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Is there hope in a second chance?


Kaster21

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I was dating this girl for a year and a half and we just recently broke up on February 8th. I'm going to try and post this story the best way I know how and hopefully I can get some answer and different points of views on my situation.

 

I am a 27 year old male. I was dating a girl quite a bit younger and we had met through a text message in October of 2011. I was in a difficult place in my life because I had lost my mother 2 months before I had met this girl (Brooke). We started talking every day and about 2 months later I had met her and when we first met nothing seemed out of the ordinary except that she slept with me the first time I met her and lied to me about her age at which time I didn't know she had lied until later.

 

Everything had been going good between us for about a year and this past summer in August I started to notice a change in her behavior. And I'm a pretty smart person people's behaviors change for one of two reasons. A tragic event and because another guys is in the picture. Well come to find out it was another guy in the picture which she threw this guy in my face at the beginning of September while we were together. I split with her and as soon as I did she started hanging out with this other guy. Well when that didn't work out for her she manipulated me into getting back with her and I told her back because I cared about her and loved her with all my heart. She promised me she wouldn't mess with this guy no more. Well here it is 30 days later now in the month of October I catch her talking to that guy again and I told her if she didn't leave him alone I would leaver her. Well I caught her with him again. Took her back again due to manipulation. Keep in mind I am in love with this girl and when your in love you don't want to believe the bad things you see or hear about the person you are with. Basically I am in denial. Well I finally get her to stop talking to him again well here comes November and her birthday is here now well on her birthday the same guy txts her again and a week later I catch her red handed with this guy again and she lies to my face in person. I'm upset of course. So the next day she comes out to my house at lunch to talk to me. She's trying work things out with me and she's wanting her cake & ice cream and I am so against it. So I decide to leave her again.

 

Well the day I left her by the night she had sleep with this guy. 5 days later she starts texting me begging me to come back telling me she feels terrible and wants to make things right which is pure bs, but at the time I was in denial. So she once again convinces me to take her back but as I am talking to her before I take her back I had asked if she slept with this guy and she told me no which was a lie. I had this text message on my phone about how she was feeling terrible and felt so guilty hanging out with me. And to me that told me she had guilty written all over her and that she was lying because why else was she so guilty? So towards the end of November of 2012 I give her an ultimatum to tell me the truth and in return I would take her back and give her another opportunity to work things out with me. Well she admits that she slept with him and it hurt me but she made me feel guilty so I took her back out of feeling bad and guilty. The whole time I am in this relationship I am thinking this person is being honest with me and she's being deceptive the whole time and I'm starting to see a pattern here and it took me going through this to see how deceptive a person could be. I felt betrayed, hurt, & angry! So I take her back for the third time and at this point I'm feeling like there is no trust in this relationship one day so with her permission I ask if I can track her through her phone with an app which she agrees to because she is hell bent on proving to me that she isn't this person I am starting to see. Well for the next 3 months our relationship improves but the fights are still happening and I'm struggling with trusting this person anymore. I have doubts and I struggle with the fact she slept with someone behind my back. Which in turns causes me to throw the past in her face because I am having such a struggle with it all. Well here comes the month of February 2013 and on the 8th of this month I am talking to her telling her how I feel alone and feel like I'm in this relationship by myself and she responds with a text message that seize I refuse to put my life on hold for you to make time for you. It hurts my feelings so I get angry and leave her once again. Well the day after I leave her she calls her Xbf to come over to the house which a week and a half later got back to me. By this point I have no interest in turning back because I have been betrayed and hurt so much. So I leave her the 8th of February well while I am away some guy is threatening her about our relationship which at the time I didn't know what was going on because I wasn't in the picture. Well her sister calls me and I track the person down and get him to leave her alone. Well by this point the parents are starting to ask questions about what is going on!

 

Later that night I talk to them told them I had handled the situation well sometime after I had got off the phone she had come clean to the parents. Which I had been a big secret to them for all this time and they finally find out. Well the next day the father comes to me for answers and I tell him the truth about his daughter. Which I am as in much shock as he is about his daughter because I am starting to see what a dishonest person she has been. He asks me to back off out of respect for him which I clearly understand and told him I would. I felt like he came to me for answers and when I was answering him he gave me the impression he felt bad for me for all the things his daughter had put me through.

 

So my question is at first I had a hard time with all this but have come to terms with all of it and accepted it, but also at the same time I feel like this person I was seeing will not be this same person in 3-6 years from now. I still really like this girl and would like to be in her life at a later point in time but I don't feel like I could be in her life as a friend. So what I am wondering what should I do in this situation? Is she worthy of a second chance after she out grows this stage in her life or will she always be a person with chaos in all her relationships with everyone else and just not me? How would I determine this person has changed for the best down the road and I could decide whether to make things work down the road? I am a firm believer in once a cheater always a cheater! Need help with my situation. Keep in mind this girl is 18 years old. I want to have hopes that this person will eventually change and not be this type of person but in all my years of experience with people they don't normally change.

Edited by Kaster21
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purplereigncb

Horrible pattern of taking her back after she's done these horrible things. You say second chance I say 100th

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OSCAR_BUSTOS21

God you have more faith than jesus brother, this girl is not just having her cake and eating it shes taking the whole bakery. She'll do it over and over again, watch maybe even a new guy will come into the picture and then another until your a toatal mess of love pudding.

 

Trust me, I was 27 when I dated a 20 year old. Young ladies can be fickle and are still in that going out getting messy stage. Luckily I had not fallen for this girl and had actually played around so when it came to her messing around I just ditched it and moved on. It's hard work getting this age range to settle after all why should they. Stick to a girl who is your age or just below, you'll find you want the same things in life.

 

Basically this girl knows she can cheat and get away with it, so unless your introducing her to solitary confinement I'd bet good money that she would.

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AlexfromBoston

If I were you, I would continue to have sex with her while sleeping with other girls and messing around. I would turn the tables on her and basically treat her like trash. Im guessing this may be tougher for you so in that case, go NC and let her go.

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I did give her plenty of chances to prove me wrong but she never did. But what I'm wondering maybe this is a phase for the next 3-5 years before she grows out of this stupid stuff and maybe take a go at it then or should I just walk away completely and never return? Who's to say she's going to be this way 5 years from now?

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God you have more faith than jesus brother, this girl is not just having her cake and eating it shes taking the whole bakery. She'll do it over and over again, watch maybe even a new guy will come into the picture and then another until your a toatal mess of love pudding.

 

Trust me, I was 27 when I dated a 20 year old. Young ladies can be fickle and are still in that going out getting messy stage. Luckily I had not fallen for this girl and had actually played around so when it came to her messing around I just ditched it and moved on. It's hard work getting this age range to settle after all why should they. Stick to a girl who is your age or just below, you'll find you want the same things in life.

 

Basically this girl knows she can cheat and get away with it, so unless your introducing her to solitary confinement I'd bet good money that she would.

 

Well I've taken myself out of the picture as in no contact. But she seems to be really deceitful in all her ways and I guess she just thinks she can keep treating people like that, but karma has a funny way of coming right back around and biting people in the ass. My only thought is if they start out like this at that age are they always that way their whole life or is it something they grow out of?

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If I were you, I would continue to have sex with her while sleeping with other girls and messing around. I would turn the tables on her and basically treat her like trash. Im guessing this may be tougher for you so in that case, go NC and let her go.

 

I like this idea, but there is too many feelings there to do that. But yes down the road I could but would that really make me any better than her if I did it?

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fungusamungus
Well I've taken myself out of the picture as in no contact. But she seems to be really deceitful in all her ways and I guess she just thinks she can keep treating people like that, but karma has a funny way of coming right back around and biting people in the ass. My only thought is if they start out like this at that age are they always that way their whole life or is it something they grow out of?
No, they don't always start out like that. Do not chalk it up to her being young and tell yourself that she is just going to grow out of it. A normal, emotionally stable, and well adjusted girl would just break up with their boyfriends first if they want to be single and sleep around. The fact that she's young does not give her the excuse to treat people like ****.

 

She sounds like a sociopath. And sure, she might be less maladjusted and unstable in 3-6 years. But you could say that about any lying or cheating person. Just reading your story makes me want to wash my hands. Have a little bit of self respect.

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No, they don't always start out like that. Do not chalk it up to her being young and tell yourself that she is just going to grow out of it. A normal, emotionally stable, and well adjusted girl would just break up with their boyfriends first if they want to be single and sleep around. The fact that she's young does not give her the excuse to treat people like ****.

 

She sounds like a sociopath. And sure, she might be less maladjusted and unstable in 3-6 years. But you could say that about any lying or cheating person. Just reading your story makes me want to wash my hands. Have a little bit of self respect.

 

I have self respect that's why I left her.... I don't deal with liars and deceitful people. I know what I deserve and it's damn sure better than what she is showing me...

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I'm just in such awe that I could allow someone younger than me to make a fool out of me. It really angers me...

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