Not over girlfriend yet... and I broke up with her!

[average joe]

Hello. I broke up with my girlfriend about two months ago. We were together for a year and were really close. My reasons for breaking up with her were because I don't see us together in the future and didn't want to prolong something that I didn't want.

 

Up until 2 weeks ago, her and I have stayed friends. Still hung out and what not. The last two time her and I were together, we fooled around. She thinks it was just about the action, but to me it meant a little more than that.

 

I told her yesterday that I do not wish to see or talk to her until I feel that I can do so. I told her that I can't get over her if I keep on seeing her and talking to her. She got really upset and told me that I haven't considered her feelings at all in the past two months and that I should put aside my own feelings and try to make a friendship between us work. I told her that I want two weeks (that's when school starts, so we will HAVE to see/speak to one another). She told me that she doubts that my feelings towards her are going to change in a matter of two weeks if they haven't changed thus far.

 

Is she right? Should I just suck it up and try to stay her friend? Someone told me that if I am still not over her and it's been two months, that I should not have broken up with her in the first place, but ... who knows.

 

comments/suggestions?

 

Thanks.

[kyndrad77]

If you were not over her BEFORE you broke up with her, you shouldn't have broken up with her. Especially now that it's been two months. I have to ask, just because it's so strange...

If you love her, isn't that good enough? One thing I and many others have learned is that you can plan your life all you want to, but it will NEVER turn out exactly as you plan it to be. There will ALWAYS be challenges, there will ALWAYS be thinks you could do without, but there will not ALWAYS be someone there to go through it with you if you won't let them.

Your girlfriend may not say it but she doesn't want to be just friends. She doesn't welcome the idea one bit. What's happening is she is trying to get you to accept your feelings for what they are instead of trying to control them. You can control your actions but you cannot tell your heart what to do.

Maybe you need to look at yourself and figure out why you are trying to hurt yourself. If she's got imperfections that you canbot get over, why don't you ask her what your imperfections are. I believe she may be able to name a few, and that could put things into perspective for you. No one is perfect.

He said sometimes I get spit strings between my teeth when i talk.

I told him his breathe always needs help and he drools when he sleeps.

He was gonna break up with me because I had a few very minor imperfections, but what he didn't realize is that he had his too, I chose to ignore those and pay attention to what was really important. He realized my point and we got over that.

We're broken up now, but that's because he's a victim of religious brainwashing...

anyway...

figure out why you want it over so bad, because something isn't right if you are not over her yet.

[sarah12]

My reasons for breaking up with her were because I don't see us together in the future and didn't want to prolong something that I didn't want.

 

Im glad that you know what you want, or don't want for that matter. If you are sure, then stick with it. Don't let other's opinions change your feelings about the matter. Ultimately, your feelings and your life is priority, and once you make a decision, you have to stick by it.

 

As for "if you aren't over her after 2 months, then you shouldn't have broken up with her" - it may or may not be true, depending on the situation. In your case, if you have even CONSIDERED the thought that you cannot see this girl in your future and don't want to prolong it, then I think you have answered your own question of whether or not you should have broken up with her. There is no time line on getting over somebody. And just because she isn't who you want as a life partner, it doesn't mean that she didn't have some impact on you. Getting over somebody takes time, especially since there is something to learn from every break up, and in order to do that, you must understand your part in the relationship, the break up process, and how you are going to handle the post-break up. It isn't easy, and 2 months is not necessarily a long time. I've been in relationships for 1.5 years where it took me 2 months to get over, and in a 2 month relationship where it took me 10 months (so far) to get over.

 

If you are thinking about getting back together with this girl, (personally I don't think it is a good idea), there should be some evidence of change in the relationship, or her to what you would like in a relationship, or a partner. But keep in mind that YOU cannot change the person, they have to change for themselves and only because they want to do it, for them, and not you.

 

Also, even though you can't see the person in your life as a gf/wife/partner, etc., it doesn't mean that you didn't love them or don't STILL love them. Just because you still care about her and want her to be your friend, those aren't reasons to get back together with someone. Those are reasons for friendship. A lot of people mistaken it as a reason to get back together. But eventually, you just run into the same old problems/feelings you had when you broke up in the first place, and it just turns into a viscious cycle until you realize it and do something about it.

 

Also keep in mind that friendships with ex's don't always work so well, especially when the break up wasn't mutual.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

[average joe]

Here's an update.

 

 

For the past few days I haven't talked to her. She's IM'd me a few times asking a bunch of questions asking why I wont talk to her and what not. Frankly, I just want to ignore her because I don't want to think about her. She still brings up a lot of emotions for me, and I cannot get over her if I sit around thinking about her and talking to her. I know she's hurt and I've tried to explain that it has nothing to do with her. I just can't get over her if she's still in my life.

 

 

Only problem is, school starts in a week or so. We'll see eachother there. Meh.

[Tiklers]

Here's an update.

 

 

For the past few days I haven't talked to her. She's IM'd me a few times asking a bunch of questions asking why I wont talk to her and what not. Frankly, I just want to ignore her because I don't want to think about her. She still brings up a lot of emotions for me, and I cannot get over her if I sit around thinking about her and talking to her. I know she's hurt and I've tried to explain that it has nothing to do with her. I just can't get over her if she's still in my life.

 

 

Only problem is, school starts in a week or so. We'll see eachother there. Meh.

 

 

Women take things a lot more emotionally than men do. She is going to think it has everything to do with her because you broke up with her because you don't think that there would be a future with her. Which in turn probably makes her feel horrible and wonder why she wasn't good enough. Most women do this. She's trying to be your friend still to make sure that you're not totally repulsed by her and that there might still be a little ray of hope that you could get back together. So I agree with you that you should have no contact with her at all until you know for sure what's going on. Unfortunately in most situations being friends after a relationship ends is highly unlikely to be successful, unless its months or years down the road.