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Stubborn For Reconciliation


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What if they don't Act upon their feelings?

 

If an ex breaks up with you - and you are in the NO CONTACT period.... and the person that broke it off starts to have feelings of remorse, change of heart, missing feelings, low emotions, etc... and they NEVER ACT on those emotions or feelings ......could a reconciliation never occur bc the person never acts on their feelings???

 

Here is my situation- my ex bf and I were dating for a year, I am 26 he is 29. We had a very healthy relationship and spoke about marriage/engagement, etc.. RED FLAG_ never said I love you. Out of no where, via phone- he broke up with me (wasn't over an argument, wasn't over anything) CLEAR BLUE!

 

Panic, Overwhelmed, NEEDS Time, Wants to come and go as he pleases, are we not on the same page, etc... Whatever it was... He refused contact after we broke up. We did however communicate 2 times and he basically said that he is not ready to reconsider and speaking at this time is not helpful. He also was very confident that he was making the right decision.

 

NOW>>>>>>

 

I miss him terribly. I wish we could fix it back up again. DO I WANT TO HATE HIM? OF COURSE. CAN I? NO.

I want to call but its been over a week since I have made contact and I have been picking myself up and movin on.

 

I AM PETRIFIED... that if he is stubborn and does not act on his feelings of miss/remorse/guilt/unhappy/want to be back.... THEN WE WILL NEVER RECONCILE... I in my head think that it is my duty to call in a few weeks and do a "check in" to make sure that he is not having 2nd thoughts.

 

IS THAT BAD?

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No you don't do a 'check in'. We all have wanted to but it's not the right thing to do.

 

I believe that if he is stubborn you should only call him ( after a while) and tell him everything that you are feeling. Tell him that you miss him and that if theres anyway you guys can work things out. If he then , after hearing you, says he still doesn't want a relationship then move on.

 

But don't 'check in' expecting him to hear your voice and suddenly want to be with you. He's the one that broke it off with you. He was with you for a year and never said I love you and you've spoken twice and he still has said nothing that you want to hear. I'm sorry if I sound mean or anything but I just wanted to state the facts.

 

When a person is in love and they break up. Either tha break up will make them stronger or kill the relationship. If he loved you and wanted to be with you he would've said something by now. Stubborn or not when your in love you don't care.

 

I don't know the whole story so I could be completely wrong but don't keep your feelings from him. I say let him know everything let it alllll out and if still nothing then It's time for you to move on.

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ONLY DO IT IF YOU'VE MOVED ON!!!!

 

You haven't moved on, you know that! Your intention isn't reconciliation, and you KNOW it.

 

If you've moved on, than I would recommend something like "X, I would like to let you know that, regardless of what happened between us, I appreciate and fondly remember the good times that we shared, and that I forgive any wrongdoing on your part, and that I humbly hope that you can find it in your heart to do the same for me. We've both moved on, and it's my sincere hope that we can bury the past, and all that was in it."

 

Now THAT is reconciliation, without dredging up anything.

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You are right papillion.

 

Maybe once I moved on- I won't even want to talk to him.

 

I just am struggling with this. Its a defense mechanism of not wanting to accept the situation and wanting to check in with the other party to see if they feel the same way - thus not accepting.

 

I really wish people could offer some advice to start thinking with head not heart. My head saids NO CONTACT, move on, he didn't love you, he has problems, etc... My heart saids- something different.

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Go do something physical. Join a gym - check out other people. You need reinforcement that there are other great people out there.

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I actually belong to a gym, live in a big city and have actually gone on 2 dates this week. I feel strong and I am happy with myself but I miss my ex terribly. 1 month today and counting since we broke up. 9 days since we have spoken.

 

Its my personality to be stubborn and not call him/not want him- but at the same time its my personality to strive for second chances- despite the fact that I did NOTHING wrong. ITs his own inadequacies that broke us apart. It is in my nature to hold things together, to talk about things, to make it get back to where it was. To be the rock that he wasn't.

 

I struggle every day with not calling.

 

I don't know why I would want this person back that hurt me and disrespected me so badly.

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