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I got my ex back, here's how I did it!!!!


AlexfromBoston

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AlexfromBoston

Hey all, I am new to this forum and figured I would relay my recent success story as to how I won back my ex. My intentions are to give you folks a modicum of inspiration, if not a rough blueprint as to how to win back your ex-girlfriend through some cleverly played "mind games'. I want to preface this posting by saying that I do not claim to be an expert in relationships nor am I trying to brag about my success rate; rather I want to hopefully boost the morale of those who are going through a rough breakup. For the purpose of clarity and anonymity, I will continue to refer to my girlfriend as my "ex" throughout the duration of this narrative; although we are very much together.

Before I delve into my tactics for winning her back, I will provide an expedited account as to how my ex earned the title "my ex". My ex, who is extremely attractive and fit, is a dance instructor and professional dancer(not stripping) at the local night clubs in my area. One night, after she finished performing at a local club, she approached me and joined me for a drink...yada yada..and the rest was history. As my ex is from Brazil, she did not have any family or many friends nearby so we literally took our relationship from zero to sixty in a very short time span. Moved in together, spent the holidays together...essential did everything and anything together. As the summer months came around this year, I started to neglect her more, spent more time with friends and began to hand out my number to a few girls I met in the various clubs in Boston. My girl, who was already growing sick of my behavior, noticed a fairly racy text from another Brazilian girl on my iPhone(rookie mistake) and viola, she moved out and cut off all ties with me. In fact, I was taken back at how cold and cruel she could be when she decided our relationship was over. Now I want to clearly state, I DID NOT cheat on my ex and she knows this; however, I will reluctantly admit that I probably would have head down that road at the rate I was going. But instead of dwelling on my breakup and begging for her back, I resorted to a method that I have successfully utilized in the past. The plan is as follows:

First off, DO NOT listen to anyone that says you should NOT try to fight to get your girlfriend back after a breakup. In fact, I strongly recommend that you plead, beg, and fight for another chance to correct your poor decisions or behavior. If you simply accept the breakup and go NC, you are essentially quitting, raising a white flag and relating that she is not worth fighting for. And guess what, in three or even two months of NC, you run the very strong risk that your ex is going to run right into the arms of another man. Now I am not saying you should call and cry, whine, and complain to your ex; rather you should plead to get her back in the most masculine manner possible. Essentially, don't have a mental breakdown in front of her, but really try to convey the idea that you really care while remaining tough and CONFIDENT. Naturally, in 99% of these cases, she is going to avoid your calls, delete your texts and conduct a NC situation of her own. This is a actually a good sign as it means that she is attempting to heal from the devastation of your recent breakup. Now after a few days of pleading and begging, I finally send a final text message saying that I will leave her alone and provide her with space. Now, at this point, you are going to want to wait at least 5-7 days before you proceed to the next step, a "good luck, thanks for everything" email. Now again, a lot of people told me to NEVER attempt to remain friends with an ex following a nasty breakup...which is normally true; however, if you intend on winning her back this "let's just be friends" step is crucial. Essentially you want to convey the idea that you are going to TRY and move forward and really want her to remain a part of your life, if only as friends. Also admit that you understand the need for a break and relate that you agree that your past behavior may not warrant a second chance. Agree with her decision and let her know that you support her. Now an email is the best way to convey this message as it allows her to read or...gasp...delete the message at her own leisure. Essentially, you are providing her with a modicum of power that a voice message, text, or a written letter(creepy) will not provide. Now, if you are fortunate, and I am sure you will be, your ex is going to email or even text you back with a "thanks for understanding, good luck" or something to that effect. Now it's important to relay that you will always be available to her and encourage her to call, text, or email if she ever wants to catch up, vent etc. Make this email or text short and then cut contact with her completely. At this point, you MUST wait for her to contact you. If she doesn't then chances are she is either over you or doesn't have interests in reconciling. In my case, my ex contacted me a few days later with a simple "Hi, how are you?" text. From there I played it cool, calm and let her know that I was "doing ok" and was just trying to move on. I asked how she was, to which she responded "ok" and ended it at that. It's important, at this point, to let her come to you and in most cases, she may periodically text you to see how you are doing and how you are feeling. Approximately one week after this this initial text, and LC in between, I felt confident that I could invite her for a quick drink to "catch up". Now, in order to secure this "catch-up session", you are really going to have to analyze your ex's emotional state and strike at the most opportune moment. Because the last thing you want to ever have to do is as your ex a second time for a "catch-up session". If she agrees, proceed to the next step. If she declines, accept her response and continue with the limited contact until SHE suggests to meet you.

As soon as you receive her confirmation to meet you, you must carefully proceed with this plan to win her back. It is of the utmost importance to work with her schedule and meet her at a time when she is available. If you must call out of work sick or skip a meeting, then so be it....but you MUST agree to meet her on her terms. Give her the reigns for a change, let her decide what's appropriate for your first encounter in weeks. In my case, we met for an early dinner at a restaurant near her house. Before this first contact, you are going to want to do some work in order to be properly prepare yourself for this date. You MUST reflect on your initial behavior that lead your ex to fall in love with you in the first place. Ideally, you will want to mimic the behavior that you exhibited on your first date and incorporate a SLIGHT air of despair and sadness. You want to show her that you are still crushed over the breakup, yet you are still the [insert traits that attracted her here] guy that you were when you first met. It is also important to look your best and incorporate a style that she was attracted to in the first place. For instance, my ex loved my hair styled a specific way...so naturally, I styled my hair as she liked. I also fasted for a day prior to my date, in order to thin out my face and accentuate certain facial features that she loved. I dressed in clothes that she loved and wore cologne that she found irresistible. Essentially, I embodied the guy that she got all hot-and-bothered over in the first place. Now although you will want to spend as much time as possible with her, it is absolutely CRUCIAL that you allow her to wrap up the date, or terminate contact on this date. Let her be the one to say, “well I should get going”, or “I have a few things I need to do”, etc, etc. Wish her good luck and avoid any physical contact other than a kiss on the cheek or a hug. Remember, during this date, avoid using any pet names or terms of affection such as “baby” or “love”. You have to treat this date as if it was the first time meeting her and naturally, you would never call a girl you just met your baby.

Now, after this initial contact, my ex sent me a text saying how wonderful it was to see me and to keep in touch. I then replied the same and wished her luck. I DID NOT inform her that I still loved her, missed her, etc. Remember, you are essentially attempting to start this relationship from scratch, as if you never met her. You are trying to present yourself as a new man in her life; thus correcting any issues that you had displayed when you were together. As time passed, we kept in LC, casually saying “hi” via text or a brief phone call. After another week or so of very LC, I informed her that they were having a Samba night at a local Brazilian club that we used to go to as a couple. I told her that I had intentions of going and asked if she would like to join me and check out the show(I knew my ex was very jealous and would not want me going to this club solo). Now, this alleged Samba night DID NOT exist and I constructed this little white lie as I knew it would spark her interest(my ex rarely if ever drank so I knew an invitation for drinks would not work). I let her know that I obtained this information through a “friend” and that he made it sound exciting. Now, the point of this little white lie is to say whatever will spark your ex’s attention and get her to meet you on YOUR terms. If your ex loves wine for instance, you could provide the name of a bar and say that a friend told you they were having a wine tasting event on such-and-such date. You need to provide a function that will really spark your ex’s interest....an interest that other men may not share. You are also going to want to choose a place that has either very attractive female waitresses, bartenders or staff or a place where attractive females typically hang out. The place I chose was notorious for having very attractive Latin waitresses in skimpy outfits. Once again, you are going to want to dress up and look your best, but not for your ex this time(ideally a 50/50 split is perfect). You are going to dress, act, and look in a way is if your intentions were to attract another female other than your ex. During this period that you are with your ex, you are going to want to devout all of your intention towards her, despite having all of these beautiful girls around you. You are going to walk in with pride, confidence and a sense that you are “back on the market”, while focusing all of your intention and efforts towards your ex. It is of the utmost importance that you do not let your eyes wander around the room. During this date, I informed my ex that I was doing much better and I had intentions on getting out more often and meeting new people. Now, in my case, after this second date I had already sealed the deal....my ex was absolutely taken back by my attitude, look, etc and knew immediately that she might have made a mistake. However, for others it could take three, four or five small dates to reestablish and reignite the flame that was once there. The key is to approach each new date with a little more confidence and a little more sex appeal, while slowly making yourself appear to be more distant and more cold towards your ex. You are essentially turning the tides and making it appear as if YOU are the one who is now breaking up with HER. And as each date passes, it is important that you allow your eyes to wander a little bit more and express interest in other women other than your ex.

So in summation, the whole idea here is to lay it on thick initially(beg, plead), slowly fade away, shoot a farewell email, slowly build up the connection between you and your ex while simultaneously attempting to fade away and move on. It’s important to find the right balance based on your ex’s demeanor and attitude towards you. I find that this little push and pull method can emotionally confuse my ex and make it appear as if she made a mistake breaking up with me. Now before you try this, you really have to decide if your relationship is worth fixing. If you had sex with your ex’s younger sister or put your ex’s head through the dining room wall, then chances are, your relationship is over. If you simply want to play games with your ex in an attempt to secure a cheap, sexual encounter, then I would not advise that you attempt to resurrect your relationship. If you were a dud in the sack, then I am sorry, but you definitely have an uphill battle my friend. It’s very important in any relationship to ask your partner what she likes and how you should do it properly. Sex can ultimately be the driving force that sling shots your ex right back into your arms. It is also important to continue working out, eating right and taking care of yourself during any breakup. Naturally, you are going to want to feel sorry for yourself all day and avoid such tasks but remember, a breakup is exactly the right time to hit the gym or hop on a treadmill. After all, your intentions are to either win your ex back or meet other women right? After me and my ex got back together a few days ago, she openly admitted that she was missing me the whole time and every single day she was thinking of me and wanted to try again in our relationship. And to be honest, my girl is probably not much different than your ex. I will venture to guess that your ex is thinking about your right now. Just remember, don’t be too aggressive and needy, or she will feel like she has you in her back pocket for an old proverbial rainy day. It wasn’t until I became cold and distant that my ex realized she might have screwed up. And when she does decide that she wants to try it again, let her know that you are willing to try again but you want to take it slow. And as you have suggested, take it slow and proceed with caution. Remember, no two women are alike and fortunately it only took me a few weeks and a few attempts(only two dates) to win her back. My previous ex took four dates and each time I throttled my efforts so that I didn’t approach the “a-hole zone” by our fourth date. It very well could take you months but keep your chin up, your eyes on the prize and win her back. Good luck all.

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Welcome, congratulations, and thanks for the encouraging words.

 

I must say, though, that I am not very fond of the idea of playing "mind games" with an EX in order to win him/her back. Am I guilty of this? Sort of, but at the same time, I believe that we do need to find the right balance of tugging at our EX's hearts and being honest/genuine with where we're at.

 

Anyways, let me address what you say below:

 

First off, DO NOT listen to anyone that says you should NOT try to fight to get your girlfriend back after a breakup. In fact, I strongly recommend that you plead, beg, and fight for another chance to correct your poor decisions or behavior. If you simply accept the breakup and go NC, you are essentially quitting, raising a white flag and relating that she is not worth fighting for. And guess what, in three or even two months of NC, you run the very strong risk that your ex is going to run right into the arms of another man.

 

Your story may only apply to others who have been dumped on similar terms; basically, when the dumpee screws up and the dumper leaves, heartbroken.

 

In my case, I was dumped mostly out of my EX's uncertainty/confusion, and not out of any specific mistake that I'd made. What did I do? I did not plead, beg, or fight for another chance, but I went full out NC for my healing. I was heartbroken, and I did what I needed to do to move on. Soon enough (recently), my EX came back looking for reconciliation.

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AlexfromBoston

DisGai, this method has worked with my ex but I knew that my relationship was fixable. Like I said, if I knew it wasn't going to work the I would not have even tried..it wouldn't be fair to her. So these little games I played were done with good intentions. She all but admitted that she was playing games as well. I am glad your ex came back and I want to stress, this method is prob not going to work for an ex who was verbally/physically abused, cheated on, or who simply did not have that attraction anymore. My relationship was 100% fixable and aside from a few small issues, I was a good guy.

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AlexfromBoston

I should also stress that women from Latin America are VERY VERY different from women in the U.S. It's a completely different animal(no disrepsect intended). You see, Latin women have a certain passion that was ingrained in them as part of their culture. While American girls are watching the CSI's, American Idol, etc. Latin women are watching novelas and soap operas. They sort of have a dramatized view about love and romace. So they demand a lot of attention and affection and are sometimes easier to win back.

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DisGai, this method has worked with my ex but I knew that my relationship was fixable. Like I said, if I knew it wasn't going to work the I would not have even tried..it wouldn't be fair to her. So these little games I played were done with good intentions. She all but admitted that she was playing games as well. I am glad your ex came back and I want to stress, this method is prob not going to work for an ex who was verbally/physically abused, cheated on, or who simply did not have that attraction anymore. My relationship was 100% fixable and aside from a few small issues, I was a good guy.

 

By no means did I mean to offend you or your method of winning your EX back :p.

 

I just wanted to point out that the method of going NC can indeed work and that your case is a specific scenario where the dumpee made a mistake and caused the breakup, but (like you are saying), has the potential to fix and bring the relationship together.

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lil hoodlum
I should also stress that women from Latin America are VERY VERY different from women in the U.S. It's a completely different animal(no disrepsect intended). You see, Latin women have a certain passion that was ingrained in them as part of their culture. While American girls are watching the CSI's, American Idol, etc. Latin women are watching novelas and soap operas. They sort of have a dramatized view about love and romace. So they demand a lot of attention and affection and are sometimes easier to win back.

 

maybe you could help me with my situation.

 

My girl(exgirl) is from Mexico and she does sound somewhat like your girl. What strikes me the most is how all of that passion can get so cold and callous so quickly.

 

I am pretty much in a "holding" pattern. In all appearences to her, I am moving on. I got back into school and will be getting my bachelors in May of next year. After that? Who knows?

 

She held in a few things and did not tell me things were bothering her. I knew she being emotionally checking out and becoming distant. I began for the last two months of the RS to rekindle the fire. I took her out on fancy dates to "show her off". I spent alot of quality time with her and her 8 year old daughter. I would often go over to her place and we would cook together. I wrote her love notes and bought her love cards etc. I really tried hard to bring that passion back.

 

While she was emotionally checking out and becoming distant, I talked to her several times about this and she said she would try harder. I had tried dozens and dozens of times to find out what was bothering her. Finally she opened up and told me of some of her hurts. I was taken aback. Why didn't she tell me these things earlier so that we could have resolved them?

 

Anyways I can fill in the details if you would be willing to listen and offer your opinion.

 

In many ways, I believe that she views herself as the "victim" even though she broke up with me. I believe that she wanted me to chase after her and prove my undying love for her. How off base do you think that might be?

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AlexfromBoston

Lil hoodlum, Mexican women, while very beautiful, require a lot of romance, attention and affection. Again, there idea of romance and your idea of romance may be two different things. Personally, I am not the most romantic person but with my ex, I had to make adjustments. You might be like me and neglect her emotions and just assume that everything is ok in your relationship. Personally, I believe that chasing them and proving your love is always a positive thing, even if they tell you to stop "bothering" them. Something as simple as a good morning and goodnight text is huge to latin women. And it's important to incorporate some little things from her culture. In my case, I would say to my ex, "boa noite meu amor"(Portuguese for good night my love) and incorporate a "cute" message in Portuguese. You can always use Google translate if you don't know Spanish. Corny, I know, but Latin women absolutely love the attention...hell, they thrive on it. They want to feel as though they occupy their time 16 hours during the day. Personally bro, I would lay it on thick and act super affectionate and friendly towards her. If she hesitates and pulls away, chase her to some extent; without looking desperate, needy, or clingy. Go after her like a man because 99% of Latinas love aggressive men. If she continues to be cold and unattentive, you are going to need to slowly fade away and respect her desire for space. But remember to at least request a friends-only type situation and maintain limited contact. Ideally, you are going to want to secure a few more dates and act as if YOU are losing attraction or that spark. Trust me, if she still cares, she is going to go frantic. If she thinks she has you in her pocket, you're going to have to do the old swap and take control again. Put her in your back pocket after you conduct your romantic, aggressive chase. I wish you luck man. I am sure you'll pull through. I dated a Mexican girl from LA briefly as she was attending school in Boston so I know some stuff about them. She was low maintenance, but required a lot of affection and attention.

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Alex from Boston, I applaud you for doing the one thing i've been trying to do since the start of the break up!! (Beginning of June)

Could you possibly help me with my story if I post a summary of it to you? It would be VERY much appreciated

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lil hoodlum
Lil hoodlum, Mexican women, while very beautiful, require a lot of romance, attention and affection. Again, there idea of romance and your idea of romance may be two different things. Personally, I am not the most romantic person but with my ex, I had to make adjustments. You might be like me and neglect her emotions and just assume that everything is ok in your relationship. Personally, I believe that chasing them and proving your love is always a positive thing, even if they tell you to stop "bothering" them. Something as simple as a good morning and goodnight text is huge to latin women. And it's important to incorporate some little things from her culture. In my case, I would say to my ex, "boa noite meu amor"(Portuguese for good night my love) and incorporate a "cute" message in Portuguese. You can always use Google translate if you don't know Spanish. Corny, I know, but Latin women absolutely love the attention...hell, they thrive on it. They want to feel as though they occupy their time 16 hours during the day. Personally bro, I would lay it on thick and act super affectionate and friendly towards her. If she hesitates and pulls away, chase her to some extent; without looking desperate, needy, or clingy. Go after her like a man because 99% of Latinas love aggressive men. If she continues to be cold and unattentive, you are going to need to slowly fade away and respect her desire for space. But remember to at least request a friends-only type situation and maintain limited contact. Ideally, you are going to want to secure a few more dates and act as if YOU are losing attraction or that spark. Trust me, if she still cares, she is going to go frantic. If she thinks she has you in her pocket, you're going to have to do the old swap and take control again. Put her in your back pocket after you conduct your romantic, aggressive chase. I wish you luck man. I am sure you'll pull through. I dated a Mexican girl from LA briefly as she was attending school in Boston so I know some stuff about them. She was low maintenance, but required a lot of affection and attention.

 

 

Thank you for the reply. I appreciate it. We were together for 4.5 years and I, like her, thrive on romance. Trust me, I can lay it on thick, but I prefer the steady approach. I allways let her know how much she meant to mean in both words and action. I allways was chivilous and respectful. I treated her how I wanted to be treated. I'm not perfect, I do have my flaws, but I treated her and her daughter very well. She knows me and what is in my heart. The split was at the end of May. I did fight for her, I laid it all out on the line several times. I didn't beg however. I'm sorry but I just won't do that!

 

I am pretty sure that there was someone else that had her attention the last 2 or 3 months prior to the BU and shortly afterward. I don't have much proof but the evidence points that way. I am fairly certain it is over. I see her down and depressed looking and she is no longer constantly texting someone. I have reached out to her numerous times but when I do, she allways pulls back. I am at the point where I am fading away in her eyes. Her behaviour has changed and she has made it point to be in my line of vision and will hold my gaze and will smile back at me. I can see the guilt in her eyes though.

 

I want to reach out to her, but previous attempts didn't work. She would pull back. However, I don't have alot of confidence that she will reach out to me even though I feel she wants to. I believe she is afraid of rejection and still sees herself as the "victim". So now I am in holding out game with her waiting to see what she will do. She held on to quite a bit of stuff and it led her to have resentful feelings towards me. Now that I think that some time has gone by I hope some of the resentful feeling are going away.

 

I feel that she may be close to reaching out to me soon. I just have to be patient. In order for her to feel comfortable, I think she needs to be the one to control the reconnection.

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Just in case, here is my story. It's a little long but I would be grateful for your advice on it.

So we had been dating since January, basically right off the bat when we hung out we had an INSTANT connection and had started talking right then and there, took about 3 months for him to ask me out and we were only official from start of May to start of June, but I would say we were together since January. Anyways the relationship was great, I was a little insecure, if I didnt hear from him I would overthink and thats how our breakup happened unfortunately. I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. We couldn't go a day without missing eachother.

Anyways, The breakup night...we both had been busy with work and I was moving home (30 minutes away) for the summer and i'm about to move back next week to school. So we weren't seeing eachoter as much and it really bothered me That night I hadn't talked to him all day or night and didnt have a text from him when I got off of work. Get online, and see he has people over at his house drinking. I texted him and talked for a minute, and mentioned I would be going out for the night and he got so pissed off. He started saying how it was sketchy of me to have a night out and not try to go see him, and I explained to him that he had people over and didnt bother asking me to hang out or even bother to text me that night. He got rude saying I wasnt welcomed over and stuff like that, so I said fine were over. We got off the phone. INSTANTLY I regret it, ran over to his house to take it back, he was hammered drunk and was crying and so was I. I told him I didnt mean it and he told me we would talk about it in the morning. I kept trying to hug him and he was yelling don't touch me if you dont leave ill call the cops. I really didn't want to leave so I asked for a hug and we did and left. The next morning he wants space and time and doesnt want to talk to me, takes it offline and thats where we are now. We have been trying to work on things but we both have argued a little bit due to jealousy and we both are just hurt and I know it. We have seen eachother and each time we have it's ended with me crying over the break up, which I know I shouldn't have done. I have never stopped telling him it was a mistake. Since we argued and the hang outs turned to crying he got pushed away a little bit and it really started to seem like he didn't even want it to work anymore. So he has told me that there are things to change and stuff and I agree, and I've given him multiple chances to tell me it's over. I've told him that he doesn't seem like he wants it to work, so just to tell me it's over and he said he never said that and he's told me he is sick of my bitching. I agreed to quit that as long as he worked with me to show me he wants it to work. He asked me what I expect him to do since I say he doesn't try. I told him that I need him to talk to me and show me hes atleast thinking about me ( I was always the one to text first) and I said don't get mad if I hang out with people (he would) I said because I have excluded myself and I need to get out. I also said that if I ask him to hang out I don't want him to just blow it off, that if he wants to see me to make time to see me, and he said that that doesn't sound unreasonable.

 

Basically me and him can't let eachother go. We have had low contact and it's been almost 2 weeks since we last saw each other in person. I've heard things about him from my roommate but i'm not going to mention those and i'm going to try to get past that because I just can't give up. What do you suggest the steps that I take next?

 

Currently, i'm at the point that he is working all weekend and I told him if he was free sometime and wanted to hang out to let me know.

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AlexfromBoston
Thank you for the reply. I appreciate it. We were together for 4.5 years and I, like her, thrive on romance. Trust me, I can lay it on thick, but I prefer the steady approach. I allways let her know how much she meant to mean in both words and action. I allways was chivilous and respectful. I treated her how I wanted to be treated. I'm not perfect, I do have my flaws, but I treated her and her daughter very well. She knows me and what is in my heart. The split was at the end of May. I did fight for her, I laid it all out on the line several times. I didn't beg however. I'm sorry but I just won't do that!

 

I am pretty sure that there was someone else that had her attention the last 2 or 3 months prior to the BU and shortly afterward. I don't have much proof but the evidence points that way. I am fairly certain it is over. I see her down and depressed looking and she is no longer constantly texting someone. I have reached out to her numerous times but when I do, she allways pulls back. I am at the point where I am fading away in her eyes. Her behaviour has changed and she has made it point to be in my line of vision and will hold my gaze and will smile back at me. I can see the guilt in her eyes though.

 

I want to reach out to her, but previous attempts didn't work. She would pull back. However, I don't have alot of confidence that she will reach out to me even though I feel she wants to. I believe she is afraid of rejection and still sees herself as the "victim". So now I am in holding out game with her waiting to see what she will do. She held on to quite a bit of stuff and it led her to have resentful feelings towards me. Now that I think that some time has gone by I hope some of the resentful feeling are going away.

 

I feel that she may be close to reaching out to me soon. I just have to be patient. In order for her to feel comfortable, I think she needs to be the one to control the reconnection.

 

 

You could always shoot her a nice email, wishing her luck, farewell, etc etc. Then let her know you just have a desire to be friends. With an email, it's sort of right there in here face...she can either delete it, save it for later, or open it, whereas a text or call can be more easily avoided. Tell her that you want to move on and that you'll never forget her. Maybe in a few weeks or months she will reply to your email. I think that's your best course of action. But make sure you go all out on the email...not creepy, but very sincere and romantic.

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AlexfromBoston
Just in case, here is my story. It's a little long but I would be grateful for your advice on it.

So we had been dating since January, basically right off the bat when we hung out we had an INSTANT connection and had started talking right then and there, took about 3 months for him to ask me out and we were only official from start of May to start of June, but I would say we were together since January. Anyways the relationship was great, I was a little insecure, if I didnt hear from him I would overthink and thats how our breakup happened unfortunately. I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. We couldn't go a day without missing eachother.

Anyways, The breakup night...we both had been busy with work and I was moving home (30 minutes away) for the summer and i'm about to move back next week to school. So we weren't seeing eachoter as much and it really bothered me That night I hadn't talked to him all day or night and didnt have a text from him when I got off of work. Get online, and see he has people over at his house drinking. I texted him and talked for a minute, and mentioned I would be going out for the night and he got so pissed off. He started saying how it was sketchy of me to have a night out and not try to go see him, and I explained to him that he had people over and didnt bother asking me to hang out or even bother to text me that night. He got rude saying I wasnt welcomed over and stuff like that, so I said fine were over. We got off the phone. INSTANTLY I regret it, ran over to his house to take it back, he was hammered drunk and was crying and so was I. I told him I didnt mean it and he told me we would talk about it in the morning. I kept trying to hug him and he was yelling don't touch me if you dont leave ill call the cops. I really didn't want to leave so I asked for a hug and we did and left. The next morning he wants space and time and doesnt want to talk to me, takes it offline and thats where we are now. We have been trying to work on things but we both have argued a little bit due to jealousy and we both are just hurt and I know it. We have seen eachother and each time we have it's ended with me crying over the break up, which I know I shouldn't have done. I have never stopped telling him it was a mistake. Since we argued and the hang outs turned to crying he got pushed away a little bit and it really started to seem like he didn't even want it to work anymore. So he has told me that there are things to change and stuff and I agree, and I've given him multiple chances to tell me it's over. I've told him that he doesn't seem like he wants it to work, so just to tell me it's over and he said he never said that and he's told me he is sick of my bitching. I agreed to quit that as long as he worked with me to show me he wants it to work. He asked me what I expect him to do since I say he doesn't try. I told him that I need him to talk to me and show me hes atleast thinking about me ( I was always the one to text first) and I said don't get mad if I hang out with people (he would) I said because I have excluded myself and I need to get out. I also said that if I ask him to hang out I don't want him to just blow it off, that if he wants to see me to make time to see me, and he said that that doesn't sound unreasonable.

 

Basically me and him can't let eachother go. We have had low contact and it's been almost 2 weeks since we last saw each other in person. I've heard things about him from my roommate but i'm not going to mention those and i'm going to try to get past that because I just can't give up. What do you suggest the steps that I take next?

 

Currently, i'm at the point that he is working all weekend and I told him if he was free sometime and wanted to hang out to let me know.

 

Livelife, in my humble opinion, I would back away and let him cool off. Maybe give him a call and let him know that you think it's best "we remain friends and move on". That little phrase right there makes me frantic. As a man, when my girl says that, I get crazy and immediately want to fix the damaged relationship. Basically, she had me in her pocket as I didn't want to lose her for good. Fortunately, I am used to this position so I was able to turn it around. But I am telling you, shoot him a nice email or call him(no texts) and let him know that you had an amazing time together and that you will always love him but you must move on. If he really cares for you he is immediately going to start thinking, "omg, did she meet someone? Is she seriously done with me? What can I do?" I am telling you, he is going to squirm and get all emotional over this. But should he want to meet up with you or try again, don't just jump at the chance. Let him stew for a week or more and agree to meet him on YOUR terms. Act slightly cold(don't overdo it) and adn pretend like you're not really interested in him at this moment.

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Livelife, in my humble opinion, I would back away and let him cool off. Maybe give him a call and let him know that you think it's best "we remain friends and move on". That little phrase right there makes me frantic. As a man, when my girl says that, I get crazy and immediately want to fix the damaged relationship. Basically, she had me in her pocket as I didn't want to lose her for good. Fortunately, I am used to this position so I was able to turn it around. But I am telling you, shoot him a nice email or call him(no texts) and let him know that you had an amazing time together and that you will always love him but you must move on. If he really cares for you he is immediately going to start thinking, "omg, did she meet someone? Is she seriously done with me? What can I do?" I am telling you, he is going to squirm and get all emotional over this. But should he want to meet up with you or try again, don't just jump at the chance. Let him stew for a week or more and agree to meet him on YOUR terms. Act slightly cold(don't overdo it) and adn pretend like you're not really interested in him at this moment.

 

Thanks for the response. I've been told to pull the "lets just be friends" line on him, but I have already asked him for another chance a week ago or so and since then he has been initiating contact and talking to me. I make him work for conversation. So what about in that scenario? and yes Ill take that advice when he asks to hang out I'll tell him i'm busy even if i'm not and push it back some days! Thanks!

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Uhm... I don't think this would work with a man... He even told me he need time to figure out if he can recover his feelings for me. Can you do me a favor? I don't understand my ex behavior... We were fighting a lot last months but he wanted to fix things, even the week before BU I asked for a time separated and he didn't want to.

 

Next week he first said that he wouldn't want to take a rush decision and even consider taking the time, but after some chat he decided to break up is the best. He told me he didn't feel the same anymore, that he has resentments towards me for (all) the fights in our entire relationship. After he was saying that I don't need him, that I'm strong and I will be fine, that my dreams were to big and he just wanted a simple life (while in the entire RS he said he would be with me and my dreams). He even said he was broken, he didn't feel capable to continue. But that he still care for me.

 

He never contacted me, just that one time to ask for his part of the money we were saving to live together ( :'( )

 

Weeks after the BU I found out that he was going to the movies every weekend, and paid for 2 tickets (he always wanted to pay for me in our dates) every time. He even took the effort to book one movie premier hour earlier (as he didn't want to do anything for me but stay at home and see movies... :( ) And he even did that the day before he broke up with me. He told me he went to his male friend to buy some cellphone accesories, so he lied about with who and what he go out. So, to me it seems it was a date or just hang out with a girl :/

 

I did NC most of the time, unfriend him in FB and delet contact info (I was so hurt) just to ask him for some of my stuff, and we met for him to deliver it. I just took my stuff, thanked him, said goobye and left. He was surprised, I think he believed I would talk to him more. And then that week he added in FB and went out with this female friend who he stopped contact because it caused so much problems in our RS (she liked him). So, as I went to a trip with my bestie (female) I found out he blocked me on FB... Don't know why, since I haven't said anything...

 

After this... What do you think? We loved each other for almost 9 years our dated in highschool for 3 months and then in university reunited and last for 4 years 10 months, and he always said he loved me more, we fight for our RS. We had our ups and downs, and we both did some sacrifices. Do you think there is still a hope for us (maybe in future) I'm not sure if I want him back at all, and the first move should be made by him, but just to know if there is a chance would me feel a little relived...

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jamielampley1
Hey all, I am new to this forum and figured I would relay my recent success story as to how I won back my ex. My intentions are to give you folks a modicum of inspiration, if not a rough blueprint as to how to win back your ex-girlfriend through some cleverly played "mind games'. I want to preface this posting by saying that I do not claim to be an expert in relationships nor am I trying to brag about my success rate; rather I want to hopefully boost the morale of those who are going through a rough breakup. For the purpose of clarity and anonymity, I will continue to refer to my girlfriend as my "ex" throughout the duration of this narrative; although we are very much together.

Before I delve into my tactics for winning her back, I will provide an expedited account as to how my ex earned the title "my ex". My ex, who is extremely attractive and fit, is a dance instructor and professional dancer(not stripping) at the local night clubs in my area. One night, after she finished performing at a local club, she approached me and joined me for a drink...yada yada..and the rest was history. As my ex is from Brazil, she did not have any family or many friends nearby so we literally took our relationship from zero to sixty in a very short time span. Moved in together, spent the holidays together...essential did everything and anything together. As the summer months came around this year, I started to neglect her more, spent more time with friends and began to hand out my number to a few girls I met in the various clubs in Boston. My girl, who was already growing sick of my behavior, noticed a fairly racy text from another Brazilian girl on my iPhone(rookie mistake) and viola, she moved out and cut off all ties with me. In fact, I was taken back at how cold and cruel she could be when she decided our relationship was over. Now I want to clearly state, I DID NOT cheat on my ex and she knows this; however, I will reluctantly admit that I probably would have head down that road at the rate I was going. But instead of dwelling on my breakup and begging for her back, I resorted to a method that I have successfully utilized in the past. The plan is as follows:

First off, DO NOT listen to anyone that says you should NOT try to fight to get your girlfriend back after a breakup. In fact, I strongly recommend that you plead, beg, and fight for another chance to correct your poor decisions or behavior. If you simply accept the breakup and go NC, you are essentially quitting, raising a white flag and relating that she is not worth fighting for. And guess what, in three or even two months of NC, you run the very strong risk that your ex is going to run right into the arms of another man. Now I am not saying you should call and cry, whine, and complain to your ex; rather you should plead to get her back in the most masculine manner possible. Essentially, don't have a mental breakdown in front of her, but really try to convey the idea that you really care while remaining tough and CONFIDENT. Naturally, in 99% of these cases, she is going to avoid your calls, delete your texts and conduct a NC situation of her own. This is a actually a good sign as it means that she is attempting to heal from the devastation of your recent breakup. Now after a few days of pleading and begging, I finally send a final text message saying that I will leave her alone and provide her with space. Now, at this point, you are going to want to wait at least 5-7 days before you proceed to the next step, a "good luck, thanks for everything" email. Now again, a lot of people told me to NEVER attempt to remain friends with an ex following a nasty breakup...which is normally true; however, if you intend on winning her back this "let's just be friends" step is crucial. Essentially you want to convey the idea that you are going to TRY and move forward and really want her to remain a part of your life, if only as friends. Also admit that you understand the need for a break and relate that you agree that your past behavior may not warrant a second chance. Agree with her decision and let her know that you support her. Now an email is the best way to convey this message as it allows her to read or...gasp...delete the message at her own leisure. Essentially, you are providing her with a modicum of power that a voice message, text, or a written letter(creepy) will not provide. Now, if you are fortunate, and I am sure you will be, your ex is going to email or even text you back with a "thanks for understanding, good luck" or something to that effect. Now it's important to relay that you will always be available to her and encourage her to call, text, or email if she ever wants to catch up, vent etc. Make this email or text short and then cut contact with her completely. At this point, you MUST wait for her to contact you. If she doesn't then chances are she is either over you or doesn't have interests in reconciling. In my case, my ex contacted me a few days later with a simple "Hi, how are you?" text. From there I played it cool, calm and let her know that I was "doing ok" and was just trying to move on. I asked how she was, to which she responded "ok" and ended it at that. It's important, at this point, to let her come to you and in most cases, she may periodically text you to see how you are doing and how you are feeling. Approximately one week after this this initial text, and LC in between, I felt confident that I could invite her for a quick drink to "catch up". Now, in order to secure this "catch-up session", you are really going to have to analyze your ex's emotional state and strike at the most opportune moment. Because the last thing you want to ever have to do is as your ex a second time for a "catch-up session". If she agrees, proceed to the next step. If she declines, accept her response and continue with the limited contact until SHE suggests to meet you.

As soon as you receive her confirmation to meet you, you must carefully proceed with this plan to win her back. It is of the utmost importance to work with her schedule and meet her at a time when she is available. If you must call out of work sick or skip a meeting, then so be it....but you MUST agree to meet her on her terms. Give her the reigns for a change, let her decide what's appropriate for your first encounter in weeks. In my case, we met for an early dinner at a restaurant near her house. Before this first contact, you are going to want to do some work in order to be properly prepare yourself for this date. You MUST reflect on your initial behavior that lead your ex to fall in love with you in the first place. Ideally, you will want to mimic the behavior that you exhibited on your first date and incorporate a SLIGHT air of despair and sadness. You want to show her that you are still crushed over the breakup, yet you are still the [insert traits that attracted her here] guy that you were when you first met. It is also important to look your best and incorporate a style that she was attracted to in the first place. For instance, my ex loved my hair styled a specific way...so naturally, I styled my hair as she liked. I also fasted for a day prior to my date, in order to thin out my face and accentuate certain facial features that she loved. I dressed in clothes that she loved and wore cologne that she found irresistible. Essentially, I embodied the guy that she got all hot-and-bothered over in the first place. Now although you will want to spend as much time as possible with her, it is absolutely CRUCIAL that you allow her to wrap up the date, or terminate contact on this date. Let her be the one to say, “well I should get going”, or “I have a few things I need to do”, etc, etc. Wish her good luck and avoid any physical contact other than a kiss on the cheek or a hug. Remember, during this date, avoid using any pet names or terms of affection such as “baby” or “love”. You have to treat this date as if it was the first time meeting her and naturally, you would never call a girl you just met your baby.

Now, after this initial contact, my ex sent me a text saying how wonderful it was to see me and to keep in touch. I then replied the same and wished her luck. I DID NOT inform her that I still loved her, missed her, etc. Remember, you are essentially attempting to start this relationship from scratch, as if you never met her. You are trying to present yourself as a new man in her life; thus correcting any issues that you had displayed when you were together. As time passed, we kept in LC, casually saying “hi” via text or a brief phone call. After another week or so of very LC, I informed her that they were having a Samba night at a local Brazilian club that we used to go to as a couple. I told her that I had intentions of going and asked if she would like to join me and check out the show(I knew my ex was very jealous and would not want me going to this club solo). Now, this alleged Samba night DID NOT exist and I constructed this little white lie as I knew it would spark her interest(my ex rarely if ever drank so I knew an invitation for drinks would not work). I let her know that I obtained this information through a “friend” and that he made it sound exciting. Now, the point of this little white lie is to say whatever will spark your ex’s attention and get her to meet you on YOUR terms. If your ex loves wine for instance, you could provide the name of a bar and say that a friend told you they were having a wine tasting event on such-and-such date. You need to provide a function that will really spark your ex’s interest....an interest that other men may not share. You are also going to want to choose a place that has either very attractive female waitresses, bartenders or staff or a place where attractive females typically hang out. The place I chose was notorious for having very attractive Latin waitresses in skimpy outfits. Once again, you are going to want to dress up and look your best, but not for your ex this time(ideally a 50/50 split is perfect). You are going to dress, act, and look in a way is if your intentions were to attract another female other than your ex. During this period that you are with your ex, you are going to want to devout all of your intention towards her, despite having all of these beautiful girls around you. You are going to walk in with pride, confidence and a sense that you are “back on the market”, while focusing all of your intention and efforts towards your ex. It is of the utmost importance that you do not let your eyes wander around the room. During this date, I informed my ex that I was doing much better and I had intentions on getting out more often and meeting new people. Now, in my case, after this second date I had already sealed the deal....my ex was absolutely taken back by my attitude, look, etc and knew immediately that she might have made a mistake. However, for others it could take three, four or five small dates to reestablish and reignite the flame that was once there. The key is to approach each new date with a little more confidence and a little more sex appeal, while slowly making yourself appear to be more distant and more cold towards your ex. You are essentially turning the tides and making it appear as if YOU are the one who is now breaking up with HER. And as each date passes, it is important that you allow your eyes to wander a little bit more and express interest in other women other than your ex.

So in summation, the whole idea here is to lay it on thick initially(beg, plead), slowly fade away, shoot a farewell email, slowly build up the connection between you and your ex while simultaneously attempting to fade away and move on. It’s important to find the right balance based on your ex’s demeanor and attitude towards you. I find that this little push and pull method can emotionally confuse my ex and make it appear as if she made a mistake breaking up with me. Now before you try this, you really have to decide if your relationship is worth fixing. If you had sex with your ex’s younger sister or put your ex’s head through the dining room wall, then chances are, your relationship is over. If you simply want to play games with your ex in an attempt to secure a cheap, sexual encounter, then I would not advise that you attempt to resurrect your relationship. If you were a dud in the sack, then I am sorry, but you definitely have an uphill battle my friend. It’s very important in any relationship to ask your partner what she likes and how you should do it properly. Sex can ultimately be the driving force that sling shots your ex right back into your arms. It is also important to continue working out, eating right and taking care of yourself during any breakup. Naturally, you are going to want to feel sorry for yourself all day and avoid such tasks but remember, a breakup is exactly the right time to hit the gym or hop on a treadmill. After all, your intentions are to either win your ex back or meet other women right? After me and my ex got back together a few days ago, she openly admitted that she was missing me the whole time and every single day she was thinking of me and wanted to try again in our relationship. And to be honest, my girl is probably not much different than your ex. I will venture to guess that your ex is thinking about your right now. Just remember, don’t be too aggressive and needy, or she will feel like she has you in her back pocket for an old proverbial rainy day. It wasn’t until I became cold and distant that my ex realized she might have screwed up. And when she does decide that she wants to try it again, let her know that you are willing to try again but you want to take it slow. And as you have suggested, take it slow and proceed with caution. Remember, no two women are alike and fortunately it only took me a few weeks and a few attempts(only two dates) to win her back. My previous ex took four dates and each time I throttled my efforts so that I didn’t approach the “a-hole zone” by our fourth date. It very well could take you months but keep your chin up, your eyes on the prize and win her back. Good luck all.

 

You remind me a LOT of myself. Except I was clueless as to how to get my ex back. Hahaha. It sounds funny, but I actually downloaded a PDF to help me get the ex back. It helped me look at the situation in ways I had never thought to before...but it was well worth the read.

 

If you guys wanna check it out, I wrote a testimonial on it just because of how AWESOME it was for me. You can see it over at dateyourexagain.com/?p=250 ..you won't be disappointed!

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Your situation is the opposite of most "dumpees" here. You may have gotten dumped, but you forced her hand. It was your behavior that ended the realtionship.

 

She was hurt by you and slowly allowed you to win her back because she never wanted to end it to begin with.

 

You do have some positive bits of advice mixed in with your sociopathic game playing though. The things that I relate to from your thesis length post:

 

1. Be Strong, Confident, and have respect for yourself.

2. Show by action that life goes on with or with out her, that she is special to you, but of course the clock is ticking. You are moving on.

3. Self Improvement. Be awesome. For yourself, improve yourself... she just may notice and be intruiged.

4. Let her "unlock" your feelings like in a brand new relationship... If you come on too strong (just like dating someone new) you will push her away.

 

and the final thing I will add (and it is the Opposite of your "game method"):

 

5. Be real.

 

Why is it so hard for people to have respect for themselves and not "act" according to some list of stupid rules?

Edited by GLDheart
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AlexfromBoston
Your situation is the opposite of most "dumpees" here. You may have gotten dumped, but you forced her hand. It was your behavior that ended the realtionship.

 

She was hurt by you and slowly allowed you to win her back because she never wanted to end it to begin with.

 

You do have some positive bits of advice mixed in with your sociopathic game playing though. The things that I relate to from your thesis length post:

 

1. Be Strong, Confident, and have respect for yourself.

2. Show by action that life goes on with or with out her, that she is special to you, but of course the clock is ticking. You are moving on.

3. Self Improvement. Be awesome. For yourself, improve yourself... she just may notice and be intruiged.

4. Let her "unlock" your feelings like in a brand new relationship... If you come on too strong (just like dating someone new) you will push her away.

 

and the final thing I will add (and it is the Opposite of your "game method"):

 

5. Be real.

 

Why is it so hard for people to have respect for themselves and not "act" according to some list of stupid rules?

 

GLD, I wouldn't exactly say my methods are sociopathic, as I genuinely care about the person I do this to. I guess it may sound rather harsh but I make it clear that emotions should NEVER be toyed with out of jealousy, boredom, or frustration. My relationship was fixable and with this little method I was able to fix it. Essentially, I just wanted to provide a brief outline as to what works for me. Obviously if you are not in a similiar situation, then this probably would not work. And in my humble opinion, "being real" is what landed you in the doghouse to begin with. It's time to change some habits and meet your ex halfway. Regardless, thanks for the response.

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