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I am utterly .


RollTide10

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This is going to be long but PLEASE read. A week ago my now ex-gf of 6 years (her 26, me 23) ended things with me for the second time. The first was about 5 months ago and I'll admit we rushed back into things. Neither of us took the time to really look at ourselves, went through another honey moon stage then fell apart at the seems again. I've been working a lot on the road with her father in construction while awaiting to see if I'm accepted to CRNA school.

 

The seperation being on those jobs from her was really rough on me, and I become extremely needy and smothered her ill admit it. She too quit her desk job for the same company her father and I were working for and took to the road as a project manager for a pay upgrade, so you do the math. I'm hours away, she's hours away, she's constantly surrounded by these men and I hear their conversations daily, and she's even made friendships with them to the point of texting particular ones quite a lot, and going to dinner with a bunch of the supervisors.

 

I lost my cool and I couldn't handle the texting, the being gone, not knowing where my school was going to go, etc and internally combusted and took her down with me so she ended it. I unfortunately haven't initiated NC until today. I've done all the wrong things as in texting her, but unlike the last break up when it was STOP CALLING ME and it was extremely rough, she's more serene now.

 

She told me I was out of my chances, she warned me(and she really did) that I was acting in a way she couldn't handle, and that she literally has nothing left to give this relationship. But she still says a lot of "I don't knows" I even told her if this was honestly it to please do me the favor of telling me to move on, and I truly would, but she replied back with I don't plan on us being together anytime soon and I just don't think I can retry now. As if saying there could be a later.

 

Now here's the kicker today was my final stand I wanted to go full on NC, I sent her a text telling her I am accepting of what's at hand and that I am taking this time to myself to find my own personal happiness again etc, and told her one last time if she truly felt this was the end to just say it no hard feelings and I would carry on with my life. She responded with a I am confused about everything right now, but I'm not having this conversation anymore. It ended there and I was done officially going NC, and about 30 minutes later she comes to me with some personal issues.

 

No matter how intent I am on moving on and doing NC the right way this was something I couldn't avoid talking to her about because we have always shared our darkest secrets with each other, and after we spoke a minute she sent me a text that said."Blah blah blah thank you so much for being there for such and such, but I am about to try and sleep, thank you so much for everything I love you" she's at work with her dad right now idk if that's even important.

 

Obviously I let my guard down on that one. She opened back up to me in the way she always did when we were in love. I tried not to let it shake me and I ended the conversation immediatley after and never mentioned another word about "us" I just wanted to be there for her. Am I dumb in thinking this girl might still want to be with me? I mean it was 6 years of beauty.

 

We spent our college days together, and then some and I am beyond close with her family. Her dad is basically second dad and her mom the same and out of all her precious bfs she's never had one even get close with her family, and or a relationship that lasted over a year. Please give me some insight.

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My personal opinion if it matters is that she too is extremely stressed and I wasn't there for her because I was so worried about myself and I was extremely needy. I want to think she is done. She has even said that she is willing to date other people if someone catches her interest. So realistically I think she's done in my head, but my heart won't let me think that way right now. And I do believe somewhere deep inside she is still in love with me, but right now it's just masked by recent events. Either way talking about it with my family and friends has helped. And being on these forums has helped but I've only posted once a few days ago with no replies and this happened today and I figured I would try again to see if any of you had anything to offer.

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