Chance to reconcile? Tall-tale signs? Broken Record Thread....Long Read

[dsn9pd]

While studying at Starbucks today, I was using Google's search engine on relationship advice and it brought me to this site. First off, this is an incredible site with very knowledgeable people on relationships, and in addition to that, the advice provided by members is really insightful, which encouraged me to register. I learned a few things from this site that I initiated before landing here and realized that I'm actually doing it! So I do know more about relationships than I initially thought. Actually, only no contact is what I learned and healing through it.

 

And here's the broken record part of this thread:

 

CLIFFS:

 

- Girl and I have been together 6.5 years

- Split a few times, but the last one seems to be the most serious

- Said it's something that she's been thinking about for some time

- Made the decision because she feels that I would never change, as I was a good boyfriend, just not a great one. Basically treated her like a friend when in public. Friends acknowledge this. I'm pretty romantic when we're alone, but that’s behind closed doors. Basically, I have a tough outer shell and I show it in public. She hates this and I can't blame her for it.

- 3 months of no contact, and sister sees her computer and finds that she's listening to depressing love songs on Youtube and also looking at encouraging quotes. Sibling Also tells me on Valentines Day, while in the car, she just all of a sudden started crying a waterfall for no apparent reason. I know the reason.

- Saw her earlier today and it brought me back to immediate post break-up feelings

- Since the New Year, I've gotten into great shape! Like the Hulk shape, without steroids. Changed my ways, and a much better person. I know it sounds cocky, but it's true. I'm so much better now than I was in 2011 and if we get back together, I know things will be different, because I see it in myself.

- WTF am I supposed to think?

 

LONG VERSION:

 

The girl and I dated for 6.5 years. Met during my senior year of high school when I was 18 through mutual friends at a friends’ birthday party. Initially thought she was stuck up, but opposites attract. I don't know how that happened, but it worked. When we met, I knew she was going to be moving away and since the relationship was short (about 3 months) I thought about ending things, because I didn't want to do long distance, but decided to stick things out. 6 months into the relationship, she moved back for good, because her family didn't like the new city. Things were going great. A year into the relationship, we confessed our love for each other, but I did it out of spite at the time, because we were still very young and I sure as hell didn't feel like I was in love. Yes, I was immature! My oh my, how my feelings changed! I soon started to believe that I really was in love. Fast forward to a few years into the relationship, things were more serious than ever to the point that we talked about an engagement, and eventually traveled to the Virgin Islands together for our first vacation alone, etc. A few months after the vacation, her family visited from out of town, she dumped me out of the blue, because of a small argument, but I gave her week of space and talked and mended things. No big deal. Didn't beg or do anything like that. Showed no signs of being clingy, etc. This happened a week before I started the fall college semester.

 

A year after that in January of 2010, when her mom left for a vacation, a week before the start of spring semester of college, another small argument that escalated into something much bigger and we split up again. I was a wreck for 3 weeks with no contact and lost 12 pounds because of it, but on the day of her birthday, I couldn't resist anymore and called her while she was out having dinner for her birthday and we spoke and again mended things. I did a little convincing, no begging and it worked. Went strong for a full year with no big problems.

 

For our relationship, I was great to her, or so I believed. Never cheated, never physically abused her, but I was neglectful, as I was told by my friends. Majority of my friends told me that had they not known that we were together, they would have thought that her and I were just friends by the way we carried ourselves when we were in public. I was a good and loyal boyfriend, but I wasn't a great one. I have always had a hate for PDA and she was always into holding hands and I hated doing it. It's just the way I am. I can do it for short periods of time, but walking through a mall holding hands while dodging people, makes me feel as if I'm on a leash. I couldn't stand it. She mentioned it to me so many times, but I continued to blow it off, because I thought that she would eventually get over it. We were comfortable and well past the honeymoon stage which is why I didn't think much of it. I knew the relationship had lost its initial spark, but I can only speak for myself when I say that although I was comfortable, I didn't lose interest. She also always told me that I needed to watch how I talked to her. I must admit that I had a habit of talking to her like I do to my friends. Cursing, raising my voice and making her feel low, etc., but I always apologized. It was just my emotions getting the best of me. Never verbally abused her by calling her a bitch, or calling her fat or anything like that. Just yelling back and forth, which is typical of any relationship. She also always compared our relationship to my sister and her boyfriend, as well as my cousin and her boyfriend, who basically are slaves to their girlfriends and I wasn't going to be anyone's bitch. She said we didn't spend enough time together like they did. Those two couples I mentioned are glued to each other all day. I can't do that! She saw it as a loving relationship between the two couples, but I saw it completely different.

 

Back in December of 2011, I scored an internship to a very reputable engineering firm and told her about it. Because this internship was for no pay and was going to be for 6 months, I decided against it, because I knew that with future possible expenses and this internship cutting into my time of working myself, while also going to school, I couldn't take the internship because I couldn't afford to do it securely, without the afterthought of something happening down the line. I am fairly stable financially, but you never know what lies for you ahead when you will need the money for an emergency and it won't be there, because you didn't work. I told her more opportunities will come later and I will wait for something down the line, while she told me it was a great company and I should do it. She said she will support me for length of the internship of which I was really grateful, but while being the man in the relationship, I didn't want to take a backseat to her and have myself depend on her for small things such as lunch and gas, even if it was for 6 months. I just wasn't comfortable with it. I need to bring home some bread! We bickered back and forth, and eventually she told me it was a great company and I should stick with it, and I told her, "You didn't know anything about the company until I told you about what they did." This was absolutely true. She had no idea what the company did until I mentioned it.

 

This pissed her off. After hearing that, she told me she'd talk to me later and ended the phone call and that was that. I immediately called back and left a text message and nothing. We didn't talk for a few days, although I sent her "Good Morning," and "Good Night," messages every day until Christmas day. On Christmas, I left her a text message wishing her a happy holiday, but didn't come by the house. Later that night, decided I would come over late and surprised her and she rejected me, telling me I should leave. She said it was over between us, because she didn't believe that I would ever change and that there was someone else better out there for her and that me telling her earlier in the month that she was serious when she told me that I didn't want to spend New Years with her, that something bad was going to happen. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend New Years with her. I just didn't want to go out to a nightclub or anything of that sort, but she took as me not wanting to spend anytime with her on NYE. I was shocked to hear it, but I wasn't emotional or anything about it. I figured she would get over it in time and this was her way of making me angry. New years eve, I didn't spend time with her initially, but I did run into her that night and sent a text message saying, "Happy New Year," at the stroke of midnight. Saw her later that night and that was that. In addition to this, my sister along with a cousin are two of her best friends and on this night, my sister sensed something wrong with her and pulled her to talk, of which she shed a tear, when talking about us. My friend who I came along with that night talked to her reiterated that she told him that I would never change and that it was over.

 

New Years was on Saturday. I visited her a few days after and tried to talk to her.

Did the begging, showed neediness, acted clingy. Basically chased her like a cheetah that hadn't eaten for days. You name it, and I did it. I basically acted as her doormat. It was shameful and embarrassing, but I thought that by doing this, it would show her that I really cared. She gave me the cold shoulder, rejected me and told me to leave and that this decision was something she thought about for a while? Shaking my head. I know she lost the physical attractiveness in me. I sort of let myself go and gained weight and rarely ever dressed up. I was never a heavy person, but this time, I was a fat/skinny person. Double chin. Huge face, a belly! Those MCD's bacon egg and cheese biscuits are so good! That night, I couldn't sleep. Tossed all night. Went to the gym at 4:30AM and was there for 3 full hours. Typical stuff you do after a breakup when you can't sleep. Leaving the gym, I started to accept that it was over between us. I felt terrible, but fought through not contacting her in any way, shape or form to give her space. I completely shut her out, because I respected her decision and wanted to give her space and myself space as well. Only time she was ever discussed is when friends asked me if I had spoken to her or that I had seen her. I just tell them I hope she’s doing great and change the subject. No big talk.

 

On her birthday in late January, she went out with my sister, cousin, and others for her birthday and she told my sister that she was upset, because I didn't tell her happy birthday, of which my sister didn't know how to respond. Now in March, my sister has been hanging out with her more, because of Spring Break and would see Youtube videos of love songs about break-ups, and missing people, etc. Typical love songs! Also, they are addicted to this crazy ass website called Pinterest, of which girls share common interests, and my sister sees all these quotes that she's been saving, which basically telling her to be stronger, happy, etc. I know they're about me. Plus on Valentine’s Day, while driving, she all of a sudden starts shedding a flurry of tears. I had Valentine’s Day at Buffalo Wild Wings, watching some basketball games.

 

The really hard part about this relationship is that I know it's affected my family as well. My parents adore her, and so do my aunt's and uncles. All of my friends like her. My sister and cousin are her best friends and I do everything in my power to avoid them like the plague when she's around. I'm isolating myself out of respect for her to give her space. I know it affects them, but I don't want to make them choose between me or her so I just leave it alone and do my own thing and I'm fine with it. I'm also very close with her family. It's hard wanting to things with them when they invite me and I have to decline, because of her.

 

Since the breakup, I've really gotten my act together. Working harder than ever to earn my post-grad degree, joined a community outreach program to mentor young kids, got into the best shape of my life. I was always a fitness freak, but I stepped it up and have lost 28 pounds since the New Year. I could see a little bit of David Beckham's abs in my stomach. No more belly. I even formed the V shape around my pelvic region. Feeling great! LMFAO's song, "I'm sexy and I know it," is so true for me. I was borderline depressed the first month, but now I'm okay and sleeping much better. And there’s a chick who I train with during the wee morning hours of the day that is quite the looker who is crushing on me, which motivates me, but I don’t want her at all!

 

It's been 3 full months, since I've seen her or contacted her in any way, but today felt like I was hit by a car, which was why I decided to join LS. Before going off to study, I was helping a friend with some construction. On the way to the hardware store, I spotted her car and her inside it, and all of those feelings of missing her, feeling lonely came right back. I've been thinking about it all day and it's driving me insane. I sometimes wished that I was heartless, so days like this don't suck as much.

 

So in a nutshell:

 

Do you guys think she misses me? Or is it just that she's lonely? What the hell are all these songs, quotes, and burst of tears saying? A way for her to escape? Is this guilt?

 

Is there a chance we can reconcile? There’s always a chance, but I don't want a therapist type of answer. A legitimate answer on what you guys think. I was her first love, as she was mine. I will not contact her at all. I don't have to. With the time that has passed, I've thought about it less and less until today. I'll stick this out for as long as I have to and will not give in, unless Angelina and Brad split and I can score a possible date with her! Other than that, no chance that I will look for someone else for a while. Not in the right mindset to date.

 

I know all relationships are different, but please don't feed me the typical eBook getting your ex back guides bull****. I know about them. I'm not trying to manipulate her or play games with her in any way. I didn't initiate no contact or anything like that to make her miss me. Really, I just stopped. I do want her back, but I don't have to have her back. Although if she happens to get with someone else as I'm still currently healing, I'm sure it will choke the life out of me and I will hit the gym harder than ever and develop muscles in places I didn't even know I could. Out of all this, my biggest satisfaction, even if it’s not what I want will be for her to be truly happy and if not with me, then I’m okay with it.

 

It's ironic that every time we split, it's always happens during the time when school is about to start and when a family member of her leaves for vacation or comes and visits. Needless to say, I hate it during those times of the year.

 

Thanks for reading. Hope everyone else is having a great day. I did, up until about 8 hours ago and haven’t really been able to concentrate since.

 

Yes I am young and there are a lot of other girls out there, but this sucks.

[dsn9pd]

Tell-tale in the thread title, not tall-tale. My mind is in all sorts of places.

[OffandOnStillinLove]

While studying at Starbucks today, I was using Google's search engine on relationship advice and it brought me to this site. First off, this is an incredible site with very knowledgeable people on relationships, and in addition to that, the advice provided by members is really insightful, which encouraged me to register. I learned a few things from this site that I initiated before landing here and realized that I'm actually doing it! So I do know more about relationships than I initially thought. Actually, only no contact is what I learned and healing through it.

 

And here's the broken record part of this thread:

 

CLIFFS:

 

- Girl and I have been together 6.5 years

- Split a few times, but the last one seems to be the most serious

- Said it's something that she's been thinking about for some time

- Made the decision because she feels that I would never change, as I was a good boyfriend, just not a great one. Basically treated her like a friend when in public. Friends acknowledge this. I'm pretty romantic when we're alone, but that’s behind closed doors. Basically, I have a tough outer shell and I show it in public. She hates this and I can't blame her for it.

- 3 months of no contact, and sister sees her computer and finds that she's listening to depressing love songs on Youtube and also looking at encouraging quotes. Sibling Also tells me on Valentines Day, while in the car, she just all of a sudden started crying a waterfall for no apparent reason. I know the reason.

- Saw her earlier today and it brought me back to immediate post break-up feelings

- Since the New Year, I've gotten into great shape! Like the Hulk shape, without steroids. Changed my ways, and a much better person. I know it sounds cocky, but it's true. I'm so much better now than I was in 2011 and if we get back together, I know things will be different, because I see it in myself.

- WTF am I supposed to think?

 

LONG VERSION:

 

The girl and I dated for 6.5 years. Met during my senior year of high school when I was 18 through mutual friends at a friends’ birthday party. Initially thought she was stuck up, but opposites attract. I don't know how that happened, but it worked. When we met, I knew she was going to be moving away and since the relationship was short (about 3 months) I thought about ending things, because I didn't want to do long distance, but decided to stick things out. 6 months into the relationship, she moved back for good, because her family didn't like the new city. Things were going great. A year into the relationship, we confessed our love for each other, but I did it out of spite at the time, because we were still very young and I sure as hell didn't feel like I was in love. Yes, I was immature! My oh my, how my feelings changed! I soon started to believe that I really was in love. Fast forward to a few years into the relationship, things were more serious than ever to the point that we talked about an engagement, and eventually traveled to the Virgin Islands together for our first vacation alone, etc. A few months after the vacation, her family visited from out of town, she dumped me out of the blue, because of a small argument, but I gave her week of space and talked and mended things. No big deal. Didn't beg or do anything like that. Showed no signs of being clingy, etc. This happened a week before I started the fall college semester.

 

A year after that in January of 2010, when her mom left for a vacation, a week before the start of spring semester of college, another small argument that escalated into something much bigger and we split up again. I was a wreck for 3 weeks with no contact and lost 12 pounds because of it, but on the day of her birthday, I couldn't resist anymore and called her while she was out having dinner for her birthday and we spoke and again mended things. I did a little convincing, no begging and it worked. Went strong for a full year with no big problems.

 

For our relationship, I was great to her, or so I believed. Never cheated, never physically abused her, but I was neglectful, as I was told by my friends. Majority of my friends told me that had they not known that we were together, they would have thought that her and I were just friends by the way we carried ourselves when we were in public. I was a good and loyal boyfriend, but I wasn't a great one. I have always had a hate for PDA and she was always into holding hands and I hated doing it. It's just the way I am. I can do it for short periods of time, but walking through a mall holding hands while dodging people, makes me feel as if I'm on a leash. I couldn't stand it. She mentioned it to me so many times, but I continued to blow it off, because I thought that she would eventually get over it. We were comfortable and well past the honeymoon stage which is why I didn't think much of it. I knew the relationship had lost its initial spark, but I can only speak for myself when I say that although I was comfortable, I didn't lose interest. She also always told me that I needed to watch how I talked to her. I must admit that I had a habit of talking to her like I do to my friends. Cursing, raising my voice and making her feel low, etc., but I always apologized. It was just my emotions getting the best of me. Never verbally abused her by calling her a bitch, or calling her fat or anything like that. Just yelling back and forth, which is typical of any relationship. She also always compared our relationship to my sister and her boyfriend, as well as my cousin and her boyfriend, who basically are slaves to their girlfriends and I wasn't going to be anyone's bitch. She said we didn't spend enough time together like they did. Those two couples I mentioned are glued to each other all day. I can't do that! She saw it as a loving relationship between the two couples, but I saw it completely different.

 

Back in December of 2011, I scored an internship to a very reputable engineering firm and told her about it. Because this internship was for no pay and was going to be for 6 months, I decided against it, because I knew that with future possible expenses and this internship cutting into my time of working myself, while also going to school, I couldn't take the internship because I couldn't afford to do it securely, without the afterthought of something happening down the line. I am fairly stable financially, but you never know what lies for you ahead when you will need the money for an emergency and it won't be there, because you didn't work. I told her more opportunities will come later and I will wait for something down the line, while she told me it was a great company and I should do it. She said she will support me for length of the internship of which I was really grateful, but while being the man in the relationship, I didn't want to take a backseat to her and have myself depend on her for small things such as lunch and gas, even if it was for 6 months. I just wasn't comfortable with it. I need to bring home some bread! We bickered back and forth, and eventually she told me it was a great company and I should stick with it, and I told her, "You didn't know anything about the company until I told you about what they did." This was absolutely true. She had no idea what the company did until I mentioned it.

 

This pissed her off. After hearing that, she told me she'd talk to me later and ended the phone call and that was that. I immediately called back and left a text message and nothing. We didn't talk for a few days, although I sent her "Good Morning," and "Good Night," messages every day until Christmas day. On Christmas, I left her a text message wishing her a happy holiday, but didn't come by the house. Later that night, decided I would come over late and surprised her and she rejected me, telling me I should leave. She said it was over between us, because she didn't believe that I would ever change and that there was someone else better out there for her and that me telling her earlier in the month that she was serious when she told me that I didn't want to spend New Years with her, that something bad was going to happen. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend New Years with her. I just didn't want to go out to a nightclub or anything of that sort, but she took as me not wanting to spend anytime with her on NYE. I was shocked to hear it, but I wasn't emotional or anything about it. I figured she would get over it in time and this was her way of making me angry. New years eve, I didn't spend time with her initially, but I did run into her that night and sent a text message saying, "Happy New Year," at the stroke of midnight. Saw her later that night and that was that. In addition to this, my sister along with a cousin are two of her best friends and on this night, my sister sensed something wrong with her and pulled her to talk, of which she shed a tear, when talking about us. My friend who I came along with that night talked to her reiterated that she told him that I would never change and that it was over.

 

New Years was on Saturday. I visited her a few days after and tried to talk to her.

Did the begging, showed neediness, acted clingy. Basically chased her like a cheetah that hadn't eaten for days. You name it, and I did it. I basically acted as her doormat. It was shameful and embarrassing, but I thought that by doing this, it would show her that I really cared. She gave me the cold shoulder, rejected me and told me to leave and that this decision was something she thought about for a while? Shaking my head. I know she lost the physical attractiveness in me. I sort of let myself go and gained weight and rarely ever dressed up. I was never a heavy person, but this time, I was a fat/skinny person. Double chin. Huge face, a belly! Those MCD's bacon egg and cheese biscuits are so good! That night, I couldn't sleep. Tossed all night. Went to the gym at 4:30AM and was there for 3 full hours. Typical stuff you do after a breakup when you can't sleep. Leaving the gym, I started to accept that it was over between us. I felt terrible, but fought through not contacting her in any way, shape or form to give her space. I completely shut her out, because I respected her decision and wanted to give her space and myself space as well. Only time she was ever discussed is when friends asked me if I had spoken to her or that I had seen her. I just tell them I hope she’s doing great and change the subject. No big talk.

 

On her birthday in late January, she went out with my sister, cousin, and others for her birthday and she told my sister that she was upset, because I didn't tell her happy birthday, of which my sister didn't know how to respond. Now in March, my sister has been hanging out with her more, because of Spring Break and would see Youtube videos of love songs about break-ups, and missing people, etc. Typical love songs! Also, they are addicted to this crazy ass website called Pinterest, of which girls share common interests, and my sister sees all these quotes that she's been saving, which basically telling her to be stronger, happy, etc. I know they're about me. Plus on Valentine’s Day, while driving, she all of a sudden starts shedding a flurry of tears. I had Valentine’s Day at Buffalo Wild Wings, watching some basketball games.

 

The really hard part about this relationship is that I know it's affected my family as well. My parents adore her, and so do my aunt's and uncles. All of my friends like her. My sister and cousin are her best friends and I do everything in my power to avoid them like the plague when she's around. I'm isolating myself out of respect for her to give her space. I know it affects them, but I don't want to make them choose between me or her so I just leave it alone and do my own thing and I'm fine with it. I'm also very close with her family. It's hard wanting to things with them when they invite me and I have to decline, because of her.

 

Since the breakup, I've really gotten my act together. Working harder than ever to earn my post-grad degree, joined a community outreach program to mentor young kids, got into the best shape of my life. I was always a fitness freak, but I stepped it up and have lost 28 pounds since the New Year. I could see a little bit of David Beckham's abs in my stomach. No more belly. I even formed the V shape around my pelvic region. Feeling great! LMFAO's song, "I'm sexy and I know it," is so true for me. I was borderline depressed the first month, but now I'm okay and sleeping much better. And there’s a chick who I train with during the wee morning hours of the day that is quite the looker who is crushing on me, which motivates me, but I don’t want her at all!

 

It's been 3 full months, since I've seen her or contacted her in any way, but today felt like I was hit by a car, which was why I decided to join LS. Before going off to study, I was helping a friend with some construction. On the way to the hardware store, I spotted her car and her inside it, and all of those feelings of missing her, feeling lonely came right back. I've been thinking about it all day and it's driving me insane. I sometimes wished that I was heartless, so days like this don't suck as much.

 

So in a nutshell:

 

Do you guys think she misses me? Or is it just that she's lonely? What the hell are all these songs, quotes, and burst of tears saying? A way for her to escape? Is this guilt?

 

Is there a chance we can reconcile? There’s always a chance, but I don't want a therapist type of answer. A legitimate answer on what you guys think. I was her first love, as she was mine. I will not contact her at all. I don't have to. With the time that has passed, I've thought about it less and less until today. I'll stick this out for as long as I have to and will not give in, unless Angelina and Brad split and I can score a possible date with her! Other than that, no chance that I will look for someone else for a while. Not in the right mindset to date.

 

I know all relationships are different, but please don't feed me the typical eBook getting your ex back guides bull****. I know about them. I'm not trying to manipulate her or play games with her in any way. I didn't initiate no contact or anything like that to make her miss me. Really, I just stopped. I do want her back, but I don't have to have her back. Although if she happens to get with someone else as I'm still currently healing, I'm sure it will choke the life out of me and I will hit the gym harder than ever and develop muscles in places I didn't even know I could. Out of all this, my biggest satisfaction, even if it’s not what I want will be for her to be truly happy and if not with me, then I’m okay with it.

 

It's ironic that every time we split, it's always happens during the time when school is about to start and when a family member of her leaves for vacation or comes and visits. Needless to say, I hate it during those times of the year.

 

Thanks for reading. Hope everyone else is having a great day. I did, up until about 8 hours ago and haven’t really been able to concentrate since.

 

Yes I am young and there are a lot of other girls out there, but this sucks.

off to sleep and too much here, but Id say talk to her, see what she thinks and admit some of the stuff above that you didnt do well [ the "friends thing" the way you treated her"] and see if she wants to try again... I just have a feeling youre so young she and you ended for reasons that can be fixed/ mended ... are you willing to treat her like a GIRL friend this time? If so, then it sounds like that is what she wants too - I dont know, but just my two cents good nite

[dsn9pd]

off to sleep and too much here, but Id say talk to her, see what she thinks and admit some of the stuff above that you didnt do well [ the "friends thing" the way you treated her"] and see if she wants to try again... I just have a feeling youre so young she and you ended for reasons that can be fixed/ mended ... are you willing to treat her like a GIRL friend this time? If so, then it sounds like that is what she wants too - I dont know, but just my two cents good nite

 

Really have to agree with your statement. Was too committed to other things such as the Playstation, Xbox, etc. that I took the good things we had for granted. She asked for more attention, and I thought that I what I gave was enough, but it sure wasn't according to her. I'm more than willing to acknowledge her as the significant other.

 

She's continued to push me away, perhaps as a sign to experience being single or seeing me hurts too much. Either way, I must respect that and I still don't think that after all this time that she's ready to talk yet. It's a lot more comforting being on LS than it is studying for Biochem.

[robertmathis1026]

Yes! you have the chance. If you really want her back go get her, I think both of you are still loving each other

 

Are you SUFFERING THE PAIN, because your ex DUMP you? Can You imagine, if you can make your ex BEGGING TO BACK WITH YOU? click here to make it HAPPEN!!

[dsn9pd]

Sorry, but I'm not going to purchase an eBook. They work for some people, but it doesn't apply to all relationships. I would rather take advice from people who have been through this.

 

Like Peyton Manning, this is all new to me.