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What we did during separation.....


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soooconfused

Separated with my wife back in Feb 03. We just recently started working on reconciling. During the separation she slept with two other people. Should I let this bother me or effect my decision when it comes to trying to work things out? We did not make any agreements when we separated that we wouldnt date other people. She is incredible at showing me how much she loves me (when we were together and now that we are trying to reconcile). Deep down inside i know (i think) she didnt do anything wrong since we were not together, however it is driving me nuts!!! Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

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Mr messed up

My ex has also slept with a couple of guys sinse our split, the trouble is getting sex for women is too easy! I would say forget about it she probably has forgotten what it woz like anyway and hey where is she now ? trying to sort it out with you so they wern't that good then hey !!! Deal with it like you would when you first got together she had probably slept with other people before you met , I dont know, look at it like a new start . hope this helps

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I don't think your overreacting, but if you two love each other, and it was when you two were talking divorce and moving on, I would let it go only if she didn't do it again after you two started talking about reconciliation.

 

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes, as I am married as well. I would definetly be bugged by it for sure, but at the same time, if we were talking about not getting back together, then after we started talking about getting back together he admitted, I would have to decide if my marriage and other half were more important.

 

Does she say she is done with all of that? I think you two should definetly talk about this!

 

Good luck

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soooconfused
Originally posted by supermom

I don't think your overreacting, but if you two love each other, and it was when you two were talking divorce and moving on, I would let it go only if she didn't do it again after you two started talking about reconciliation.

 

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes, as I am married as well. I would definetly be bugged by it for sure, but at the same time, if we were talking about not getting back together, then after we started talking about getting back together he admitted, I would have to decide if my marriage and other half were more important.

 

Does she say she is done with all of that? I think you two should definetly talk about this!

 

Good luck

 

A little more to the story, i wanted opinions prior to sharing this info...I was the main cause for our separation, i did not show enough interest in the marriage or family. I pushed her away, all she wanted all along was for us to be happy. I have slept with 4 people since the separation. 1 of them was fairly quickly after we separated. She did not sleep with anyone until July. A short fling that meant nothing. This past November she started a relationship with an old boyfriend (from her teenage days). This lasted a month or two. She told him that it wasnt over between me and her and that ended it between them two. I was involved with someone whom i have recently stopped seeing to see what happens between me and my wife....this is all fairly cookie cutter, we do love each other and respect each other. I am actually in awe that she is willing to come back to me considering i never gave her what she wanted in the past. It is just so hard dealing with the fact that my wife had sex with these guys. How do i get beyond the physical crap that is running though my head so i can give her the focus she deserves????

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Mr messed up

Well if you have been busy in that department yourself then you should just get over it right now!!!!!!!!! If your ex knows about your past conquests and has delt with it in her mind then so should you, and dont dare try rub it in her face ! this is your prob not hers. It should be her posting here not you ( nothing personal )

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soooconfused
Originally posted by Mr messed up

My ex has also slept with a couple of guys sinse our split, the trouble is getting sex for women is too easy! I would say forget about it she probably has forgotten what it woz like anyway and hey where is she now ? trying to sort it out with you so they wern't that good then hey !!! Deal with it like you would when you first got together she had probably slept with other people before you met , I dont know, look at it like a new start . hope this helps

 

Mr. Messed up...are you trying to work things out with your ex? And if so what are you doing to not let that fact get in the way?

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Mr messed up

I dont pretend it is easy but hey you know how it is, when you sleep with a girl it is great at the time but you soon forget what it felt like, the only way sex becomes a great thing that becomes a part of your daily thoughts and emotions is when you are sharing it day after day with someone you love otherwise it is just a physical activety that lasts so long and is soon forgoten? Well i know what I mean if it makes no sense to anyone else !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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soooconfused
Originally posted by Mr messed up

I dont pretend it is easy but hey you know how it is, when you sleep with a girl it is great at the time but you soon forget what it felt like, the only way sex becomes a great thing that becomes a part of your daily thoughts and emotions is when you are sharing it day after day with someone you love otherwise it is just a physical activety that lasts so long and is soon forgoten? Well i know what I mean if it makes no sense to anyone else !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

sorry about not the full disclosure earlier, i just did not want the response that i knew i was gonna get. yes, i know it is selfish right now, but right now i am trying to figure out ways for ME to deal with what i have to deal with. What you say makes perfect sense, i am hoping she has forgotten most of what she has experienced during our separation....i am a very sexual and vivid person and because of that i always imagine the worst....i drive her nuts by asking a ton of questions and grilling her about every little detail and then when she answers i dont always believe her, i am just forcing myself to think the worst about what she has done for some reason....argghhh, its enough to drive you insane...slowly getting better though....

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