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does the dumper come back?


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Old 27th June 2011, 12:07 AM   #1
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does the dumper come back?

if the dumper has realized his mistake - after being apart for a long period of time such as a year - would he come back even if the dumpee was pretty mean to him the last time they spoke (which was almost a year ago)?
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Old 27th June 2011, 2:03 AM   #2
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if the dumper has realized his mistake - after being apart for a long period of time such as a year - would he come back even if the dumpee was pretty mean to him the last time they spoke (which was almost a year ago)?
Sometimes they do. Reconciliations have happened in the most unbelievable of circumstances.

Personally, I wouldn't reach out to my ex if he was the one who broke up with me. I keep it in mind that he's the one who decided that he didn't want me around and I don't chase after someone who doesn't want me.

Also, don't feel too bad about being pretty mean the last time you spoke to him. People do and say things they don't mean when they're hurt. He's not above that and I hope he'll remember that, if you talk to him again and he tries to use that as "ammo" against you.
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Last edited by 0hpenelope; 27th June 2011 at 2:51 AM.. Reason: added a few more things
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Old 28th June 2011, 3:51 PM   #3
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I have seen it happen aswell.. My ex tried to get me back and said he truly regretted everything and apologized profusely for everything... I was very mean to him all the time and hey what can I say he completley deserved it!

But it was to little to late sort of thing. The real thoughts though are why would you want them back? Building up trust in a relationship is not impossible but its alot of work and is really tiring. They become a stranger to you, you see a side of them you have never seen before. Which is usually very undesirable. In some cases,like phe said even in the most impossible cases second chances do happen. It is alot of work even weighing out the facts of should you or shouldn't you. But hey a year, 2 years, I have even heard of 20 yrs later.. You just never really know for some people.
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Old 28th June 2011, 7:44 PM   #4
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Nothing is impossible

However i think most dumpers realise themselves that the more time that passes after a break up means the less chance the dumpee will give them another chance.

The first 2 weeks after a break up is critical - if an attempt at apology and reconciliation is made in that period then there is a good chance it will work.

A year would seem too long a time

At that stage though the old relationship is well and truly over and it would be like starting a new one.

It would need fate to lend a hand i would think as its unlikely either the dumper or the dumpee is going to reach out after such a long time.

I guess if you have remained on good terms it would be easier - much harder if there has been animosity after the break up
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Old 28th June 2011, 10:17 PM   #5
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I can't tell you how many guys have come back after a break up- a year later, 2 years later, even 10+ years later.

By the time they come back, you are usually over them- that's been the case with me each and every time. I've lost my romantic feelings for them by the time they return.
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Old 28th June 2011, 10:39 PM   #6
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ive had one dumper reappear in my life after she one day got up left, moved to montana, had a kid, got divorced and then came back to find me.

i asked her seriously? did you really think I would be there for you 3 years after you left me without a word...

ive only had 2 people ever dump me, usually I knew when the relationship was over and to end it. except for this last time, I caught her cheating on me emotionally with a coworker thats 14 years older then her, guess what, she will be back! But will I?
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Old 2nd July 2011, 10:06 PM   #7
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it has almost been a year now, and i only spoke to him a few times the first month or so. throughout that time i have not stopped loving him.
if he comes back, whoever he is now, i feel like i would be more at peace. i would have the option to take him back or get over him. since he left with no notice, i never had the chance to decide.
this may be pathetic, but after one year i am still hoping for his return
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Old 4th July 2011, 1:05 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nowwhatnow View Post
it has almost been a year now, and i only spoke to him a few times the first month or so. throughout that time i have not stopped loving him.
if he comes back, whoever he is now, i feel like i would be more at peace. i would have the option to take him back or get over him. since he left with no notice, i never had the chance to decide.
this may be pathetic, but after one year i am still hoping for his return
I don't think it's pathetic. Can you honestly say that you stopped living your life just to wait for him? Doesn't seem like it to me. It just sounds like you're being honest about how you feel, that's all. A lot of us feel that way about our exes for a while until someone new comes along. And then, some of those darned exes come sniffing around. It's really when you least expect it that people who you think you'll never hear from again contact you. This isn't specific to a romantic relationship, but "dead" friendships too.
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Old 4th July 2011, 11:40 PM   #9
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Mine has come back after 6 months apart (3 months total NC)

He is profusely apologising, flowers...the works. Says he needed that time to sort himself out and now he knows what he wants etc.

I still havent given him an answer. To be honest why should I take someone back who needs 6 months to realise whether they love me enough or not? Im in 2 minds...I do love him though, so we'll see....
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Old 5th July 2011, 3:24 AM   #10
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My current ex came back after I pathetically chased her for....8 months (at times non-stop and there were some gaps) after 3-4 months of nothing from me. We were together 3 years LDR (some good long visits)...was great...in many ways...and then...yeah...heh. GET OVER THE OLD R/S ASAP if you even want to think about a second chance, our love was strong enough to carry us for three years but I was never over our first R/S which was relatively short lived.

Between her school, work at school and work during summer, ldr, new friends, me being pushy to fix problems that she created or didn't want me to fix, GIGS, family dying and some fights we had we had a slow death to our relationship.


In our last "conversation" before we had a blowup she even alluded to wanting to talk again when she's "ready" but didn't want me to "wait for her"

Well I ended up blowing up at her (to a degree and with the redundant line I put in by accidentally sending it too soon it may have looked more comical than anything) and told her I didn't want her back and said I wouldn't be contacting her again etc.

Anyways the backstory for me was just to maybe throw it out there....that yeah they come back....but they dump again...sometimes more harshly so than they did as a teenager....

One person has said I'll never hear from her again...he said 99% sure I'd bet everything against the house. Many others have said when things die down we'll end up talking again although they said not to think it will be for reconciliation again due to the GIGS scenario (which isn't a syndrome it's a phase that people who never had a crazy time went through) unless it's a couple years from now etc..


The moral? Be careful what you wish for.
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Old 21st July 2011, 9:08 AM   #11
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why dumpers who came back were always male? girls seem to be more coldhearted?
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Old 21st July 2011, 12:58 PM   #12
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why dumpers who came back were always male? girls seem to be more coldhearted?
That is always an issue up for debate, as some say it has nothing to do with gender, and who knows. However, in my opinion and thru my (female) friends, the males USUALLY come back, be it a past bf, hookup, etc. Why? Who knows....sex is the obvious, but some perhaps wise up after some time and come back to apologize if they treated you poorly, or some date and realize that what they had with you was what they want (too late!)...I am a girl, so perhaps I too am biased here. But I have had some come back, months..years later, etc. I dont think girls are more coldhearted, but perhaps more in touch with how we feel?? So if we end it, we really thought about it. Whereas maybe a male did not, or just wanted to have fun and find better (and then didnt). Like I said, just my opinion, nothing factual, nor am I trying to pin anything on one gender...just my thoughts.

MOST importantly, dont expect anyone to come back! If they do, that's on the individual to decide how next to proceed, but of course, never wait for someone. In the back of my mind, I always wonder if my past dumper will come back...but not to the point where i will let it stop me from moving forward
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