I want her back but I think I ruined my chances but keep seeing hope. ?

[Dubphonik]

Hey Readers. Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago. I stopped contacting her a week ago. I had the urge and broke NC. I talked to her on the phone the day before messaging her on facebook. She of course got off quickly. Very evasive. Well Here are the messages

 

Me: When it comes down to it Christina. You mean a lot to me. More than all of these stupid fights. You have shed tears and I have as well. You said you cried after the club cause you didn't want to be single. I know I don't want no one else but you. You honestly think you will find someone that you can connect with as well as me. I know you Christina and you know who I am deep inside. If you can't remember everytime I've cared about you like I remember how many times you cared about me. Then I'll walk away. Walk away from the best connection of love. It's been exactly 3 weeks since we broke up. I know you still love me. If you think someone else can love you better than me. Go for it. But you and I know you wont find anyone like me. And I'm not going to stick around and wait forever. I care about you for a long time. Why would you want to push that away? To be single and miss someone that misses you? Your bestfriend and lover.

 

Her:you tried to move on...see i havent....i havent done anything...ive been going to school and i sat and did homeworkfor 4 hours today....you keep thinking that ive moved on and in all actuallity you had tried and "if" we ever decided to try things again, you would always throw whatever i did in my face like u always have.....i cant do that right now in my life...i need to do well, i cant feel like **** all the time. after school today, i actually felt good about myself...i havent felt that way in a long ass time....i feel like ill do okay onmy own and FYI, i never went to riverfest!!and that reminds me how u never listened...i told u i wasnt feeling well and u still think i went on sunday...so whatever

 

Me:Move on with other people. No way. Moving on by trying to forget you. Which is just too difficult with the time invested. You are the last person i kissed and said i love you afterwards. Ive been so upset and down like the only person i ever wanted around me is gone. This feels like a prison out here with faces that are so unfamiliar. I apologize for my mistakes in the past and wish i just stopped and said hey this is stupid cause i love you and that means everything. If you want to never see the guy that would always be on your side and ridd from your life that only wants to make things right before its too late and everything changes. Then ill respect that. You make me happy and smile and i know that only i can make you smile till you laugh uncontrollably. I also wanted to say im proud of you going to school. I do care you are making progress for your life. I always will appreciate our relationship and mostly you. I apologize i thought maybe you went to riverfest and I would never try to make you feel like **** again. I know you want to be a better person and i promise if we tried again i would never bring up the past or our break up. I am all about now. About friendship laughing caring and love. If I put myself in your shoes i would have stopped. I dont ever want you to feel down again and would never make you feel that way again. I just want to start new and positive with school and having fun with you. Ive always wanted to travel with you and have a mixed drink and smile enjoying life. I want you to see your friends and just start new. I pushed you away and regret it everyday. Sometimes love is so blinding you think you can battle and just jump back in. Ive learned my lesson and want to be that couple that can smile again and love like we never been hurt. I miss you babe and promise I would never do anything to push you away again. Cause I would never want to go through this again. Its been three weeks. If you ever want a chance. Ill be waiting and i hope youll be ready to open up and laugh again which i enjoyed making you do.

 

Her: i appreciate everything that you have said....and the fact that you realize you have messed up....and i remember all the good times....i just dont find any trust in this relationship....on my half and on yours, if that makes any sense. I'm doing so well on getting back to school and any emotional destress would just rip me and my self esteem apart...im sorry...i cried myself to sleep last night thinking about us, but then i realized that it beat feeling like **** from all the things that we have said to eachother that was just aweful and things you should never say to the person that you love. move on....as hard as it may be....just go. i have to block you after this message.....its way to much for me....just go do you....cuz im gonna do me....dont show up here...and dont call cuz i wont respond....its time to say goodbye

 

 

 

Me:I never meant a word i said to you. I said them hurt purposely trying to push you away cause i was defending my heart. The fear of it being broke. My heart was yours and still is. I broke my own heart pushing you away. Im sorry and i went about it wrong and would never do that again. But without a chance i cant prove it. I know if you let me prove it i wouldnt mess with your schooling. And I know completely things will never get that bad. After losing you once I wouldnt want that to happen again. I just want to fix this and be good with your friends, parents, and brother. I still want to meet him when he gets out of prison. I promise change and happiness. I just want to grow with the person i know is everything to me. But i understand you are hurt. And if i have to ill spend everyday kicking myself in the ass that i lost the most awesome beautiful love of my life ever.

 

Her: i really cant do this anymore....im sorry...i am so sorry.... it kills me, but just go.....im blocking you now...goodbye...Love, Christina

 

 

 

 

 

Final thoughts: So she blocked me on facebook. Then 15 minutes later unblocks me. Which has me hopeful that she still cares. I am going back to NC. I know I said too much. I think I should give her time to do her own thing. I just feel I'm losing her and us in time. Do you think I have a chance to get her back? I already know I look extremely weak and pitiful.

[Tonkerponk]

DO

NOT

CONTACT

HER

 

You have both said what you had to say, and are very angry/sad/hurt over the whole thing. What you both need (and she even explicitly said) is some space from eachother.

 

Yes, you have a chance to get back together, but it isint right now. She listened to what you had to say, and she decided to block you, and tell you to go away. Those could be kneejerk emotional reactions, or they could be what she really wants, who knows.

 

You know you look weak and pitiful, so dont make it worse by being a rug for her to walk all over by contacting her again, ESPECIALLY after she blocked you and told you to go away.

 

NC sucks, but it will give you both the time to think things through and to cool off. Just give it some time bro

[Dubphonik]

Well the ex came running back. She more or less left me for her ex. That always gets his rebound ways when she breaks up with someone. I didn't find out after I told her I'd give her another run. After I gave her another run she came over and things went very well. She asked me if I slept with anyone. I said no. What about you? She said no. Then things led to the bedroom and before we made love, I was like hey seriously if we are about to do this without protection I need to know now. I was also a lil drunk and trust me I feel stupid now. She looked at me and said the last guy I slept with was you. So we did our business. She was all smiles and so was I. Well she spent the night. Then I asked her are you adding me to Facebook and putting you status back like before. So then, I see a weird pause. She was like no I'm just going to delete it. So I knew something was off. Her reasons? Facebook ruins relationships. Well she was about to leave and I was like okay I'll delete mine first. Now you do yours. I focused clearly on the keyboard cause I wanted to obtain the password and got it. She had 3 unread messages. I was more intrigued and she deactivated her account. Well she left and I got into her account. And saw the messages. Wow. I got burned badly. While she broke up with me she rebounded with her ex two days later. And it didn't specify what they did sexually but it was her saying to him. I don't want to be one of those girls that get used and doesn't see you again. I want to be in a relationship with you. But I don't think you want that cause everytime we do this you get into a relationship with someone else. And I feel terrible for giving myself to you. He more or less got what he wanted and kept in contact. Even till we got back together. Well I printed all of this out. She has been dating and talking to mad guys when she broke up with me. Which is fine. But why no honesty. So I met up with her right away I asked her again did you do anything with your ex. She said no we just hung out at the movies that one afternoon as friends and he wanted to hang with another girl and we hugged and I left. And I haven't talked to him since. I was like okay well I got into your facebook and found this. Threw the messages in her face. Then said you tell me you love me but lie to me. Then her story changed to we only kissed. I was like if you don't tell me I'm seriously out cause you can't fix this relationship without trust and with your lies. She kept saying over and over they just kissed. Then I read the messages out loud. Then she said okay I gave him head. Her face was emotionless. No tears no regret looks. I received the pain. I asked her, did you **** she said no. I wanted to know for my own safety I told her. I asked her over and over again. She still said no. She said I told you the truth it was one kiss and head. I was like head is just as bad as ****ing. So why not admit you f'd cause I know you did. She kept with her story. She told me to leave and she is a bad ****ed up person. So I did. I left confused and hurt. I was pretty upset and angry too. So she calls me and tells me I'm her everything and how she will make this up to me for the rest of her life but doesn't know how to fix this. And how she loves me more than anything in the world. Yet, at this time I'm sitting at a clinic scared to death. I care about her but I feel I was on the backburner and everything she says are lies. But I still have feelings of love and forgiveness. I just feel she wants a comfortable guy (me) and a her excitement. She claims differently.I also know she left me for her ex cause she got comfortable with me and kept starting fights with me and I kept threatening to leave. Cause I don't like to fight. But kept defending myself. Yet I was the ******* and felt like the ******* but that was a cop out when I found out the truth. She came back after he got what her wanted like he always does after her previous relationships. I wanted to start new with a second chance. But now I found the truth I'm scared and want it to work. Just feeling I'd be so self pain inflicted if I made the wrong choice and get shattered again. I care about her like she is my world but I feel like I was not trusting my gut before and after the breakup. Like she was wearing a mask. She claims she is now changed and wants this to work forever but I'm terrified but love her. I need the expert opinion of what you think is best. Should I kick her to the curb and go through the healing one more time wondering. Or give her a second chance from me this time and not her. Technically she thinks we are still together. And now I'm also waiting for results that she said I'm stupid cause she knows nothing happened and she is clean. FML.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Dubphonik

[lawlz_xD]

How can you go on about saying having trust in a relationship is important but you go on her Facebook to read her messages? Both of you have trust/honesty issues from what I am reading.

[flitzanu]

totally lost here because it was too jumbled to read, but sounds like you tried convincing her she's never going to find someone better than you, you hacked her emails, and she banged some other guy, and you're getting tested.

 

that...seems like an awful lot to go through, and i don't see how long you've been together.

 

also saying she blocked you on fb then unblocked you 15 minutes later isn't true, fb does not allow that, it takes 48 hours before you can unblock someone after blocking.