What's really happening here?

[justmoving]

Hi, i'm new in here and any input you give me will be good.

 

It's somewhat a longstory so i ask for your patience.

I was in a relationship with this girl for 16 months and she broke it off 4 months ago out of the blue. We were pretty much inlove the hole time and it was a perfect relationship at least i think so. We never ever fought in this hole time partly because of me as i am really a patient guy and because i knew what she had suffered a lot from previous relations. She's a depressive person and takes anti-depressants for a few years now so i know that living with herself must be pretty hard. I have been a pilar for her in every way, she was really down a half a year ago and had a big discussion with her parents and she decided she couldn't stay with them and decided to live the country wich was hard on both. She left the country and on the first night there she called me at 2 am crying asking me to go live with her there. Offcourse and because i loved her and was scared that some harm might happen to her, i quit my job and in 3 weeks i was there with her. 5 weeks passed i got a job there and on my second day of work she calls me crying she wanted to go to a hospital because she was feeling bad( anti-depressant issue), so i did all that i could to revert the issue, but she couldn't take it anymore and asked me to come home with her and offcourse i did because she was the reason i left in the first place. a few months passed all was good, and she got a new job, and one morning she texted me telling me she wanted to end it but that she loved me and that i was the perfect boyfriend and blablabla but hasn't justified or giving me a real reason just told me she wanted to be alone and dedicate herself to the job. You must know how it felt for me after all that we been through.

 

Then i did all the wrong things, not begging but trying to get her back at all costs. She blocked me on FB all that ****. One month after the breakup came to my ears that someone i used to call a friend started going out with her because she needed to talk with someone. I know this guy for 12 years and i know what he wants if you get me..I'm wasn't mad with her because i know her well and she really doenst have many friends most likely none, and it's good for her to talk to someone, but this guy lacks character.

 

All of a sudden she unlocks me on FB and one weekend i was at a party and me and a girl friend of mine have put a picture together and bam nest day she blocked me again, i have no interest in this girl whatsoever, so i texted her asking why she blocked me again, and if the purpose was hurting me. She didn't justify again but i really think it was because of the picture she saw, and she went on a rage telling me that i was the one that was trying to hurt her and she brought some things i did after the breakup but avoiding the question i asked. we ended up having a kind of decent sms talk. Two days after i get an sms at 2 am asking me to send her the last message i sent 2 days ago because she had deleted it without reading and when i went to my computer i had a friend request from her. Since then things are king of ok, but i know she is still going out with that guy and some other people, but i really don't think as a date. Really just hanging out. Suddenly she had some problems in her new job and she has quit, she told me that and we went and get some coffee together and she relied on me as always and i was there for her as always and she told me all about it, but we never brought up our relationship...We workout in the same gym and it's kind of hard on me to be in that same place with her because i do still love her very much. In the gym she is always aproaching me making fun and staring at me most of the time and i see that she hates seing me talking to other girls there. As much as i love her and i do, i don't think i can maintain this, for my sake and for her sake too. I think that she still loves me but she is afraid of something, she told me several times that i was the best boyfriend she has ever had and that noone had ever treated her or been there for her as i did in avery aspect that you can think of, and that is actually true.

 

Any input you can give me is much appreciated.

[margot13]

Depression, I would advise reading everything you can about it on the internet and understanding it. There are also lots of articles from a partners point of view.

 

Problem is there is no way to understand someones behaviour in depression, she has to first do that herself (but very seriously) then you can maybe understand what triggers her etc.

 

And I'd say she is more than likely afraid of herself.

 

Living with someone who has depression is extremely difficult and lonely. Ask yourself it that is what you want in your life?

[justmoving]

Margot13 thank you for the reply. I really have read and even see docs about depression and i now very much about it, and if i'm being completely honest with you at this moment i can say that i would do anything to make her happy and to be with her no matter what. This isn't some pitty love i have for her, because i really do love her. She deserves a guy who is willing to go the extra mile for her and that's me, and i'm not saying that there isn't someone else out there that wouldn't feel the same but it's hard. When i commited to her in the relationship i already knew what to expect and wasn't a bit afraid of it. Some people are just different and we have to accept that. Besides that i know that most of the people she knows couldn't care less on how she is. They are the convenience friends/bfs etc.

[justmoving]

After reading all that is written here in the forum i decided to try and put an end to this situation.

As she wasn't letting me trying to move on, i have sent her a message on facebook saying that although i still loved her very much, what she was doing to me wasn't right, that i knew she was going out with that ex-friend of mine and that she was trying to move on but wanted to keep me close. Told her also that we could not be friends anymore because in my mind that wasn't fair because it isn't enough, and that she shouldn t be talking to me. She told me that they weren't gf/bf and they were just getting out sometimes and she swore on it. She agreed with me and told me that i was right in not wanting to talk to her. Guess what, one day passed and she texted me asking how i was after agreeing not to talk to me. Any advice on this..my heart tells me to try and talk to her, my brain is saying that's enough.

[margot13]

It's so hard I know. My ex suffers depression and it makes it even harder to move away. I also am trying no contact with him but he seems to register some days and other days he doesn't. The things is unless they help themselves and get proper help you can't do anything.

 

Depression is not an exscuse for bad behaviour it is sometimes the reason for it but never an exscuse. Maybe you need to just make clear that until she gets herself stabilized and under control you can not support a friendship/relationship with her.

 

 

I

After reading all that is written here in the forum i decided to try and put an end to this situation.

As she wasn't letting me trying to move on, i have sent her a message on facebook saying that although i still loved her very much, what she was doing to me wasn't right, that i knew she was going out with that ex-friend of mine and that she was trying to move on but wanted to keep me close. Told her also that we could not be friends anymore because in my mind that wasn't fair because it isn't enough, and that she shouldn t be talking to me. She told me that they weren't gf/bf and they were just getting out sometimes and she swore on it. She agreed with me and told me that i was right in not wanting to talk to her. Guess what, one day passed and she texted me asking how i was after agreeing not to talk to me. Any advice on this..my heart tells me to try and talk to her, my brain is saying that's enough.

[justmoving]

Yeah that is really my issue, because if it was only love, i think i could manage to just walk away, but dealing with it along with her beind depressed makes things even worse, because more than hurting me she will be hurting herself as always. And i ultimately know that someday along the way she will regret leaving me and will try to reconnect. She has trouble forgetting people that hurt her, and i was the only that behaved like she deserved. I think that depressed people subconciously need some drama in their lives.