offcloudnine Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 I wrote a reconciliation letter that I plan to send my ex, but the question is whether to send it now or later. The letter explains my feelings for her, and suggests for her not to give us up, but ultimately allows her the freedom of making either choice, I also gave her no time limit. To summarize what has happened, we were together for 3 years, lived together for 1 of those years, but spent 2 of them long distance, we were really into each other and talked about our future a lot. We both thought that we were the one for each other, and each other's true love. She broke up with me about 2 months ago, this is while we are still long distance, and a few days later started dating her best friend's brother. Admitting that he was a rebound, but now she claims she loves him and that he's her "true" love only a month or so into the relationship. I have been LC (Limited Contact) for the most of this time, she'd call me sometimes late at night and tell me she's feeling down and talks about hope that one day we may get back together, sometimes even saying that she wants to get back together. Other times she tells me she's sure this is what she wants (with the new guy). This back and forth has been brutal to say the least, but the main point is here, she'll be coming back to the city I am in, in less than 2 months. So what I want to ask fellow LS users, is whether I should send my letter now, or at a later date (when she comes back?). Some of you may suggest against sending the letter, but it is as much hope for reconciliation as it is for closure, that being said though, I really do still love her and want to accept her back into my life. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 Oh, Lordy.... Where to start? ok... Simplest thing is to go complete no contact. total. Absolutely across the board. totally. why? Read the Caliguy no contact guide in my signature. All of it. top to bottom. Then, read it again, and read it again, and read it one more time. Finally copy it, paste it into a word.doc, print it out, underline the bits you don't 'get' and come back and ask questions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author offcloudnine Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 Oh, Lordy.... Where to start? ok... Simplest thing is to go complete no contact. total. Absolutely across the board. totally. why? Read the Caliguy no contact guide in my signature. All of it. top to bottom. Then, read it again, and read it again, and read it one more time. Finally copy it, paste it into a word.doc, print it out, underline the bits you don't 'get' and come back and ask questions. I've read it and it makes a lot of sense to me...it sounds like a terrible idea to send the letter, but I can't help but feel that if I don't, it'll say that I didn't care enough to do this last act to find closure. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 Read this thread..... NC is not for their benefit, it's for yours, and if you still keep in contact, the only heart you're really ripping to shreds is yours. Why do that to yourself? Does it benefit you? Does it benefit them? no. Read that thread for a good insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author offcloudnine Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 (edited) Read this thread..... NC is not for their benefit, it's for yours, and if you still keep in contact, the only heart you're really ripping to shreds is yours. Why do that to yourself? Does it benefit you? Does it benefit them? no. Read that thread for a good insight. Still going through the thread, and I see your point. But hypothetically, if I were to send the letter, the sooner the better? I haven't exactly given her an explanation for NC yet and this would initiate that. I know I don't owe her an explanation but like a lot of the people in that thread, it just seems rude not to, and it honestly couldn't hurt knowing this was the last point of contact. Edit: I'll go with NC right now, I think it's the right thing to do, but I'll save the letter if and when the time arises for it. Would still love some more opinions on this. Edited April 21, 2012 by offcloudnine Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 I always say sit on it for a week. Tuck it into a drawer, out of sight, and forget about it. If in a week, you really still think it's vital to send it - precisely as you wrote it, with no amendment, update or alternation - then do so. in every case we've come across on these boards - people have ended up not sending anything. those who have - more often than not, regretted it... Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 Don't send it. You'll regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 Send it to yourself. That should give you some time to cool down. When it arrives, read it and consider if you feel the same way you did when you wrote it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author offcloudnine Posted April 22, 2012 Author Share Posted April 22, 2012 Thanks everyone for their responses, but something happened today and it seems I have absolutely no choice but to try to move on and cope with my loss. I will probably open a thread over at the coping section to look for advice as to how to even begin moving on from such a great loss. Once again, thanks everyone for their advice on this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 I don't wish to reply with a downer, but you really have to put this in perspective. this is not a "great loss". this is simply the end of a relationship. While I'm sure it has holds great sadness for you, i hope in hindsight, and comparatively speaking it wasn't an earth-shaker. consider those who lose loved ones in a far more tragic and abrupt manner... Think on this: Thousands of people will set off for somewhere, today, to do whatever it is they do - and they won't be returning home. Their demise will be sudden, violent and completely unexpected. THAT - is a great loss. Whenever I'm faced with a great upheaval in my life, i just think of those on the 90th floor of the South Tower of the WTC whose demise was guaranteed - although they had to wait an agonising, tragic and dramatic hour for the inevitable... The reason I'm shoving this under your nose, is to try to get you to put things into perspective, within your own mind also. If you tell yourself that everything has a beginning, a middle and an end, it's a better psychological "Place to Be" than telling yourself you've suffered a "Great Loss." I know you're sad. But this too, shall pass. Link to post Share on other sites
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