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[cezza]

My partner and I have been together for 17 years, 7 years in I get a horrid feeling she's having an affair, I had a breakdown convinced she was seeing someone, texts she couldn't explain etc but she made me feel like a total loon, I ended up on medication and sought counselling, thinking the whole timeit was in my head. Counselling helped and my partner confessed to beingattracted to and trying it on with a girl at work. She said it never gotphysical but that she had an emotional affair for about 18 months. This was confessed about a year after my breakdown.

She has behaved since, (to my knowledge) she has been almost perfect intrying to help me with my jealously issues.

 

It took me 5 years before I could deal with her having a night outwith friends/work but I decided enough is enough I have to set her free anddeal with what happens. She has had a few nights out now, it's noteasy for me but we get through it.

 

3 months ago she had to attend a work course 4 days a week; the courseis about an hour’s drive from our home. She always comes home after courseseven if they are 3/4 hour drives, she never stays.

 

This course however she told me was really intense, they start at 9am andfinish at 6, most were staying at a hotel as they travelled much further, mypartner told me they had to meet in the bar to go through work after food so7/8 pm. The first night she came home and in fairness she did have so homeworkand was doing it until 11pm. The second night she came home and asked if shecould stay over as they were learning so much more. She talked about the peopleon her course, 8 in total and 1 girl in particular she mentioned a lot, saying she’smy new friend we get on really really well and have a laugh etc (i wasconcerned at this point as it seemed a bit ott)

 

I agreed (trying hard not to be worried) so she would be away Monday Nightuntil Thursday Eve, don’t forget this is 45 mins from where we live. The firstnight she called me after work at 5.30 food was at 6 so i didn’t get long,after food they would retire to the pub to go through work, i had a text at 9pmand she called me at 11pm. She was really quite drunk and really evasive aboutthings going on. The next morning she rang and apologised but the evening wasthe same, very limited contact and always drunk.

 

Anyway the next few weeks on the course continued in the same way, when shecame home all she talked about was this girl. she came home the week beforelast and said they were going out for a meal on there last night together, Iasked her to please come home instead, i was feeling anxious and didn’t likethe way she was behaving , she wasn’t happy about it but she did come home that night. I felt like I had lost her to this woman.

 

Things were a little strained and I think she resented me for asking her tocome home. A holiday we had booked she went with her parents instead. I stillhave snoop tendencies so i snooped on her computer and found that she hadlooked up places to meet people on the holiday she was going on. I confrontedher, she said as her parents were older wouldn’t want to go out she thought shesee if there was anything nearby for her to do.

 

]Whilst she was away she sent about 30 texts to the girl from the course (isnooped), when i asked her if she had had any contact from anyone she said thegirl had text to wish her a nice holiday and that was it, I told her what i hadfound and she said she had deleted them because this girl had called her “chicky”and “medarling” and knew i wouldn’t like it.

 

She came home from holiday and we chatted about her lying to me and agreedto be honest from now on and work together. There have been texts and work chatsbut as far as i can tell noting irregular. It’s just her being in my mind quitesecretive, she rarely tells me about her day anymore. And I feel like I didwhen she first was having an affair.

 

My dilemma is she has a new job, and she will have to work with this girlfrom the course for a few weeks. I don’t know what to do, i feel really numb. Ilove her more than life itself but I just can’t trust her, even after all thistime. Do I hold on in the hope nothing will happen with this girl in her new job, or quit the relationship for both our sanities?!!