Did I move on too quickly?

[inglorious]

Hi, (Sorry in advance if this is a bit long)

 

I broke up with my partner of 7yrs in Feb this year. We hadn't had any major incident, but had not been getting along for a while.. (fallen out of love, probably).. but we got so negative and resentful towards each other that I eventually cracked and moved out as we were living in her home (that in itself was a source of many of the issues). An important factor in all of this is that we have a 3yr daughter, G, which was a key reason in moving out in order to to spare her from the tensions.

 

Although feelings towards my ex GF were at an all time low, I didn't want to give up on making family life work out so that G could have her mum and dad around. Knowing that I had my role to play in the issues, I offered to make a genuine committment to rectify any wrongs that lay with me if I was met

halfway with the same attitude from my ex GF.

 

I put my cards on the table a couple of times, but at the time, I didn't get any sense that my ex wanted us fixed. She never took a position; wouldn't say it was over, but didn't know if she wanted us to work it out. I knew there would never be any garauntee of success even if we gave it our best shot.. but the message I took was that she didn't want to try.. and that took away any sense of hope so I felt that all that was left was for me to move on.

 

Shortly after that, and to my surprise, I started seeing someone else. It was a fleeting window of opportunity with someone I knew that I didn't expect to amount to anything, but felt I should not pass up. This woman, now my current GF, just lit me up and breathed a new emotional life into me, giving me so much that had long dried up with my ex, feelings I had long forgotten and didn't know I was missing or needed until re-discovered so I counted myself very fortunate and embarked on that new journey.

 

It's been a few months with my new GF and I don't know if it's because my head is only now just coming down from the clouds or if it is because I have been really missing my daughter due to us all doing seperate things over the summer break, but a nagging doubt has surfaced;

 

Did I move on too quickly? Has this new love clouded my heart and mind leading me to close the door too early on even the remotest possibility of having worked things out with my ex for another chance at being a family? Even though it seems very improbable, and that right now, my feelings for my current GF are far stronger than for my ex.. I really miss my daughter, and the desire to have her more fully in my life is stronger than anything. Could that be what is clouding my heart/mind?

[Dblock10]

no, you would know at the time if it was too soon and it wasnt. you just obviously have very deep feelings for your daughter and care about her. sometimes people do grow apart. relationships run there course so to speak.

 

but, it probably was a little too soon in the sense that you should have maturely stayed on your own for a while and really mulled over in your mind what it is from life that you want, and wether you could re spark what you had with the mother of your child.

[inglorious]

Hi Dblock10,

 

Thanks for your reply. I guess the last few months with my GF have been such a wonderful diversion in the midst of so much other emotional rollercoaster that it's been a lot.. maybe too much, to process.. and I'm just having a bit of a hangover from it.

 

I think you are correct in that it probably was little too soon. Ideally, I would have preferred to have had much more time to re-climatise to being single again but things dont alway go the way we want.

 

The circumstances of getting together with my new GF are that it was someone I have known for many years and held a small torch for but would never have acted on it whilst in my previous relationship. I had also presumed that she wasn't available anyway. It was a chance conversation with her where we discovered that we were both free.. so in the spur of the moment, I asked her out genuinely expecting to be turned down, but wanting to take the opportunity to confess my interest and get it off my chest. No-one was more surprised than me the way it went.