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My EX wants me back.


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What I thought would never happen, just did. She sent me this:

 

I know hearing from me is probably the last thing you want right now, but I have to do this. You don't have to answer or respond to this and I promise I

won't ever text you or talk to you ever again unless you want me to, just please hear me out. First of all, I'm sorry for coming into the store the other

day. Kyle asked if we could go in there and I said "but what if he's in there? He doesn't want to see me" and Kyle said "he worked all last night, there

's no way he's still in there" and I said okay. When I saw you, I can't even explain the feeling I had. I literally froze. I started crying because I was

so happy to see you, but I also knew you were going to hate me for being there. The other day when I called you I needed to tell you how I felt. I needed to tell you that I still love you. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but ending our relationship is, by far, the worst one. You were right about

everything you said. You are perfect for me and I have always known that. No one is ever going to love me more, or better, than you did, and I can't see

myself loving anyone else. I'm still trying to justify why I broke up with you and the only reason I can give myself is that I got scared. I was afraid t

hat because I'm only 17 I can't possibly know exactly who I want to spend my life with. But I did and I still do. Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared, b

ut I realized that I need to stop worrying about the future and just live in the present. I love you and I want to be with you. I miss you. I miss holding your hand, kissing you, hugging you, looking into your eyes and seeing how much you love me, I miss laughing with you, and just hanging out with you. I

constantly find myself going through our old texts and pictures and I realized that I took our relationship for granted. It was so perfect. Yes, this is

all very selfish of me, I know that, and I'm so sorry that I did this to you. You can hate me for telling you all of this and I would totally understand

but I hope that one day things can go back to the way they were.

 

What do?

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Do you want her back?

How have you been getting on without her?

Have the issues that ended your relationship been resolved?

 

I'd think of answers to those questions and base what you do on them.

I think it's a positive and genuine message but you should go with what's right for you at this stage; whether that's her or not.

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This sounds interesting! Congrats though what do you plan on doing? How lomg were you no contact?

Edited by Greenj30
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I went a month of NC and then I broke it to clear my head and apologize for some things that I did during the relationship, and I wished her well. I kind of hinted that we could be friends, and she was happy about that. Her phone got taken away (yeah I know) for 3 weeks because of her sister, so she wasn't able to text me like she wanted since I had opened the door for communication. SHe finally got her phone back after 3 weeks and another month of not speaking, and texted me. I didn't even respond. I was so over it, and I didn't even care why she hadn't texted me at all. I told her to stay out of my life and delete my number from her phone.

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Also, she happened to walk in to the store the next day after i told here to leave me alone where I was working at by accident, so that's what the beginning part of the message was about..

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organizedchaos

Wow, that's great! So how do you feel? Two months isn't an incredibly long time to evolve. You need to determine if you can trust her again, and she'll need to address that. In you original thread you said you'd never take her back. Did you mean that?

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I think if you really care about her still and you think she genuinely still cares about you (which I think she does from what she said to you) I think you should go for it. But with that being said I think you should be cautious.

 

She broke up with you once because she wasn't sure what she wants exactly in the future, how do you know this won't happen again? She's not even out of high school yet right? She's going to change in the next few years and you probably are too. You should just live in the moment like she said she wanted to do.

 

A quick story that has given me hope with my ex girlfriend because I can see it personally:

My brother dated a girl in college his junior year, they were both the same age. He dated her for five years, they did the whole living together, got dogs, loved each other, blah blah. During the 5th year she dumped him out of the blue, immediately started dating another guy. After the break up my brother just did things like work out, see other women, got a new job, picked up hobbies, got a new car, etc. A year and a half later my brother finally starts dating another girl. Now keep in mind he was planning on marrying this girl from college who dumped him, but I have never seen him happier with another girl (the college ex or the ones before) ever than how happy he is now with his current girlfriend. It took a year and a half, but he's never been happier.

 

So I guess im saying live in the moment with this girl you care about and enjoy the hell out of each others company. If you guys spend the rest of your lives together, congratulations, if not, life really does move on.

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Sounds like a breadcrumb to me. Stay NC until she really wants to get back together with you.

 

I keed, I keed.

 

If the feelings are still there, Go for it, champ.

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This comment is concerning "No one is ever going to love me more, or better, than you did"..and, she is only, only, 17.

 

Sound like the grass was not greener and she needs you. Do you, need her?

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Unfortunately it's not uncommon, but your next move, will change everything.

 

My advice, and I beg for you to follow it.

 

If you haven't already written back I want you to say something along the lines of this.

 

" hey thanks for the message, it was a real surprise, I can't say I've been waiting for it for awhile, but unfortunately the way you hurt me and the way I've felt for awhile, one message won't clear it up. I please ask for you to respect my wishes to not contact me for awhile so that way I can really think about if this is a road I want to go down again. I just started to change my life around, and I've had a few great changes to reappear my happiness again, and I'm not ready to clean off everything I have now, to run back and try and start this again, because you now are ready."

 

Catch my drift?

 

Let it be for a few weeks, don't answer any further communication from her, let it sit.

 

You'll find out soon enough if she's genuine or if she's doing it for herself.

 

If you open your arms now, she'll know it ok to run out on you.

 

For your heart, follow at least some bit of my advice, seen this thread far too many times on LS and seen far too many outcomes go sour because they're back in your bed the same night they wrote that.

 

Trust and believe.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

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That's the question isn't it... Aren't relationships usually the strongest when they REALLY don't want to lose you again?

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Well, yes and no.

 

In the beginning of the relationship, it's lust,honeymoon phase.

 

Then it turns to real emotional attachment or love.

 

They don't want to lose you then, because they generally want to be with you because you make them happy.

 

Then (sometimes) the feeling of losing goes away, they (or you) start to find flaws and it irritates you.

 

Then it turns into distant, maybe talking to a new person.

 

So yes when they don't want to lose you, during the love phase , that's when it's the strongest,sure.

 

But now , she left ( I haven't read whole background) maybe went after someone else ect and now she's like damn I made a mistake.

 

She thinks that, because she feels she's losing you ect

 

Sure her feelings could be genuine, I won't knock that one bit.

 

What I'm getting at is this, if you take her right back " sure babe no prob I'll be right there" it shows you're weak and she can walk in and out of your life when she wants......get it?

 

You now creating distance and having the ball in your court changes everything.

 

Also if you take her right back, that " feeling of losing you" will quickly fade because now she knows she has you.

 

And the second part to your question.

 

No.

 

Right now with her coming back, is not the strongest will of urgency of losing you is at the peak.

 

It's been there.

 

Take time to let her head spin.

 

Take time to make sure she won't do it again.

 

IMHO if you take her back anytime soon, and not make her work for it, she'll drop interest after a few days to weeks.

 

Search around the threads " omg my bf/gf came back!"

 

Then watch the next thread they post " OMG they left again"

 

Trying to save you the second thread.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

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Cheating often starts when people of the opposite gender are helping each other with relationship problems. 17 is awfully young... I just ended a 14 year marriage because of infidelity (18 years together total). We met when we were 18 & 19. Our daughter was 9 when we split. I had a lot less warning of cheating than you did.

 

Has she learned proper boundaries? Does she understand mature love vs chasing butterflies?

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I totally understand you guys. Believe me, I've read hundreds of threads here and on other websites and I definitely do see a similar pattern recurring.

 

I've made my suspicions clear to her, and I did respond, but very critically with pressing questions that she simply cannot go around as I won't let her. Her responses will give me an idea of where she actually stands.

 

I will not make this easy for her at all. This is my time, and I will be the one making the demands. She now has to win me over and prove to me this is what she wants and isn't just an impulse.

 

I've told her straight up that I don't trust her, and in many ways, I didn't even believe her... I've said some mean things too and she's just not faltering and remains persistent

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Philosoraptor

So the other guy didn't work out I take it? Ask yourself the following questions:

 

Can I trust that this same thing won't happen again out of the blue?

Can I trust her in general?

What were the issues that caused the breakup?

Have the issues that caused the breakup been resolved?

Can I forgive and forget all of the past issues and let this be a new relationship?

 

There's a good starting point. If you don't have a clear positive answer to all of these questions, then it's just not the right time to go again. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to go into this with doubts.

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Thank you guys, again, and I really appreciate the support and advice. I totally see where you guys are coming from and I do hope she's sincere and truly means what she says...only time will tell. She cannot have me back - I can only choose to come back once (if) I feel that it's safe to do so.

 

also, UPDATE:

Apparently she hooked up with a guy (twice) and swears that it was the biggest mistake she's ever made. We weren't together at the time, but she hates herself for it and knows she was just used for sex. She wishes that she could take it back.

 

Also some things that she's been saying in no particular order:

"I have not been myself without you.."

 

"Everything reminded me of you and I could not go 10 mins without thinking of you"

 

"I've never stopped loving you..."

 

"You were right about everything...you told me to not be 'easy' and I was."

 

"The only person I want to be with is you."

 

"I love you so much."

 

"I didn't reach out to you unless I was 100% sure of this because I never want to hurt you again."

 

"I love you and you're the only one I want to be with."

 

"I hated who I was without you."

 

"I haven't been myself since we've been broken up."

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RespectfullyAlone
What I thought would never happen, just did. She sent me this:

 

I know hearing from me is probably the last thing you want right now, but I have to do this. You don't have to answer or respond to this and I promise I

won't ever text you or talk to you ever again unless you want me to, just please hear me out. First of all, I'm sorry for coming into the store the other

day. Kyle asked if we could go in there and I said "but what if he's in there? He doesn't want to see me" and Kyle said "he worked all last night, there

's no way he's still in there" and I said okay. When I saw you, I can't even explain the feeling I had. I literally froze. I started crying because I was

so happy to see you, but I also knew you were going to hate me for being there. The other day when I called you I needed to tell you how I felt. I needed to tell you that I still love you. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but ending our relationship is, by far, the worst one. You were right about

everything you said. You are perfect for me and I have always known that. No one is ever going to love me more, or better, than you did, and I can't see

myself loving anyone else. I'm still trying to justify why I broke up with you and the only reason I can give myself is that I got scared. I was afraid t

hat because I'm only 17 I can't possibly know exactly who I want to spend my life with. But I did and I still do. Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared, b

ut I realized that I need to stop worrying about the future and just live in the present. I love you and I want to be with you. I miss you. I miss holding your hand, kissing you, hugging you, looking into your eyes and seeing how much you love me, I miss laughing with you, and just hanging out with you. I

constantly find myself going through our old texts and pictures and I realized that I took our relationship for granted. It was so perfect. Yes, this is

all very selfish of me, I know that, and I'm so sorry that I did this to you. You can hate me for telling you all of this and I would totally understand

but I hope that one day things can go back to the way they were.

 

What do?

 

Wow I'm in tears right now reading this. All us dumpees yearn for something even 1/1000 as nice as what she wrote. There is so little to any posts like this nowdays.

 

But what concerns me most is she is 17. 17!!! Girls that young, even up to their mid 20s from my own personal experience are fickle and don't have a clue what they really want. Yes they want things, but the next week it's upside down and they want something else.

 

Trust your gut instinct here. I can imagine how awesome it would be to have her back in your life. But even if you took is super slow, what's to say she wouldn't then dump you again, or cheat on you all over as well.

 

Also, a rather personal question, but have you slept with her? I ask because it's interesting to know if she has that added attachment to you or not.

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Wow I'm in tears right now reading this. All us dumpees yearn for something even 1/1000 as nice as what she wrote. There is so little to any posts like this nowdays.

 

But what concerns me most is she is 17. 17!!! Girls that young, even up to their mid 20s from my own personal experience are fickle and don't have a clue what they really want. Yes they want things, but the next week it's upside down and they want something else.

 

Trust your gut instinct here. I can imagine how awesome it would be to have her back in your life. But even if you took is super slow, what's to say she wouldn't then dump you again, or cheat on you all over as well.

 

Also, a rather personal question, but have you slept with her? I ask because it's interesting to know if she has that added attachment to you or not.

 

Yeah I was her first in bed. We waited 8 months before we did it, but then she apologized for making me wait because she loved making love to me.

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