Miss leading Signs Your Ex Wants You Back

[RuinedLife]

This is probably by far the best video I've found about so called "signs that your ex wants you back", as it gives by far the most sensible advice and insight!

 

Miss leading "Signs Your Ex Wants You Back"

 

I really wish I could start taking some of this advice to heart.

 

But I have to be honest, my ex is still giving me these so called "signs that he may want me back" and even though he's also given me a lot of blatant signs that he doesn't want me back, I'm still trying to ignore those and focus only on the very tiny particles of hope that seem to emanate from some of flirtatious messages and "miss you statements".

Edited July 20, 2011 by RuinedLife

[Ginger Beer]

Youtube doesn't work for me.

[RuinedLife]

Sorry to hear youtube isn't working for you GingerBeer

 

**Also realize I mis-spelt "misleading" in the thread title! Sorry about that... still it is very good video to watch.. about how having false hopes can be the worst thing for you after a break up. Because you have all these hopes and then eventually you realize that these hopes are all meaningless and you feel heartbroken and rejected when your ex starts ignoring you again.

[Karala]

Yeah, I went through that when I reconnected with my ex and he gazed at me with starry eyes, sent me cute text messages, demanded hugs from me, told me how beautiful I looked, and even (when I pushed him a little) admitted to still being in love with me.

 

And then he still didn't want me back.

 

Now I know that there's only one trustworthy sign that your ex wants to get back together, and that's when he says: "I want to get back together."

[radiodarcy]

depressing. but definitely makes sense. thanks for posting.

[RuinedLife]

Yeah, I went through that when I reconnected with my ex and he gazed at me with starry eyes, sent me cute text messages, demanded hugs from me, told me how beautiful I looked, and even (when I pushed him a little) admitted to still being in love with me.

 

And then he still didn't want me back.

 

Now I know that there's only one trustworthy sign that your ex wants to get back together, and that's when he says: "I want to get back together."

 

Sooo true!!

 

Yeah my ex was flirting with me, telling me how much he missed me, sending me so many confusing "signs" and now he's ignoring me again.

 

I know I shouldn't be in contact with him and definitely not sending him emails about how I feel or sending him texts about my heartache, but I messed up and I am ashamed to say I did all these things. And I did it because I was living for these false hopes and "signs" and even as I type these words there is still some hope left within me that thinks he may change his mind even though he hasn't said those key words.

 

I don't know whats wrong with me, I just love him so much and as much as I wrestle with myself in my mind, I just don't want to let go of the hope. Even though I know the evidence is stacked against me and I'm going to tumble so far back when that hope finally crumbles away.

[RuinedLife]

depressing. but definitely makes sense. thanks for posting.

 

Yeah I just wished this guy had posted some more videos about how to get over an ex and how to deal with being around an ex.

 

But know this site offers a lot of good advice and it just takes time to heal.

[RuinedLife]

My ex has been giving me a lot of misleading signs, and I have to keep watching this video to try and knock some sense into me.

[amethyste]

My ex has been giving me a lot of misleading signs, and I have to keep watching this video to try and knock some sense into me.

 

I've been thinking about you and I was wondering if you're fine...

[RuinedLife]

I've been thinking about you and I was wondering if you're fine...

 

Thanks for thinking of me!

 

But sadly I'm still struggling a lot with heartbreak, depression, anxiety etc. A bit better than before but still not so good. Also my ex has been making me crazy with mixed signals and wanting to be friends, I don't think I can do it.

[amethyste]

If it affects you so much, don't do it. Obviously, you want more than he does, you want more than a simple friendship - so there's no need to torture yourself by accepting to be his friend (not at this stage). Also, you don't owe him anything (in case he wants to maintain a friendly relationship with you just so he won't feel guilty). There's nothing wrong in having a civilized relationship with him, but that should resume to saying "hello" to each other when meeting on the streets.

I've been a little-bit-more-than-a-friend for my ex, for approx. one year, and I can't even describe how painful it was. Now I'm extremely glad it's over...

[radiodarcy]

I've been a little-bit-more-than-a-friend for my ex, for approx. one year, and I can't even describe how painful it was. Now I'm extremely glad it's over...

 

i agree. i tried being friends with the the ex for 2 years! it was the most agonizing experience (esp since it was a friends with benefits situation - - which complicated things). i shouldnt have stayed as long as i did but he's my first love.

 

admittedly, he was the one who cut off the benefits part, saying he just wanted to be friends. i tried for another few months but i just couldn't do it and ended the friendship.

 

it was the best thing i could have done for myself. i still love and care about him. and i do miss his from time to time. but i don't miss being treated like an afterthought, or having that knot in my stomach when he talks about dating others girls; or fighting the urge to read between the lines when i know there's nothing there; or - - whew i could go on and on...

[amethyste]

i agree. i tried being friends with the the ex for 2 years! it was the most agonizing experience (esp since it was a friends with benefits situation - - which complicated things). i shouldnt have stayed as long as i did but he's my first love.

 

admittedly, he was the one who cut off the benefits part, saying he just wanted to be friends. i tried for another few months but i just couldn't do it and ended the friendship.

 

it was the best thing i could have done for myself. i still love and care about him. and i do miss his from time to time. but i don't miss being treated like an afterthought, or having that knot in my stomach when he talks about dating others girls; or fighting the urge to read between the lines when i know there's nothing there; or - - whew i could go on and on...

 

I feel exactly the same way, and "agonizing" is the perfect word to describe this state you/we're in. It is agonizing indeed, and kinda strange. You're stuck in because you want more from them, you want a relationship, while they want something similar to a FWB type of relationship. I'd say it's a combination between a back-up & FWB.

 

It makes me think how my ex said that we can continue our pseudo-relationship until he finds something more "convenient". This weren't exactly his words, but that's what he meant. Back then I was happy with this deal, I thought it was like a second chance to prove that I'm good enough, and I was sure he's gonna change his mind. Now I think it sounds crappy & insulting.

 

When I decided to put an end to this big nothing, I was like: "You know something, if you weren't able - after two years - to think I'm worth the fight, then so it be. This is me, you know everything about me, and if you don't think I'm awesome enough to deserve to be something more in your life, I'm fine with it. It's not my fault. I can't reinvent myself overnight. I can't come up after two years and say: Oh look what I can do *inserts some awesome superpower*."

Now, I miss our friendship. I miss it a lot. I miss him... but I definitely don't miss the way he saw me.

Edited July 29, 2011 by amethyste

[RuinedLife]

I feel exactly the same way, and "agonizing" is the perfect word to describe this state you/we're in. It is agonizing indeed, and kinda strange. You're stuck in because you want more from them, you want a relationship, while they want something similar to a FWB type of relationship. I'd say it's a combination between a back-up & FWB.

 

It makes me think how my ex said that we can continue our pseudo-relationship until he finds something more "convenient". This weren't exactly his words, but that's what he meant. Back then I was happy with this deal, I thought it was like a second chance to prove that I'm good enough, and I was sure he's gonna change his mind. Now I think it sounds crappy & insulting.

 

When I decided to put an end to this big nothing, I was like: "You know something, if you weren't able - after two years - to think I'm worth the fight, then so it be. This is me, you know everything about me, and if you don't think I'm awesome enough to deserve to be something more in your life, I'm fine with it. It's not my fault. I can't reinvent myself overnight. I can't come up after two years and say: Oh look what I can do *inserts some awesome superpower*."

Now, I miss our friendship. I miss it a lot. I miss him... but I definitely don't miss the way he saw me.

 

I'm sorry you went through all that.

 

Yes I think thats one of the most hurtful things about all this, he doesn't seem to think I'm "good enough" for him, he doesn't seem to think trying to save our relationship is worth much effort. He's still confusing me like crazy though because he calls me by pet names etc.

 

I feel very much like you did I think, I love him so much and I feel I have to prove to him that I'm "good enough" for him and worth the effort. And every time he starts ignoring me again or doesn't seem bothered enough to put in the effort, it really hurts me and I feel like so worthless inside.

[betterdeal]

You know, most times, is six of one and half a dozen of the other. That is to say, both people have their own neurosis, their own quirks and issues, and it is highly likely (almost to the point of certainty) that your issues and his or her issues just didn't work well together. Sometimes it is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, it just doesn't work, and it's not because round is wrong, or square is wrong. They just are.

 

One thing that makes it almost certain to not work out is if one person in the couple feels they are in the wrong all the time. You're not! It's just that there are things that annoy him or her about you, and there are things about him or her that annoy you. The only right or wrong in it all is what's right or wrong for you and what's right or wrong for them.

 

Take, for instance, how your relationship stands now, RuinedLife: you have a relationship with him, but you don't like it, do you? It consists of you two communicating infrequently and then times when he ignores you. For whatever reason, you keep on taking this as meaning you're a bad person. Perhaps you were taught as a child that bad things happen to bad people. Well, see, the truth is, bad things happen to all sorts of people. Martin Luther King was assassinated, but he was a good person, and certainly didn't deserve to be shot dead, did he?

 

It's how we react to these things that matters. So, this fella ignores you from time to time. Doesn't that annoy you? It sounds rude to me. Its okay to be annoyed with people you care about. It happens. If you don't give feedback and express how you feel about it, if you keep internalising it and turning it all into guilt and other self-deprecating feelings, that has a really low chance of making things better.

 

What will make things better is saying how you feel, what makes you feel that way, and what you want them to do about it. If that results in you two disconnecting completely, that's fine, because it means you will have discovered that your square peg isn't made for his round hole, and you can move on.

 

And when you get feedback from him, consider it. No-one is perfect; we all have flaws; and someone telling you how they feel, what you do that makes them feel that way, and what they want you to do about it, is all feedback. You can decide what to do, how to respond. It could be something you're happy to adjust, or it could be something you're not going to compromise on. Again, is it just because you're a square peg, and he's a round hole?

 

If it is, move on. If you're lonely, go out and socialise. Life is good. Enjoy it.

[radiodarcy]

Back then I was happy with this deal, I thought it was like a second chance to prove that I'm good enough, and I was sure he's gonna change his mind. Now I think it sounds crappy & insulting.

 

When I decided to put an end to this big nothing, I was like: "You know something, if you weren't able - after two years - to think I'm worth the fight, then so it be. This is me, you know everything about me, and if you don't think I'm awesome enough to deserve to be something more in your life, I'm fine with it. It's not my fault. I can't reinvent myself overnight. I can't come up after two years and say: Oh look what I can do *inserts some awesome superpower*."

Now, I miss our friendship. I miss it a lot. I miss him... but I definitely don't miss the way he saw me.

 

yeah - - that's what i thought too. that if i just kept being cool about the whole thing. he'd realize how much i cared about him he'd give me a chance. never happened. he decided to give that chance to someone else.

 

i wish i had been able to tell him all the great things you told your ex. at that point my self-esteem was so much in the toilet and i was too busy blaming myself to being a failure at not being able to get him to love me back. now i realize what faulty thinking that was.

 

people ask me how i've been able to maintain NC for the past five months and it's because after what i put myself through during those 2.5 years, there is no way i am going to give myself a chance to be hurt and ignored again. i did that enough during that whole crazy time.

[shortee143]

yeah - - that's what i thought too. that if i just kept being cool about the whole thing. he'd realize how much i cared about him he'd give me a chance. never happened. he decided to give that chance to someone else.

 

i wish i had been able to tell him all the great things you told your ex. at that point my self-esteem was so much in the toilet and i was too busy blaming myself to being a failure at not being able to get him to love me back. now i realize what faulty thinking that was.

 

Every time I read you posts radiodarcy, I'm like wow that is how I think. I was very respectful when my ex broke up with me, I figured if I kept cool, calm, and mature, it would be to my benefit with HIM. (he dumped me to be single, and I respected his wishes as he had some major life changes going on). He has been nothing but DISrespectful to me the last few months. but I did it all..remained as calm as I could, had ex sex hoping itd help (hah!), told him once post breakup that I loved him, and never got all crazy- but nope, nothing worked. In fact, he is now with a younger girl. Forget me, just like that. Sometimes I wish I woulda just been a b*tch and laid it into him. I hear ya on that delusional thinking of "being a failure" as a gf....it is really hard to get that strength to not ask the "why" am I not good enough. I dont even have low self esteem, but even a break up, can break oneself down majorly.

[radiodarcy]

Every time I read you posts radiodarcy, I'm like wow that is how I think. I was very respectful when my ex broke up with me, I figured if I kept cool, calm, and mature, it would be to my benefit with HIM. (he dumped me to be single, and I respected his wishes as he had some major life changes going on). He has been nothing but DISrespectful to me the last few months. but I did it all..remained as calm as I could, had ex sex hoping itd help (hah!), told him once post breakup that I loved him, and never got all crazy- but nope, nothing worked. In fact, he is now with a younger girl. Forget me, just like that. Sometimes I wish I woulda just been a b*tch and laid it into him. I hear ya on that delusional thinking of "being a failure" as a gf....it is really hard to get that strength to not ask the "why" am I not good enough. I dont even have low self esteem, but even a break up, can break oneself down majorly.

 

hey shortee, i don't know how you manage to stay in contact with this guy. i would have ended up in a padded room by now. have you at least considered taking a break from hanging out with your crew until you have healed?

 

i realize they're your friends, but it doesn't sound like their support is enough to offset the effect his goings on are having on you. and (at the risk of sound like my parents) if they're really your friends they should be able to understand why you need time apart. or maybe you could hang out with them individually (and not at events where he will be there)?

 

for me, taking time out for myself has helped me heal a great deal. i've been re-discovering old interests and discovering new ones and it's really helped re-build my confidence and self-esteem.

 

i still have my moments and it will be some time before i could even consider speaking to him again -- if at all. but i would strongly recommend you give it a try. it really can help.

[shortee143]

hey shortee, i don't know how you manage to stay in contact with this guy. i would have ended up in a padded room by now. have you at least considered taking a break from hanging out with your crew until you have healed?

 

i realize they're your friends, but it doesn't sound like their support is enough to offset the effect his goings on are having on you. and (at the risk of sound like my parents) if they're really your friends they should be able to understand why you need time apart. or maybe you could hang out with them individually (and not at events where he will be there)?

 

for me, taking time out for myself has helped me heal a great deal. i've been re-discovering old interests and discovering new ones and it's really helped re-build my confidence and self-esteem.

 

i still have my moments and it will be some time before i could even consider speaking to him again -- if at all. but i would strongly recommend you give it a try. it really can help.

 

I totally see your logic here, and thank you for the advice too. I actually, after months of being continually hurt by him post breakup and hearing/seeing things I'd rather not. I have finally taking time away. (I wish I woulda done that sooner). My (our) friends have all contacted me, to say hello, make plans, etc...stuff that wont involve him, so that makes me feel good. But I will see him in about a month at a big party, one I really dont want to miss...but by that time, I will have had a 2 month break from him (when I was regularly seeing him 3 times a month, so its a start). Not to say "by gones will be by gones", but I have been trying to be proactive and make some distance. I also really will not engage in convo with him any longer, hi and bye are good enough.

 

It has been hard- def had times I felt completely broken by him, but having in my life less is helping, but sadly cutting him out 100% just isnt going to happen. But the key is to keep distance..and even when in his company, to continue to keep that distance. I know it'll be a long road thru all this!

[radiodarcy]

I totally see your logic here, and thank you for the advice too. I actually, after months of being continually hurt by him post breakup and hearing/seeing things I'd rather not. I have finally taking time away. (I wish I woulda done that sooner). My (our) friends have all contacted me, to say hello, make plans, etc...stuff that wont involve him, so that makes me feel good. But I will see him in about a month at a big party, one I really dont want to miss...but by that time, I will have had a 2 month break from him (when I was regularly seeing him 3 times a month, so its a start). Not to say "by gones will be by gones", but I have been trying to be proactive and make some distance. I also really will not engage in convo with him any longer, hi and bye are good enough.

 

It has been hard- def had times I felt completely broken by him, but having in my life less is helping, but sadly cutting him out 100% just isnt going to happen. But the key is to keep distance..and even when in his company, to continue to keep that distance. I know it'll be a long road thru all this!

 

no problem. i try to avoid giving unsolicited advice (as i hate getting it myself, lol) but it was painful reading the details of what you were going through with this guy. as i tend to put myself in other people's shoes as well and our situations/ways of thinking seem to mirror one another. (only difference being he and i don't hang out in the same crowd)

 

i'm glad you've been working to give yourself some breathing room by minimizing contact with this guy. and that your friends have been understanding and supportive. that always helps. it will be a long road but you seem to be pulling though it just fine

[shortee143]

no problem. i try to avoid giving unsolicited advice (as i hate getting it myself, lol) but it was painful reading the details of what you were going through with this guy. as i tend to put myself in other people's shoes as well and our situations/ways of thinking seem to mirror one another. (only difference being he and i don't hang out in the same crowd)

 

i'm glad you've been working to give yourself some breathing room by minimizing contact with this guy. and that your friends have been understanding and supportive. that always helps. it will be a long road but you seem to be pulling though it just fine

 

thanks a lot, I am def always drawn to your posts, as we both said, seems like a lot of similarities here between us! Def a long road, but I for sure am making progress! Hope you too are continuing to only move forward Argh, love, what a beautifully, horrendous emotion it can be!

[radiodarcy]

thanks a lot, I am def always drawn to your posts, as we both said, seems like a lot of similarities here between us! Def a long road, but I for sure am making progress! Hope you too are continuing to only move forward Argh, love, what a beautifully, horrendous emotion it can be!

 

indeed! it reminds me of that line from the smiths song that goes "someone falls in love/someone's beaten up/and the senses being dulled are mine" . perfectly sums it all up for me.