!Ex has started contacting me again!

[cnfusd84]

Any advice would be great about all this.

 

So we broke up in April after a year and a half. He broke it off saying that he didn't see our relationship going anywhere. It sucked, I was hurt, but I let go.

 

About a week after we broke up he asked if we could still hookup. I was pissed and told him that this was his decision and no we could not still hookup. I also told him not to ever disrespect me like that ever again.

 

About a month and a half later I get a message from him asking if I was working downtown. I told him no. He replied that he was hoping to see me. I told him I was busy and to have a good night.

 

A couple of weeks after that I got a picture of the menu at my other job. He had stopped in for drinks with his family. I wasn't working even though I usually work that shift every week. We chatted for a few and he mentioned the two of us meeting up sometime. I said yea sometime and ended the conversation.

 

Next I initiated contact by sending him a picture of something we'd both think was funny. We talked again for a few before I ended the conversation.

 

While I was out of town I got another message from him about my favorite football team and we started to chat again. At the end he mentioned that when I was back I should get in touch with him and come over to watch the games with him at some point. I said "sure".

 

This past week I texted him about a game I was watching and we talked a bit. He ended the conversation by saying that he wished I was there (he was out of town for work) and to have a good night.

 

Majority of this communication has been going on over the last 2ish months. He's also been all over my facebook liking my pictures and statuses.

 

I honestly miss him, but know that they're normal feelings when you are trying to get over someone. I want to see him, but I know it can't be as friends and I'm not sure what his motive is. I'm pretty sure he's not looking for a hookup seeing as I told him that if that's his only interest he should look elsewhere.

 

I wasn't expecting to ever hear from him again since he told me he never talks to his exs after a breakup.

 

Could this be his way of trying to see if we can get back together?

[MrE_UK]

Hi,

 

I see it as you have two choices:

 

1. Stay friendly, but light - no meetings, tell him just friends, but you say that's a no go

2. See where it goes

3. Break all contact and stay NC

 

However, trying to second guess will only get your hopes up. Remember, the future is always uncertain. So, if you choose 2, for instance, you must go in without expectations, without hopes or dreams, and take it slow and one day at a time. Must be a new relationship, no matter what that relationship turns out to be.

 

If you cannot settle for friendship, and you're not over the past relationship - nothing new can happen.

 

I think you need to ask yourself: "How far am I prepared to go and can I do this as if with someone entirely new?"

 

I said to my ex, "I realise if we can't be best friends, then we can't be married."

[BC1980]

Probably his way of testing the waters. You know you can't be friends with him, so I would send him a brief message stating that you are not interested in being friends. If that is what he wants, you wish him well and would appreciate him not contacting you. You'll figure his motives out pretty quickly after doing that.

 

I fear that if you engage with him and see him, you will end up like me. I was doing what you are doing for a few months. My ex kept texting me, and even asked me to see him a few times, which I stupidly did. So when I had finally had enough, I sent him a text saying I had no interest in friendship. Turns out he still needs more time or some BS like that. He just doesn't know the future and is still confused. Shocking, I know. So. . . . NC it is for me. I just don't have anymore left in me for my ex. No more being wishy washy. I'm done with it.

 

So I'm basically saying I would be firm about what you do and don't want with him. Come at it from a view that you are doing what is best for you, and he is free to do what he wants as well. I would be very unemotional with all of it. I think you will save yourself heartache and also garner his respect if you do get back together in the future. One thing that does not gain respect is doing what I did, which is waiting around for someone.

[cnfusd84]

Thanks for your responses

 

I was pretty much fine and getting over him by removing him from my life. Hid his, his family, and his friends from my fb. Stopped reading through texts and over analyzing everything.

 

It's the consistent we should meet up and "I miss you"s that are really starting to get to me.

 

I wish I had strength to send him an end all "this is what I want text", but I don't even know where I'd begin. I don't know if I want to be his friend or if I want more or less. I kinda just wish he had stayed away.

 

I seem to be a a magnet for exs this month and it's all starting to drive me a bit crazy. NO matter where I turn someone is telling me they miss me and want to see me, but no one is saying I want to be back with you.

[MrE_UK]

Thanks for your responses

 

I was pretty much fine and getting over him by removing him from my life. Hid his, his family, and his friends from my fb. Stopped reading through texts and over analyzing everything.

 

It's the consistent we should meet up and "I miss you"s that are really starting to get to me.

 

I wish I had strength to send him an end all "this is what I want text", but I don't even know where I'd begin. I don't know if I want to be his friend or if I want more or less. I kinda just wish he had stayed away.

 

I seem to be a a magnet for exs this month and it's all starting to drive me a bit crazy. NO matter where I turn someone is telling me they miss me and want to see me, but no one is saying I want to be back with you.

 

If you were doing better with NC, then stay NC for now...it's for you. When you're still not over the past, I know this can send you tumbling...

 

As for the text, think about this as an example:

 

"Hi, I think it would be better for me to have some space at the moment. I am not over the past and feel I need to be on my own for now. I hope you understand and I'll contact you later on when I am in a better place. I'm just not ready for friendship. Take care."

[BC1980]

He is probably not going to come right out and say he wants to get back together. He is just testing the waters, seeing if you are still there is my guess. I'd be willing to bet he is still confused about what he wants.

[cnfusd84]

So he texted again

 

We just talked about the upcoming football game for a bit. Then he wrote something along the lines of him not being sure if he'd ever get the opportunity to see me again. I replied that it was his call. He mentioned how upset I had gotten before when he had asked to see me (the hookup incident). So I replied that id never be his bootycall. Then he asked if I still wanted to be with him to which I replied that I honestly didn't know and asked why he asked. He simply replied that he was just curious. We agreed that it had been nice to be able to chat lately. The conversation continued. I changed the subject back to the football game. He continued to hint that he wished he could see me and at the end said he wished he could make me feel better (my team lost).

 

I can't tell what's going on. I've made it clear that I won't be a hookup, but I also don't know how I feel about anything else.