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My girlfriend has cheated on me many times. Do I continue with her or just finish.


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Old 4th July 2004, 9:57 AM   #1
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Unhappy My girlfriend has cheated on me many times. Do I continue with her or just finish.

First I would like to thank you for read my problem and give help.

I have a girlfriend for 3 years now. Our relation began very well because we are very compatible (that's hard to find). Our first year was great we had some problems but nothing that it could really damage the relationship.

I made a business trip to Indonesia for 2 1/2 weeks about 1 1/2 ago. During my trip I was very in love with her and I was thinking to propouse her to marry me but the problems began.

As soon as I return from my business trip I got a surprise from her that she need to talk to me. I said ok but I was surprise because she was deep in love with me so I went to her house to speak with her. She told me that she need it sometime because she was confuse. I felt something very strange in her so I asked her what was the problem but she refuse to tell me. I try many times again until she told that while I was away she meet somebody Juan and she felt confuse because he was very nice to her. I told her that it was better to finish the relation because I can not accept that she tryed to find somebody else because I was not at the country and working. I felt betrayed and confuse. We had a long argument and fight for about one hour. I went to my home then.
She call me the next day asking me to forgive her and that she made a mistake and her love to me was stronger than anything else so I think this was a big mistake and she was going to stop talking to this Juan. I forgive her and we came back after one day.

After a few months 3 or 4, I began to feel something strange was happening to her but she said that everything were fine but I did not belive her. She was acting strange and a little diferent so I went in to her email and I read some msm coversations from her. I was right, she was hidding something from me. She was speaking with the same person Juan that she meet when I was on Indonesia. her mails were making dates at hours we usually do not meet so I print all the mails and told her that we need to talk. I asked her if she was seeing somebody else and if Juan was calling her. She told me no. She was very happy with me and she did not need anybody else. I took the printed emails and gave it to her. She could no belive that. She was surprise but at the same time she did know what to do. I asked for an explanation and this is what she told me. She was still friend of this Juan but she did not have any relation with him but she made a mistake to keep speak with him and do not tell me about that because he was a good friend. I did not belive her so I finished with her.

She called me crying like crazy the next day and the next day asking me to forgive her. That she have just spoken with this person and he was a friend and I made the same mistake again. I forgive her for a second time. We came back but I made very clear to her that if this Juan appear once more again I will finish the relation imediately without any doubt.

After 2 months we went to live to my apartment so we were very happy for about 6 months. I began to felt her very strange again so I was affraid she was seeing this juan again. One day a very old friend called me to my office ( I do not speak too often with him ) and he told me that my girlfriend was cheating with me because she had been seeing another man. I asked him to please find me the name of this person. He said ok and a few hours later he called me back to my office. He said the the name of this person is Juan and they were being seeing for a long time so I told him to tell me who told him this and he gave me the telephone of a girl.

I called this girl. she told that her boyfriend is this Juan and she was very sad because he was cheating to her with my girlfriend. She said that Juan and my girlfriend have been toghether for a long relation for along time kissing, slepping that every time I went for traveling they went back toghether so this was very hard to me. She told me many things that I discovered they were true and hard to accpet but she also said many things that they were not true.

I went crazy so I kick my girlfriend ass and say good bye to her. I called her and we meet at the apartment. I told her everything and she denied most of the things but accepted that this Juan called her back againg two months ago but she just speak to him by phone or messenger but they did not see or kissed or sleep together. I did not belive her so I left the house. At the next day she called me and ask for forgivess and this time I said not so she said to me that in two days she was leaving th apartment and I said that the best thing she can do now.

We finished, this was very hard because she called me every day crying like crazy. She almost lost her job because she was crying all day in the work. She went to look for this girl that told me everything and ask her to call me and tell me the true but she did not called me. We finished and it was very hard to me. I passed many months very sad I did not want to see any other girl and I was very sad all the time. I drunk a lot.

After 6 months she did not stop calling me and crying asking for forgivess that the only man in his life was me. I was everything for her. I did not go out with any girl out during those six months. I really did not have the head to think in another person. I knew that eventually I had to date somebody but I was not ready. After the 6 months I began to date her againg so the dates were more and more so we got back againg after 8 months. I was happy for that and I think she was happy too. Again I told her that If we have a Mr Juan in her live againg. I will quit with her and the relation will be finish forever. She was ready to leave everything behind and start with me againg. She knew her mistakes were very bad but she had learned the lesson during those 6 months.

After 8 months we got toghether again I decided to invite her to come with me to China becuase I had a business trip and we could come together and travel around China (I did this because it was a very good idea in order to have a small honeymoon). I left to China first because I had work to do first then we could meet toghether in China and travel around. After 2 weeks she arrived to China to join me. We were very well here in China we had some fight but nothing to worry about but we were 99% of the time very happy with each other.

During the middle of the trip to China she told she was a very bad person and she did not deserve somebody like me. She told me that during mine fist two weeks in China she kissed with another person (not Juan instead of him she kissed with a person that i know him and he know me) and If I wanted she will return to the country imediately. This was very hard tome. I was 20,000 km away from home and the women of my dreams was telling me for a fourth time that she had something with somebody else. I went very upset, I left the hotel for two hours and as soon as I returned I told her that It was better to her to return back to the country because I could not forgive her for a 4 time. It was very difficult to make the airline reservations and two days after this I told her lets finished the trip you do not come to China very often then you will be back to the country. The first days we slept very far from eachother but as the days passed we began to sleep closer and closer. After one week we were again happy again. The vacations were finished and she went back to the country and I still at China for work. It has been two weeks since she left back. I am still at China and I am going back to the country in one more week again but I do not what to do with her.

-She is a lier
-She is a cheating person
-Every time that I travel she find time to look for somebody else to party.
- I am not a teenager (32) she is (28)
- I do not know what to do.
- I really love her and i know she loves me
- I am affraid of her cheating me in the future again
- I want something serious
- She is very compatible person
- I am very quiet
- I am not very good meeting girls
- I am affraid to be alone once more it is very hard I do not like the loneliness
- I do not cheat to my girlfriend
- I love her

Please help me. I need feedback in other to make my mind clear and make the right decision. Quit with her for all my life and look for somebody else or try again with her.
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Old 4th July 2004, 11:23 AM   #2
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I think the relationship is finished. She cannot stop cheating on you! Do you want to worry to death every time you go out of town? That is not fair to you!

Quote:
She is a lier
-She is a cheating person
-Every time that I travel she find time to look for somebody else to party.
- I am not a teenager (32) she is (28)
- I do not know what to do.
- I really love her and i know she loves me
- I am affraid of her cheating me in the future again
- I want something serious
- She is very compatible person
- I am very quiet
- I am not very good meeting girls
- I am affraid to be alone once more it is very hard I do not like the loneliness
- I do not cheat to my girlfriend
- I love her
You have more negatives than good, plus you mention cheating 3 times! If she loved you truly she would not of cheated nor continue to cheat on you. I can see one time and then being sorry and not doing it again, but she takes every opportunity she can to look for other tail.

I think it is in your best interest to move on and end the relationship forever. I cannot see you two being truly happy together. 4 times? Yeah, enough is enough.

I am sorry you are going through this, but at least your not married to her right? Breaking up w/ a gf is much easier than divorce!

Good luck!
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Old 4th July 2004, 4:55 PM   #3
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HI

The question you want to ask yourself is "what is wrong with me that I am allowing this to go on?"

Fix that and than go on to have a healthy relationship in the future!
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Old 5th July 2004, 7:07 AM   #4
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Do you think that I have made something wrong in the relationship??. I know at one time we did not have many sex and she would like to have about 4 times a month for about 5 months. She did complain about that but she did not understand that I was working so hard. I now I have made mistakes. It will be imposible not to make them but I need to know what kind of mistakes. I have made to her in order to her to find somebody else. The sex can be one but what other mistake could have taken her to find somebody else. We use to be toghether every day at least for 2 hours minimum so loneliness was not. Please help me.
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Old 5th July 2004, 8:05 AM   #5
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This may sound arrogant; but I don't buy that whole "it's my fault she/he cheated" thing. I do think there are things that happen in a relationship that can cause problems; but, cheating is NEVER a solution to a problem. Cheaters have problems from within. NO ONE can cause a cheater to cheat! NO ONE. It's a moral decision that a person consciencely makes. A bad one at that. I also don't buy that "it just happened" BS either. Nothing like that "just happens". You have a car accident, not a sex accident. "Ooops, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to accidently slip and stick my d**k into you. But don't worry, I have insurance." :-)

It takes making choices to put yourself in a bad situation. If one is weak in that regard, then they should avoid ALL those situations. If you are in a bad relationship, get out. If you want to fix it, fix it! This girl makes bad choices, PERIOD!! Be done with her! Cheaters will always point blame away from them. As the significant other, we take the blame.

If a relationship is having problems, you fix the problems. If there isn't a fix, then you move on. You don't move on BEFORE you break up. In your situation, if she can't handle you travelling, then she needs to move on and find another guy; and let you go. It's rediculous for you to accept ANY blame for doing what you do for a living. It's who you are and what you do. How the HELL can you possibly concentrate when you're overseas working and she's here? You need to take care of you and your profession. That's what you HAVE. I don't know what you do for a living. But I also travel internationally for work. In my profession, if I am not COMPLETELY into what I am doing, I could EASILY be killed by the slightest distraction. I couldn't deal with wondering what the hell my S/O is doing. I have to trust her. This girl just aint worth your thoughts or trust.
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Old 5th July 2004, 4:34 PM   #6
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You're a total sucker if you stay with her. Since she got away with it before, cheating, she will do it again.
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Old 5th July 2004, 4:40 PM   #7
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once a cheater, always a cheater. She's got the mind set dude, and you probably cant change that...I've never been cheated on and if i was, i dont know what i'd do, but i dont want to experience it at all; and i certainly wouldn't waste my time thinking about it and longing all day long about if shes with another guy. Just drop it dude. i can't meet girls either, its tough, use some resources though like friends and stuff you're good at.
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Old 6th July 2004, 9:13 AM   #8
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she doesn't respect you dude. women do not respect a man who allow them
to cheat and get away with things that they know are wrong.

If you want her to change her ways then you need to put her through a crisis.
Most people do not change until they are in a crisis...

Here is what you do...

Suddenly start to act a little mysterious.. kinda like she did with you when you knew something was up...

start to go out and have some fun... FIND another woman and let your gf think
that you have found someone else. This will show her and let her FEEL what it
is like to be hurt. Tell her that you have done some thinking and realized that the relationship really is not working and that you need some space and that you
are interested in seeing other people and think that she should do the same...

Tell her that you are not sure how you feel about her anymore and that maybe it would be best that you take some time apart....

If you handle this correctly, you will find HER PURSUING YOU!!!!!
She will be telling you she wants you back and is all sorry and it will never happen again and yada yada yada..... do not take her back right away.... tell her you have met someone and you want to see where it goes. tell her maybe someday you will get back together, but you are just wanting to have some fun and do not want to get serious with anybody right now....

Read the other threads on this site of people who have been dumped and you will see that I am only telling you to do the same things the dumpers always do... the person who has been dumped almost always panics and will do almost anything to get the dumper back....

So, study what the dumpers do and copy their actions because if it works so well then you would be smart to do what WORKS.... It never works to tell a person who is distant to tell them you love them and to keep chasing and pursuing them

Men who are successful with women NEVER EVER chase a woman who starts giving him the run around . They also IMMEDIATELY dump a woman who cheats on him... they ALWAYS come back when you show them you CAN AND WILL MOVE ON and that you are a confident man.....

do not CALL her or pursue her in any way. Let her call you... when she calls do not answer your phone... do not return her calls.. when she comes pounding on your door and ask why you are not returning her calls, then tell her the above story that I gave to you... she will then chase you and chase you because you are giving her the CHALLENGE she is so desperately seeking... be a man and let her go... women hate being dumped...
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Old 6th July 2004, 7:15 PM   #9
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Hi,

Speaking from experience 11 years worth, don't waste your life.. I have wasted 10 years from my life on a man who continually cheats on me no matter how much he knows it hurts me. He promises every time he will never do it again, but guess what, I 'm working on the 4th time right now. You will always wonder. Get out before you start having kids, then it might be too late. AND.....Remember, they might be the ones who choose to cheat, but it is we whol choose to continue to let them. You have to choose, either stay and be walked on or get out and find somebody who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I feel for ya..honestly.. I'm a 29 year old mother of 3. 10, 7, and 3 years old. It only gets worse. Hope things get better for you
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Old 6th July 2004, 9:28 PM   #10
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Once a cheater, NOT always a cheater. I should know, b/c I used to be one of these selfish people. After a series of very negative events, however, I basically woke up and realized, "What the hell have I been doing? I've been a terrible person, but I'm going to change all that, starting... NOW!"

I know many people never change, but some really do.

These people do have problems from within (big problems), but there is never a justifiable reason to cheat. A person who cheats doesn't know how to care about themself or anyone else. You can't really love another person unless you learn to love yourself 1st.
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Old 14th July 2004, 7:43 PM   #11
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Smile I have finished with the relationship

First I want to thank all you people. I did not expect to find so much support fro so many people.

I have finished my relation with this girl. Your comments did really help me to make this decision and to be stronger man in order to make this move. When you make this type of desicions you need to be strong in mind, heart and body; otherwise you will return crying looking for this person in one or two days but right now I am ready and strong.
Right now I am feelling a little sad becasue it is hard to lose a person but in other way I am happy to finish with this problematic relationship and open the door to somebody else. Right now I am like the lonerunner open for a real good girl. I know these days are very difficult to find but I know I will find a good girl to spend my life and have kids.
My friends are helping me arranging me dates with other girls so this is good for one side.
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