on her. She said she forgave me and trusted me again. but i new it wouldnt be that easy. the trust wasnt there, she didnt want me to go out, she didnt want me to drink, she didnt want me to see some of my close friends b/c she didnt trust them. And she wanted to be every place i was.

It was hard, being 18 and not be able to party and hang out w/ my close friends. I tired to make plans , where we would spend most of the time together, but also have times w/ friends, but she didnt want to hang out w/ her friends. always wanted to be w/ me.

Well now i was gratuating from high school and getting ready to go to college. And for about a year we were together every moment and we started getting in fights about every little thing. Made me think it wasnt working out
so i start making plans of breaking it off w/ her.

Then the un thinkable happend..her dad died in a bike reck. I cant break up with her now i thought. so ill stick it out. I spent as much time as i could w/ her to help her through it the first 2 weeks. But we just would end up fighting. I knew she had alot of stress going on. but i was just tired of it, and didnt know what to do.

so about 3 weeks i broke up w/ her...felt really bad, and being very selfish..but i didnt no any better. I told her that we needed a break, and that i needed time to think about things. that we were together to much. Well she kept calling and wouldnt give me time to think. So i ended up telling her that i didnt think i loved her anymore..she was very up set and i didnt hear from her after that.

SO i got my time to think about us, and it didnt take me long to fig. out that i wanted her back.
so i gave her a call and told her i loved her and wanted to get back w/ her. thinking it would be that easy. Boy was i wrong, she said she couldnt, that she loved me but is tired of getting hurt.

So i sent her flowers , love letters , promise ring,and everything. but wasnt enough. i ran out of ideas, so i fig. i would give her the time she needs to fig. out what she wants. and we decide to be friends no matter what happens.

well its really hard being JUST friends w/ someone u love w/ all ur heart. so being the dumb immature person i was i told her i couldnt handle seeing her everyday and not beable to be w/ her. so after about a few weeks of that, i decide i also cant live w/ seeing her. So confused..so i try to be friends w/ her, she says ok , but it wasnt. things had changed.

so it was about 3 weeks or so when i decide i will talk to her again to tell her how much i love her and still want to be w/ her. she said she loved me but still needed more time to be alone and just be single. so im like ok , ur not going to date anyone. she said no i like being single. i asked her about one guy. she said never, were just friends..then i find out 2 days later that they started dating!

I freaked out, i didnt no how to act. she wouldnt talk to me. So i snapped like i never thought i would.. and did something i will feel bad about forever...i started to call her every name in the book. i dont know why..and as i saw her shocked but not really caring what i said...i snapped again, and started beating my car..(what a dumbass i know) but like i said i never felt like this b4 , and didnt no how to act.

By this time, i had nothing but hate for her. So i started telling my friends secerts and everything that made her look bad. (another immature thing)

but after i had time to cool down and reflect, i knew i was all dumb **** and i was very immature, i told her i was sorry, i was just very upset and didnt no how to act. she said alright, but at this point we couldnt be friends b/c she was dating someone else and he would get very upset when i would talk to her on the phone. she told me she loved him and wanted to be w/ him. (which made me very upset to hear the girl i love fall in love w/ someone in just a month)

So to not cause her anymore pain, i did as she asked and didnt call her no more, and moved on as she has. I decided to leave for school. to help get away and forget about her and move on.

It helped not seeing her or hearing about her from everyone i knew...b/c no one knew her. It was great, i could finally move on w/ mylife. I started dating again, but kept comparing my new g/f w/ my ex. And then i found myself still thinking about her, and when we would go out i would see something and would think to myself how much my ex would love to see that..little things like that kept me from moving on.

So b/c my new g/f could see that i was still in love, we ended up breaking up...and this happend 2 more times w/ 2 other girls. But i fig. hey she was my first. its going to be hard to forget.

so after about 8 months of not seeing or hearing from her, i move back home. Still thinking of her everyday , i would even dream about her, and wake up crying sometimes..because of how much i missed her. I soon found out she only dated that guy for about 2 months and they broke up, and then started dating another guy. for about 2 months, and just started dating this new guy.

Well i decided to go see her at work one day. we havent seen each other for almost a year now. I fig. she would be happy to see me and b/c she didnt have that jelous b/f ne more we could talk. well i was wrong again. she didnt even talk to me, she looked the other way. I ended up talking to her friends, and then after about 10 mins. of feeling like an ass, i decided to leave. It was hard enough to get the guts to see her, w/o breaking down..i was shaking really bad when i saw her, i couldnt stop, i was really nervous.

i called her to see why she acted that way, she said she was sorry , she didnt mean to blow me off. i said its ok, lets talk and hang out sometime. she said she wasnt sure, that she would call me. well she never did.

So i said to myself, why am i putting myself through this..she must not care about me anymore..i need to forget about her.. well the more i tired the worse it got. so i thought one last time i would talk to her best friend and have her talk to her for me. well the best friend told me that she talked to her and she said that if we were to get back together that i would have to change, and wouldnt go out and drink anymore.(which i would do, for one i dont care about htat ne more,and sec. i would do anything for her)..but then she said that she was dating someone right now and that i would have to wait...so thats not bad news, but not great news either..the best friend told me that it wont last, and that he is bad news.

But that leaves me back to the start...waiting...thinking about her everyday...wanting to see her and talk to her, but dont b/c i dont want to push her away anymore then i have..trying to let her live her life...i ended up wearing a bracelet she made me back when we were together. to kinda show my love, and make sure i never forget about what i did to push her away and never do it again.

What do i do....how do i cope?? should i wait...which i will prolly do, while keeping my options up for new love..but even when i meet other girls, i think of her..my heart and mind wont let me move on..i feel so dumb for letting myself be this way..why cant i forget her and move on....

well any help or any comments would be GREAT! thanks for listening!
still'n'love is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th August 2004, 11:42 AM   #2
NotaBadGuy
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Live life

Still,

Sorry to hear about your pains over this woman. I assume you are around 20-22 now? Anyways, the best advice I can give you is to attempt to move on. That doesn't mean not to care about her, but it does mean to take care of yourself first. If you want the best for her and truly care about her, then let her be. You have initiated contact again. Now leave it up to her to contact you next. That channels are there, just let them be.

If you are in school, focus on that. You now have to let time take its course. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but you need to let her be who she is and find herself. The future may have you both together, it may not. You don't know either way. What you do need to do is evaluate the relationship and use it to your advantage. By that, I mean to work on the negatives. And in the end, if it does not work out, it was for a reason - it was not meant to be. If that be the case, you have to be patient and wait. When you do find the someone, make sure you love them like you've never been hurt. Its only fair that way.
  Reply With Quote
Old 19th August 2004, 1:30 PM   #3
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5
thanks

Thank you for your advise. You are probably right. I should just let faith play its course. If she wants to be w/ me then she will come to me. She knows how i feel, nothing more i can do. Im still hard on myself about it. Thinking of her and missing her, and I hate myself for ever hurting someone i love so much. But i guess i shall just try to move on and keep busy and surround myself w/ loved ones. Even though i think about her and miss her, im still happy that we had a chance to be together. If anything i feel this has made me a better or at least stronger and more mature person. JUST WISH IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER!!! Sucks!...

Well thanks for the reply...[color=black][/color][color=darkred][/color][color=red][/color]
still'n'love is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th August 2004, 1:42 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Where the Sun Shines
Posts: 592
You acted like a complete jerk to her, and I think it's best you learn your lessons and move on to another relationship. If I was her, I would never ever get back together with you. There are some things that you can't forget. Any relationship that you hope to have with her is poisoned from the past. This is harsh of me to say, but true. She is not coming back.

Find another girl. Treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Stop obsessing over this highschool sweetheart. Let it go. Take what you have learned and grow from it.
__________________
"A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest."
- Simon & Garfunkel
CaterpillarGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th August 2004, 4:36 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Heartbreak USA!
Posts: 322
NO NO CaterpillarGirl... he has a way out... but it will take some work... and he will have to do something.... inconsiderate... sorta...

What you need to do is find a girl you can hang out with, have a good time, love in a way that takes no emotional commitment and care for her like you woulda cared for that ex. The key is somehow getting that ex to find out what your up to with this girl and having someone, either her or her friend, see your conduct and that you've 'changed'. I'ts inconsiderate because in a way, you are using this girl to lure the other one back, but you can avoid this making sure this girl realizes your just there to fix/better yourself and to enjoy her company. On the other hand, the **** hits the fan when despite you telling this girl your just there to 'hang-out', she starts to let herself go and falls in love with you. Either way, I think you should do it because one way or the other you'll have someone loving you at the end.

Bottomline is, forget what you've done... forgive yourself.... and make all the GOOD inside just come out.... pour it all out all over anyone and everyone. Before too long, someone will want you like I want a Ferrari! If your lucky, your ferrari will be miss Ex, if not, your ferrari will be anyone who's lucky. but remember, the key is for her to find out how well you treat the new girl OH and also, when your around your miss ex, don't shrivel up with nerves, have some confidence and make her want you again.

Peace
WantanS4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th August 2004, 9:32 PM   #6
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5
Thanks everyone! I know now what i need to do. Everyones comments were different but i took one thing out of them all. And i think its truly the answer. Thanks.. I already feel better!
still'n'love is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th August 2004, 12:55 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Where the Sun Shines
Posts: 592
Angry ANOTHER IDIOT

Quote:
Originally posted by WantanS4
What you need to do is find a girl you can hang out with, have a good time, love in a way that takes no emotional commitment and care for her like you woulda cared for that ex. The key is somehow getting that ex to find out what your up to with this girl and having someone, either her or her friend, see your conduct and that you've 'changed'. I'ts inconsiderate because in a way, you are using this girl to lure the other one back, but you can avoid this making sure this girl realizes your just there to fix/better yourself and to enjoy her company. On the other hand, the **** hits the fan when despite you telling this girl your just there to 'hang-out', she starts to let herself go and falls in love with you. Either way, I think you should do it because one way or the other you'll have someone loving you at the end.
Are you insane?! That is some messed up shxt! If you really want to be a player *********, go ahead and do this.

So to show my ex how much I've grown up, I'll lie to another girl, be incosiderate of her feelings, and then manipulate my ex into "exposing" her true feelings. But hey, it doesn't matter, because I'm bound to get one of them, even if I don't love them. Because I'm shallow and self-centered, and as long as I'm getting some tail, it doesn't matter if I have truly connected to another person.

You are SICK and have no idea what love is. Women aren't toys to mess around with.
CaterpillarGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th August 2004, 2:53 PM   #8
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 22
Re: ANOTHER IDIOT

Quote:
Originally posted by CaterpillarGirl
Are you insane?! That is some messed up shxt! If you really want to be a player *********, go ahead and do this.

So to show my ex how much I've grown up, I'll lie to another girl, be incosiderate of her feelings, and then manipulate my ex into "exposing" her true feelings. But hey, it doesn't matter, because I'm bound to get one of them, even if I don't love them. Because I'm shallow and self-centered, and as long as I'm getting some tail, it doesn't matter if I have truly connected to another person.

You are SICK and have no idea what love is. Women aren't toys to mess around with.
And you do know what love is? You'd do well to remember that guys aren't toys either.



Still,

I'm in a very similar situation to your own. However I didnt cheat on her at all I love my ex with all my heart and we still talk and hang out. We often tell each other we love one another but she "needs time to heal" from the hurt that I put her through. I'd imagine your ex feels the exact same way. I've been waiting for months for my ex to figure things out and whatnot and the more I look at it, the more I think to myself "why am I doing this...I'm only hurting myself waiting for her," but everytime I try to walk away from it, I remember how much she means to me. I believe your only choice is to wait. Whether you like it or not, you will think about her, you will miss her, and you still love her.
However don't sit idly by while she has fun with other guys go out have fun with other girls and most importantlly don't close yourself off from other females. Your ex is not your girlfriend so don't miss out on an oppurtunity for something better, because your saving yourself for your ex, which as of this point isn't even a sure thing. I hope I've helped atleast a little bit, but like I said I'm going through pretty much the same thing and it does suck. Good luck man, keep us updated.

-Luvhurtsme
LuvHurtsme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th August 2004, 5:05 PM   #9
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5
Thanks man, i fig. that i cant forget her, but owe it to myself to keep my options open and find someone else. Im just going to try and be strong and when i do see my ex, i wont be the lil sad love puppy i was, instead ill be strong and show her what shes missing out on and what made her fall in love w/ me in the first place. If it dont work out, i will truly miss her, but now realize that i must move on even though its hard and it hurts. I know if i stay true to myself i will get what i want! Thanks for the advise, helps to know that im not the only one going through tough times like these..Makes me want to try alil harder to better myself and make my love strong again!
still'n'love is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Helping my love move on.... hbeezee Dating 5 15th November 2005 3:55 AM
I cannot move on! I am in love with my first boyfriend ten years later! sfbjavsbh1437 General Relationship Discussion 4 1st April 2005 12:56 PM
Is is behavour nomal should i try and move on even though i love him Iloveadam Coping 1 7th September 2004 12:48 PM
I still love my ex and don't know how to move on. lonelygirl2003 Coping 9 27th September 2003 2:41 PM
Do i tell him i love him before i move away? Couture Second Chances 1 7th September 2003 4:00 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 6:12 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.