Nearly Won Her Back After Breaking A Month, But Respected Her Decision For Now..

[WJN39]

I have been reading around this board a lot lately, as I have been getting over a 2.5+ year relationship with a wonderful girl, LDR. I saw her last a few days ago, and left it as "We need this time apart from each other. This is a just a good bye for now."

 

We nearly got back together. I would've loved to have won her back right now, but decided to take time and respect her decision when I saw her.

She nearly came back into my arms..

 

 

So - Here's a summed up story of mine, without going into every little single detail of what I've been through for the last month or so.

 

I could use some advice.

 

 

About a month leading before the break up:

Things were getting a little rocky between us. I was starting to get sick of some of the ways she was treating me and picking on little things of mine here and there. I started not showing her as much love and care as I usually do, stopped talking to her on the phone as much. The relationship as a whole has been great. We both loved each other so much, we've both never loved anyone as much as we did each other. But the last month just went on a downhill turn and just got lazy and took her for granted I guess. We both knew we needed to fix the relationship together, she was suggesting hard that we take a holiday vacation trip together to re-connect and bond to make it work, right before the break up happened.

 

 

The break up:

She shut me off from talking to her a couple days before the break up, asking for her space. I respected it for a few days, until I, of course, went into a little panic and worry and finally called and asked, "what's really going on?"

She told me that she was going to visit me to talk next Saturday. I told her to just tell me the real reason. She said she wanted to break up with me. She said the classic, "I love you, but not in love with you." ...we got into a routine, etc. Told her that I could fix it, and give us some time.. Until I finally got fed up with the decision and said to her, "Fine, I loved you..F* off and I hope you find someone else that will make you happy" basically and hung up on her. She kept saying sorry about 50 times before I hung up on her.

 

 

Post break up:

I went into immediate NC.

It didn't really hit me til a day or two later of how hurt and how much she really meant to me. Then the following weeks, it hurt worse and worse inside of me. There would be a few days here and there that I would feel better. But I knew I was going crazy in my head for answers, and if "what if's."

She tried calling me about a week after the break up when she heard about my dad in the hospital, but I did not bother to pick up her phone call.

I desperately looked for answers everywhere, went to friends, read online about "how to win an ex back, etc etc", wrote about my thoughts and about her on a blog that Ikeep to myself (I only let two of my friends read it to make sure I am doing fine).

I was honestly going nuts, to a point where I knew I was barely functioning correctly when I talk to people and at work. I dropped weight like crazy, no appetite, started working out like crazy to get my mind off of her.

 

 

About one month after break up:

I started to think to myself, "what if I just fought for her, try to win her back one last time?" I had nothing to lose, I figured. I know she loved me, and was trying to make it work for us right until the end. I needed to get answers, and I needed to show her one last time that I loved her. I wanted to show her that I wanted her back. After all, I did pursue her in the beginning and won her, I knew I could do it again. I got some confidence back in myself, expected the worst going into it, hoping for the best.

This probably goes against all advice that I read, but I think every situation is different. We had a very mature relationship, and I think that you can get all the advice in the world, but the heart wants what it wants. Follow your heart. Nothing happens without an action. You don't get a job, unless you prove yourself you're the best candidate and show it.

 

I was going to just show up at her door, but against that grand gesture, I talked myself out of that. I figured it would be lots of awkwardness.

 

I knew she wasn't going to call for a while, I just had everything out of my system now, before it ate me alive in the inside. There was no point in waiting anymore.

 

 

The call to her:

So I called her last Saturday night, and to my surprise she picked up on the second ring. Of course it was awkward for the first 20-30 minutes of talking again. We used to talk nearly everyday on the phone, since we were LDR, for hours upon hours. We got along so well.

The conversation started off talking about stuff, catching up, seeing how each other were doing. Then of course it got us talking about our relationship and what happened. She had her walls up for a bit, saying that she's sticking with her decision. I started to get her comfortable talking with me again, started a little flirt and showed confidence and asked her what's it really going to take to win her back. Found out of course that she's been flirting with some guys, that I expected. She says she's moved on, expected that I hated her. She was trying to distract herself from thinking about me, I could tell. The conversation got into times of her saying that I'm a really good looking guy.. I could tell she was getting comfortable talking with me again.

Before I knew it, we were talking on the phone for about 4 hours..

I expressed that I wished I could've talked about this with her in person, and hugged and kissed her one last time to say good bye. She was open to the idea, so I asked her what she was doing tomorrow. I asked her out to lunch, I would drive up to visit her for the day (she's about 3 hours away in another city). She told me "you know how hard it is to say no to you?"

I went with it and a big green flag - got a few hours of sleep and hit the road to go see her.

 

 

Seeing her the following morning for lunch (This is Sunday AM):

On the drive up, I got a lot of confidence back in myself. High hopes, but nervous, scared, excited, lots of emotions going through me on the drive to her.

Picked her up, went out to lunch. Started talking to her about everything again, but this time I could SEE her body language. Went for a walk and sat at a park bench after lunch.. Her "Walls" were still up and still sticking with her decision of breaking up, after telling her how much she meant to me. Did some memory lane trips together and talked about stuff together. Told her I'd miss her, told me some stuff too. Tried to play cool and fun at the same time, wasn't budging much in swaying her decision.

So I started to say, that whomever she finds, I want her to be happy with. That I will have to move on, I can't change her mind for her. She will have to do it. Of course it was killing me to say this stuff. I thanked her for all the memories and everything. Told her it was the happiest time of my life being with her. She said it was hers as well, and that I meant the world to her. Found out some stuff that I haven't heard in a while.

 

So it was getting late afternoon - I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner, and maybe shoot pool (something we always loved doing together) one last time. She said sure, but had to change into jeans. So we went to her house to change.

Before she could change, we sat and hugged each other in her living room. This is where her walls came down and she really opened up to me, started crying and tearing a lot. She started to question her decision of losing me completely. We hugged, and actually kissed again. We kept talking more about us and opened up some more about how much we really meant to each other and what went wrong.

The night flew by, we kept hugging and talking and it started to become late. We ended up not going out, but started to decide if I should drive home, even if I had 2 hours of sleep. I told her I'd go sleep in my car, because I didn't think I should sleep with her in her house. Eventually I said I'd go get a hotel, and eventually she asked if she could stay with me at the hotel. I asked her why. She said "I know you're not done telling me everything."

 

So we grabbed some food to go and went to a hotel in the city downtown where she stayed with me. We laid down in bed and started talking some more. This is where I admitted that I saw, and still see a future with us. I told her I would've married her and proposed to her. This really touched her, because she never knew that. She admitted that she would've said yes to me. Part of her breaking up with me was that she felt like she didn't know if I would. She saw a future with me, having my kids, and knew I'd be an amazing husband. We talked and she was crying a lot terrified of her decision right now. She told me she was almost at the point of her coming back to me, and she knew everything would be great. We started jokingly talking about our future together, getting a nice place together with a nice kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, etc... made her happy.

 

We ended up making love that night and falling asleep together like we did when we were together.

 

The following morning (Monday Morning) we woke up and started to hug and hold each other and talk some more. It felt like we didn't break up...

We started saying that we'd miss each other, but I told her I was confident that this was not the end of us. We ended up checking out that afternoon, went out to a late lunch with the plan of me afterwards to go back home. We had a good meal, caught up with other things. We got back to her house that Monday evening. Talked some more, and started saying to her that this would just be a good bye for now. We were discussing that this might still be the end of us... but I told her and showed her that I was confident that this was not the end of us, and that we will be together again. I told her as much as I want her back right now, I know we need to separate for a while before we got back together. I told her, we need our times to ourselves, let us miss each other, and make sure it's 100% what she wants.

She was buying into the idea and started talking about us getting back together and how we would do it. I gave her the ideas such as taking it slow, dating again, communicating, seeing a couples counselor if we really needed, etc. I told her I'd be so devoted to her and that I'd make sure she never leaves me again. She liked the idea and was nearly at the breaking point of changing her decision and regretting the decision of breaking up with me. But I also told her that I couldn't wait for her forever, and she might lose me. She would have to come get me if she finally realizes she wants me.

I could see so many tears and words and a conflict in her that night. She wouldn't let me go home that night, she kept holding onto me, and before we knew it, it was 3am. I passed out for a bit on her couch, until she told me to come sleep with her in her bed again with her.

 

We slept well together, holding onto each other as we slept. She had work the following morning. When we woke up, we made love before she got ready for work.

I drove her to work, she told me "it feels like we never broke up." She told me she would miss me so much.

I dropped her off and went to grab her breakfast and flowers, went back to her work and dropped them off for her. She thanked me for it, and thanked me for respecting her decision. Hugged and kissed each other goodbye for now.

 

 

 

 

 

I haven't talked to her since Tuesday (today is Saturday night, as I'm writing this). We said we wouldn't talk for a while, but we will one day soon. Her birthday is in about 5-6 weeks, I figured I'd contact her then, if she doesn't contact me by then.

 

 

 

For those that actually had the time to read all of that, thank you for reading my story.

It's been such an emotional roller coaster for me the past month, and I can feel it.

I miss her and love her terribly. From what I saw, I know she still does, without her telling me.

I know I could've had her back right now with me, but we'd be doomed for failure. We'd be going back into our same habits and we truly haven't changed or reflected on each other during that one month.

I know the right decision right now was to respect her decision of breaking up. I know I left her with such a good memory of me. I know I have to let her go for now and sort out and figure out what exactly she wants, if she really does love me, etc. I know I need her to be the one to come back to me on her own. There's nothing I could do to correctly persuade her to come back to me to keep her forever.

 

Part of me still wants to go and fight for her and win her.

 

I don't know if this was the right choice of action, how this past week went, I am still anxious, scared, terrified that I will lose her forever of course.

 

Although - I do admit I feel better than I did before talking to her. I never got some kind of "closure", but I still have lots of hope. But for feeling better, it was the right choice to do then.

 

Could you guys give me some insight on what might be going on? What do you think I should do, what do you think will happen?

I know for now, I might have to move on and not wait for her. I can't get her off my mind, and miss her terribly. But I know I have to go into this NC mode from her for a while to let her think about everything that just happened this past week. I know I need to let her miss me.

 

Thanks for your input everyone,

WJN

[emby]

Wow...what an amazing story!

So meeting for lunch really turned into a lot more than just that.

It really seemed as though you two were getting back together. I'm surprised she hasn't already contacted you even though it's only been a couple of days.

On the one hand, I don't understand why you didn't just get back together with her when you got so close. On the other hand, it's good that you've reversed the balance of power I think!

You seem to have a good plan for when you do get back together, so you need to decide if that's what you really want and then ask her what she really wants.

I only wish I could have a few days like this with my ex. Definitely just a dream though, we only broke up last week and I've been rubbish at NC...I don't even know if this kind of thing would happen between us after a month of NC, I assume I'd be totally friend-zoned by then...

[cjo1978]

im rubbish at NC but you have done well, especially with the switching of power to yourself.....wish i could do that. im NC now as i have left the ball firmly in her court but im expecting it to be over so if i move on it helps me and if she wants to try again ill see how i feel.....

 

well done mate

[WishingOnDandelions]

The time you spent reconnecting with her sounds wonderful and amazing!

 

I agree that you both have a lot of thinking to do, and hopefully you'll be able to work everything out.

 

If for whatever reason, she somehow lets you go, keep your hope up and your head held high.

 

Please keep us updated!

[d'janiero]

amazing story. I hope you guys work things out. I'm in a similar situation with my ex at the moment and I got the whole "love you but not in love with you anymore" line too:(

 

Keep us posted:)

[Exit]

Sounds like somewhat of a success story but it still doesn't cross that final boundary, "if they wanted to be with you, they'd be with you". A small visit that turned into a couple days together enjoying each other's company, yet she still doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Is it possible that some more time apart will finally make her realize? Sure. Is it also possible that she just got a nice weekend of time and sex out of you even though she doesn't have to maintain a relationship with you? Yeah.

 

Trust me, I'm rooting for you, I feel the same way about my ex, that we are just supposed to be together, that we are going to end up together. I'm in the same boat, we've been in contact since the breakup, I just saw her last night and we went for a drive and she had a hard time keeping her hands off of me, but still no commitment, so I am going to leave her with that last memory of me and hope that a little bit of NC and withdrawing from her will make her realize what she is losing.

 

If she loved you like you love her, she would be back right now. Don't let those rose-tinted glasses that we all wear fool you, sometimes it's easy to think "she's so great, she's really taking her time about this, she doesn't want to come back until she is at 100%, she's practically doing me a favor!". Hah, I've said all the same things to myself about my ex. But the truth is, they still aren't back. Love should encompass many other things, trust in your partner, belief in them that they desire to fix the relationship and won't let you down. When these exes refuse to come back... clearly some of that is lacking for them. They don't believe in us, or they don't believe in themselves, or they just plain old don't love us as much.

 

I'm on your side and I really hope this one comes back to you. But for right now, just focus on the fact that she still isn't back. And brace yourself for the possible reality that the weekend you spent together may be the last full memory you get to have of her, so appreciate it for what it is. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and no, don't "wait" for her, no reason to commit to her when she won't commit to you.

[4NewRoad]

You sound like a thoughtful, mature guy. We all go through the things you are experiencing, and it is never easy. I am a meditation, zen kind of person, and those teachings ask you to let go. TONS EASIER SAID THAN DONE! But I think this is really what you need to do now.

 

I concur with others who have said the days you spent with your ex sound promising, but as a gal, I also agree that if she was to be back with you, she would by now.

 

I think Exit has a very good point, saying that she perhaps has a mixed bag of feelings (love and fear). Which one is stronger? Well, sadly, it is something only SHE can figure out...

 

So you ask for advice and mine would be, brace yourself for the possibility that you had a fabulous "goodbye" and that you now need to let go. Letting go, is NOT NC, but more of a spiritual closing for you. Something you are doing to heal yourself as an individual I'd say.

 

You have your heart in the right place, you showed her, & you are now able to be at peace with yourself and feel good about it. Don't make this as the "ball" is now on her court. I'd like to suggest that that "ball" that "power" is what you must take back because it is time now for you to regain your own strength emotionally, and re-build yourself.

 

If she tags along for the ride, what a blessing! If she does not, then what a blessing too, for this would be a great self-knowing and growth stage in your life. And if that is to be so, then TAKE ALL THE TIME you need! Do not go on a rebound relationship!

 

Very best luck and keep us posted!

[MandyC18]

beautiful, brought tears to my eyes.

Im in the same situation but different roles. Im the dumpee he's the dumper and its been a month and a few days after our breakup. Yeah we have had our night(S) like yours,5 but who's counting. Especially the last time, i thought i had him..but you feel confident that you two will reunite and as do i with my ex. although in my eyes he's not my ex but still my boyfriend in a way. <3 your story has really given me more hope

[WJN39]

Thanks everyone for your input.

 

I may have had a moment of "weakness" about all this today. But here it goes:

 

So lately I've been telling myself, I'd move up to her to be together. I had a frustrating day at work, where I just said, "F*ck it, let me tell her now while I'm passionate about moving there, and ready to quit my job today."

 

So i texted her this evening, asking to talk, she got back to me in 30 seconds telling me sure. So I gave her a ring...

 

Asked her first how she felt.. found out she has been having a harder time moving on after I last visited her. Very hard.

She also told me that she almost called me, but held herself back.

She then told me, that she sees me and her getting back together down the line, just doesn't know when.. (I know I know, I already know what you guys will say about this)

 

So I just let her know that I just wanted to tell her how I felt at the moment. Wanted to convince her, that I was ready to pack my stuff up and move to her to be with her. She didn't know what to tell me.

 

In my head, I didn't care what answer I got anymore, expected the worst, hoped for the best. I just wanted to lay it out to her, and also told her that I can't wait. This is what I want to offer her now, and that I'm not waiting around, I just can't wait for love. I told her I just needed to tell her and let her know.

 

I could tell she was moved by it, but told me I have the worst timing in the world. Told me it still meant a lot to her, but didn't know what to say now. Told me I should've told her this 6 months ago, last year, or even while we were still together. This - I knew. Wish it didn't have to take a break up for me to realize this.

 

She didn't deny when I told her I knew she loves and cares about me a lot. But we also said and agreed it's too soon, we just talked less than 2 weeks ago.

 

So I left it at that, I needed to get that out of me and made sure she knew what I wanted to do for her. Probably not the best decision in the past week, but I felt like I had to.

 

Anyways - I will be going no contact indefinitely with her for a while, to let her truly miss me. I am faced with the dilemma that her birthday is in 5 weeks. I will see where my head is at when the time comes closer.

 

Any thoughts or advice? Clearly not my finest hour.

 

Thank you,

WJN

[WJN39]

So she called me shortly after I wrote that post. Spoke for about another hour..

 

She was first upset of why I had to confuse her and call her and tell her that..

 

I told her I was not going to contact her for a long time, and eventually left it up to her to contact me when she's ready.

 

I told her I was willing to wait for her, but don't string me along. (I don't know if this was the right decision)

 

She said she had to talk to two girl friends before calling me back again just now.

 

Told her, I'm not necessarily regretting calling you and not letting you know that.. and also not going to apologize for calling her for that.

 

I also told her again, I am respecting her decision, I will not contact her and she will be the one to contact me.

 

She asked me to tell her right now if I wanted to be friends down the line. I told her I don't want to be friends, I want to BE WITH HER.

 

Bottom line I told her, I want to be with her, whatever it takes. I am still confident that it will work.

 

She told me, give her time and space and don't contact her. She wants to figure out what she wants exactly (Sure, I know what this is code for), have fun, cheer herself up, hang out with friends.

I told her I will promise to honor that moving forward, and I will respect her wishes and decision.

 

I was able to cheer her up a little bit talking about something else briefly, and got her in a better mood before we said goodbye.

 

Told her to have a great summer, take care of herself and have fun.

 

 

 

 

I may have set myself back in the reconciliation, maybe?

BUT NO CONTACT BEGINS - EXPECT THE WORST HOPE FOR THE BEST

[WJN39]

So here's the latest update of everything -

 

It's been now two months since initial break up... one month since I first saw her after the break up..

 

She called about a week and a half ago (Wednesday 7/13), telling me she missed me.

I was in utter shock and awe, and a little weary of her calling me.

 

She wanted to get back together, I kept seeing if she was totally sure about it, and said she was. Had some doubts, but wanted to be with me. We talked about how we would make this work, what went wrong, etc. It was a nice few days of having to talk to her everyday again.

 

So it was great for about a week of talking again on the phone, made plans to see her this past weekend. We started talking about moving in together, and looking for places up there. We knew it'd be a big step, but it was something she was extremely excited about.

 

Then on Monday (18th) - she tells me, she has cold feet about everything. We talked the following day and I told her I expected it. I had a feeling she was just lonely and didn't really get to miss me for the right reasons. She agreed, she said she wants to be with me and get back together with me for the right reasons. She told me she felt like she caved and just missed me so much that she called me. We still ended up planning to see each other this past weekend.

 

So I came up to see her for a day and a half to talk about everything, and just have fun with her. Slept together, and like the last time I saw her a month ago, left everything on a great note again.

 

It was a little rough timing, since her birthday is in about two weeks, so I said we'd just celebrate it this weekend I was with her. Had a nice dinner, caught a movie, shopping, spent a really good time together.

 

She told me I looked great, I've been working out a lot more lately and dropped a good amount of weight in the last two months. I called her out on checking me out in public which she smirked and gave me a look that I haven't seen in a while, and said, "so?"

 

We talked about us, not as into depth as last time, since we already knew where we were both at. But to sum up - I won't contact her for a while, while she figures out what she wants. I told her to contact me if it's me she wants to be with.

 

I told her this time, I'm not going to tell her what I will exactly do. I told her I can't be her safety net that she can just rely on.

 

Things were still certain though, she clearly still loves and cares about me. Terrified of still losing me forever. I know that when she called me and told me she missed me, she meant it. She was truly excited, and still loves the idea of moving out and living with me. Told me she will always love me and care for me, no matter what happens. I will always hold a big place in her heart. Still sees me in her future, but we both know that we'd be rushing into things, and right now is not the time to get back together. It wouldn't work out if we rushed back into it, we'd have to take it slow. She said she'd miss me so much. I set the bench mark so high for anyone to meet.

 

I told her I know I set that mark high, and was still confident that we will be together again. So I told her again, good bye again for now. We'll talk and see each other again soon one day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So that's the latest update for the last two weeks with her.

This time, not as painful as before. I prepared myself for the worst. Nearly got her back again.. but as much as I know I could - I also know that it has to be the right way.

 

I'm probably breaking every "rule" of chances of reconciliation. But in my honest opinion, there are no rules - or generic formula that will get someone back. Every case and everybody is different. Me and my ex have such a mature relationship that even going through a breakup like this, we can still handle like adults. I've had other relationships where it was complete chaos.

 

I will not do any initiating of contact anytime soon. My goal is 2-3 months this time of no contact. I have a feeling she will be initiating contact again.

 

I know I have to move on and not have hope of her calling or getting back together. I know I need to let her go. There will always be a part of me with hope with this girl. But for now, I will try to remain strong, take everything day by day.

 

Thanks for reading,

WJN

Edited July 24, 2011 by WJN39

[Dblock10]

wow nice one mate, honestly you have done everything you can or could do here. so if she doesnt come back i hope you will be able to rest easy knowing you did everything you could.

 

i am about to go through the same thing with my ex/gf, she is leaving to go travelling and we have decided to call it off when she goes and meet once she is back. i have changed my mind and i am going to tell her that i want us to not let it come between us.

 

but like you, i will have to accept her decision, if it stays that she wants to be single when she goes then i'll have to deal with that. and in the mean while get on and move on with my own life.

 

love isnt easy at all is it.

 

 

you case sounds rough, i couldnt handle that. it would frustrate me so much that she wouldnt want to fully be with you.

 

your the male, you need to lay down the law when it comes to it. this is your feelings she is messing with. you need to get in the mind set that this girl either wants me fully or not at all. why would you want to be an option for anyone...

 

you clearly are willing to prioritise her in your life, she should be doing the same.

 

 

how did you get the strength to see her again...

 

im worried about seeing my current gf/ex (we are like sat on the fence) i plan to sort it all out

[citrusdrop1688]

I just experienced almost the same exact thing. We broke up, started trying to work on things for like 3 months, went nc, tried again for a month and it was almost ideal, we were really happy, and having a great time. Then he started to back off again and broke it off. He said there hadnt been enough time to pass to let go of all the old pain.

 

He thought we could try again, but when it had been long enough to start fresh. I dont know if I should believe that or not. I know he loves me, and I love him, but im worried hes going to be too hurt or scared to come back when hes adequately "healed"

 

I guess we have no option but to move on the best we can and see what happens in the future. Hang in there.

[leoc1973]

Dude I honestly thought my ex found out I was on here and was breaking my balls. Your story is identical to mine. I know you think your situation is different and your girl is different but they are all the same. The only thing I guess different which isn't your fault is that she actually called you and told you she wanted you back. That is horrible of her i mean absolutely horrible. She is playing the same game as my ex giving me the we can't be together right not(which is code for I wanna see if things work out with this other guy) I know it hurts but she is 99% seeing someone else. Mine is too it is crushing. The only difference is that my ex actually told me. She said he doesn't measure up to me he has some big shoes to fill but he is a really nice guy and she wants to see where things go. I think this means that she is trying desperately to get some kind of spark from this guy but just can't seem to feel it. She even told me the whole i never thought you would marry me stuff I really thought you were her busting my balls. Ok so now I just met someone new she is amazing. I am expecting my ex to come back and pull this crap with me again telling me I am her soulmate and the universe has a plan for us and all that garbage that they keep us hanging with. I really do believe that you are the love of her life but for some reason she can't be with you. With mine its her friends I think what she has done is told her friends that she will never go back with me and now she can't justify it to them so the keep us hanging till they figure out if its worth it. My ex likes to do things like go out dancing and doing the whole making out with guys on the dance floor and she knows if I was around she couldn't do that. They need to have their fun but really don't wanna lose us forever(i think that is a big word with them they can't swollow the forever thing)

 

Here is my advice to you. You probably are a good looking guy. Start playing the field. You might meet someone like I have and now I think it might be too late for my ex. Its amazing when a new girl gives you that smile that special smile that girls give you when they really like you. It feels so good my ex stopped doing that for me years ago. I will tell ya when the new girl did it thats when I actually remembered that my ex used to smile at me like that. That feeling of I am plan A in someone's eyes NOT plan B. I will tell ya what the clock is ticking for my ex I would actually have to think about it if she came back now. Your ex didn't give you breadcrumbs she gave you the whole loaf and that wasn't fair of her!

 

Good luck man I am sorry about ranting but its 3 in the morning and I had a few too many! Hey and keep us posted even if you get back with her I wanna see how this one turns out!

[WJN39]

Thanks guys for the advice and the feedback!

 

 

So she just texted me a few hours ago saying this:

 

"I'm going to lose you aren't I?"

 

 

 

I did not reply, nor planning to reply. I don't even know what to say to this.

Thoughts?

[0hpenelope]

Thanks guys for the advice and the feedback!

 

 

So she just texted me a few hours ago saying this:

 

"I'm going to lose you aren't I?"

 

 

 

I did not reply, nor planning to reply. I don't even know what to say to this.

Thoughts?

 

What is she doing? Does she need a reminder?

 

Then on Monday (18th) - she tells me, she has cold feet about everything. We talked the following day and I told her I expected it. I had a feeling she was just lonely and didn't really get to miss me for the right reasons. She agreed, she said she wants to be with me and get back together with me for the right reasons. She told me she felt like she caved and just missed me so much that she called me. We still ended up planning to see each other this past weekend.

 

It hasn't even been one month!

 

You're doing well. You know that not talking to her for a while will be good for you. Keep holding the fort down, brother! Whether or not you get back with her, you'll be okay!

[WJN39]

So I ignored it all night, until I got text bombed by her while I was out tonight..

 

She asks again

I go "Why are you asking this?"

She goes "Because I want to know"

 

I don't answer for a while..

 

She goes "Nvm, I guess I already lost you"

I go "I'm not talking about this over text"

She says "Doesn't seem like you have much to say"

I go "I'll talk to you later about this, I'm out right now"

 

 

 

This was a little over an hour ago, I know she's out right now for her best friend's birthday. I didn't want to come across mean or anything, but I really didn't want to answer, nor did I even know how to answer it.

 

Of course deep down, she will be with me and she has to know I love her..

but not even a week after seeing her, she thinks she lost me already? Why the F* is she asking me or thinking this??

[WJN39]

So somewhere between 2-3 months, we are back together.

 

I wanted to finish up this thread with how things turned out after breaking up, and I guess, share my success story.

 

We'll see if this is truly a success story in the long run, but we are together and both truly trying to make it work. It is not easy at all, some things are new, some things did not change. The outlook of the relationship and the understanding of one another must really be taken strongly into consideration by both of us.

 

 

If I could give anyone advice on how it played out - I guess it would be that there are no real rules. Every relationship and person and scenario is different.

 

Although, 1 month of no contact was deemed necessary though to "detox" and rid each other of negatives for a little while. That 1-2 months was very tough on me. It was time for me to better myself, to heal, to regain balance in myself.

But without that time of not hearing from me, she missed me a lot. The dumper takes a break up just as hard as well, it just doesn't happen initially, but it begins to hit them after a few weeks time, to a month or so.

 

You also must focus on yourself, improving yourself, your looks, your confidence, everything. My confidence was restored and was one of the biggest things she noticed that's changed since break up. After about two months+ apart as well, hitting the gym and dieting hard was really noticeable to her. I saw her checking me out the few times we did meet up during the break up.

 

I do consider what I did "fighting" for her to win her back, and have no regrets about it. I know that if I sat back, and did nothing about it, there would be a lot lesser chance of getting her back. And once you are back together, remember it's almost like treating it like a new relationship. You cannot remind them of the negatives of the old relationship. It's hard, but you must have to be that "challenge" again that they fell in love with before. Don't lose sight of the overall picture, and don't become lazy and take things for granted. Don't forget the things that led you to break up in the first place.

 

Please feel free to ask any questions or comment at all. I could also use some advice on how others have had success in reconciliation!

 

Thank you all for reading,

WJN

Edited August 17, 2011 by WJN39

[0hpenelope]

Congratulations! I hope it works out well for you.

[Virgil]

Congrats!

 

I hope my recently ended relationship works out like yours did.

 

Question: how did you make her pursue her instead of you pursuing her? How did you flip things?

 

And I know you can't make anyone do anything when it comes to love, but I hope you catch my drift.