Ex hanging around/Making excuses to see me.

[R32]

So it's been a long journey of recovery for me, and I can honestly say I feel a lot better than I once did. However, I do still have my moments from time to time.

 

Anyways, so my ex has been initiating a lot of contact within the past month. She still phones in the middle of the night occasionally to talk, and it usually results in her crying. I get the odd text here and there... Usually within a span of 3 days she'll initiate contact once. About two weeks ago we were texting back and forth and I asked her out to dinner. She accepted, and we had a great time. The horrible thing of going anywhere with her is, people would assume we're still a couple just by our mannerisms. I can tell she still likes me just from the way she was acting. Nearing the end of the night, neither of us wanted to say goodbye. We hugged for a long time, and eventually parted ways. She texted me later that night thanking me for dinner once again. We went back and forth for a little while before heading to bed.

 

The next day she texts me again about something irrelevant. We went back and forth for a little while and I cut it short by saying "drive safe, as it's starting to snow, and if you're dad doesn't fix your head light swing by and I'll teach you how." SO last Wednesday would've been our four year anniversary. On Sunday, I receive a text from her saying she's gonna "need help with that light bulb". I reply an hour later, speaking of irrelevant things not mentioning the light bulb. We go back and forth for a little bit and I add at the end, oh yeah if you want to swing by on Monday I'm free to take a look at the head light. She replies saying she might be available that day but will confirm later. So Monday rolls around, and she phones saying she can't come by because she has a lot of homework... However she did invite me over later that night to have dinner.

 

I swing by and we share a dish together. Her mom and sister were home. I haven't seen them in over 2 months. They greeted me, and her mom asked me how I was doing etc. Her sister gave me the "what the hell is going on look". During dinner we rescheduled for me to fix her head light.... that turned into another dinner date at my house on Wednesday... Our would have been four year anniversary.

 

So come around Wednesday, she comes by late around 11. We have dinner, kept the conversation light but it was quite clear we were both thinking about the relationship. Before she leaves I fix her head light and we hug for what seemed like forever. When she got home, she texts me thanking me for dinner and for fixing her head light. We go back and forth, and I know either one of us is gonna mention the relationship soon enough. So I bring it up by saying "It was nice to see you even though we never made it to 4 years" She phones crying saying she loves me and that she was really glad we got to spend tonight together. After that things were cool for a few days and she texts/phones again. I never answered or replied as I was really busy with my police application. She was quite persistent and caught me the other night. We spoke on the phone for a little bit and I told her I may be leaving soon for training. We made plans to hang out on Wednesday of this week. And soon after hung up, she texted me again, saying I scared her when I said I may be leaving soon. I replied with why? And she said she doesn't know but it just scares her.

 

At this point, I responded with "Take care of yourself Chan, where ever my career takes me, I'll always have a part of you with me." She responds that I made her cry, and that she really loves me.

 

ANYWAYS, we hang out on Wednesday and things were good... Again you could tell feelings were present.

 

We texted back and forth yesterday with her initiating again...

 

So what's going on? As far as I know, she's still somewhat seeing the guy she left me for.

 

I feel much better now a days, however I've come to realize that I still really want to be with her. I feel that sufficient time has passed, and I can look past all the mistakes she made and give things another go.

 

How should I approach this?

[EnchantedOne]

 

 

How should I approach this?

 

Uh, just ask her if she wants to try to have the relationship again. I think she does have feelings for you and when you said you were leaving she may have realized shes not tying you down and you are free to go anywhere. Ive been there and felt that in the past with other exs I have had.

 

She may be scared that whatever you guys broke up about may happen again if you both get back together.

 

As for others seeing you, me and my ex went through it. We have facebooked saying thanks and saying we had seen each other. Lots have asked if we were together again and we just say no, friends. Technically we are dating again. I said to mine a couple weeks ago, when ___ sees my car in your driveway what will happen? He said it doesnt matter who sees we hang out b/c its only our business and the world can assume anything they want.

 

Good luck!

[robf1971]

.

 

As far as I know, she's still somewhat seeing the guy she left me for.

 

Dude, c'mon

 

Until she stops seeing this other guy do not answer or respond to ANY of her communication. She wants you back?, she can come break down your door to get you. You are making it WAY to easy for her to weasel her way back in, and in the process totally devaluing yourself.

[R32]

Thanks guys... I'll continue NC.

[sardeen]

Yeah, this read like a hollywood movie until you mentioned the other guy.

 

If she really wants you back, she needs to give her full attention to you and be clear about wanting you.

[R32]

Just to clear up a few things.... When we initially broke up, I stopped talking to her/ignored her for a period of time. I only started talking to her when I felt I was ready. Since then, things have progressed to what they are today.

 

Should I still ignore her completely, or should I tell her how I feel, and see what she has to say?

 

Thanks a lot guys!