Why does the ex keep texting me for?

[mississippimom]

I've been reading a few of these posts regarding to why an ex is texting/calling/what-have-you....my situation is basically the same but with a little more to it.

 

I will just start by saying that back last summer, I told my bf of 1 1/2 years that our "relationship" was not going the way I wanted it to go. I felt that the relationship was one-sided and different scenarios created that to happen. I did alot of the giving in the relationship, yet he didn't really give alot in return. I think you can say that relationships are supposed to be 50/50. I felt neglected alot of times (not just sexually) but felt that way for a while. I felt that he was taking advantage of the relationship by being with someone to "take care" of him. 8 months of our relationship, he did not have a job (was on unemployment), I was promoted in my job and was driving 50 miles a day (25 miles each way), and I felt resentful after a while because I felt that he wasn't making an effort to make the relationship grow, by getting a job. He knew the distance of me driving to work like that would eventually put a toll on me, in which it did. Finally after a while, I explained that I wasn't happy and wanted to take a "break" from the relationship and I moved out into my own place. I had a good friend that I had known for 3 years, he lived across the country and we've always maintained a friendship all this time. As time grew, me and the friend got closer and it came to my attention that the friend had been in love with me all of this time, (I know that's for another day) but this isn't about the friend.

 

The last 6 months or so, since the "breakup", the ex basically sat around and "waited" for me to come back and he was needy and annoying after a while. We would "hang out" here and there, but I gradually pullled away, slowly. It wasn't til about 2 months ago, that I finally told the exbf that my friend is moving to where we are in April, the friend wants a real relationship, etc...etc. I am open for that, however. However, the exbf had said in the last 6 months that he was going to try to get his life back on track, move out of his relative's house, get his "own place" and if he got his own place, he was going to ask me to move in with him and we'd have our relationship back. Well I waited and waited, he never did what he was going to say, and I pulled away slowly and got closer to my friend. I then had told my exbf that I was giving the friend a chance to have the kind of relationship I deserved. He took it pretty hard, whined, cried, screamed, begged, pleaded for the last 6 months.....finally we had the "talk" where he said he was giving up and decided he was going to meet someone else. Of course that was hurtful, as naturally, I did love the guy, that's natural.

 

About 3 weeks ago, he wanted to have another "talk", I agreed, we had our cries, emotions poured, etc. What I did not know at the time til later, was that he already had met a new girl (online) and when I found out, yeah it hurt but I told him that he deserved the best. They met a month ago and he's now LIVING with the girl....LOL....talk about jabbing someone's heart, huh. Well since he's done that, he'll send me a text asking me how I am doing, am I okay?

 

If he has made the decision to give his new gf a chance, WHY is he texting ME to ask me HOW I AM DOING? He's told everyone that he and I are always going to be "friends" ....My new bf hasn't even moved down here yet and the exbf is already moved in with this new gf and it's almost a slap in the face. He doesn't see the things he did wrong in the relationship, I do however, admit my faults and flaws. He wasn't giving me the love I deserved is how I felt. When we was together, he would always do the things that HE wanted to do and I don't think he ever really liked my kids, it seems like when I had time with my girls, he felt that I wasn't paying him attention.

 

I have deleted his number, blocked him on FB so I don't get into the temptation. As well to the fact that the new bf that's moving here in April, I'm giving him a chance....the exbf sees that, but WHY is he still wanting to keep in contact with me? Like for example, the exbf's mom had a dresser/bed that she wanted to give away and he thought of my girls and he called asking if I wanted it, etc..etc......He was like I am thinking of you and your girls since I know you're looking for a new bed.....etc...etc.....I guess he still cares about me but....

 

I want to know why do our exes want to keep in touch for if both of you have decided to go your seperate ways????? I don't TEXT him, I don't CALL him, yet he calls or texts me....the other night he called to say "hi" and wanted to know "if the new bf is still moving down" ....WHY is he SO worried about me and my life now? When when we was together, I rarely got asked anything!

 

Sorry this is so dragged out......I am considering doing the No Contact thing tho. Is it normal to feel that you can't be friends with your ex if you're not ready?

 

Thanks!

[Philosoraptor]

Well his actions are based on his pain. He wants you to know how "well" he is doing so you will be jealous and feel like you made a mistake. You were unhappy with things and ended it. You can block his number, just not answer, or ask him to stop contacting you. But the reason why is he is hurting and rebounding pretty hard.

[mississippimom]

Well his actions are based on his pain. He wants you to know how "well" he is doing so you will be jealous and feel like you made a mistake. You were unhappy with things and ended it. You can block his number, just not answer, or ask him to stop contacting you. But the reason why is he is hurting and rebounding pretty hard.

 

 

Well after a few weeks of listening to him go on and on about how "hurt" he was, it was prolonging the healing process for the both of us. I was hurt at first but the way I look at it, you don't go moving in with someone you just met a month ago, to me that is REBOUNDING. The new gf is clueless to see that and I understand he's hurt but I was honest and explained my reasons. We was engaged last yr, which I broke it off because he was being irresponsible about alot of things. I know April is going to hit him hard because that was our wedding month planned. I know he was hurt, however, I decided I wasn't going to let him hurt me anymore. He sent a text last night asking about the bed and dresser his mom let me have, but I did not reply. No text today, but in a few days, he'll text again, I know he will, OR maybe by me not texting back or even texting period, he's realizing that I have moved on with my life and he should do the same. I am just not ready for a "friendship", I think it's too soon. I have better things to worry about than worrying about why he's rebounding. I mean it still kinda hurts but I don't cry anymore and etc. I erased his text from last night and I did a letter but I did NOT send it bc it would crush him on the things I said, but it was good for me to get it off my chest, I didnt realize I had so much hurt bottled up, but it needed to be done, for my sake. I don't see a reason why I need to keep beating myself up for everything, it doesn't do any good. Yeah I wonder how he is doing some, but with this NC, I think I will be able to heal in due time. I'm now at the angry stage but with the support of the new bf in my life (my best friend of 3 yrs) that's helping me focus on the present and future, instead of dwelling on the past.

[tornangel]

Yes it is normal. My recent ex wants to be "friends". I feel that his intentions were more than that. How can anyone who was in love go to being friends right after a break up. There are so many raw feelings still. So I told him no. He didnt really wanna be friends, he should have just said, Hey Tricia--- is it cool if I string u along and use you when I am alone or my ego is hurting for five seconds and I have to think outside of my self centered realm . That would have been at least a little more honest LOL.... I told him he treated me so bad, that no FRIEND would ever do that so HELL NO

[mississippimom]

Yes it is normal. My recent ex wants to be "friends". I feel that his intentions were more than that. How can anyone who was in love go to being friends right after a break up. There are so many raw feelings still. So I told him no. He didnt really wanna be friends, he should have just said, Hey Tricia--- is it cool if I string u along and use you when I am alone or my ego is hurting for five seconds and I have to think outside of my self centered realm . That would have been at least a little more honest LOL.... I told him he treated me so bad, that no FRIEND would ever do that so HELL NO

 

Gosh, I don't blame you one bit for saying NO. I agree, how can someone who claims they were so in love with you, that you was the "love of their life" want to be "friends"...it's hard to go from being lovers to friends just like that. I don't know if it's the fact that we are both moving on that I can't be "friends" right now. He was selfish then and the way I look at it, I need space away from him so that I can be able to heal and maybe we can do the "friendship" thing but right now, the emotions are too raw. I'm going thru the pissed off stage (even though I am the one that ended it), part of me is hurt that he didn't even try to "save" anything. I think deep down, he started seeing someone at the end because all of a sudden, when we was hanging out still, he would come up with reasons why we couldn't hang out like we used to.